Fun with attorneys.
Today I received a notice of demand in the mail. It was clearly for someone else and had come from a white shoe NYC lawfirm. They came off as terrible assholes. So, I sent them this reply letter.
Dear sir impress -a -lot,
In regards to your order for fancy zebra / chimp whore parade complimentary with guided penis platinum oil ex -cell fusilage V-6 auto "mo ninja" mobile; we at Shaolin cheer leader and combustible chocolate ski mice systems incorporated regret to inform you that the chimp ( model blonde 9)is no longer included in your package. (Or anyone else's package!)* We would however be happy to comp you one ticket to cirque du solleil's mystical performance of "Bashful clown's grope the moonlight" At the 1985 fromage theatre.
"Bashful clown is Cirque du solleil’s most touching and sexual production since 'shy dwarf and mysterious telephone with proletariat birds' " raves Nancy Sponge.
"BC made me cry laugh weep get angry and feel good in a bad way that shamed me and
my entire family" says Harold Blumpkin.
"They've done it again! Acrobats, clowns, tightrope walkers doing some stuff with shiny stuff and shit"- raves Marsha Clinic.
We hope this compensatory gift ticket will
be adequate per our chimp deficit.
We remain at your service,