Complete Girly Guide to Shoplifting
Complete Girly Guide to Shoplifting
Disclaimer: The following text is intended for informational purposes only. The author and/or editors cannot be held responsible for any action taken from the information provided in this text. By reading the information, you agree to not hold the author responsible for your possibly retarded actions.
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What NOT TO DO:
1. Don't steal or scam small Mom & Pop shops, that's just mean.
2. Don't get greedy.
3. Don't make a fuss.
4. Don't use the "Magic Bag" method, it's too risky.
Why It's Easier To Shoplift and Scam as a Woman:
1. Women are expected to carry around purses, especially since large bags are usually in style. Whereas, a man coming in with a bag or backpack is more likely to look suspicious.
2. It's more accepted for a woman to do shopping in places like Wal-Mart or ShopRite because men simply assume that women are the ones to take care of the household. Men doing the shopping are suspicious unless he has a girlfriend/wife with him.
3. Women are expected to be calm, law-abiding, and non-threatening.
4. Women can wander for hours and hours from aisle to aisle. Men just want to get in and get out. If you have a tail, it's easier to exhaust them by just wandering and wandering, making them believe that you're just a regular shopper.
5. Women can claim to be pregnant or ill if they have to make a run for the escape or the bathroom.
6. Sexual harassment. Love it or hate it, no retail store wants to be slapped with a lawsuit if an associate grabs your arm or asks to look in your purse.
Shoplifting in Mega-Retail Stores
Wal-Mart, Big-K, Target, and all other massive retail stores are slowly sucking the lifeblood out of your local economy. These large retail stores also mistreat women, minorities and young people.
As a woman, we have every single right to go in and rob the fuckers blind. Large chains mark-up their prices anyway to compensate for the loss of products by theft. So, you're just taking what honest customers have already paid for! I've worked at Wal-Mart as an overnight associate for a while, so I'll try and bestow upon you some other tips to avoid getting caught and make a smooth getaway.
There are many ways to shoplift; this article merely illustrates the ones that have worked for me. I would strongly encourage doing a couple of small hits first before you go in for the big ones. You will be nervous the first couple of times, but take it slow, and only take small things at first. You can also research into other methods of shoplifting or use the tips in this article and modify them to suit your needs.
The entire process starts at home. Even though we all hate it, Wal-Mart is a very conservative society, it can border on Nazi, I think. But, for the process of screwing the man, you have to dress the part. You want to dress nicely, but not overly nicely. Dressing too fancy will attract too much attention to you. Honestly, why would a woman in a fur coat be pushing a cart around? But you don't want to dress too much like a hobo, even though some of those women at Wal-Mart give me the complete heebie-jeebies. I prefer a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a sweater (not a college sweater or a hoodie). I live up in the mountains, so the weather here can stay pretty chilly for a while. On the other hand, if you live in a warmer climate, it'll be that much harder (but not too hard) to get things. I usually wear my coat buttoned up even inside the store, because it's not particularly heavy.
Avoid bulky clothes as they will be too hot to wear inside and will look suspicious. Wear something that a girl would normally wear to go shopping, something a little fitted so people could look at you and see that you can't possibly stuff a CD down your low-riders (unless you have a HUGE vagina).
Put on some make-up, do your hair and look like every other sheep member of society. Remember, the less you stick out, the better.
Your most valuable asset in this entire endeavor. Large purses are usually in style. Do NOT use backpacks, messenger bags or any bags with cumbersome flaps/zippers; clutches, or any small purse, as they are not very useful. Obtain a large purse that can easily stand upright, has a snap-button closure at the top and has interior pockets.
Inside this purse you will need:
1. Your "shopping list". List first the fake things that you will pick up (more on this later), then the things that you are going to be lifting.
2. You cell phone, if you have one. This is important because it gives you a reason to go into your purse to "check the time or see if you have a call".
3. Your car keys, unless you walked there.
4. Your wallet with credit cards or enough money to pay for what you're lifting. If someone stops you and says that you have to pay, you can show that you have enough money, and that way can't admit to the guilt of stealing by having enough cash and incriminate yourself.
5. A scarf or pair of gloves. Wear the scarf or gloves into the store, take them off when you come in and stuff it into the purse. It's a good way to cover up your boosted goods.
6. A box cutter or other type of knife.
The Starting Gate (Wal-Mart, Kmart and Target stores)
Things to Keep In Mind:
1. There are always cameras, but not all of them are operational.
2. Assume all cameras are operational.
3. You will be nervous, but never look up directly at a camera; it is obvious and will easily be seen.
4. Scout for cameras by pretending to look at upper shelves.
Walk to the store if possible. Walking reduces your chance of being caught after getting the goods out of the store. If you have to drive, park in a neighboring parking lot. Most big retail stores are situated in plazas that contain other stores. Grab a shopping cart and place your purse in the child’s basket. Make sure it is unbuttoned and ready to go. Once inside the store, smile to the Greeters and be polite.
