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Horoscope Catastrophe

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Horoscope Catastrophe by ArTrOcItY on Threadless
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I'm Sagittarius, what sign are you?

''Mean Horoscope''

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

Pieces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - Apr 22) You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (Apr 23 - May 22) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamed communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a crap. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and annot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while doing it. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of crap.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickencrap. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.


Nice one! Loved reading the explanations! I am a Gemini! hahaha...I didn't know I am a bisexual! hehehe

L-M-N-O-P profile pic Alumni

So awesome.

soloyo profile pic Alumni

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot.

I would be insulted if it wasn't so funny and kind of true :-)

5$ with descriptions please!

melanies felony

most libra women are whores! you get a 5 just for that. I am upset to hear that I'll die fo venereal disease but feel smug that I don't thrive on incest like a those filthy Geminis


Yah good but Leo seems to be administering oral pleasure to the nearest pussy he can find. That has to count for nice and not mean. nicely done ;)


Very cool!


Very nice!!

gebe profile pic Alumni

Original description, I always thought that people consider me an idiot, and now I finally understand why xD uahahahaha great!

GRANDR profile pic Alumni

Haha... i am cancer...great work!!

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