UnPrintable: the first in a series of three.

May 30 \'05 by pseudonymjones
HOW TO GET A DESIGN PRINTED ON THREADLESS
STEP ONE: Go to the supermarket. Bring a felt-tipped pen.
STEP TWO: Draw smiley faces on food products.
STEP THREE: Continue until you get an idea for a submission.
STEP FOUR: Remove your pants to allow the Threadless voters to lick your genitals.

I posted this handy guide over a year ago and it has brought success to so many people. The supermarket has been intellectually mined to the point of complete depletion and now we, the valiant shirt designers, must cast our gaze to more exotic food items. And what food is more exotic than anglicized Chinese take-out? My favorite is Chicken and Broccoli (comes with complimentary egg roll, soy sauce, and pork-fried rice! All the food groups!) so it is no surprise that it was in this dish that I found creative inspiration. Enjoy \"Combination Platter.\" Chinese food has never been so filling.

I am Pseudonym Jones and this is UnPrintable.

FIRST COMMENT!!!! :D

BEST FOOD PORNOGRAPHY DESIGN EVER.

ps- FIVE DOLLARS

I am Pseudonym Jones and this is UnPrintable.

Will you marry me?

Lmao, awesome.

I love that the soy spilled some liquid

that chicken looks like ron jeremy. good job.

hahaha finally, some competition!

I was hoping you'd like it, Bananaphone.

you sicken me with your filth.

$5

I want this.
All over me.

5!

lol 5!

awesome 5$

I absolutely love you. When will this be airing on fox?

When does the video come out on DVD?

$5

FOODPORN!! love it, hahaha $5

Fuckin Rockin. Love Love Love. $5 twice over.

incredible, one of the most original design ive ever seen


did I mention I was blind until I had corrective surgery this morning?

but seriously 5$

haha awesome, orange is my favorite :)

love the orange
$5
great illustration style

MONGOLIAN CHICKEN PLEASE.

so fucking good

ahhh SWEET...and sour
very strange and wonderful...

[see everyone a quality food design that doesnt require a freakin face...hahaha]

gotta love that fortune...lol

This had me laughing so hard I was literally crying.

I love you pseudonym!

hahahahahahahaha
instant-cult! will come back in a couple of weeks to buy your shi(r)t

ps - maybe a HARDCORE version with additional fries

This is incredible, every color combo is the same. Print it, fuckers!

Threadless, I want you to realize I am BRANDISHING MY FIST

HEARTILY

IN A THREATENING MANNER

Too long have I gone without raunchy food drawings blazing proudly across my chest.

PS: "blazing" instead of "emblazoned" was 100% intentional and I expect this piece of glory to sprout flames.

Oh wow.. 5

this is sooo printable..awesome!

Yup, I'd wear it. For the love of God, don't print this on orange. It doesn't go well with my skin tone.

Love the Mongolian Chicken version, and the back. :)

I've never wanted a submission to win so badly. MUST be printed & I'll buy two, guaranteed.

Brown with pink = perfect combo & somehow more dirty, in the right way.

Yeah.. Yeah, I'd wear it.

great job! $5

ja, das ist filthy!

$5

yay, it says vote zero dollars now!

like genius stuff mang.

hahaha!!! $5!

i can't wait for the third series

awesome

wow. mr jones, maybe you should settle down. start voting down stuff you don't like.

yeah, i'm totally voting $0 for all of your designs the contrast of it sucks but i'd buy it is spectacular! that will surely confuse the threadless employees. i can see it now "dollar sign? check. rating? zero... what the hell? my brain hurts." yep, exactly like that. genius.

I like this.

5

lovely...

Present them. (your genitals)
$5 for dirty dirty design
$55555555 for comment

I love the back! awesome =)

yup yup yup 5$

... is it interacial?

pseu, i think this is HI-larious.
i read your little story and i am like, "yes. it is a food-with-faces sub, minus the face. har de har!"


"...waitaminute... wassat thingy on the egg roll??"


"...OMG!!!"
*snorts tea out nose*


i would have liked to see some motion lines, you know? to show the rhythm of the chicken...
(well, there's the first time i have ever used "rhythm" and "chicken" in the same sentence.)

Haha. Hell yeah.

i love all the color combinations! $5

This one is easier to like then the period one. I really like your style, and I totally understand how this "unprintable" deal makes you feel cool, but would you consider making something sweet that we could possibly actually acquire? I mean this ones possible I think, but not Jill. 5

I know at least 4 other people who need this shirt. Therefore in all justice I should be able to score this a $25.

wow, this. its amazing. im stunned and a little offended. i couldnt get this because i would feel a little dirty to say the least, but good job you made me piss my pants laughing.

You know Threadless too well, my friend.

"Moo Goo Gai Pan" color version is awesome! 5$

HYPOTHESIS: Threadless voters vote for food because they are hungry.

nasty but nice

YUMMY $5

A Chinese couple is in bed one night, when the man gives his wife an elbow and says, "May-Ling, how about a little 69. I'm in the mood for some 69."

"Shut-up and go back to sleep," groans his wife.

"Come on, you know I like 69, and for that matter, so do you!"

"What time is it?"

"1:30."

"You want me to get up at this hour and make beef and broccoli for the two of us?"

Wow!!! Love it! Good job!

sweet and sour please! $7.95

Spicy curry all the way!!!



XD I thought it was a burrito at first... /._.\

HAHA...wow

hehehe.

nice

Original and well-drawn... humorous... I might consider buying this.

NOTE: I DID NOT LICK YOUR GENITALS, YOU MONSTROUS COW!

brilliant

hahaa! can I buy you along with it?

sick, but tricky

i love this.. in all the colour combos!

I COMPLETELY MISSED THE 'BACK' DESIGN UNTIL JUST NOW.

If I could vote this any higher, I would.

To everyone who would want to wear a t-shirt of a chicken fucking a stalk of broccoli: I'm sorry.

I've failed you.

hey threadless staff, here's one you need to print. pronto.