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Toaster Coaster

Hi there! I'm fairly new to Threadless, and this is my first design, so I figured I'd throw it into the critique to see if it needs anything prior to submission.



At the moment, the design features 7 colors and probably won't use any special inks, although I was toying with the idea of a foil or a metallic clear on the toaster, but I'm not too sure.



Any/all constructive comments welcome!

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TallNerdGuy

Hi there! I'm fairly new to Threadless, and this is my first design, so I figured I'd throw it into the critique to see if it needs anything prior to submission.

At the moment, the design features 7 colors and probably won't use any special inks, although I was toying with the idea of a foil or a metallic clear on the toaster, but I'm not too sure.

Any/all constructive comments welcome!

Nitrion

haha this is great!
maybe you should put some flames coming out of the toaster! it would make it more intriguing!
i Love it!

alkalineangyl

This is a really fun design, I love their expressions. Maybe try experimenting with other colors for the coaster, it seemes to separate itself from the rest of the piece. I like the placement.
If you have the time I'd appreciate your help with my design http://www.threadless.com/critique/50033/Assault_Shaker

Jeiji

HAHAHA! I don't think this is missing anything except for more railing, some decals, and maybe a title for the coaster to complete the scene! I actually think this is funny, lol.
Party Foul! $5 Penalty!

Garuda

yeah this is great, maybe have the back of the coaster continue around the back of the shirt or something.

Please score mine, thanks!

TallNerdGuy

Cool, thanks for the feedback thus far. Glad you enjoy it!

I was leaning toward adding flames, but now I think I'll definitely throw some on there. I'm hesitant to make the railing all one color because I wanted the red coming from the toaster to show heat/danger. Although, flames could easily convey that, too. I also want to avoid text on here...but some more well-placed railing could fill in the negative space. Thanks!

Crays

love the epic! As they said, maybe include some heat element. perhaps link along the toaster with something. Maybe make it a part of the coaster :)

Chris Rowson
Chris Rowson profile pic Alumni

I don't think you need to add foil, I think it would be overkill.

Skittles 07

yeah one color for the rollercoaster part. also make it a little bigger so it does not just end in the middle. that is only a maybe though. but otherwise i love the idea and concept

TallNerdGuy

Sweet, more comments. Good stuff!

I agree, Chris, the foil would most likely hurt the image more than add to it.

I'm making the railing one color now, and adding in some fire coming from the toaster, too. At the moment, I'm playing around with extending the track...hopefully I'll have the next version up within the next day or two. Thanks!

TallNerdGuy

Okay, version 2. Railing is now one color, but has a slight shine on it, and so does the toaster. I extended the track, and added in some more track abstractly in the background for depth/reduction of negative space. Fire was added in order to make the toaster more threatening. Also, the orange I added bumped me up to 8 colors.

Let me know what you think!

melongray

Cool idea,maybe u should try on different t-shirt color

Feel free to Check out my design

evan3
evan3 profile pic Alumni

this is really great
love the idea
i am feeling maybe a skyline?
with some clouds?
fill up the space
maybe have some balloons?
idk
add more
mind a commenting?

Ian-S
Ian-S profile pic Alumni

Nice illustration which put a smile on my face. I'm not sure you even need the background tracks of the coaster. Great work!

Avizpado

It's great specially the faces of the little breads getting more concerned to oblivious it's funny,and i agree with evan about something like clouds or ballons just no to many just like one or two tops.

Please comment my design

KittyCatRap

So funny! I really like designs that have toast in them for some reason..especially when they are on an adrenalin-filled journey into toasthood! Submit this!

Would you mind checking out my design?

csimpson8

I like it. Can't think of anything it needs.

TallNerdGuy

Thanks for the comments!

I've been toying with some other shirt colors, but none of them really please the eye as much as the yellow does (at least for me). It allows for both the black outlines and the bright orange to stand out. But if I can get a flash file to upload for ver3, I might put on the two other colors I'm thinking of (royal blue and cream) just to get people's thoughts.

Adding in some clouds could help add more detail and a greater sense of height without adding too much track. Great ideas!

ClaudetteCamilleDay

im not a huge fan of yellow, so maybe change the colour of the tee?
i defo think you need to fill the spaces a little bit. it looks too bare.

melon.

Awesome!! Great design!!!. My only comment is that you can make the flames more simple and bigger. You can try it, maybe it could work. Also the idea of adding some sky elements for background would be good.

alkalineangyl

I like this version much better. I think it works with the shirt color although it'd be nice to see it on some others. Maybe add some highlights on the cars to compliment the highlights on the coaster rails so it doesn't look flat.
If you have time, please score my design http://www.threadless.com/submission/224616/Punkin_Pie

TallNerdGuy

Sorry for the delay, here is version 3.

