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Here's tee-design attempt I've been working on



UPDATE:
Ok, so I've improved my design greatly (or at least I'd like to think so) :)
Here's how it looks now:
I'm actually trying to fund it through this new crowdfunding site http://bit.ly/YNFG0R
So, what do you, guys, think of it now?..




This one is supposed to go to the video games category obviously,
I've been struggling with it for some time already and I'm getting stuck now and don't know if I can make anything at least midly suitable for printing out of it because it's my first design that I've been trying to get together with the prospect of printing it on a t-shirt in mind..


It's inspired by such works as:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XdP6Lp2ceqY/TEJvULkMhmI/AAAAAAAAWpg/882geLE8nPc/s1600/Finish_Your_Ice_Kream_by_Winter_artwork.jpg
and
http://shirtoid.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Sub-Zeros-Refrigeration-Repair.jpg


but I haven't achieved such a level of execution yet...so, what do you, guys, think - should I possibly add some wordplay or puns into it ot cover up the fact that I'm not that good with illustrating or what? :D
Any other suggestions, ideas, comments, criticism are very welcome!
Thanx in advance for your response (of any kind)!


Watch this
Sam MacGregor

I just don't see it being a strong idea. I think you have too much text going on and I don't get the graphic is on the right. I suggest walking away from this design from now and working on another idea.

nicolas.coursbarracq

I wasn't planning to necessarily stick with all the text and captions - I was trying to figure out the best disposition and left it that way for the moment.. as for the graphic on the right - I do realize that it is pretty messy - It was supposed to be the head of the ninja but the thing is having started with the logo design I than had this crazy idea to construct Sub-Zero's head from the same basic geometrical forms that are used in the logotype as if out of bricks... that is why he turns out to be so cubic .. if he turns out to be somehow at all.

Bio-bot 9000
Bio-bot 9000 profile pic Alumni

don't do the think with the geometric bricks. it's just confusing.

nicolas.coursbarracq

yeah, the bricks stuff didn't work out quite well :)) I'm not exactly Malevitch nor Picasso yet to be able ti get away with that type of stuff :D

nicolas.coursbarracq

Look, people! I posted the image u can see below on my facebook http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=377760868987691&set=a.110309589066155.17555.100002613440530&type=1&comment_id=875914&ref=notif&notif_t=photo_comment without explaining anything and asking people simply to identify the dark geometrical mass (/mess) they're seeing and the variants that I've got as comments from some really random contacts on my list of friends that do not necessarily know me very well stretch from Bruce Willis and Paul Atreides in "Duna" ecranisation (I'll give you the image reference just to remind you how exactly he looked: http://knigosearch.com/Characters/paul_2.jpg) to a quite literal "a ninja wearing a mask and a headset, who has got his arms cut off above the elbows and who seems to be shrugging off his shoulders because he's cold" (I'm simply giving you my translation from my native language)..

..sooo, maybe my Sub-Zero isn't that desperate and unidentifiable after all, huh? What do you, guys, think? Should I give up the whole constructivist lego-bricks direction and rarther drift to a more figurative and easily recognizable side? Should I turn my Sub-Zero into a Minecraft crawler?.. ;) Other practical suggestions, ideas, references, tips or tricks?.. Thanx for your help, we'll greatly appreciate the feedback of any kind!

flaxenjasper

I don't have a problem recognizing it at all, even tough I don't do video games or anything like that. It is obvious it is a person. I don't think you have to go the lego rout because your texturing is pretty digital enough. Your colors work well together too, but I'm not a fan of the pink. Perhaps a color that is a little more gender neutral? However I do know it's all about graphics and stuff... I guess I don't really know then. Hope that helps If you have a moment could you please take a look at mine as well? How to Use Your Dragon

nicolas.coursbarracq

oh wow, thanx! it helps a lot to know that the silhouette is at least somehow recognizable as a person to make sure that you're not getting completely mad on your own out there sitting in front of your computer and all - so it's really good and comforting to know. (the background color is of course subject to change - I'm not bound to it in any way or anything)

nicolas.coursbarracq

Ok, so I've improved my design greatly (or at least I'd like to think so) :) Here's how it looks now: I'm actually trying to fund it through this new crowdfounding site http://bit.ly/YNFG0R So, what do you, guys, think of it now?..

taz-pie

why are you asking us what we think if you are funding it elsewhere? this is threadless.

