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In need of advice (a.k.a Phil is useless with women UPDATE REALLY USELESS WITH WOMEN)

So basically I fucked up.

I went to work on my day off and asked the girl out (from here on out refered to as girl 1).

She rejected me.

It wasnt bad or anything, she was super nice about it, she had a boyfriend.

I know I should be proud of myself for doing it but the truth is I fucked up.

The chatting thing I mentioned carried on for a few more weeks to the point where we kind of had in jokes like long distance fist pumps.

Then out of nowhere it turned out a girl (girl 2) I worked with liked me (which happened just before Christmas), the short version is I we slept in bed together but nothing else happened. I was sober at the time and she was super drunk, after a while I got out of bed and slept on the sofa.

She was pretty embarrassed about it and basically avoided me for several weeks then Christmas happened.

We tried hanging out at lunch or walking to the station together but we could barely hold a conversation, we basically had nothing in common.

Mean while I was still talking to girl 1 but because I'm an idiot/find it difficult to show my emotions she had no idea I was crushing on her.

I feel like I gave up on girl 1 partly because she's way more attractive than me (which I know is stupid, its her choice who she's attracted to not me) but I also put a bet on what I felt was a sure thing.

Which sounds horrible because girl 2 is really nice its just she loves drinking, where as I'm not big on it and shes big time into culture and art house stuff where as I'm a sucker for big Hollywood movies, I'm a comedy nerd, love cartoons and video games.

I'm not saying girl 1 would have said yes, hell even if she did we might have gone on a few dates and it might have burned out but I feel like I missed my chance.

Thats down to my fear of failure and my body issues (over weight and balding), I tried to take what I thought was the easy option with girl 2 and it just blew up in my face.

Sorry guys I know we dont normally do this type of blog but quite frankly I'm more than a little clueless and I dont have anyone else to turn to.

Short version

Met a girl at work through her sister, we keep chatting but we only ever get a few minutes together before we have to leave and were only seeing each other once or twice a week at the most but sometimes its weeks.

I think she might like me too and I know for a fact shes single but I have no idea how to follow up and make a move.

long version

I moved to London a year ago and got a job in a large department store, I work in one department and she works in the one next to me.

I work with her sister and we met through her.

We keep running into each other, at lunch or walking through her department (her department is the main route through the store, so I have to go through to get to a lot of the tasks that cant be done in my shop) though I admit if there's ever a chance to walk through I volunteer.

The problem is we only ever get the chance to speak to each other for a few minutes before we have to go back to work, worse still the way the rota has been falling, I have the weekends off where as she works them so until last weekend it had been a better part of a month since I'd last seen her.

I have hung out with her properly once, I went to a fast food place and just as I was finishing her and her friends turned up and invited me to hang out with them whilst they eat.

She seems to likes me as a friend, we get on shes smart, funny (and beautiful) and we seem to have a similar sense of humor but I kind of get the feeling that there's more to it than that and this is coming from a guy who doesn't read signals well.

Like a couple of days ago (hadn't seen her in about 3 weeks) I came into the department to put get money out of the cash machine and she happened to be putting out stock next to it.
I came over and said hi and then she started explaining how she'd just been thinking about me and then I turned up out of nowhere.

Unfortunately a manager turned up to make us get back to work so I had to escape quickly before she got in trouble.

A week or so before that I was walking through the canteen when I saw her talking to a guy so I came over and said hi, we were all moaning about how we'd turned up to work and then the management had told us we'd be staying there an hour late. You know just the usual watercooler chat, eventually the guy had to leave.

Now I didnt think anything of it, I mean I like her but its not like were dating and even then she's allowed to have friends but she made the effort to point out that she didnt know the guy, they'd just met today and had started talking. Again I had to leave because I wasn't on break.

I like her and I think she might like me but right now were seeing each other for a few minutes maybe once a week and I dont really know what the next step is, I don't have her phone number or facebook.

I have a friend who's in a who's in an off West End that's received good reviews and I don't have anyone to go with but I'm worried that jumping a head to quickly.

One of my colleagues suggested I go to another colleagues leaving do and ask the girl I work with to invite her sister but that could be a long time off and again because of the rota I never actually see the sister (she works 1 day a week and its usually the day I'm off).

I know I need to make the next move because if I don't do something things will fizzle out. I'm also considering moving to a different department (less hours more pay) that means I will have no contact with her so I need to do something soon. so any advice would be greatly appricated.

Watch this

I think it's a good sign that she said she was thinking of you that one time when you chatted :)

I think you should go for it and ask her if she wants to hang out. Keep it casual & easy-going. Maybe invite some other friends along, too. A small group activity like dinner & bowling (or pool or karaoke or whatever you're into) & pint or two might be fun - ??

Steve The Great

The only choice is ask her out or not. Seems like it's not someone you HAVE to see everyday or have a super mutual friend group so there's literally no chance at a rejection leading to any further awkwardness. So basically Just Do It.

