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HEATWAVE - The Cooking Show

  • by the ThreadStaff
  • posted Jun 05, 2009

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Another contest begins?

jublin profile pic Alumni

a recipe for DISASTER!

PeculiarTiffany profile pic Alumni

It turns Shimala into a zombie and he eats the entire audience.


I got a good one:

Dr. Cramala eats the food and suddenly starts to choke. He then fall to the floor, putting Kristen and Bob into a panic. Then suddenly Charlie Festa pop up from behind the table. Totally scaring Kristen and Bob at the site of Charlie.


Dr. Camala takes the taste actually likes it! The show finishes and everything seems fine. Later that night when the good doc is relaxing on his couch watching some tv, he feels a little queasy. He goes into the bathroom. We hear screaming then his horrified face. Look into the toilet and it's filled with money! The doc says "I guess it really doesn't grow on trees!"


~ Craig falls to the floor /
~ in a panic Bob knocks everything off the counter while Kristen throws the pot of junk into the air [ to clear the evidence ] /
~ Craig convulses and goes still /
~ audience shot of ensuing terror [ audience Bob stays seated and quiet ] /
~ Craig then appears in middle of audience mod slowly rising up w/evil grin /
~ kitchen Bob and Kristen mouths agape stare on surprised [ since dead Craig is at their feet - or on the cleared off counter ] /
~ Craig a la The Prestige says that whoever eats the L.O.P.Z.Z. gets cloned and points accusingly at audience Bob who smirks ( since he tried some earlier in the show ) /
~ fin


EDIT... that's "audience mob" not mod, sorry... ; )

tracerbullet profile pic Alumni

Dr. Cramala: Just kidding. I actually like spicy food. I just wanted to make a funny joke.

Bob: Oh, well you had us scared there for a moment.

Kristen: We're glad to see you're ok.

Dr. Cramala: Thanks. I find humor to truly be the spice of life. It's even better than variety.

Kristen: Actually, I would have to disagree with you there.

Dr. Cramala: That's ok. We're all entitled to our own opinions.

An awkward silence...and then Dr. Cramala collapses to the floor.

Bob: Oh. I guess he wasn't joking after all! Join us next week when we don't kill anyone.

Janitorial staff cleans Dr. Cramala off the floor as the ending music plays.


Dr Cramala eats the mouthful and makes mmm yummy noises while Bob and Kristen look relieved. The camera zooms in to show a bead of sweat rolling down the Drs head and a blurry view of the audience. He then vomits back into the pot and the contents is revealed to be in the shape of Kristen's face. The audience rise to their feet applauding wildly.


Maltzmania profile pic Alumni

those ending expressions are awesome! lol


Dr. Cramala: Mmm, is that a hint of saffron that I taste?
Then, while Kristen happily replies "Why yes, thats actually the secret ingredient, but now that you've revealed it...", Dr. Cramala picks up the pot and pours the food onto his face.


Cramala takes the bit and his head starts to run thru all sort of colors (pink, yellow, white, orange etc.)
Bob & Kristen look at eachother like what the....
Then Cramala starts to howl like a wolf, screech like a bird, bark like a dog, miauw like a cat and eventually starts to gallop in place (like a horse, don't know the exact english word).
Then he farts and a dove comes flying out... another fart makes him take off like a rocket.... KABLAM BOEM BANG!
Bob and Kristen again look weird at eachother like what the...
It ends with Kirsten saying: "CraPala... a bit too spicey!"

(just like the 3 t-shirts they're wearing :)


Bob slaps at the spoon desperately, but it's too late. Craig has already swallowed. He looks fine and then shot of a mushroom cloud. Craig BLOWS UP like a mule stuffed with dynamite.

The audience picks up plastic like kids at a Gallager show and then claps wildly.

Craig's mother is shown off stage, quietly weeping.



Dr. Cramala swallows the spoonful.

Cramala: Mmm... That was pretty zingy.

Bob and Kristen dive at him and try to perform the Heimlich maneuver.

Cramala: Guys, what's wrong? I thought you wanted me to try it?

Kristen: Um, I think my uh.... wedding ring fell in?

Cramala looks puzzled.

Cramala: Well, okay, I mean I guess I'll try to get it out... If you guys don't mind leaving me to my own business... Um... Okay?

Kristen and Bob look at each other in fear.

Bob: I'll go with you! ......... I understand these things. Kristen, could you leave us alone for a moment?

Kristen: Uh, sure, yeah... I guess I'll go...

Kristen looks at Bob anxiously, waiting for further instruction but receiving none. Then she walks away slowly and hesitantly. Once Kristen is gone, Bob looks at Dr. Cramala, who is starting to look ill.

