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This was declined. I had it B&W like this on a white tank. It was called "Tank Top = Sadness"
Although you have a cool style, I would guess the problem here is that the simplicity is the downfall. Also the fragmented lines make it look a bit rushed and incomplete, rather than a feature of the piece.
Maybe simply changing the color of the shirt or outline and changing the placement of it would make a difference! try bringing it down to the bottom for an over sized print look :)
I don't think this will work. It needs a lot of work, and even then I don't think the theme is interesting enough.
If this is for the power tank contest i think it just doesn't feet the requirements. However, it looks a little sketchy and unfinished, i realize this is a personal style think, but maybe you should complete the lines a little more so it looks "cleaner"
Also, i'd play a little with the shirt and design color and make it oversized!