Kick Punch Fight The Movie

Action movies are the coolest. But they havent been as cool since the 80s/90s. Let's make cool new actions movies.


The Chef's Strong Wife
Zeke is a chef by day, husband by night. One night he discovers his wife's secret. She is real strong like. Now the mafia wants to sell drugs to the inner city youth next to his chef job. Zeke is pressured by the mafia to sell drugs instead of cook food or else they will submit poor reviews to Urban Spoon. After sustaining a leg injury during an unrelated boating accident, Zeke enlists the help of his strong wife. Strong wife challenges the mafia to a tournament fight to save the restaurant. After a bunch of cool fighting, the inner city youth steps in and you think they're bad guys too, but they aren't. It turns out the inner city youth doesn't like drugs, but want more education, so they team up with strong wife to do this really cool team kick finishing move against the main mob guy. Then the restaurant reopens as a food school.



Carfast: Drive Ops
Winning the race is important to Bernard. There's a real big race coming up that will impress a girl he likes, but doesn't like him. It turns out that the girl has a another guy, Yuri, that likes her, but he's mean and also likes racing. Yuri has a group of bad racing friends and Bernard has a group of good racing friends. You can tell they're good cause their group name is unoffensive, but never mentioned. Bernard works hard to make his car faster with the help of his childhood friend, Linda, who looks real bad cause of glasses. Then the big race comes and the bad racers do a bunch of dirty tactics like spikes on their cars, and Bernard almost flips his car, but doesn't. After a big explosion, Yuri hits a tree and shakes his fast as Bernard passes the finish line in slow motion and people take pictures. He goes to the girl he likes and is like "How bout that date?" But she says no. Just then, Linda walks over and takes off her glasses. She is so hot that Bernard makes out with her until they're married.


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shirtflirt

how do we know it's unoffensive if it's not mentioned

PLOTHOLE

Chipmnk

I thought this was about Parappa the Rappa.

shirtflirt

these are awful why no built in trilogy you are fired

Chipmnk

Gunfcuk

There are two guns. They hate each other on the outside, but on the inside, they are love. On top of a train, they find each other. They do sex on the train for an hour. They also kill Kim Jong Il with bullets that are also frisbees.

sweet n sour
sweet n sour profile pic Alumni

I also thought this was about Parappa the Rappa

Chipmnk

Gunfcuk 2

Same as the first, but this time, everyone wears hats. And Kim Jong Il is like zombie at the end and says "who killed my cat, man?".

Twiggyhall

The Lil' Hairdressers vs. Evil Ger-Bowler: Rodentia Smack-Down

The Lil' Hairdresser Gang is called into action when The Evil Ger-Bowler, head of Sick 'N Wrong Gerbil Experiments (and coincidentally, a master bowler) decides he wants a piece of the (oh-so-cute&fuzzy) hamster experiment pie.

The Lil' Hairdressers sharpen up their favorite snipping shears and don their best metro-sexual ninja gear and get ready to take down the terrible foe of all rodents and rodent-lovers.

After a bloody ordeal, The Ger-Bowler is brought to his knees and with one final snip, all that's left of him is his size 11 bowling ball.

The neighborhood vermin rejoice and all is joyful again.

psherman42

Big Muscle Super Spy Dom is a super extreme sports dude, who is so extreme the government wants to shut him down. Instead of arresting him, Agent Scar decides to enlist him to be all James Bond like, but without the pansy accent. Dom gets sent to Eastern Europe to meet with bad guy who wants to do bad guy shit. Everyone there has a Russian accent and all the girls want Dom's D except for girl that likes bad guy. Dom gets caught, but turns out bad guys girl is super agent too, and they do extreme sports to get away. Time for big car chase, so cool. What, not cool enough? How about a boat chase as well. BOOM! Dom saves the world.