Cramala: Hey, Bob, I'm not feeling too well...

Cramala looks like he is about to vomit, but then hiccups and spits out what appears to be a wedding ring.

Cramala: Gosh, wow, I feel better now!

Bob calls Kristen Back repeatedly and excitedly! Bob takes Kristen aside.

Kristen: Is he okay? What's wrong?

Bob: Is it possible to make diamonds with some metal shavings, basil, and a little bit of love...?


Close up on Dr Cramala's face. He makes a horrid face, refuting the Louisiana one pot Zites-Zinger™ (shot in slow motion). The audience recoils in fear! Then all of a sudden his face returns to normal, "I'm just joking guys, those metal shavings really pack a lot of flavor," Dr. Cramala says.

"Glad you liked it Dr. Cramala" Says Kristen "why don't you tell them what we're making next week Bob"

Camera switches over to just Bob "sure thing, next week we're making..." there's a loud thump, Dr Cramala's on the floor. Kristen and Bob look at each other, shrug, and the camera fades out.


Dr. Cramala tastes the Louisiana One-Pot Zites Zinger, and suddenly, steam starts coming out of his mouth and ears. Bob and Kristen look on in horror as Dr. Cramala grows red in the face and falls to the floor, gasping for air. Bob and Kristen fall down on their knees to help him.

Kristen: Dr. Cramala! Dr. Cramala! What can we do?

Dr. Cramala can barely get his words out from gasping for air.

Dr. Cramala: You must make me something extremely cold to combat the heat of this Louisiana One-Pot Zites Zinger.
Bob: Something... cold?! But this is Heat Wave, the hottest, spiciest cooking show on TV!

Dr. Cramala grabs Bob's shirts and pulls him down, still gasping.

Dr. Cramala: I'm going to die, man!

Bob and Kristen look at each other with determined looks on their faces, and with the audience's applause behind them, they get to work.

They throw everything cold they can find into a pot: ice cubes, frozen meat, frozen peas, ice cream, vodka, and more. The pot has cold smoke coming out of it, and they spoon some and give it to a motionless Dr. Cramala. They sit and wait for a second, then he suddenly springs up!

Dr. Cramala: Woah, what a chill! I think that might've been too much.

He hits his stomach, which lets out a solid CLANG.

Dr. Cramala: Do you have any more of that Zinger?

Bob and Kristen start laughing, and the Doctor follows suit, as does the audience.


First off was the Gog in the back ground??


Dr. Cramal's face changes after he tastes the Louisiana One-Pot Zites Zinger. A stomach noise is heard and he askes for the bathroom.
Then he start to run all the corridors up and down looking fot a bathroom, but one is out of order, the other is being cleaned, so on. We he finally finds one, he "free" himself and then he notices thats there's no toilet paper.

rbthatcher profile pic Alumni

Dr. Cramala spontaniously combusts after tasting the Louisiana One-Pot Zites Zinger.

The sprinkler system turns on and everyone instantly becomes involved in the worlds biggest Wet T-Shirt Contest...forgetting all about Dr. Cramala (who is a pile of ash now).

{Zoom in on pile of ash}

Roll end credits!


As Dr. Cramala takes a bite, Martha and the Vandella's "Heatwave" continues in the background.

Dr. Cramala takes the lead and starts singing the song to the crowd. Everyone joins in for the chorus but the music stops abruptly (maybe have the sound of a record scratch).

Dr. Cramala: No. Seriously. I told you I have a weak stomach!
runs away to bathroom

awkward silence in kitchen/studio as they all watch him run away

Kristen: Now where were we? Oh right!
music starts back up and dance party continues


Scene change! A sign pops up: "Meanwhile, in Dr. Cramala's stomach..."

It's all red and gutsy-looking and ravaged - it looks as if there have been many battles here before. There, sitting around, are three obviously-fatigued braveheart-looking dudes. They're holding axes and swords. They are Dr. Cramala's stomach acid.

Suddenly, the leader looks up, ears perked. "Lads, they come. We may be just three against untold hordes, but we will taste victory this day!" he says in a thick Scottish accent, "Prepare yourselves for BATTLE!"

Suddenly, a silver-surfer-looking guy comes in a, followed by a knight in full armor wielding a mardi gras necklace as a weapon. A small Italian fellow comes in next, followed by a southern-looking guy in overalls with a beard and straw hat. More weird characters follow them - a giant chicken, a robot, etc.

"Quick, men! Get Basil and Cajun Sauce out of here! This doesn't concern them. I'll hold them off while you send them out the back way!"

