Incident on a wire

I think I was walking along the road when I saw

birds on a wire and got this inspiration. Or I might

have had a dream....

Watch this
withoutego

I think I was walking along the road when I saw
birds on a wire and got this inspiration. Or I might
have had a dream....

Happyleaf

Good idea, but the art needs a lot of work.

epika pubika

good idea but to lined up and symmetrical for my taste

withoutego

I do need to loosen up. I got programmed into this regularity
and symetery doing editorial cartoons. I also need to work on
the anti-aliasing (jagged edges) . Im trying to do this without
Illustrator (Im using PaintshopPro7) .

Thanks for the look. w/o ego

SugarCookie

I love this, it is hilarious, but perhaps it would look better if the birds were rounder and with less angles. Also, maybe use a pale blue shirt for the background (I know that kills the subtelty a bit as you'd have to use a separate screenprint color for the poo, but white tshirts are just kind of bleh to me.)

Neon Samurai

I like the concept but I think it'd definitely benefit from being a bit less regular in terms of composition and spacing.

professorE

I keep saying it. Poop shirts don't seem to do well here.

withoutego

Sugar,
Ya, I need to use something other than white as background.
Light blue would work well. Im trying to figure out the
logistics ot threadless right now and might be neglecting
some of the details. (such as shirt color)

My next design will be darker, that seems to be a popular
quality of the stuff being voted up. The NYT story about
threadless that put me onto this site said there was a
tendency for designers to "sync" up their esthetic, stuff
tending to look more and more alike. But...what market
place doesn't do that ?

w/o ego

jessibowtf

hahahhahah fix it up and you have a print for sure!! $4. change shirt color, red or blue?

asianinvasion28

i like the idea but the design needs some work...made me laugh...4

fouchnickens

withoutego, the design idea is brillant -- it just needs some tweaks to put this over the top. These are just some suggestions I have for this (and I hope if it doesn't score highly this time, you will consider revamping and re-submitting this):

-- Duotone/monochrome does not have to be just black and white! So many designs get bagged because of the bland color scheme. For color suggestions, Kuler and ColorBlender can be of great help.

-- I think placing the last row of birds on the ground (possibly feeding) and increasing the space between the victim and offender would increase the visual humor while immediately familiarizing the situation to the viewer.

-- Do try to individualize each bird slightly, to heighten the visual interest. Since this is very reminiscent of wood block style, I would add a wing accentuation to one, maybe have another falling asleep (half-eye), etc.

-- I think it would be funny if one of the birds said "You're in luck!" or whatever it is people say when you get dumped on by a bird (I can't recall the actual saying because I was pissed off that a bird had taken a dump on my hand, which was holding a $6 cup of ice cream at the time).

Good luck, and welcome aboard! I hope to see more work from you soon...

fouchnickens

PS: the birds on the wire should have talons to show that they are perching on the wire... not "standing on the ground."

withoutego

Fouchnickens,
Thank you for a well put critique. I will look at the two links for
color. Yes, the little feet should wrap around the wire, just a couple
of lumps at the end of the legs would show that.

Lots of people want to break up the symmetry in various ways. by
having the wire sag under each foot, birds looking in several directions,
and your thought... different feathers.

Someone pointed out that two of the musical notes were "backward".
This is a very old cartoon "icon" for whistling. The person pointing
this out reads music (I don't) so to them it shouts ERROR.

If I miss the cut in the voting do I get to make changes and resubmit?

As for seeing more from me, count on it. I draw every day...might as
well make it pay. Also the challenge is great, nailing the audiance's
attention with just the right graphic idea, Thanks for the comments.

w/o ego

withoutego

JESS

I'm thinking light blue (pastel blue, egge shell blue) for the shirt now.
Maybe with dark blue birds and an off white for the... "substance"

w/o ego

fouchnickens

If I miss the cut in the voting do I get to make changes and resubmit?

Yes, provided that substantial changes are made. I would also wait about a week or two before a resub and make sure to acknowledge it in your first post. Threadless folks can get understandably annoyed when they don't see a difference between designs, yet the designer continues to essentially post the same design.

Another way to get feedback on designs is to submit them to the critique section first (look under the blog forums). You can receive feedback there immediately without waiting for your design to post in competition.

melancholia

i like it, but i agree...make the changes.
but not baby blue...sooooo many shirts are baby blue right now.

withoutego

Well thanks for that !

heyheyitsme

hey, maybe i'm slow (i'll admit that!) but i just didn't get it at all till i read down in some comments. someone mentioned not wanting to lose the "subtlety", but i personally think a blue background would look good with white poo. it's too subtle for us "slow" folk...!

Jenn1982

Good idea and I agree with the comments above

withoutego

Heyheyitsme Its not you, my ex looked at the design
and didn't get it right off....and she's pretty smart. But
to me one of the effects that makes something interesting
to the viewer is the "work" the mind has to do to make
sense of it.

Thanks for looking...

kiyofurikake

lol...

it really made me laugh! ^^

i'd love to get one for my brother... $5

marcuz_lay

i think the simplicity of the design works in its favour. it helps deliver the humour effectively...

great shirt!

Miss Haha

hilarious! with a few fixes it'll be a $ for sure. nice work!

applegary

This is DEFINITELY my Monday shirt! Nice jarb!!

Merzi

Gross, I like it. I really like how it looks on a t-shirt. Black and white always look nice, and the horizontal lines look awesome!

withoutego

Thanks for the positive comments (the critique is good).
I look at it and wonder what I could have done different. But...
at some point I had to declare victory and move on to the
next design. My target is one up for vote each week. Trying
for perfection bogs things down...so I shoot for perfect and
accept great!

My favorite designs (my oun) are seldom the public's favorites.

w/o ego

Gaff

I like but the singing bird should have its beak open.

lisichka

omg!! hilarious i luv it!!!!

i agree- you need to make each bird different and use blue for back ground. ID BUY IT $5

PhoenixPatronus

i only understood that the white area was bird crap after a minute of thinking about the title. i looove the idea, but you need to put more drawing skill into it. for instance, the wires don't look like wires, and the poop doesn't look like poop.

withoutego

Nobody's ever told me my poop didn't look like poop, but...you
might be right. I will investigate, we have sea gulls where I live....

as for the other stuff, artistic license (chapter 5, para 18 - 24)

sin ego

katymackenzie

i really like the idea but the birds could be cuter or sth!

withoutego

when do I get the word that I havn't made the cut
so I can come back with cute birds, color and most
of the above suggestions?

sin ego

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