Torakamikaze
Torakamikaze profile pic Alumni

Unstealth of the Ninja Blake doesn't fit in with his coworker Ninjas. He is tired of all the stealth. At the next big ninja conference, Blake shows up wearing his altered ninja outfit, that's also a baseball uniform. All of the ninjas are offended and after a cool montage of kicking each other, Blake is exiled to Exiled Ninja Isle, also known as Detroit. During exile, Blake meets a small ninja, exiled for being small. Together they team up and return to the Ninja Conference a year later. Now everyone's like "Whoa." cause it was unexpected. A real big Ninja shows up and boasts about his stealth and Blake and little ninja fight him together while a Godsmack song plays. They win the fight and everyone is jealous cause theyre now the in-ninjas. Then next year all the ninjas are dressed as baseball players.

mike bautista
mike bautista profile pic Alumni

Cop Brothers

Vick and Shannon are cops that are also brothers. Shannon learns that there is a big time underground transaction between dangerous mafias happening, and he volunteers to go down and bust it. But Vick warns Shannon not to because he will uncover something he shouldn't. Shannon goes down anyways because a big bust like this might get him the promotion he needs to support his girlfriend and newborn baby. Shannon sneaks into the mafia trade-off. When he's there he sees someone familiar. It's Riley, his brother, who is also a cop. Riley then shoots everyone and takes the money. Shannon is too surprised to notice that he's been spotted, and he runs away. Riley goes after him and realizes it's his brother. Riley says "I have to kill you. No one can know." Riley tricked the mafia into the transaction so he can steal the money and look like he busted them for a big time promotion. "Think about your family! Your girlfriend! Your baby!" Shannon says. "They're all I ever think about u_u" says Riley. BANG BANG. Riley falls to the ground. He killed himself. With two shots to the head. Shannon is rewarded for the bust but he doesn't celebrate. At the funeral Shannon arrives to find his girlfriend mourning extra sad and she tells him that the baby is Riley's. Then Vick walks in and asks why Shannon is talking to his girlfriend.

taz-pie

Cop Brothers, man. Cop Brothers.

Ryder
Ryder profile pic Alumni

Cop Brothers would be awesome... but if i might suggest some character name changes.

The cop's names should be: Chip Sahoy and Danny G. Lover

mike bautista
mike bautista profile pic Alumni

But why would the cop brothers have different last names? They all come from the same mother and father!

Torakamikaze
Torakamikaze profile pic Alumni

Cowboy Heist

Two cowboys, Jeb and Arlo, who also are bank robbers find a device in a vault after robbing The Great West Bank. It turns out the device can do time traveling and the cowboys get sent to modern times. After funny scenes of discovering technology, like smartphones (at one point Jeb tries to use it to call a horse), things get serious again when they realize they can steal stuff in the future too. So they become jewel thieves. A local museum is having a big jewel exhibit, and one of the jewels is believed to be from the time of cowboys. So Jeb and Arlo saddle up, and get ready for the big heist. After breaking into the museum using primitive technology, like lassos, they find the cowboy jewel protected by lasers. While staring at the jewel, Arlo realizes he misses his cowboy days and wants to go back. But Jeb is too determined, so he yells "Giddyup!" and a bunch of horses burst through the wall, setting off the alarm. He grabs the jewel and ties up Arlo. When the police show up, Arlo quickly uses the time device again and it accidently sends him to the future, where Jeb is now a powerful crime lord. Arlo finds Jeb's mansion and shoots all his guards and confronts him. In a great twist, it turns out Jeb was never a cowboy and was actually Arlo's future self. Arlo yells "NO!" real loud and lunges at Jeb, but misses and falls out the window and dies. Jeb then realizes that with Arlo dead, he is also dead, so he dies too. Cut back to cowboy times, a woman cowboy is giving birth at a bank and names the baby Jeblo.

taz-pie

JEBCEPTION

Twiggyhall

That shit has more layers than Inception!

