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Sleep Is

Sleep is

one of a kind you're resting

oh slumber, so sweet; when you are

a dove, nesting in feathers of

down, into the depths

of night and kissing pillows.



Please don't hurt me; this is my first submission. I know it's not all that great, but constructive criticism would be lovely.

Watch this
seattlerain

do you like little "dance like noones watching" shirts? hahaha no thanks

Onward to Utopia

do something more focused on the birds next time, not bad

pooHED

3 birds at bottom. Dont dupe, make 3 diff. birds

ckyskater48

good idea...way too many words

mr_pants

way too verbose

abbers

l a m e

SadistiKPopsiKle

It has it's ups and downs. Great color scheme and placement. I notice not just 3 but all the birds are the same it would be cool to have different ones. But yeah the basic design concept I really like. Work it out a bit more then re-submit.

Strayed

Id like a better poem. No offense. Probably a one liner, then id buy it.

Dr. Strangelove

Get rid of the text and then maybe i'd buy it.

justineforfree

less text, i really like it though

Funkyfairy

the words are fine, but make the font and the shape of the letters fit the feeling of a pillow, also make the outline of the pillow thicker and more curvy. if you use the text to create a feeling of softness, i think it would work better
keep at it!

WhyNotSarah

you can do more with the type for sure, try to skew it so it fits the perspective. Color choices could be "softer" almost feminine. Interesting.

SirBigelow

I just don't like the poem. The font and shape and such of it could be better too.

Really, the poem should have some sort of rhythm. That might help.

LadyAurora

I like this poem and didn't like the design. I think the poem deserves something that looks like calligraphy and draw some doves yourself. Decide on the birds or the pillow or both could work but make it work. I really like the poem but I am disappointed in the design. Keep trying.

Mithrandir

i like it. i'd buy it.

jonfly

no

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