Added some reflection on the cars, altered the fire, and threw in some happy little clouds to fill in more space around the track.

I included three different shirt colors, and the design's placement a shirt after you cycle through the three colors.

Comment, please!

TallNerdGuy

Oh yeah...the shirt colors are yellow, cream, and royal blue.

cjgammon

the clouds add a lot. i still like it on the original yellow.

efe1347

i think it would look better if the coaster was more connected looking
the blue works the best

fhigi25
fhigi25 profile pic Alumni

i really like it on the yellow tee, maybe add a bread already being toasted like he's grabbing one of the bar crying for help or somewhere along on those lines.

thanks for comment btw.

kc1365

nice design. i also think that the roller coaster should be connected, and if you didn't want to have a piece of bread being toasted, maybe you could just add some toasted or blackened crumbs at the bottom or something.

Check out mine if you have the chance!

gabilu

I absolutely love it just as is!!! The first color combination is my favorite!!!

KennethPeters

Cool.....really brings a smile to my face.

please check out my design when you're free.

darkend iris

i like this... but the flames look rly 2d compared to the rest...
maybe try to ad another color in them...

a-monkey-in-a-box

This is looking really good! I would make the railroad on a different color, maybe grey like the toaster.
The flames look fine to me.
Good job!

A.D.Ryan

A really excellent job! I like a lot just how it is! It is a fantastic idea and It´s very well drawn! I like the different faces of the breads. They have different expressions as they realise what is coming!

Although I think it is ready to submit, maybe you could change the color of the coaster. You could use a darker orange to emphasize it.

Thanks for your comment about my design :)

TallNerdGuy

Thanks for the comments!

I think I'll mess around with extending the track into the background as one solid piece to see how it looks. Glad the clouds are getting a good reception!

Not so sure about changing the track to grey...the track and the toaster sharing the same color would reduce the attention that is drawn to the toaster, but it wouldn't hurt to make the track a darker orange.

The flames...yeah. I can see them either staying as is or getting a revamp. If I can mess with them to snake around the track more, that might help to look more 3D but keep the solid one color.

Thanks again!

Libster

Thanks for the comment on mine. :)

I really like this! Looks best on blue, I think. Great idea and great execution. I can see why people want the rails of the coaster to be more connected, but I'm not convinced it's necessary. Looks good as is to me.

TallNerdGuy

I'm back, thanks for all the comments thus far.

I slightly darkened the rails, as well as extended them into one long, continuous piece of track leading into the background. For the fire, I played around with a different look to try to make it seem more 3D without adding another color, but it didn't look right. So I tried adding in a halftone pattern to give it a little something extra. I didn't include the blue this time because the yellow still seems to work better overall (it adds to the "happy" color scheme which contrasts with the morbid action taking place).

Let me know what you think!

SamAntics

hehe i like the expressions on the pieces of toast... i checked out your other version and like the progress youve made with changing subtle details - it works! I really like how the fire wraps around the rail on that one part.. its a nice touch. I say submit! (btw my boyfriend likes the "happy/naive" toast)

voodazz

The new looping track makes a huge difference in this piece as well as the fire details (gotta remember that halftone trick).
Heh... I've always loved the vary degrees of urgency of the toast dudes' expressions.
I think this is ready to get some votes.

Go see mine when you have a chance!

cjgammon

yeah i can't think of much more to change on this, it looks good. the only thing is maybe making the track fade a little more gradually. as it is now it seems to just stop at a point.

alkalineangyl

this is turning out really nice. good job.

Chris Rowson
Chris Rowson profile pic Alumni

This is great. i think it's ready to go.

Ru Chery

cool concept. I like the idea alot.

Please let me know what you think of mine
"Sky High"

cpcarey

the addition to the flames was a good move. it's ready for submission!

critique, please?

TallNerdGuy

I had to fix one little thing about the halftone fire just below the left railing (it was bothering me like crazy). Looks better now.

Thanks for all the comments and helpful tips! And since its looking like I'm getting a positive response from people to submit, I'm thinking its time.

comic-88

I like this. It's a nice idea and it works well. Only critisism I can give is about the fire. I don't like the half tone. It looks great without it like in your 2nd and 3rd versions but just feels klunky with it.

ste j

i think the bottom of the coaster near the cloud needs to be more curved

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