Morkki
Morkki profile pic Alumni

Brandonovann: Dressed to Kill

Brandina is a girl who wants to supermodel. She is very very very pretty but she also has glasses. So she goes to the supermodeling tryouts and they say she can't be supermodeler cuz she gots glasses. So she runs out crying and gets hit by a bus and all her arms and legs get busted up and she dies in the hospital for a while. BUT WAIT. At the same time in the hospital there is a superagent of the goverments whose name is Donovann. He is super hunky and ripped to the max but he drowned to the death while saving kittens from a pool. He is now brain dead. Government doctors quickly put Brandina's brain in Donovann's body. When she wakes up the doctors tell her she is now superagent and also a man. (S)he calls himself now Brandonovann. He must go undercover to big supermodeling contest in the Soviet Union where there are crime lords from all over the world and he kills them all with Uzis and nunchuks when he jumps from the runway in slow motion. End credits! New song from Aerosmith!

Twiggyhall

I have that ^ soundtrack and really, Steven Tyler's voice is just shredded.

taz-pie

*munches popcorn

Morkki
Morkki profile pic Alumni

Rad Fighter Force

Chad and Bingo are the bestest friends in school. They have no other friends because Chad is fat and Bingo wears glasses and braces and he's good with computers. Then one day terrorists come to the school posing as cops or some shit like that. They take the whole school hostage and say that the mayor has to give them a million dollars so they can buy nuclear bombs from other terrorists. If they don't get the money in six hours they will kill everyone in the school with poison gas. The terrorist boss guy has white hair and a scar over his eye and his name is Ludwig. He also has a pet tiger who is called Razor. When the terrorists lock everyone in the gym Chad and Bingo are locked in their lockers where the bullies put them earlier. So anyway Bingo picks the locks and they realize they must save everyone in the school. Bingo builds a radio controlled fighter robot that has flamethrowers and Chad has nunchuks and a skateboard (he has been practicing ninja fighting secretly). Chad and Bingo fight the terrorists one at a time. There is a scene where the tiger chases Chad who is skateboarding and he jumps over a pool while making a 360 kickflip heel grab and the tiger falls in the pool and drowns lol. Then the fighter robot (whose name is R.A.D.D. btw) burns the boss terrorist. In the end there is a disco prom party and the boys dance with their favorite girls and there is a super cool DJ. The movie ends right before they kiss because GROSS

taz-pie

... and the tiger falls in the pool and drowns lol. that was my FAVOURITE line :D

SJ27

Grand Theft Auto Grand Prix

There's this guy called Buck "Bronco" Vance and he's just trying to live a normal life working at his uncle's speedway circuit to provide for his wife and cute daughter after doing a year in jail for illegal street racing. But this foreign mobster hears how good he is at illegal street racing so he kidnaps his wife and daughter and he says that he has to steal 60 cars in 60 hours, then enter them in 60 illegal street races for pinkslips to win 60 more cars then take them all to his illegal chop shop or else he's going to sell his wife to fat Arab businessmen and raise the daughter as if she were his. Bronco gets all his old car racing buddies together and one of them is a hot girl. They make a plan to steal all the cars but there's this cop who's been on Bronco's case ever since he first put him away for illegal street racing. He doesn't believe Bronco will ever be able to go straight and he's going to prove it. They manage to steal 59 cars and win 59 races because the hot girl distracts the cop with her boobs which are fake, but you can't even tell. Bronco can't steal the last car in time because the gas tank was empty and it requires premium fuel. But then Bronco remembers that his uncle has a Truckasaurus robot at the speedway. So he steals the Truckasaurus instead and he drives it to the mobster's illegal chop shop. The mobster's like "I said 60 cars in 60 races for 60 more cars in 60 hours and you bring me this dinosaur?!" Also, it's one minute past the deadline. "Sorry, Bronco, but you lose." He's about to sell Bronco's wife to some fat guys with greasy moustaches, but just then, Truckasaurus sets him on fire and he dies. Then he eats him just to make sure. The fat guys run screaming back to Arabia. Meanwhile, the cop has seen the whole thing because he was chasing Truckasaurus in his squad car, but he forgives Bronco because the mobster was sleeping with his wife and he's glad he's dead. He says that if Bronco returns the 59 stolen cars to their original owners he can go free. Bronco gets to keep the other 59 cars though, since he won them fair and square. But Bronco feels bad about that so he returns them to their owners too, as long as they promise to give up illegal street racing forever. The cop sees that Bronco really has gone straight and has also helped 59 other illegal street racers also go straight and he realises he was wrong. But Bronco doesn't mind and invites him to his uncle's speedway for a barbeque.

