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Just a friendly tip:
You'll get more feedback on things if you post the pic right here in the thread rather than posting a link to something off-site.
Click the little camera icon and just drop the picture's URL right in the prompt that appears and it'll appear directly in your post.
As for the design itself, I think you've got a good concept that plenty of folks would respond to, but the illustration just isn't up to par. Have you considered finding an artist for a collaboration? There are a lot of rock star illustrators on these forums that could do something really great with your idea.
Hmm... i might redo everything