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Am I Terrible?

So some of you might know that I'm in a long distance relationship...I live in Dallas, He lives in Brooklyn.


Holidays kind of blow, especially since tomorrow night is New Years Eve...and while I'm excited to hang out with my 2 best friends...I know that theyre both going to be incredibly happy with their boyfriends that are going to be hanging out with us.


While being the 5th wheel will kind of suck, I know we'll still have fun and I can't bitch too much when I'm going to see my boyfriend next week on Wednesday for 5 days...


here's the situation.


a few days ago, Andy found out his Aunt/Godmother died and he was having to fly back to San Antonio this weekend for her funeral.


he flew in today and the funeral will be on Monday, and he will fly back that night


i feel like such a dick but i wish i could drive down and spend tomorrow night with him...does that make me an insensitive selfish asshole?


There's probably no chance that I will act on this urge. He needs to be with his family, he lives with his older brothers but he was really disappointed that he couldnt spend christmas with his parents...


it just sucks that he's finally back in texas and so close...but it's for these reasons and i feel guilty for even considering taking advantage of that


it's just frustrating when he'll probably go out with his brothers or something anyway fa;sdfadsfkjdfa


how do you even bring up a subject like that?


-k.

Watch this
tjc45

Wait, your debating on spending new years with your friends or spending it with andy? And you think your friends will be mad at you if you do go to SA?

Kerrn

No.

Does it make me a jerk for suggesting to my boyfriend that I come see him in San Antonio for New Years.

The reason he is in San Antonio is for his Aunt's funeral on Monday.

Like is it rude to bring it up...someone just died and i want to have a date on NYE?

-k.

Chipmnk

Hmm, that's a tough situation. He could very well appreciate you being around and supporting him. Hmm, you could ask him if he's okay (and if his family is okay) with you hanging out with him for a bit?

Or maybe Wednesday is just worth waiting for.

SuperRyan
SuperRyan profile pic Alumni

ask him. as boyfriend/girlfriend I'm sure any jerkness possibilities will blow over.

Chipmnk

And Karen, you are totally not terrible for thinking that. The situation and circumstances are terrible. You, not so much.

tjc45

OOOHHHHH.

Just ask him what you asked us, "Do you want me around when your aunt just died?"

I wouldn't mind my girlfriend being there.

Omair

I think he'd be happy if you were there to support him. I mean, if you were like 'SHOVE YOUR GRANDMA BRO LETS HANG' that would be different, but if you come to him in a supportive way I don't see how that's jerky.

jeffreyg
jeffreyg profile pic Staff

if you were there to be supportive, then it would be fine. otherwise, i think it's a little selfish.

Chipmnk

"Do you want me around when your aunt just died?"

In so many words...

jublin
jublin profile pic Alumni

Sincerely,

Troubled in Texas

d3d
d3d profile pic Alumni

i think having your girlfriend show up to visit at a time of mourning can only be a good thing.

d3d
d3d profile pic Alumni

especially if she's topless.

mike bautista
mike bautista profile pic Alumni

I don't think it's terrible to want to see your boyfriend. Just be supportive and stuff and hug him and things.

Also, I'm gonna steal "SHOVE YOUR GRANDMA BRO LETS HANG." That's my new thing. I just stole your thing, Omair.

parallelish
parallelish profile pic Alumni

yeah i would just ask him about it to see what he thinks

it never hurts to ask 8)

Chipmnk

Dude, you can't steal Omair's thing. Don't steal Omair's thing. He needs that thing to do things so he can get other things.

Chipmnk

That's the extent of my sex education.

mike bautista
mike bautista profile pic Alumni

If your boyfriend is anything like me or what I assume any boy is like, then he'll think hugs by his lady are pretty fucking awesome.

d3d
d3d profile pic Alumni

just say "could you use some company?" and leave it up to him. maybe wink so he gets the idea.

Kerrn

I think I would be more of a distraction than a support if I went to see him...Id have to stay at his house and I dont want to be another person his parents have to deal with right now

bleh...i guess i'm just feeling guilty/selfish all around because of this situation...