Ryder
Ryder profile pic Alumni

DINOSAUR IHOP THUGS

So these dinosaurs decide to open up an Ihop franchise on their island. Keith, the T-rex, and his best pal Haley Joel, the Meerkat, start out with things running fine. But then wouldn't ya know it, that darn ice age comes along and freezes all the Maple Syrup! Oh golly, well now all the customers are angry and threatening to take their business to Denny's. Luckily for Keith and Haley Joel, Tyrese Gibson time travels back in time to help the gang out. Tyrese rips off his blouse in a flash and begins to punch the car windows of the restaurant patrons. Well a local street gang didn't like this very much and they decide to kill Tupac in Las Vegas. Thug Life is hard, yo.

Omair

John Shit: in Violencestein 3D

JS:V3D IS CHOCKED FULL OF PUNCHY WORD EXCHANGES, AND PUNCHY HUMOR. STARRING TOM SELLECK AS THE 1 MAN BADASS BUTTFUCKING MACHINE, JOHN SHIT. THIS MOVIE WILL TAKE YOU ON A RIDE, A CRAZY ROLLERCOASTER RIDE, THE SEATBELT IS A HUGE PENIS IN YOUR BUTT IT'S JOHN SHIT'S PENIS CRAZY. EXPLOSIONS. SOME MOTHERFUCKER STOLE JOHN SHIT'S JEEP NAMED "SALLY" AND HE'S MAD AS FUCK, SO HE HAS TO TRAVEL TO GERMANY WHERE NAZI TERRORISTS ARE HOLDING SALLY FOR HOSTAGE BUT THEY DON'T KNOW WHO THEY'RE FUCKING WITH. IT'S JOHN SHIT. HE HAS A GUN FOR A DICK. HE SHOOTS ALL THEM DUDES (OR DOES HE) YOU GOTTA WATCH TO FIND OUT, ALSO THERE'S A SEXY AIR MARSHALL THAT HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU PROBABLY SEE HER TITTIES IT'S RATED 'R'

Torakamikaze
Torakamikaze profile pic Alumni

Last Flight to Killtown

The global crime syndicate known Thoroughbred is hosting it's annual summit at Lake Wannapache. After meeting and discussing their plans for world domination, including a plot to assassinate all leaders of all organizations ever, the main crime bosses all gather on one flight to begin their plan. Little do they know, the flight attendant on board is actually Special Agent 16, codename: Veronica Spencer (played by Selena Gomez). After the plane takes off, she brings the crime bosses a bottle of champagne to celebrate. The bosses all cheer with maniacal laughter and take a drink, and the camera pans to smirking Veronica, who peels back the champagne label to reveal "Death Poison". The bosses all grasp their necks and curse the airline's poor service before collapsing on the floor. Veronica sits down with a relieved sigh, only to have it interrupted by the pilot over the intercom. "Well done Special Agent 16, Codename Veronica Spencer, too bad all those crime bosses are actually decoys. I'm the real crime boss, and your pilot Dev McCollough, and I've been waiting for this moment for years!" Just then, Dev steers the plane into a nosedive, causing Veronica to go flying. "Next stop, Killtown!" he yells. To which Veronica quips, "Population: YOU!" She then dives into the cockpit and this big cool fight happens, and they break the windshield and get sucked out and continue fighting in the air, until Veronica punches Dev so hard he goes limp and she grabs onto his arms and legs and uses him as a parachute (There was a flashback earlier in which Dev used to be really fat. Its kinda important. Cause loose skin.) Veronica has a rough landing, but luckily it's on one of those awnings in front of a restaurant. She gets up as the plane crashes behind her and does this real big explosion in slow motion, but she doesn't look at it and looks so cool. A woman in the restaurant then looks to her waiter and says "Ill have what she's having". Veronica lights a cigarette and walks down the road into a rundown part of the city, past a sign that reads "Welcome to Killtown" in graffiti. Veronica turns to the camera with her signature smirk, and some cool techno music starts playing. Credits.

