If this shirt were a person

  • by sayermyst
  • posted Feb 06, 2007

Usually, when I scroll by a shirt design I don't especially like, I give a mental shrug and click onto the next design. The thing with this shirt is, it's not that I "don't especially like it," it's that if I saw a person wearing this shirt, my first reaction would be to steer away, and my second (if I walked too nearby) would be to glare intensely.

What this shirt means to me is the creepy next door neighbor dude who plays his screaming cacophony and has never thought to respect other people's senses of taste or need for sleep. The phrasing and the font speak of creepy neighbor dude's low self-esteem and a cheesy attempt at raising it. This is just the guy who will with outdated phrases hit on girls far too young for him, and who will only be confused when they spurn him.

Of course, this shirt brings several other comparable things to mind: a vagrant burnt-out rocker, shredded --maybe tarred-- vocal chords, a hand desperately grasping for talent by clawing, instead of manipulating an instrument....

But seriously, isn't this phrase non-specific to metal? In place of "metal," wouldn't "rock" or "country" work just as well (or poorly, as the case may be) in this phrase?

Ah well. I suppose if you actually like metal..., well, now you can buy a shirt to tell people you like metal.

Watch this
Brett F.

one of the most intelligent blogs written in a while, i really don't like this shirt as well.
disappointing at best.

mezo profile pic Alumni

I'm telling my husband you called him creepy!


yup metal scares me they should change the shirt to
"if it IS metal, then aint music its just screaming"


geez. it's just a shirt. it's funny. get over it.


^^ i agree.. with sceneslut07... its just a shirt... and its funny.. and awesome :) i plan on buying it soon..and I like plenty of bands that arent metal, but metal is still the best :P


i thought it was funny because it is going for that 'burned out' look. it is just a shirt, dont take it so personally.


Does it remind you of me? Cause I ordered it. It's funny and it's true. To each his own, right? As to Nessapop up there, I don't see anyone else insulting your taste in music...so maybe you should keep your 'holier than thou' opinions to yourself.

And p.s.. It's a shirt guys. Shush.


A lot of people here seem to invest their strongest feelings over a t-shirt, which is perfectly fine.

If it makes any of you happier, I can assure you that this shirt is not a thorn in my side, as my comments on this shirt seem to be in many of you. That isn't a personal attack, just a fair response, I think, when so many people believe I take a shirt so personally. I was simply remarking on how much I dislike this shirt, which I thought was a fair topic for a blog on the shirt.

For what it's worth, though, I will maintain that, as Nessapop writes, "if it IS metal, then [it] aint music its just screaming." Metal is, in my opinion, the crap of music. The opinion is only as biased as the opposite one professed on the shirt.

And I also agree with you, Jew_C, in that each person can have her own taste in music. As I think I've made clear, my taste is definitely not metal, but I'm not going to hate someone just because they like metal. I will, however, have no respect for this shirt for semantic and aesthetic reasons. =)


i kind of want to buy this t-shirt for the irony factor.
considering i listen to mostly belle and sebastian and tullycraft and talulah gosh, i'm pretty sure i'm really metal.
i'm hardXcore, darlings.


really jew c? i should keep my opinions to myself? well in that case maybe they should take away the option to add comments.
I know you probably bought this shirt, I'm not saying that whoever likes metal is an idiot loser, but i mean come on! the shirt says that metal is the only music, i think me saying that i don't like metal is okay.

PS: maybe i won't keep my opinions to myself, thats what threadless is all bout, hell, thats what MOST blogs/forums are about!



