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Who pays these people?

My husband and I went to a wedding over the weekend. The couple getting hitched are two of the sweetest people we know, so it pains me to say that the music at their reception gave our ears an audio Montezuma's Revenge-type diarrhea. Does anyone really like 'Hot Hot Hot' or that crappy 'Grease' medley, besides anyone just recovered from a decade-long coma? Also, the DJ just wouldn't stop talking and singing incessantly over the music, which gave me a fetid case of the heaving fantods. My husband spent most of the evening with my cousins discussing hockey, while I hung out with my dad, waiting for a decent song to come up. (He may be 71, but he, too, feels the need to complete his rock 'n' roll duty.) 'YMCA' promptly came up, and the SquintyDad and I realized that this was our only chance, so we got up and boogied to the best of our abilities, but steadfastly refused to do the required arm gestures. We spent the rest of the night enjoying some fine cantaloupe, which was delightfully refreshing.


All fine melon aside, I can't imagine anyone booking a DJ and asking them to play painfully outdated songs and be generally so annoying. I suppose such people may be in cahoots with those who provide the alcoholic beverages, since only the blindingly drunk would enjoy something so painful.


Any horrific wedding stories you'd care to share?

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lemonalle

Horrific wedding story, hmmmm... I did pass out at my aunt's wedding. I was one of the bridesmaids and my hair was all teased out and Aquanetted into place. It was so hot and the smell of the hairspray was making me dizzy... thunk. Thankfully it was only during the pictures, not during the whole walking down the aisle bit.

squeegebeckenheim

awwwwwwwwwww!

that sounds like no fun. i would have been sad.

chelly

i think there is a wedding music package for receptions and if those songs don't get played some drunk uncle will bum rush the stage and someone told the dj that if he talks it is interacting with the crowd, but really fvck that guy and his "stroke it" after the funky chicken. end rant.

lemonalle

I would clothesline my DJ if he tried to play crap like that.

Seriously, I'd probably just be my own DJ

Omair

I was 14 when my sister got married, and my parents were in a rush getting stuff done, for some reason beyond my knoweldge we need like half a dozen disposeable cameras, so my parents gave me the keys...and money to go get it. No one was paying attention and when I was about to test my driving abilities my uncle came and saved the car from destruction.

squintygirl

I was a bridesmaid seven times, and one of the times I was forced to buy a pug fugly pair of shoes that were way too small for me. My feet were a horrid shade of purple for a couple of days afterwards. It was an omen, I fear: the marriage did not last long.

skafiend007

sounds like this guy was a frustrated radio DJ who was hoping that maybe, just maybe, there was a radio exec in the crowd who heard him, thinks he's brilliant and wants to hire him to fill the 6-10 slot on KHOT, all hits, all the time!!!

Either that, or he was a self-absorbed a**hole...

squintygirl

I've been to too many weddings were the DJs can't shut their pieholes. This guy also wouldn't take requests because he's a 'professional who knows how to work a mix'.

GAAAAAAAAH!

lemonalle

Then he's a professional who knows how to take a kick to the groin

phones

jesus i thought this shit only happened in Britain!

chelly

i was a flower girl for at least 6 weddings. that is a horrible thing for me because they all made me wear lacy uncomfortable DRESSES and i am also very shy. so much bad on so many levels.

ie. i have mean brothers and sisters.

squintygirl

I had a nice wedding, myself, actually. We also had an acoustic guitarist at our ceremony, and he even played a Beatles tune!

jackanapes

I haven't yet been to a wedding, except my brother's. he had horrible carrot top-like hair. i'm not even joking.

squintygirl

When my sister got married, her entire wedding party was engaged or married, and no one was partnered with their actual partner. It was so awkward. She also made us ladies wear spaghetti strap dresses. IN NOVEMBER.

littlem

awwwwwwww

littlem

"awwwwwwww" in a bad way, of course:P

melhel86

I too have been in many weddings, fortunately most people had bands. Though at my cousins, the DJ played the list of songs the bride provided, IN THE ORDER SHE GAVE IT. Imagine jotting down songs you want to hear, you think of one, than a similar one and keep jotting. The whole wedding was like in musical order... 80's, 90's, rock, dance, country... it was pathetic.

squintygirl

AHAHAHA! Sounds like he could use the help of a 'professional who knows how to work a mix'.

melhel86

I still want to know why I'm bolded and italicized... I feel special

squintygirl

It's a way of helping me keep track of people I pointed and people who've pointed me.

melhel86

oooohhh than I should feel special! hehe.

I have so many wedding stories I don't know where to begin. I've worn a lot of oddly colored shiny dresses, but not one person made me wear dyed, or picked out shoes. I was thankful for that.

Though at my friends wedding in May she's having an ice sculpture that doubles as a martini bar and has Mudslides pouring down it into martini glasses.... that is sweet.

squintygirl

Oh




My




God.





A mudslide waterfall? I need to be invited to this wedding.

melhel86

yeah I'm very happy about it... though in the same breath she said I need to help make sure people don't get to trashed. You can't have a cool alcoholic ice sculpture and not expect people to get trashed. Please.


