The most ridiculous things I have heard at work... blog
So a lot of you know I wait tables to make extra money outside of school, and well... it makes me completely lose faith in humanity. So I've decided to keep track of the ridiculously dumb things people say/ask for at tables.
new as of this weekend:
Them (all under the age of eight): "HEY WAITER, HEY WAITER, CAN I GET SOME MORE _. WAITER WAITER WAITER." taps my arm to death
Me at another table taking someone elses order
Them: "Can I get this pasta but instead of scallions, can I get chicken?"
Me "Um, you can't replace chicken for scallions."
Them "But why NOT?!"
Me "Because scallions are green onions, you are most likely thinking of scallops."
Them "Blahblahblahsilly us"
Me smacks head
Them: "Yeah, can I get this pasta without the Brandy sauce? I can't have my baby getting drunk off of it."
Me ... ... ... (Srsly?!)
Overheard in a bathroom ( one drunk lady, one pregnant lady):
Them:"Oh yeah, I drank hard the first two months before I knew I was pregnant, I think dat's why mah first kid's so messed up."
I notice a table that just got up left a cellphone and their keys on the table, so I run after them (literally... run after them) to give them their stuff...
Them:"Thank you SO much, you are great. We made sure to leave you a good tip in there!"
Me:opens book, finds 2 dollar tip on 56
Them:"Do I get a free refill on the virgin strawberry daiquiri?"
Them:"Do I get a free refill on the virgin pina colada?"
Them:"Do I get a free refill on the fresh squeezed lemonade?"
Them:"Do I get a free refill on the juice?"
Them:"Are you sure?"
(this goes on.... for what seems like eternity)
I am asking a table what they want to drink...
Them: "I'm drinking liquor. No food, just liquor!"
Me:"Um, okay. What kind of liquor?"
Them:"Just liquor and cherries!"
Me:"... I'm sorry?"
Them: "Just liquor with three cherries on the top, they should know how to make it."
Me:"What kind of liquor?"
Them:"What do you mean?"
Me:"Clear, brown... what kind of liquor?"
So I bring this guy his vodka and cherries...
Them:"What is this?"
Me:"I didn't know exactly what you wanted, so I brought you smirnoff on the rocks with cherries."
Them:"Um, I wanted a Midori Sour."
Me:"... ... ... ... I'll be right back with it.... sir."
As I was trying to take a plate off the top of one of our appetizers (as we are supposed to)...
Them: "Don't TOUCH that plate!"
Me: "I'm sorry mam, we are just supposed to take that off for you because it is sometimes hot..."
Them:"I don't give a damn, I don't want YOU or anyone else like YOU taking this plate or touching it or ANYTHING."
Me:"... ... So sorry mam..." runs away and avoids table
Them:"Excuse me, what is your lemon breeze?"
Me: "That would be our homemade lemonade, sir."
Them: "And what does that taste like?"
Me:"... Lemonade, sir."
Them:"And what does that taste like?"
Me:"........... Lemons, sugar, and water.... sir."
Them:"Oh okay I'll have a coke."
Them: "What does cranberry juice taste like?"
Them: "Do you guys have gator bites here?"
Them:"Any kind of alligator meat?"
Me:"No sir, this isn't florida."
Them: "Excuse me can I get a straw for my drink?"
Me:"Sure thing! You guys all ready to order?" proceeds to take everyone's order at the table...
Them: "Umm excuse me but I definitely asked for a straw and you didn't bring it to me yet."
Me:"Mam, I haven't left the table yet since you asked me that, but I will be right back with it."
Them:"Excuse me, but is the Bahama Mama refillable?"
Them:"But it's a six dollar drink."
Me:"... It's an alcoholic drink, mam."
Me:(Just greeting a table, that isnt even mine) "... And can I get you all started with something to drink?"
Them:"Excuse me miss, but are you down with the brown
proceeds to check me out from top to bottom"
Me: "Excuse me?!"
Them:"I saiiidddd are you DOWN with the BROWN?"
Me:"... Your server will be right with you."
proceeds to get molested by their eyes as I walk away
Them:"Have you heard that song from Katy Perry?"
Me:"Unfortunately, why do you ask?"
Them:"Well, I have this theory that every other girl has kissed another girl, and as my wife here has not, I am assuming you have... So have you?"
Me:"Well, this isn't awkward at all!"
Them:"Is the cuban sandwich any good?"
Me:"I personally don't eat ham but if you do it is really good."
Them:"Oh so if you are normal, then?"
i could remember more but i've had a ridiculous night.
Also worth noting:
-When people who say 'keep the change' literally mean keep the change, because they leave like, a dollar 25 on a 40 dollar tab. I've actually given people back their money before when they do that.
- People WHO ASK FOR 10 THINGS OF RANCH FOR THEIR FREAKING FRIES.
-People who refuse to hand you their cup when you need to refill it even though its out of reach then yell at you for reaching over them.