The two other braveheart guys leap into action, carting off Basil and Cajun Sauce, while lead stomach acid braveheart guy stands firm. "Hooold.... hoooooooold..."

Suddenly, he shouts out and charges, his gleaming sword raised. "GASTROINTESTINAL FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOMMMMM"

The scene freezes as he clashes with the enemy.


Dr. Cramala eats the spoonful.

Bob and Kristen look on in horror.

Dr. Cramala says in an Italian Mafioso accent: I can't believe you fed me this after I told ya i have a weak stomach. I don't like people that do that kinda thing to me.

Dr. Cramala snaps his fingers and two black clad Mafia member come on stage.

Bob and Kristen's eyes widen in fear and the screen fades to black.

dhendy profile pic Staff

Craig becomes ill and lays down on the table. A tiny charlie festa erupts from craig's chest, a la Alien and Space Balls.


Dr. Cramala's entire body turns bright red and he beings to tremble. Bob and Kristen look at each with horrified and confused looks upon there faces as Dr. Cramala trembles uncontrollably. Suddenly Dr. Cramala grabs his stomach with both hands and with a pitiful look on his face lets out an almost inaudible groan, then falls to the floor. Bob rushes over to check on Dr. Cramala, while Kristen just stands there staring at the pot containing the Zietz Zinger, with a puzzled look on her face. She picks up a spoon and tastes the concoction. Then matter-of-factly Kristen says, "I think it could use a little more mercury." Bob with a look of disbelief on his face stares at Kristen.

BaronVonMonkey profile pic Alumni

[Dr Cramala holds the spoon to his mouth]

Speedy Joe, from audience: Dr Cramalaaaa, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Speedy Joe slo-mo dives over the counter, flicking the spoon from Dr C's hand, spattering chilli everywhere, and disappearing behind the counter. Prolonged close-ups of Bob and Kristen's horrified and chillified faces. Long pause.
Joe emerges from behind the counter, covered in chilli, but suddenly donning a big white chef's hat]

Joe: ...SO, join us next week when I'll be making my world famous CRAB CAKES! [audience screams with delight]Thanks to our hosts Bob and Kristen, and our distinguished guest Dr Cramala!
Audience applause

Dr C: Now that's what I call too HOT for tee-V!

[cue uproarious, Brady-Bunch-ending style laughter from everyone, and fade out to zany short'nin bread jingle]

the other festa

As Dr. Cramala is savoring his bite and begins to digest, the camera pans off the set to show our old favorite, Gary the Producer, trying to light a cigarette.

Bob and Kristen begin to scream: Nooooooooo! (in slow motion)

Dr. Cramala farts, the set explodes. Fade to black, roll credits.

If I win, littlem can have the GC. :)


Dr. Cramala: Vow! Dis Louiziana Vone Pot Zeit Zinger vas gut!

Bob: Dr. Cramala? Are you okay?

Dr. Cramala: I am not Dr. Cramala. I am a Terminator. I am a T Negative Vone Dousand model. I have come back from da future to da present to relive da past.

Kristen: That doesn’t make any sense.

Dr. Cramala/Terminator: Are you really going to argue vit somebody vho’s called a Terminator T Negative Vone Dousand?

Kristen: What do you want?

Dr. Cramala/Terminator (nods in the general direction of Bob/ soup): Dat!

At the same time- Bob: the soup? Kristen: the Bob?

Dr. Cramala/Terminator: Come vit me.

Kristen: Have him home before dinner!

Dr. Cramala/Terminator: Da future vaits for no vone’s zupper!

Bob sneezes

Dr. Cramala/Terminator: Gesundheit! Ve go now.

Dr. Cramala/Terminator grabs Bob’s arm to lead him off stage.

Kristen looks dumbfounded.

Kristen: Well, that’s all the time we have today for Heat Wave! One last round of applause for Bob and Dr.-er-Termniator T Negative Vone… whatever! Aufwiedersehen!


if you have a weak stomach or irritable bowel syndrome you might experience the following: Weakening of the knees, sharting, the need to change underwear, the need to wear dark color pants, dizziness, blurred vision, sudden combustion, loss of tongue, a burning sensation in your esophugas, chorizo fever. If any of these systems last longer than 4 hours consult your physician immediately.


he swallows, and everything seems to be fine. They congratulate each other on a job well done, and prepare to end the show.
Then, suddenly, Craig begins to glow a deep radioactive green and convulses, dropping behind the counter! Kristen and Bob scream with terror and jump up on top of the counter to "safety".
Craig rises from the floor, but he is no longer Craig, he is THE ANAMORPHIC T-SHIRT BLOOB OF DOOM!!!!
Craig the T-Shirt monster then proceeds to devourer Kirsten while Bob runs away.


