Thoughts on design?

New at this; thought I'd give a go at the coffee competition with this sketch, would love some beginner advice.


Was thinking of going for a name like "Death by Caffeinated Joy".

Watch this
melmike
melmike profile pic Alumni

I'm not sure I get what's going on here. Looks like you might be trying to say too much.

CKandee

Hmmmm really? I was trying to portray a coffee bean warning a donut about getting eaten xD

ktownjeff

I see what you're going for but you should tone it down a bit. I would instead have the coffee bean and the doughnut with their own individual bubbles. in the bean's bubble is the coffee and in the doughnut's bubble is a bit off doughnut. this way it looks like they're arguing about who's demise is worse? or just sharing horror stories about humans? something of that nature

melmike
melmike profile pic Alumni
CKandee said:

Hmmmm really? I was trying to portray a coffee bean warning a donut about getting eaten xD

okay, I'll tell you what I see, so you can identify things that might need clearing up.

You've got an hysterical coffee bean screaming at an equally hysterical donut, he's saying, there's a mug of poison on a plate with two things falling into it, not quite sure what they are, could be beans too, but could just as easily be pills, or sugar... Either way, there's a donut on the plate too for some reason, and all the while, someone, me? them? the donut? is saying "Our satisfactory rejoice .. is? ils? tis? tls? their bitter demise".

I can't make any sense of that line. It sounds google translated.

I stand by my statement that this is trying to say too much. I think the idea of a donut being warned about getting eaten is fine. But can't you simplify it down to just that? Just a mug of coffee talking to a donut... maybe it's empty and he says, "you'll be next", or something to that effect.

benjaminleebates

It would be funnier if you illustrate the horrors of a being a coffee bean (dried, roasted, ground, boiled, strained) and the donut (kneeded, baked, glazed, drowned and eaten).

CKandee
melmike said:
CKandee said:

Hmmmm really? I was trying to portray a coffee bean warning a donut about getting eaten xD

I stand by my statement that this is trying to say too much. I think the idea of a donut being warned about getting eaten is fine. But can't you simplify it down to just that? Just a mug of coffee talking to a donut... maybe it's empty and he says, "you'll be next", or something to that effect.

Okay I understand what you mean by simplifying

It would be funnier if you illustrate the horrors of a being a coffee bean (dried, roasted, ground, boiled, strained) and the donut (kneeded, baked, glazed, drowned and eaten).</p

Will try to go down this route. Thanks for all of the advice/criticism!

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