Take off your scarf or gloves and put them in the purse and begin your little boosting. At first, do your primary shopping. Go to the grocery section first and grab some cereal, some sugar, milk, rice, a sack of potatoes; the usual womanly stuff. I usually like to browse the spices aisle for a long time, because I like spices and I pick out the ones I want to boost. $5 for a tiny bottle of mint extract? No thank you. If I want certain expensive food items, I’ll put them in the child’s basket with my purse, and continue shopping.
Go grab a package of toilet paper, tissues, and maybe some chips and salsa. Make sure to root into your purse to check your cell phone and “shopping list”.
Now it’s time to get the things we want to boost. Me, I usually go for make-up, herbal vitamins and remedies, hair products, skin products, etc. I’m a girl, but being a girl is too expensive. Head for the make-up aisle and get the things you want. Want the shiny pigments for $12 a bottle? Put it in the child’s basket. Anything you want to lift put in the child’s basket next to your purse. Now, leave the aisles after you’ve made all your boost shopping.
Rules on what to take:
1. Never take more than you’re comfortable with.
2. Don’t take huge bottles of shampoo, those are awkward.
3. Anything that you can discreetly slip into your purse (you’ll get better with time). Don’t attempt larger items until you know you’re ready.
Now, head for the clothing aisle. There are a lot less cameras in the clothes section, especially next to the women’s dressing room. At this point, you’re going to transfer the items in your child’s basket into the purse that’s in the child’s basket. There’s a small art to it. Grab the item and slightly tuck it into the sleeve of your coat or jacket, then drop it into your purse like you’re getting your wrist.
Always keep moving, checking things out, and don’t worry too much about the cameras. They will make you nervous, but that’s their point. Ignore them and still keep very discreet. Keep doing this until you transfer all your goods into your purse. Remember to rearrange your scarf or gloves to cover the goods.
If You Are Followed
1. It’s not a theft until you’ve left the store. They can’t harass you until you actually attempt to leave with the item unpaid.
2. Undercover customers wander, but they have walkie-talkies and pants belted up to their nipples. Totally easy to spot.
3. If you hear the crackle of a walkie-talkie from an endcap, most of the time you’re shopping, then you’re most likely being followed.
4. Pay attention to the announcements. If a Wal-Mart associate sees you shoplifting and actually CARES (as they are trained to), they will make an announcement.
5. Announcements sound something like, “Department 64 to Women’s Apparel. Department 64 to Women’s Apparel.” Department 64, or 79, or 70 is usually the undercover cop they have for hire. If you hear a department being paged to the place where you are, move your ass.
6. If you know you’re being followed, it’s best to dump everything right there and leave. They can’t arrest you for “attempting” to steal and they can’t accuse you of stealing, because it “hurts the customer’s feelings”.
7. If you’re determined to steal, then continue wandering and shopping for a long time. Eventually they’ll have to give up and continue monitoring the rest of the store.
Making The Lift
Now, you’re a woman, you’ve been shopping and transferring purchases from cart to your purse and you want to pee! Assuming you haven’t been followed, go to the back restroom or the one in the front. Leave your cart full of items next to the bathroom, grab your stuffed purse and head into the bathroom. Grab whatever available stall, drop trou, and put your purse in your lap.
The thing that send off the beeping gates are the barcodes, they’re magnetized. Some items have a rectangular white strip stuck on with super-strong adhesive. You now have to go about the task of removing all the barcodes and magnetic strips from every item. Even if an item has the barcode printed on decorative plastic that makes up the label and instructions of the item, you have to remove it. Take make-ups out of their boxes and peel the plastics. Put the stripped items back into your purse under the gloves or scarf.
The women’s stalls usually have little personal trashcans for tampons and pads. You can dump the barcodes and strips in there. If not, flush some of them down the toilet. Stuff some into the sleeves of your sweater and then dump the rubbish into the trashcan when no one’s around.
Go back outside and grab your cart. If someone grabbed your cart, well then your job is already done for you! If not, take the cart, wheel it into some abandoned grocery aisle, dump it and leave.
Once you abandon your cart, exit out the opposite entrance you came in. Large retail stores may have up to four exits; take any one of them except the one you came in through.
Walk to your car or start walking home. Don’t inspect your purchases in the parking lot. Drive off calmly, and let the adrenaline seep out.
You did it! You just lifted some good stuff! Remember not to frequent the same store each time, rotate them.
Remember, the author and/or editors are not responsible for any actions you take based on this article. It is purely for informational purposes only. Feel free to e-mail me tips or suggestions or hate to firstname.lastname@example.org or post them right here!