I feel after reading this I have to inform you about some things since I can tell you are very ignorant with this topic. First of all I am a complete metalhead. I am also completely straightedge. You said " what this shirt means to me is the creepy next door neighbor dude who playes his screaming cacophony and has never thought to respect other people's senses of taste or need to sleep". My first response to this is to ask you if you have ever driven by a car that is playing metal loudly with their windows rolled down, I know I have not. It has always been rap that has been played loudly. Most of the metalheads you will meet are like me (some of the nicest people you will ever meet). You also said in you lower comment that that you will not hate someone who likes metal. But you already expresses that you judge all metalheads to be inconsiderate, but you are completly ignorant for judging us. My cousin is also comletely into metal, he just graduated from Sandiego state university with almost a 4.0. I also a have a 3.8 in Las vegas academy as a tech theatre major (Las vegas academy is the best theatre school in the country) so please don't express to me that metalheads are just the creepy guys next door who hit on girls to young for them. You chose a bad music genre to make fun of. This is because it is proved that metal has the most dedicated fanbase. This is also why in my oppinon most of the metalheads I know are straightedge, they have found something much better than drugs and alchohol. Lastly I would not buy this shirt because it has the word ain't in it. For some reason me and a lot of other metalheads hate the word. I just sounds stupid to me. If there was a shirt that said If it ain't rap it ain't music, I would not waste my time to write a blog because I know it would piss people of while making me an a-hole for doing it. I hope this makes you think a little. Thanks,


OK, I just want to set a few things straight.

I have to say I'm really offended at this stereotypical view of metal that you guys seem to believe in. I consider myself pretty big on metal, but I have a distaste for most bands that scream with all those guttural vocals that make you think this guy's just visiting our world on a mission from Satan. I do listen to a few bands with what you might call evil lyrics or dark growls, but it's not because I'm a Satan worshiper, it's because I appreciate the band members' skills. I think you've all just got a narrow view of metal made up of simply Death/Black/Thrash Metal, or Hair Metal. Metal's got a lot of different faces. Progressive, Speed, Power, Death, Black, Symphonic, Hair, Thrash, Nu-, Glam, these are all different kinds of metal that stress different aspects of music.

I'm sorry, but the statement that metal requires no talent is absolutely ridiculous. The most talented musicians are in metal. The most talented guitarists are all metal, because pretty much all metal is based off the electric guitar and a heavy bass. Some of the best drummers are metal. Keyboards too. A lot of symphonic , power, and progressive metal is heavily dependent on keyboards and synthesizers. Metal also has some pretty talented vocals.

I have to reiterate from Reliac's post: You almost never hear a metalhead driving down the street blasting his music on his system with his windows rolled all the way down. It's usually the steady, monotonous beat of the bass of some rap song or another. I won't say I don't like blasting my music when I'm in my room at home, but that doesn't affect anyone but my family, and everyone's entitled to listen to their music loudly if they're not bothering others.

Believe me, I'm the first person to say everyone is entitled to their own opinions, their own likes and dislikes. But I think it's also important to be properly informed and not just accept the public stereotype of something, or decide on any point of view based on one or two real-life examples. Saying a metalhead is the pedophiliac creep next door is embracing these stereotypes. Most of the metalheads I know and associate with are highly intelligent and successful people, and among the nicest I know. Metalheads appreciate intelligence, because they appreciate what they consider good music, and it takes intelligence to make good music. I'm not a musician, but I know putting together an epic song like The Odyssey by Symphony X (over 24 minutes long), or A Change of Seasons by Dream Theater (over 23 minutes long), or Dante's Inferno by Iced Earth (over 16 minutes long), or the 2112 Overture by Rush (over 20 minutes long), isn't just a matter of tossing some notes and lyrics together. Also, metal contains many references to and roots of classical music, and anyone that tells me classical music doesn't require talent to perform well or intelligence to produce should go seek some help. The images that you think of when you think metal is all the stereotype that metal musicians and metalheads created for themselves in the past, because metal was a form of rebellion in the late 1900s.

Anyway, that's my rant, I hope it's opened some people's minds, or at least removed several inaccurate opinions. If you're actually interested in learning about the history of metal and how and why metalheads are dedicated to their music, I'd recommend watching this film. It'll only take about an hour and a half of your time, and it might open up your mind a bit further. Personally I don't have the same taste in music as the guy who made this film, I think he's more into darker metal than I am, but being a fellow metalhead I can understand his perspectives. Anyway, here's the link:


Enjoy, take care, and rock on.

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