Omair

Explode Plane!

The president is on a plane, but little does he know, the plane is set to explode. Why? Terrorists. What the fuck is he going to do? Surprise, there is a special state of the art plane fighter called the Cougarcat Brgrkng151 that's totally going to have to do this crazy as fuck risky mission to there with an ace pilot who is a girl who no one believes in named Naomi Marmalade (played by some sexy actress with nice bitties) she is a girl so people do not think she is strong. Will she get to the plane before it explodes or will the president die and america end becuase no preseident? You just gotta watch to find out. Also, rated R because she has sex with a terrorist for informations.

Ste7en
Ste7en profile pic Alumni

Strike Of The Communism

What would happen if you woke up one day in your bed, BUT IT WASN'T YOUR BED ANYMORE. What if your sheets were....RED!? George Washington IX woke up to the horror of his murdered wife. His sheets, stained in her RED blood was clearly the mark of a communist assassin. There weren't any cherry trees around, but he knew what he had to do. START CHOPPIN FOR DEMOCRACY. Revenge is a dish best served in a capitalist nation for a fair price!

Omair

The Last Yogamaster

Shishi Kababa is a warrior monk, trained in the most deadly of martial arts: Yoga. He is training for to become the master Yogas and he is on his last test. He must pick up a cherry with his buttcheeks and carry it to the top of Mount Tanatakut, a challenge only 3 people before have ever completed. As he is on his journey with buttgrasp, something is going afoul. What is it? Evil warriors from an ancient empire invade his temple and completely destroy all the dudes to death, they eat his master's balls because humiliation. They're crazy. He comes back to find his master all dead, but just alive enough to say "you are the master now, the last yoga master..." and then he dies from no testicles. He is so mad, he screams and inside of him there is a tiger spirit. He must seek vengeance for killing his clan, and rebuild the yoga empire because this is war. This time it's serious.

Ryder
Ryder profile pic Alumni

DWAYNE'S WORLD

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson Biopic chronicling The Rock's epic voyage in a phone booth across time to gather all the best wrestlers of all time: Socrates, Billy the Kid, Joan of Arc, Ted Danson, The Parrot from Aladdin, and Moby Dick. Together they travel back to the present to fight off the evil Lord Xerox who is copying people's souls for low rates. Tagline: "Is he some kind of Asian Guy?"

Morkki
Morkki profile pic Alumni

omg I almost choked on my nuggets. Hollywood should be throwing money at these already

Morkki
Morkki profile pic Alumni

Star Galaxy Fighter X

THIS SUMMER

On a distant future spaceplanet lives a spacemang whose name is Drongo Darkmoon. He is a retired Space Navy Seal of the United Planets Space Navy Army. Actually they forced him to retire because they said he was too violent for karate chopping an entire planet to fuck. Man, politics! Anyhoo he is now a peaceful space chicken farmer.

PLANETS ARE FIGHT

Drongo's stepbrother Zogar is a mercenary and pirate who has a heart of gold. But he is murdered because of politics! The murderer is the space government, they sent alien assassins. When Drongo hears of this he is so mad like fffuuuuu! Drongo hates politics.

IN A THEATER NEAR YOU

Drongo goes to his garage and flies out in his old but really awesome spaceship called Moonraper. Heavy metal plays! Drongo's gonna kill first all the alien assassins and then the Space President himself who turns out to be a dirty alien. He also frees all the space pirates from Space Guantanamo because they weren't that bad really. He is hero. There is also a sassy space chick who is an awesome mechanic even though she is a chick. Drongo falls in love with her and makes out with her in a zero gravity shower. Like whoa.