I CAN NOT WAIT FOR THIS

squintygirl

I don't know why I enjoy seeing people drunk at weddings. At any other time I find it annoying at best. There's just something about people choosing to get plastered at an event that is likely being both photographed and videotaped that tickles me so.

lunchboxbrain
lunchboxbrain profile pic Alumni

that's madness squinty. our DJ let us choose the playlist. the only horror story from my wedding was when the priest announced us to the congregation at the end of the ceremony, he called me by my middle name, David. Everybody looked around like "Who the fuck is David!?"

melhel86

brian... at my friends wedding he kept calling the groom "she" and then actually said do you take this man to be your wife...

I'm pretty sure he was drunk since the whole speech was about why you shouldn't get married and marrying too young. All in all it was pretty bad.

exoticrobotic

when i was like 8 i was at my aunt's wedding and we were sliding on our knees because the dance floor was oh so slick. i ended up taking out this girl thats like my 3rd cousin. took her legs out from under her haha, poor girl

squintygirl

Most of the weddings I've been to involve kids running around dangerously close to the wedding cake. One of the weddings I was a bridesmaid in had the cake topple right over because these kids kept crawling underneath the table. And these kids were 13.

ekaj47

weddings are the only place i'll dance, the reason being its the only place i can get totally trashed and no one get angry at me for how lame i dance

every wedding i've been to has been good, and by good meaning i got laid at all 5 - 3 of which i brought a date to

and all the weddings were good friends i've known for years and years so i could have good ol time, my first family wedding will be in sept when my sister is getting married which should be hopefully be cool





pickledbib

hahaha... the mc at my wedding forgot my name. at that very moment I was seething with rage.... in hindsight you look back at it and it's a good laugh.

melhel86

I love kids I just feel that most weddings are aimed towards adults and kids shouldn't be present. Especially if it's an evening reception. It's all up to the person, but kids running around my wedding and reception would give me a panic attack.


p.s. My sisters flower girl gave me a panic attack in the limo on the way to the wedding. I was so nervous I would fall and bust my ass and this little shit was pulling on my flowers, pulling on my jewelry and getting drool on my dress. Her mother was doing nothing to stop it, since she was my future-brother-in-laws cousin I felt I could do nothing to stop it. Freaked the fuck out.

squintygirl

I was at a wedding where the flower girl, who was way too young in my opinion to be a flower girl, kept spilling her goldfish crackers EVERYWHERE, and her mother kept giving her more crackers to spill. It was a huge mess.

melhel86

My flower girl will be my god child... and I will have two... her older cousin will "help" her down the aisle. She's two now probably be around three by the time I get married, possibly pushing four, and her older cousin is five now. I figured it would be cute and then less hassle for me.

rathergreen

I have a lovely wedding story! At a friend's marriage, in the middle of the ceremony, the pastor began a 5-minute sermon concerning the virtues of "true marriage," love between a man and a woman, as opposed to same-sex love and the "pitiful" union "those people" believe they share. He finished off with a condemnation of the pro-choice agenda (graphic dead-fetus imagery in tow). The bride and groom were humiliated. I assumed the pastor was running for office or something.

squintygirl

I've been to several weddings like that. You don't expect to go to a joyful ceremony and end up feeling depressed.

AugustInNewYork

I went to my cousin's wedding. 'Nuff said.

squintygirl

Cousins are generally odd, I agree. And that includes myself.

juliejeremiah

I was at a wedding where the priest went off on a rant about a woman's duties in the home, including a condemnation of a television show that showed a woman cop in a position of superior officer. I assume he was talking about Law & Order.

Carefully screen your clergy, people.

juliejeremiah

And at another, two family members of the bride played a god-awful rendition of "Amazed" by Lonestar. Very off-key and played by a terribly novice guitar player.

Moral here - you may love your family members, but don't be blind to their complete lack of talent. It was entertaining for all the wrong reasons.

AugustInNewYork

Disregarding the fact that she has since dropped out of college and spat out a kid a year, I think it's more me having to wear a /pink/ dress that still bothers me.

squintygirl

At the ceremony of the first wedding I was in, the priest went on and on about how sex before marriage = going to straight to hell. It was so awkward, especially seeing how the bride and groom kept fidgeting and blushing.

Kerrn

at my brother's wedding
his first dance with his wife was supposed to be to dire straits - love struck romeo but the dj forgot his cd
so they had to randomly pick one out of the songs he had
and they specifically asked for them to not play the chicken dance song and he played it anyways

he was a pretty shit dj

-k.

squintygirl

Ick, I hate the chicken dance. I also hate that Jive Bunny shite DJ's seem to love so much.

sigurdsson

We must accept the salutes our loyal citizens offer us. Nice kings and queens should remember that.

squintygirl

I'm not particularly nice, but I'm working on it.

Spinachlegs

Feeling Hot Hot Hot, haha that's money.

wotto
wotto profile pic Alumni
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wullagaru
wullagaru profile pic Alumni

squinty .. just read this .. havent been to many weddings yet (my friends are slow in this ... as am I) but one that was excellent was my best friends .. it was held on teh oregon coast (think the end of goonies)like right on teh beach and as the bride and groom were to kiss the tide came in so he swooped her up while they were kissing .. all very epic and movie scene-esque

10pninjas

Agreed, why cant we have more wedding singers like in "Old School"?

I have not been to many weddings, but me and my cousins tricked his vegetarian sister to come around into the kitchen so she would see the full-size roasted boar. Boys can be so cruel...

I have a million other stories, but unfortunetly...not too many are wedding oriented.

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