critique me please

enter image description here
hey guys, im trying to become a better designer, this design was declined but im hoping the threadless community can help me improve it, thanks a bunch

Watch this

i am sorry. there is nothing we can do here. --------------------------^^---------------------------------------- beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep


first thing that came to my mind is to get rid off that typography in there....if you really want to say something with written letters, it would be better to create an own typo which transports your message even by it´s style/look, otherwise it is only leading to distraction... I suggest to use typography only when it is necessary for the design, that means the typo IS the design or a real part of it that the design could not stand for itself without it....a good example of what i am trying to say is this one here:

Do the Twist

but if you spend some time with going through the massive and neverending archives of submitted designs you will find bazillions of good examples of designs using a typography in the right way...

sooo....that is just my opinion about the typo, in this case I´d say: away with it....

the rest of this design, that is my opinion so do not take it personal in any way, also hardly transports this case together with the typo saying "awaken"it is more a bit confusing and so it does not really appeal to me...unicorn in outlines, copied and pasted ( copy and paste can give you minuspoints if done not necessarily,too...because it might leave the impression of `lazyness´ on the spectator, not good) five times in five colours, saying "awaken".....mmmkay

I assume that you did not want to go for some kind of 3D-effect in there, but maybe more into the direction of pop-art (?)...if so, I think in this case some certain characteristics for a pop-artsy design are just missing, like broad spaces of bold bright colours as you know it from some famous pop-art pictures like that marilyn monroe one from andy warhol....whatever, i might be completely wrong with what you were trying to go for with this one, so it is hard to step in here and give you precious advice...

I cannot tell you why this got declined, but what I suggest in general is to work on your outlines, then work on your colouring if needed, work on your knowlegde about different techniques, work just always on everything, do not give up and never take stuff too serious...don´t get it wrong, your outline work looks alright, but that is the only thing that I can say smth about...because there are just the outlines of a unicorn, copied and pasted, saying "awaken" ...more execution, maybe details, maybe colouring, and it might appeal more then....but even then, it is still just a unicorn, which people have seen a lot, so it may need smth more special about it, if it is not coming through the concept, a pun, smth to think or smile about or whatever, then it should come through the look and execution of your design...

coffe break is over, that´s all I can do for you here, a short translation of taz-pie´s beeeep, I hope...:-)


thank you for taking the time hershel, i appreciate your comments and will take them on board and continue to work.


I agreed with hershel about losing the text. To me, it makes the shirt look like it's a logo for something.

And as a unicorn fan, I think you should add a little more shape to the horn, so that it looks more like a horn and less like a spike. Maybe subtle bumps, since the horns tend to have a twist to them (maybe make it less pointy too). I'd also move the horn a little high so it's more on the forehead rather than between the eyes.

Other than that, I like the concept. If you fixed those few things, I'd buy your shirt, for sure.


Like it. Reminds me of hipno toad. I second popular opinion the text is a downer. Please check out mine if you have a mo.

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