ONE-LINERS

Omair

so many lols

Ste7en
Ste7en profile pic Alumni

Strike Of The Communism 2: The Illuminazis

At the end of Strike of the Communism, George Washington's world had been turned upside down. Learning that it was in fact his wife that had faked her own death and framed him for murder because he was one of the legendary Blue Bloods, a secret line of champions with blood immune to the taint of red communism, and he was the only one left that could stop them! Now, in a race across a vaguely ethnic South American-like town, in a stunning display of rehearsed acrobatics, George Washington must make his wife pay IN U.S. DOLLARS.

Musarter
Musarter profile pic Alumni

Star Galaxy Fighter X = AWESOMENESS.

It makes me want to see a Dick Firestorm Screenplay now.

Torakamikaze
Torakamikaze profile pic Alumni

Garrs & Downer: Dystopia

In a post apocalyptic world, our thoughts are monitored by the Robotics Initiative, a government designed program created to help lower income families get jobs as robot assistants, but instead overthrew the government after gaining sentience and became the government. Pete Garrs, a down and out officer of the New New New Jersey District #13 police force, just lost his longtime partner to the Apocalypse Plague, which is like Cancer, but more worse. Cedrick Downer is an upbeat, hotshot who just joined the force after completing The Apocalypse Police Training Program. They butt heads a lot and it is so funny. Then one day their police chief thinks impure thoughts after looking at pre-apocalypse photos of Natalie Portman, and the Robot Initiative bursts in and tries to kill all the cops, because they dont yet understand that people are individuals. All the cops get killed except for Garrs and Downer, because they were arguing in the break room about how they don't understand each other, and didnt see all the mayhem in the other room. It turns out the chief was Downer's dad, so he becomes the dark one and Garrs is more upbeat now. They take to the streets and start thinking even more impure thoughts about Natalie Portman to lure the robots out. One by one, they take them out with guns and kicks. One of the robots has rocket feet and flies around, but Garrs doesn't stand for that shit and shoots him with one shot. It's pretty ace. Then they infiltrate the Robot Initiative's headquarters and start everything on fire. They get to the main robots office and discover it's the police chief. The police chief then takes off a mask to reveal he's a robot Natalie Portman. They start doing karate and eventually, Chief Robot Natalie Portman gets impaled by something. All the tvs around the city that had robot propaganda on them change to saturday morning cartoons, and Garrs and Downer do a high five that freezes while a lighthearted guitar riff plays.

Twiggyhall

Newsies II: The Revenge (in 3D)

The lovable little scamps are back... and this time they're out for blood. Jack leads the fellas in an attack on Star Magazine after they run a piece on his illicit affair with Natty Gann. The gang of newsboys surprise attacks the editor-in-chief, Kitty-Kat "Machine Gun" Kelley, just when she's biting into her morning bran muffin. Jack lets loose on her with his best sling-shot, but he is unaware that her middle name is Machine Gun and she opens fire. Jack is a quick little bastard, though, and manages to dodge her fire. He takes a running leap through her still-closed window and lands in an impressive glass-shard-covered manner into the next office over, occupied by the editor of "Newsboys Weapons Weekly." Her name is Candii (with two i's) and she is smokin' hot. Jack woos her and then asks to borrow the crossbow she has on her desk that she is currently writing a piece about for next week's issue. She says "Sure, go ahead, Honey" in a deep, Southern drawl and Jack leaps into action. He leaps back through the already smashed through window and launches at Kitty-Kat. He hits a direct bulls-eye in her left nostril. Jack is a polite young man, though, and offers her his hanky. He then jumps back into Candii's office, takes her by the hand and leads her out of the blood-stained, glass shard encrusted magazine building and into the sunset. The rest of the newsboys cheer and throw their caps into the air and then go out for pizza and beer.

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