(lol@me giving that advice)

Steve The Great

say something easy like "hey, are you free this (insert time that you are free)? Why don't we go get drinks."

Steve The Great

If you really wanna date her then I would probably not suggest adding other friends.

Also, I just read the part about the show. Just tell her you've got an extra ticket to a friends show and you'd like to bring her.

If she says no, then whatever, you're not losing a close friend or anything.


over thinking it stubby. it always comes down to the same thing; ask.



just ask her out.

You don't work on weekend and she does, so what is stopping you from showing up at work on a weekend and ask her out.


I agree with everyone else. Just ask her to hang out. You can keep it casual, and then feel out the situation to see if you think it's just friendship or something more.


also lol @ steve offering that advice. but yeah, just do it!


Cheers guys, p.s for those that missed it in the long version I have a friend who's in an off west end play that was reviewed by the times and time out magazine.

I want to go see him preform either way but right now I don't have anyone to go with, or is this too formal for a first date?


Also yeah I over think the hell out of everything, that and you know its easier to give advice than take it.


well if you ASK for advice...don't be surprised if people offer it and then wonder why you don't take it


Is the play running for awhile? i.e. Do you have time to ask her out on a more casual date first to see how you get along?


No I'm planning on taking it, seriously it would be stupid not to its just I have a habit of over thinking everything to the point where I dont actually do anything and its something I'm trying to work past.


No the shows on till the 24th, its not super formal just smart casual but yeah maybe something else is better...


Talking to my friend now and it sounds like its more just dancing rather than a musical or a play.


I dunno what the play is but I'd love it if a guy asked me to see a play for a date. Especially if it was about something cool that I was interested in.

But dinner and a movie is always a classic date option if you want something "easier".

But as a girl I'd probably choose to see a play and then get dinner after. A play is like something really special and memorable and not something someone does every weekend .. at least here stateside anyways :P And girls (most girls) love an excuse to get a little bit dressed up.


I would strike up a convo, try to find out if she likes performance art and if so, BAM, ask her to the dance/play thing

If she doesn't seem interested in that kind of thing, BAM, ask her to do something else


My name is Emeril, BAM


i keep trying to like these comments

pyr4lis said:

I dunno what the play is but I'd love it if a guy asked me to see a play for a date. Especially if it was about something cool that I was interested in.

But dinner and a movie is always a classic date option if you want something "easier".

But as a girl I'd probably choose to see a play and then get dinner after. A play is like something really special and memorable and not something someone does every weekend .. at least here stateside anyways :P And girls (most girls) love an excuse to get a little bit dressed up.

That's kind of what I was thinking, I'd like to do something memorable especially because we live in London there's stuff on all the time, its just I've only been here a year so I still dont know the city that well where as she's london born and raised.

Twiggy, good idea, I actually misread the article my friend assures me its a musical.

Alan I have no idea what your talking about.


I think Al is saying he wants to 'like' the comments, like you can on Facebook - ?

But he can correct me if I'm wrong :)


I'm over on the new site and I cant see those options.


No, no, not literally, lol


ah ok. I think I'm going to go to bed...


go to bed stubby

try not to overthink everything

twiggz was spot on, as usual


A musical would be such an awesome first date. No reason to live with regrets, ask her!

jet approves

^It would be, except musicals are fucking awful.


Just make sure she's not an alien.

jet approves said:

^It would be, except musicals are fucking awful.

I love musicals. :-(

The Paper Crane
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Right her a note with a tick box saying - Will you go out with me? Works every time trust me!

The Paper Crane
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Is the play funny because I don't think a first date should be too serious, overly intellectual or intense. I would not recommend a 1st date where you can't actually talk much because you are too busy staring at a cinema screen or a play.

PS I am no expert on dating though!

soloyo said:

did you ask her out already?

Nope were both on a day off, she works Friday sat, and Sunday.

As for the show, I have no idea the reviews are pretty vague.

I don't know in all honesty I'm not a fan of this type of thing, I can appreciate it takes talent and I know my friend works ultra hard at it but I just find it boring. I just want to see it because its the right thing to do (its his first big show, last thing he was doing was cruise ship dancing).


So basically I fucked up.


I'm here just to agree on the "stop overthinking everything" thing, play by the ear and ask... don't put all the pressure in your shoulders and go and support your friend, you might have a lovely date and if not, well it's actually not the worst thing that can happen, so chill and enjoy.


Thanks man and I know thats what I should have done but my friends show was a long time ago and I finally grew the stones to ask the girl out and I'd missed my chance because I over think things to hell and back again and I pretty much chickened out.


Well, anyway ask her out... the worst thing to happen it's that she says no and that actually is not a big deal because you can move forward, but maybe she just says yes and there you go.

Phil, stop saying you fucked up, don't be your enemy, everybody is nervous, just chill and let go.

Unless she's a stabbing psycho you actually don't have nothing really serious to worry about.

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