I was so excited about this trip bc we finally knew his work hours before I got my tickets (we didnt know last time and I spent almost $300 and he worked almost the entire trip) and I knew I could count on atleast 2 days off, maybe more...then he found out about his aunt and that kind of killed any hope of extra days off - he's still going to have time off just not as much as we hoped

plus...i wanted to bring up some stuff with our relationship...it's hard to have big talks over the phone, i like to have them when i can actually be around him...now i feel like im going to have to wait like 8 weeks to bring these things up the next time we see each other

nothing crazy like breaking up but stuff like -i've been to visit him 3 times, he's visited once since august... neither one of us is swimming in money but my schedule is a lot more open than his and he's working so hard just to stay in new york -when we'll actually be in the same city again -just shit about the future

i dont want to add more stuff for him to think about and deal with when he's just had this big loss...but it is stuff that needs to be discussed...bleh

exactly Justin.

-k.

d3d
d3d profile pic Alumni

in light of your heavy girlfriendy nagging business i reckon you should stay home, be 5th wheel to your happy friends, get drunk, be miserable, and hope the rest of the year is better than day 1.

Chipmnk

With that in mind, I'd say wait until you see him Wednesday.

Mya Jamila

To build on what Omair and Jeff said, for sure if you were there for support I think it would be quite appreciated. I just wanted to mention that perhaps, if you go down and you end up going out tomorrow (New Year's Eve), it might not be as ruckus/wild as it usually is. He might not want to party as hard, or at all. And also that perhaps it shouldn't be (as wild)? I realize that some people deal with loss differently but, I'm not sure his family would either of you going all out just after her death. They may take your (as in you alone) / his /your (as in both of you) actions the wrong way.

Anyway, I realize that may come off sounding quite bitchy and negative but, that really isn't my intention. To be a bitch. The negative, just a little, I just wanted to bring that up, just in case. So, a preemptive, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Kerrn

i wasnt going to bring up any of the heavy girlfriend stuff tomorrow...i just wanted to be with him...even if it was just drinking sparkling cider and watching the ball drop on tv...im just lame and new years always seems to be really boring and spent by myself and itd be nice to spend it with someone i really care about, even if its tame...i know im just going to wait to see him on wednesday...

i guess i just feel kind of like a jerk for considering putting my needs above his

you didnt come off as bitchy mya, no worries.

-k.

Kerrn

i dont want to bring up all this stuff while he's already dealing with his family stuff and work issues..i know im worrying about stuff before it happens, i could get there and he's fine and we could talk about everything and we will both be happy...i just worry

-k.

Omair

If you fifth wheel it you get the added fun of watching your friends makeout, mmmm. The dudes know what I'm talking about.

Chipmnk

I know what you're talking about.

mike bautista
mike bautista profile pic Alumni

I know, man.

I know.

Mya Jamila

Becca, I just meant that, if Karen and her boyfriend went out on New Years Eve perhaps they shouldn't party as hard as they usually do, assuming they do, even if that's his/hers/their way of coping. It might not be taken well by his family. My first point was actually more along the lines of, "He might not want to party, what with the death, so, don't count on things being normal.".

It probably didn't help that I left out a very crucial word in a sentence. *I'm not sure his family would appreciate either of you going all out just after her death.

Phew. I'm glad to hear that's the case Karen. I hope things go well when you do get to see him.

MadTheologian

This is a great opportunity to spend time with him, at this important time. Ask him if he wants you over. Just expect being very low-key. Sometimes solace is the best tonic for the new year.

-c.

heykimby

I can see your conundrum, Karen.

I think the only way to solve this one is to ask if he'd like to see you and if his family would be okay with it? I guess if you're happy to spend some of it with the family as well as him, and being around for support, then it can't be worse than spending it as the 5th wheel :)

coolchika

What environment would make you at ease and enlighten your K-juice? It sounds to me that in both situations won't be kick ass for you. So I suggest you wait to see your hubby on Wednesday and do something that will completely detox your soul tomorrow night. Do what makes you happy, everything else will work out ;)

Also texas is fuck huge, girl get yourself some.

Kerrn

I'm not going to go...I don't think I'd ever really have the balls to even ask...it's just not appropriate. I'll take care of him next week when I'm in New York.

I think when I wrote this I was probably just looking for validation that I'm not shitty for wishing i could see him while he was in the state.

I'm trying not to even text him as much as I normally do while he's at home so he can have that time with his family.

i know his brothers and i've met his parents a few times...but we're not close (we havent really had many opportunities to spend time together and i'm pretty shy)...I kind of felt like I should send a card or something to his parents but I couldnt decide if that would just be awkward since I didnt know his aunt and I don't really know his parents that well...idk

also...i dont know what the boys were talking about.

-k.

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