finding someone attractive vs. being attracted to someone

How do you know if you find someone attractive? How do you know if you're attracted to someone?


And what about "chemistry"? Other than the chemistry behind chemistry, what does it feel like? How do you know if you have it?

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sausage_moe

imo: attractive - nice to look at attracted to - you want more than just to look at him / her chemistry - tingling in your belly and/or feet

celandinestern
celandinestern profile pic Alumni

For me finding someone attractive, or rather thinking that someone is attractive, is almost exclusively a mental process. There are concrete qualities I can list. I think they are handsome, smart, funny, whatever. Finding someone attractive is more of a gut feeling kind of thing, like if I actively feel differently when they show up, or when I think about them. The chemistry thing I'm not sure of, i guess I think of it as 'hitting it off' - like if you've just met someone but there are no awkward silences, and you don't run into those moments where you think 'oh god now what?', then for me that counts as good chemistry.

Whence all the questions?

celandinestern
celandinestern profile pic Alumni

Sorry, the second 'finding someone attractive' should actually be 'being attracted to someone'. Derp.

Bramish
Bramish profile pic Alumni

Finding someone attractive usually means I can see why others might be attracted to them, even if I'm not.

Being attracted to someone is being attracted to someone.

ivejustquitsmoking
ivejustquitsmoking profile pic Alumni

I realize that, when I am attracted to someone I tend to dismiss qualities that generally fall under attractive. It's more of the personality and chemistry

pijaczaj
pijaczaj profile pic Alumni

I hope I understood it well. Is being attracted to someone means the same thing that someone thinks you are pretty and wants to merry you?

SJ27

Finding someone attractive: when you find out they have a boyfriend/girlfriend you think that's a perfectly reasonable occurence given their obvious attractive qualities.

Being attracted to someone: when you find out they have a boyfriend/girlfriend it's like a punch to the guts.

Gar0
Gar0 profile pic Alumni

Finding someone attractive = I'd sleep with them Being attracted to someone = I'd sleep with them a lot Chemistry = They'd like to sleep with me

Letter_Q

Music metaphor:

  1. Nice tune, pleasure to listen to it if played in a club or radio.
  2. Love it. I want the vinyl. I wanna paly it now and whenever I want to.
  3. Everytime I listen to it my body just moves by itself and boosts my emotions up.

Does it make any sense?

digsy
digsy profile pic Alumni

@Garo - brilliant!!!!

for me the difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone is wanting to act on it. and simplest example would be that i can find women attractive - i can recognise those qualities that would make others attracted to them - but i'm only actually attracted to men and want to do things with/to them!

celandinestern
celandinestern profile pic Alumni

Gar0's explanation is really perfect.

taz-pie

yeah. i came to say tits.

Mya Jamila

You guys are awesome!

celandinestern on Jun 01 '12 at 2:19am ... Whence all the questions? I'm just curious. I don't have much experience with the second two, or at least I think I don't, and it's come up in conversation recently so it's been on my mind.

SuperRyan
SuperRyan profile pic Alumni

taz-pie on Jun 01 '12 at 9:04am yeah. i came to tits

shirtflirt

"How do you know if you find someone attractive? How do you know if you're attracted to someone?"

"How do you know if you pee your bed? How do you know if you find that you've peed your bed?"

i guess i don't understand the nuance of attraction. it's like hey she's hot. or, hey she's not. that's pretty much it. all this other stuff about what other people if they're dating someone else is all ancillary useless data. your gut is your gut; your instinct is yours. trust it.

shirtflirt

all this other stuff about "what do they find attractive" or "do they have a boyfriend"....

Torakamikaze
Torakamikaze profile pic Alumni

When I see a fine young woman, I look for helpful tattoos like "I heart Brent" or something to know if they single.

If they're reading books like, "How to I have a boyfriend" then I know I am so sad all the time.

But it's all good, cause Brent is a dumb name.

Sorry Brent.

L-M-N-O-P
L-M-N-O-P profile pic Alumni

Bramish on Jun 01 '12 at 2:24am Finding someone attractive usually means I can see why others might be attracted to them, even if I'm not.

Being attracted to someone is being attracted to someone.

THIS.

Other than that, I really don't put myself out there enough to give a knowing answer; I know what I'm attracted to, but honestly don't know what anyone would find attractive about me. Also: ivejustquitsmoking on Jun 01 '12 at 2:34am I realize that, when I am attracted to someone I tend to dismiss qualities that generally fall under attractive. It's more of the personality and chemistry

SuperRyan
SuperRyan profile pic Alumni
  1. You know because you know. It's subjective. I'm sure others have already explained it. Someone is found to be attractive because you find them to be.

  2. Again, you should know. Could go along with things like wanting to be around them a lot, wanting intimacy with them, etc.

  3. Goes along with 2. Wanting to be around said person, wanting intimacy - not necessarily sexual or physical, perhaps emotional.

