i like that it's just a couple of lines, and the picture itself is much nicer than so many of these other shirts, but it just doesn't work for me - too big, too confusing, too un-iconic for a t-shirt i guess.
I loved the onriginal piece you posted there, but I think you couldv'e adapted it better to fit a shirt. IMO, just use the guy and the window. No room lines or key. It would still make a good design without those elements. Good colors.