Dr. Cramala nods to the audience after he takes the bite, looking content/impressed, but then steam comes out of his ears and he blasts off into space like a rocket. The audience looks flabbergasted. Kristen shrugs and says, "that's all for today, folks!" END


Dr. Cramala instantly dies, as he is allergic to the dirt in the recipe.
In a panic, Kristen, Bob and the audience don't know what to do, they decide to make a pact not to talk to the police.
After a long night with the hacksaw, they dump the body into the nearest lake.
Exactly one year from the day Dr. Cramala was killed his body turns up in the lake. Suddenly people in the audience start disappearing, only to be found days later dead with a mouthful of this same recipe.
Turns out it isn't Dr. Cramala's angry spirit doing the killing, but Kristen, who suspects somebody in the audience will babble to the police. She murders everybody, explains herself to Bob and offs him too. After realizing what she had just done, she turns a gun onto herself.



Suddenly the lights dim and the screens wipes to the ending of mario bros 2,it was all just a crazy pizza fueled mario dream.

The End


In Discovery Channel style, we follow the food pieces into the stomach, where they are represented by people dressed in terrible costumes.

Mercury and Metal Shavings bust out their guitars and start playing some loud thrash metal (seeing as they are so very metal), and the other ingredients start a mosh pit in the stomach.

Things get a little too crazy, and the Indigestion Bouncers forceable usher everyone back out, the same way they came in.

Cut back to the kitchen and Dr. Cramala throws up the ingredients (still in costumed human form).

Everyone looks a little confused, until Mercry and Metal Shavings strike up another song to play us out.


Dr. Cramala: Eats a Spoonful as Bob and Kristen star in horror at what is about to happen

He falls to the floor and suddenly arises to find he is no longer wearing 'Animals with Eyepatches! Yes!' Shirt anymore but a plain white shirt!

All three stare down at the shirt and suddenly scream!

Bob: Our recipe must erase threadless prints!

Dr. Cramala: Gasps

Kristin: Quick we must find a way to get ride of it!

Bob: The garbage?

Kristin: No! It must be destroyed!

All three run with the bowl off of the stage looking for a place to dispose it.

They run outside

Bob: We could pour it out here.

Kristin: It may erase nature as we know it!

Next scene: Kristin, Bob and Dr. Cramala staring into a toilet.

Kristin: Let's hope this is the last of this recipe...


as he eats the food steam shoots out of his ears, his face turns red, his head starts to expand he lets out a shreak, like a kettle thats finally boiled until suddenly he explodes in a scanners style head explosion drenching Bob and Kristin.

Bob: Hmm... probably could use a bit more salt.


Dr. Camala takes a bite, and in the beginning he enjoys it.
But seconds later he starts gaging and coughing.

He asks Kristen and Bob what's in it.
They start naming off some really random ingredients.

Kristen: Well there's a necklace, cash, beans...
Dr. Camala: BEANS! I'm allergic to beans.
Bob: Oh No, what's going to happen!?
Dr. Camala: Pretty soon i'll... i'll... ill.. (Throws up, hits the floor)
When he comes up, he turns into Festa.

(Bob, and Kristen are in shock)
(Festa as Dr. Camala, then slides the pot over to him and begins eating from it.)

-The End-


[Kristen and Bob cannot make a sound before Dr. Cramala takes a bite]

Dr. C [taking a bite]: It's --

[Dr. C freezes and stares in the distance, chewing slowly and methodically. After 3 seconds, the scene cuts to the crowd, who are frozen in terror, then cuts back to Dr. C, who stares/chews for another 3 or 4 seconds. K and B remain speechless.]

Dr. C [breaking his gaze and shrugging]: --it's ok. [walks off screen]

[K and B slowly break their horrified expression. Cut to the crowd, who are bewildered, and then back K and B]

K [awkwardly]: Alright then... thank you, Dr. Cramala...

[K and B look at one another. B tries to cram the last second of the show with as much canned enthusiasm as possible.]

B: Well, folks, that's it for today! Tune in next time when we make Louisiana TWO-Pot Zites Zinger! It's going to be another episode you don't want to miss on the hottest, spiciest show on TV...

[B glances at K, who decides to join in on the canned enthusiasm.]


[Crowd cheers.]


Kristen: Oh no...but we left out the curried tarantula legs on purpose.

Dr. Cramala: In that case, I should be fine, pass me the ladle!

Before he takes a sip from the mixture
Bob: It goes great with jolokia corn bread - jolokia is the hottest chili pepper in the world! (Passes a square to Dr. Cramala while talking).