If they reject you and you feel like you've been kicked in the chest, that is a fairly good sign you may be attracted to said person. Or you just had an unrelated heart attack.

skindapple

platonic love fake love sex love love love love real love love(d) for life

skindapple

that video is crazy awesome... just like love... buahahaha!

shirtflirt

there's love.

and there's the other shit. i mean stuff. i mean things. i mean green. i mean history. future. could bes. never was's.

and then, there's love.

Pez Banana

i concur with what celandinestern and others have said.

for me, finding someone attractive is a more rational experience, i like them, they might be nice to look at, nice to be with, or a combination or both.

In any case there is also some degree of admiration and respect in the blend, and they're someone i'd like to spend time with. I find intelligence highly attractive, but also looks and confidence and personality of course.

Being attracted to someone is feeling a stronger, more elemental force, a kind of animal pulse, something magnetic that can even defy logic and go against what you believe to be "attractive".

I myself have felt attracted to girls that i wouldn't even care to be friends with in a regular context.

Chemistry is when two people who are "attracted to each other" can ALSO function well, and work like a finely tuned engine.

It's when you notice that the original attraction is executable and sustainable. I have found someone attractive and also felt attracted to her, but when we were together it was awkward and blank. There was no chemistry.

in my meager experience, i'd say chemistry and attraction usually go hand in hand. But finding someone attractive and also feeling attracted to them, not necessarily go together.

I think that in most relationships, you get 2 out of 3 elements if you're lucky.

shirtflirt

just pay the girl as much as she needs and she'll be (pretend to be) attracted to you, find you attractive and be your naughty chemistry teacher all at the same time.

amiright!

shirtflirt

You make me want to jump into traffic

celandinestern
celandinestern profile pic Alumni

there's always the cynical approach :)

I've definitely found myself in life attracted to people who I did not think were attractive at all. Then you go all like 'what the hell, body??? Why on earth do you like them???' Except you never really get an answer.

Conversely I've been hit on (seldom and a long time ago!) by people who I could objectively say were highly attractive, but like Pez Banana said, the interaction was so flat and insipid that I just couldn't get into it. Sometimes you look at someone across the room and you think 'my god he's handsome. I bet he's got absolutely nothing to say.' There's that kind of face, gorgeous but with blank cow eyes.

celandinestern
celandinestern profile pic Alumni

also I think love doesn't even enter into it at this level of contemplation. Love is a process, it takes a long time to see it for what it is. You first have to wait for the butterflies to get out of the way.

jeffreyg
jeffreyg profile pic Alumni

Someone's attractive if you look at them and think wow I want to bang that shit. You know she's attractive when she gives you a nice big boner you have to tuck in your waistline. Chemistry is when it's reciprocated. You know it's there when your penis is inside her. There.

shirtflirt

love is the first thing that's happening when you're deciding all these mini steps of "shades and types of love". you're talking about growing into something else like a trust fund or an IRA of emotions...love is there from the beginning. most people just set up all these blockers for no good reason other than self pity.

what's cynical about prostitution. i'd argue that it's the most straight forward relationship agreement out there.

shirtflirt

being interested at ANY level = love. even hating the person requries love.

indifference is the opposite of love.

shirtflirt

so even getting to the consideration point of "would i bang him or her or it" requires love.

celandinestern
celandinestern profile pic Alumni

hmm. I'd agree that indifference is the opposite of love. But I'm not sure that just wondering 'would I bang him' is love already, except in the most metaphysical sense of not being a complete lack of interest.

celandinestern
celandinestern profile pic Alumni

also indifference isn't really the only alternative to love - you don't have to love someone in order for them to be able to piss you off. Au contraire. Take the operators you're trying to get through to in your other blog, say. I didn't really get a vibe of indifference there.

shirtflirt

actually you do. if they can upset you to any degree you cannot say you're indifferent any longer. it's not about alternatives. they're opposing concepts.

as to the operators, my own frustrations in this particular case, have NOTHING to do with the operations of attractions and love...thats more of a personal example of the state taking something that i've earned. and the operators are only extension of the state. i guess in this instance you could say my anger at the operator is the same at which a teenager gets mad at their parent for not letting them see their girlfriend.

PogoLightning

I think I know I'm attracted to someone when I get really nervous around them...I'm not really self conscious but when I like someone, I'm obviously trying to make a good impression so I get more you know ...giggly and girly and shy and weird.

celandinestern
celandinestern profile pic Alumni

hrm I dunno, I'm pretty sure I've been pissed off at people without loving them. But I might be wrong.

gosh, been a long time since I've been shy and weird around anyone. I'm ancient.

jublin
jublin profile pic Alumni

Gar0's answer + Bramish's answer is the right answer. There is no other answer.

Musarter
Musarter profile pic Alumni

Jub's is right about GarO's and Bramish's answers being right.

Also liked the awesome soccer video.

[+duracell-]

So I guess the real question is, who do you find more attractive? Aquaman or Green Lantern Hmmmmm??

PogoLightning

this blog is getting really awesome really fast.

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