CSchaffer86

I think the graphic itself is really cool. I agree that it does look a little busy though. Also I'm not sure about the "sweet winterfresh minty" circle being over that guys face.. for some reason that is really messing with me on this shirt design. I think you have some talent though! I just think you need to work on it a little more. :) I also agree with Taz-pie.. no point in posting here if you're not going to use Threadless to fund it.

nicolas.coursbarracq
taz-pie said:

why are you asking us what we think if you are funding it elsewhere? this is threadless.

That is actually a reasonable question: I should have clarified it myself, thanx! - I don't really think I will get to fund it out there (I don't have no fan-base, no other way to promote my stuff without a powerfull aggregator site or whatever) - I just gave it a wild try for the sake of it but people don't seem to be interested so I'm thinking about submitting it on Threadless afterwards - I haven't done it yet, so I'm genuinely interested what you, folks over here, think of it - I ran out of ideas of the possible improvements that I, myself, can handle with my limited .ai skill - that's it, there you go: that is the reason why)

nicolas.coursbarracq
CSchaffer86 said:

I think the graphic itself is really cool. I agree that it does look a little busy though. Also I'm not sure about the "sweet winterfresh minty" circle being over that guys face.. for some reason that is really messing with me on this shirt design. I think you have some talent though! I just think you need to work on it a little more. :) I also agree with Taz-pie.. no point in posting here if you're not going to use Threadless to fund it.

  • Thanks for the comment, CSchaffer86! - I appreciate your kind words and your overall positive feedback! - as for the circle you mention - I was trying to make it look like a bubble he..ehm..blows, right? - being given that he's sort of chewing a peppermint bubble gum and all that (but at the same time he's a ninja and thus wearing a mask so it isn't neither self-explanatory nor obvious from the illustration itself at all - and I'm aware of that - that was one of my major concerns - that's true) - that all being said, I see very well why you had a slight problem understanding what is going on in this image, thank you for the involvement in the discussion!
Akaka
Akaka profile pic Alumni
1 design submitted -

It's definitely better, but still kind of busy-looking. I'd also think about taking the text one step further; instead of having bubble-gum phrases relate them to the character somehow and make the concept even more clever. ;) Or maybe even remove all text save for SubZero and have him blow a bubble for clarification.

Hellafly.tv

I think its awesome! I definitely get what your getting at. And I think the subzero idea just made it that much bettter.

nicolas.coursbarracq
Akaka said:

It's definitely better, but still kind of busy-looking. I'd also think about taking the text one step further; instead of having bubble-gum phrases relate them to the character somehow and make the concept even more clever. ;) Or maybe even remove all text save for SubZero and have him blow a bubble for clarification.

Thank you for your pieces of advice, Akaka! - I totally see where you're coming from (and what you are aimin at.. and so on) - the thing is, for me not being a native English speaking person the text part was obviously a quite difficult one as I can not say for sure what will "sound" funny and what will not... I will seriously think about getting rid of the extra text and about developping the bubble imagery - like for real! - I'm starting to see it getting possibly much clearer now, so can not thank you more for your insistence with this direction to take! Good luck with designs - you've got some amazing artwork in your "portfolio" - very nice!

Akaka
Akaka profile pic Alumni
1 design submitted -

Thanks dude :) I don't speak English as a first language either so I can relate, good luck.

nicolas.coursbarracq
Hellafly.tv said:

I think its awesome! I definitely get what your getting at. And I think the subzero idea just made it that much bettter.

Wow, I'm flattered - I really am! - So glad you like it! - such feedback really inspires me to go on and do something wothwhile with this design and to finally get it somewhere - in its next iteration maybe .. so thanks a lot! -__-

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