(Cramala takes a smal bite)

Kristen: It's hot, but it's a dry heat. Just like Baton Rouge!

Cut to Dr. Cramala - his face goes red, steam rises, as he keels over.

Kristen: Is there a doctor in the house?

Kristen and Bob are now wearing threadless t-shirts that include references to heat/flame /spices/cooking - anything related to the gag.


Dr. Cramala swallows the spicy bite and gets a panicked look in his eyes and then spews out the the final ingredient:

animals from his Animals with Eyepatches Yes shirt into the pot

The animals could flow off the shirt out of his mouth leaving the shirt solid grey with no print.


Dr. Cramala takes a taste, looks worried, but then perks up and says that he loves it. Kristen and Bob look at each other and Bob takes a taste. They say it's great too. Then Kristen takes a taste, also liking it. But suddenly Dr, Cramala drops to the floor, then bob. Kristen: "Oh crap"


Suddenly the TV went black out.....Gosh!!! So I have no idea what has just happened to Dr.Cramala!!! God saves him!!!! =)

THE END......


Dr. Cramala tastes a bit of the One-Pot Zites Zinger (camera shooting Bob and Kristen horrified and shocking face) and after like a half second Dr. says : "omg....i love this soooooo much, how do you actually do it? i think it's really good. come on u guys get a try it's great..." (a mid shot of all 3 people then a close shot to Bob & Kristen of how they freak out )

The audiences make a big noise and everyone clapping and shouting " Try it! Try it! Try it! Try it!"
(camera moves to the big crowd, all the audiences stand up in a hyper mode making noises)

Bob and Kristen have no excuse not to taste a spoonful of the Zites Zinger. They pick the spoon very unwillingly and look like do-i-really-have-to-eat-this-shit? Dr. Cramala gives a hand to feed them. Their face turn red then white and fall on the floor.

Dr. Cramala laughes with his stomach and then the camera give a close up shot to the spoonful size of Zites Zinger left over on the floor (the bite that Dr. Cramala spited .)


Bob and Kristen: Stop!

Dr. Cramala: Don't worry, I'm just kidding. I love spicy food.

takes a bite, begins to gag But I'm allergic to Giraffe!

Kristen: Good thing the secret ingredient is an epi-pen!

She takes out an epi-pen to wild applause from the audience. Bob jabs Dr. Cramala with it, helps him up.

Dr. Cramala: Wow, that recipe sure has some kick!

everyone laughs


Craig/Greg dies, cue Ross' face just really happy and smiley instead of changing from sullen to happy like in the rest of the video.


it was so spicy that his ears steamed and he turned into devil shimala and grew horns

the end!


The taster lists all of the ingredients, ALL of them. flawlessly.

then the chefs say, yep.

that would be funny. i think.


Dr. cramala goes to eat the plethora of products in the pot when he hears a faint whim. the faint whim is coming from the pot. Dr. Cramala asks the pot to speak up. the pot replies....

Pot: my name is Jamba. Jamba Laya

Dr. Cramala: Why do you have an african accent?

Jamba: because i contain all the heat from africa.

Cr. cramala: ooohhhh, why are you speaeking to me?

Jamba: because you are eating my child mon. Id appreciate it if you would put him back

Dr. cramala: ok, im sorry. i didnt mean to eat your freakish food babies.

Jamba: thank you mon

DR. cramala: no problem dude

Audience, kristen and bob: awwwwwww


(BOB & KRISTEN continuing there shocked faces)

Upon tasting the Louisiana Zeit Zinger, DR. CRAMALA's mouth starts getting hot and starts to unleash deadly flagellence (spelling?).

Unlike any burping, along with the stench, red fumes start appearing.

The lethargic smell and and disgusting fumes make everyone in the audience faint.

Luckily, Kristen and Bob keep Gas Masks unter the kitchen island, in case any of this happens.

After the camera is kept rolling, shocked & confused faces overcome the hosts, with them thinking.. "we should of tested this out first."

After a few minutes of Dr. Cramala freaking out by this weird instance. He takes this syrienge and sticks this anecdote that gives him normalcy after 5 seconds of injecting.

Still shocked and confused Kristen and Bob look at eachother, take off their gas masks, then look at the camera and say...


"Now, that was a great show! We will see you next week when we introduce our new recipe stellar sausage stew."

They all start waving to the camera & home audiences, with a big smile.

---- optional ending.

fades in to a couple (Josh & Crystel) at their brother's home watching the program.. & them looking at eachother.

Josh: "That was so so..... COOL!"

Crystel: "We should definately try that with your brother!"

......... black screen appears. Credits... THE END!

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