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Poseidon's arm

  • by donlope01
  • posted Jun 03, 2009
  • 82 Comments

Hello All,

I already submitted this one to your critiques but accidentally deleted it...sorry, Iam new to that.

The last critiques were about the hand (that did not look natural) and the arm (that did not look like a wave anymore).

So I did these changes and I really hope that you like it.

Please give me your feedback on this version, it really helped me on the earlier ones!

Watch this
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donlope01

Hello All,
I already submitted this one to your critiques but accidentally deleted it...sorry, Iam new to that.
The last critiques were about the hand (that did not look natural) and the arm (that did not look like a wave anymore).
So I did these changes and I really hope that you like it.
Please give me your feedback on this version, it really helped me on the earlier ones!

dannodepf

hmm. the far away version looks good, but i think that the texture on the arm doesn't completely read as waves. i would work on the white peak too... somehow, it needs to look less like it was drawn using a paintbrush if that makes sense.

donlope01

Well, that makes sense, I had a hard time figuring how I could make foam and this version was the one I think was the closest one to actual foam.
Thanks for your advice, I will se if I can improve this point.

Allan BARTE

I like this one better. You did a nice work.
Maybe the hand can pointing more to the ship to be more threating, nut i'm not even sure about it.

I like it very much like that.

Please, can you comment and vote for my Super Corn?

donlope01

Thank you very much for your advice.
I tried to make the hand point to the ship, but I couldn't manage to have a nice looking wrist, so I gave up.

Standz

Its a good concept but I really think your going to have to work hard on the colours to make it a great illustration. I know waves are very hard to illustrate but here is a suggestion for what i think you need to head towards for the arm and spray (ocean waves)
Look forward to seeing the next version...

Release Parachute 50yrds

viograpiks

i love the concept also but you must pay attention to the wave...

please feel free to crit mine :)

Amazing Dad

donlope01

OK, thank you all for the advices.
I will try to work on the sea effect...I am not sure to be able to do better though.

bicbic

With the texture you are using the sea looks a bit flat thats all. Nice concept though!

Critique mine?Giraffe

maakatea

I like the flatness effect, the scene must not necessarily be tridimensional. Why not use a simple pattern to make waves and maybe add another pattern (like a tablecloth) to the sails of the boat too?
You can then both keep the foam like this or change it with a third pattern, to make the composition a bit particular.

Constructive criticism
My slogans

maakatea

Shirt color of the same hue of sails.

Meekhead

I like the concept. Something feels off about the pattern though; it looks a bit too photoshop-applied-ish or something. Also, the forearm, like the segment the ship is on, looks a bit too straight. It's all very organic except the straight edges on that part. Maybe add a little more organic feel to it overall?

If you don't mind taking a look at mine, I'd appreciate it. :) http://www.threadless.com/critique/46005/Happy_Place

donlope01

Hello All,
Here is my new version.
I worked a bit on the elbow, plus I changed the sea pattern.
I first wanted to make it more real, but I didn't manage, and then I happened to do this pattern and I think I like it.
What do you think? Do I have to add a second colour?
Well, about the foam, I couldn't do it better so far, but I guess this won't be my last version :)

Standz

I'm afraid i still stick by all my previous comments

el peligro

i like it, maybe you can make a more muscular arm. is poseidon!

xbread

I agree with "el peligro"

miss basil

i like the sea pattern, make him muscular, and i think it just needs something else the arm is just so BAM you know, maybe something added to the left sideish??

pandippo

The hand doesn't quite look like a hand to me? More definition with the arm (muscular) and hand is needed still.

Or have the boat in the hand?

Suggestions please!

donlope01

Well, thank you about your very useful coments.
I still have work to do :)
I think changing the arm form will be alright, as well as working a bit more on the pattern.

As for Standz coment, well, I tried to do as suggested, but I think I was not good enough...and thus it really does not look as expected.

donlope01

Hello everybody,
Here is a new version, where I changed a few things:
- I worked on the arm to make it look more natural
-On the fingers to better show the hand
-on the sea pattern.

I couldn't manage to make the arm look more strong without getting rid of the wave form so I let it that way.
Any comment on this version??
Thanks in advance!!

GageAM

I like the sea pattern and the ship, but something isn't working with the arm/wave. Sorry I can't be more specific. I'll come back to it later and see if I can be more helpful.

donlope01

Ok, thank you for the comment.
Is it because of the upper part of the forearm? I think this part may need some work.

n1x012

How about more definition to the "whitecap" of the wave.
Like, less of a spray look. I dunno... i think it looks pretty sweet already.

donlope01

I wanted to try to change the foam...maybe in the next version.
But in fact I am quite happy with the way it look now.

donlope01

New version, with the forearm form modified as well as the boat size...as suggested by some of you.
Can you give me your helpful advices??
Thanks!!!!

polynothing
polynothing profile pic Alumni

I suggest taking photo reference of your own arm in the same position, to get the correct shape... It looks odd where the joint connects above the elbow still :)

donlope01

As suggested I changed the arm form.
But I think I can not really make it look more natural since I want to preserve the wave shape.
Any comments, ideas??

snake1984

Hey big improvement on the skin pattern..I like that on the dark
background ..cool:]

xbread

I still miss some kind of muscles, u know...
I mean, Poseidon mega-strong-n'-powerful

please, critique mine

kirstenmccrea
kirstenmccrea profile pic Alumni

Yeah, I think some half-tones in black to add shape and form to the arm (and more shadow to the three fingers that are farthest from us) would make this really, really strong. Ha ha, that's my advice, even though I don't know how to use halftones yet! I'm trying to figure it out...

Ars Fera

Yes, darker background, that looks much better, and I agree with the halftone idea, it could add a lot of definition to the arm. Awesome concept and idea though, nice job!
And if you have a second, a comment for my critique would be very much appreciated!

donlope01

Well, it seems that everybody agrees for more muscles.
Do you guys mean on the upper arm? Don't you think it won't look like a wave anymore??

donlope01

I added muscles and shadows.
I am not sure about the shadows, I think I did some mistakes about them.
What do you think??

agrimony
agrimony profile pic Alumni

im not a big fan of the way u did the waves, but if thats the style u are intending to use then go for it. perhaps more whites along the arm to show the foam?

Duuvan

Interesting choice of motive, difficult to realize. I like it though, looks really nice on the shirt itself. The shadows on the lower downside of the arm might be too much. The upper part's fine, its' like the foam is creating the shadows. Keep it up!

el peligro

wow this is the sea weight training program. XD

donlope01

thank you for the comments, I will work on the shadow

CazKing
CazKing profile pic Alumni

great concept!
please take a look at my critiques.

MotoTrain

I really like it but the waves need work. They need a little bit more detail and some varied color, I think? Good luck!

My critique!

donlope01

OK for the comments.
I am not sure I can add other colors...I already have 8 colours I think.

donlope01

I changed the shadows colour on the ship as well as the shadow form on the forearm.
I also cleaned some lines on the ship definition, not sure that it is visible on this small image though.
What do you think of it?? Can I submit this version or does this need more work?
BTW, thank you all for your help, I really appreciate ans it was clearly very useful when looking at the difference between v1 and this version.

lukeylukey

hey, i think its really cool but if i were you i would flatten the muscle a bit.

otherwise its great, i love the composition.

el peligro

i like the evolution of your desing. i dont know if add tipografy ruins it but you can try to write something on it just for see.
here is my submition please take a minute and score it:

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