http://www.threadless.com/ Fri, 11 Dec 2009 06:40:44 -0600 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:10:40 -0500 WARNING! Long-winded, nonsensical rant ahead.

Dear NBC,

Thank you for at long last tipping your hand and revealing to the world that talent shows are rigged.

This, and only this, explains how Kevin Skinner just won America's Got Talent.

I will give Mr. Skinner all the credit in the world; his audition performance was pretty good. Not great, good. Unfortunately, all the passion and emotion he was praised for in his audition dissolved in subsequent performances. I'd even go as far as saying they got worse each stage of the competition. His rendition of "You Are Always On My Mind" was flat and lifeless, and the less said about his version of "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" the better.

Any other season, any other contestant, this would have gotten the guy a sound tongue-lashing from Piers (whose characteristic douchebaggery would in this case be justified) and voted off the show. Yet week in and week out Skinner was praised by the judges as an "instant star" and a "front-runner".

And tonight, standing side-by-side with Barbara Padilla, a more interesting personality to say nothing of her superior singing ability, his mediocrity was rewarded with one million dollars and a Las Vegas show.

I can understand the reasoning: Kevin Skinner is a good ol' boy whose home situation made for a great rags-to-riches story; a classic coming to fruition of the American Dream. And this in itself wouldn't be so bad if it was backed up by his actual talent, which is just plain sorely lacking.

So allow me to recap: you passed up a photogenic opera singer, the reincarnation of Barry White, a raunchy senior citizen stand-up act, and a batsh*t insane mile-a-minute drum act, for a chicken catcher with an okay voice at best who sings like he's not even trying and sounds it too.

The only reason I keep watching NBC at this point is Conan O'Brien.

And Chuck.

And Law & Order.

And SVU.

...

...Ah, f*ck it.]]> Tue, 08 Sep 2009 01:10:29 -0500
Contest details are here. Here's my entry:


9 - Luxo the Destroyer by ~shokxone-studios on deviantART]]> Fri, 14 Aug 2009 00:54:45 -0500
"District 9" strikes one of those great balances of brains and spectacle that we don't get nearly as often as we should. D9 not only presents a startlingly bleak "what if" scenario of first contact, but provides enough slam-bang visuals to put many a major blockbuster to shame.

The movie is presented at first in a mockumentary style, then dips into a straight narrative, and hops back and forth a few times as events play out. This is the style I hope the eventual "World War Z" film would take, and after seeing it put to such amazing use here, I'd recommend handing the project to Neill Blomkamp and co. Along with newsreel and documentary footage, the action has something of a Paul Greengrass feel while inserting some stylish action shots, including a "gunbarrel POV" steadicam effect that I grew quite fond of.

The action is centered on Wikus (Sharlto Copley), an agent of the MNU assigned to handle the relocation of the residents of District 9, nicknamed "prawns" by the human race (and rightfully so, as they look like distant relatives of Zoidberg). Wikus starts out as a smiling bureaucrat, happily joining in on the humiliation and oppression of the alien refugees. His turnaround starts as he's exposed to a strange chemical that turns him into an enemy of the state, forcing him back to D9 for help. The film is cast entirely with unknowns, making everything that transpires all the easier to accept, as you're focusing on the story rather than the actors, although I bet Copley will be hard-pressed to stay anonymous if this movie makes the big bucks I hope it will. He handles the character with a certain slimy charm and goofiness as the film begins, turning slowly but surely into a believable reluctant hero, while remaining imperfect person; he's first driven by company loyalty, then by selfishness to cure his new-found "condition", resulting in some realistically bad decisions on his part. Only at the very end does he become a truly noble character, and it's here the film slips precariously into cliche and sap, but with all the fireworks going off at the story's climax, you're likely to forgive a misstep or two.

Effects-wise the film also shines. The prawns' CGI is highly-detailed and surprisingly emotive; you never quite get the sense they're really there, but certainly that there's a living on-screen presence, especially in scenes in which no humans are involved. Also of note are the alien weapons, including a hulking cyber-suit that plays a central part in a thunderous shootout. Imagine an upgraded version of Ripley's power loader from "Aliens" and you'll have a good sense of the sh*t this thing tears up.

The aliens' hand weapons are of importance to the film's subplot, in which government researchers and black market dealers (led by a super-creepy guy in a wheelchair with ambitions of consuming the aliens' power through consumption) collect and test the machinery, though they can only be activated by prawn DNA. Once we see this stuff in action, the film earns its R rating faster than Donald Trump earns your annual salary. There are few greater joys in cinema than a theater full of people reacting in unison to something sick happening on screen, and such was the case as human bodies were literally turned to greasy red smears on the ground and walls.

I love watching stuff blow up, and I love movies that can make me think; if I can get the two hand-in-hand, all the better. "District 9" reminded me a great deal of "Children of Men" in its themes and filmmaking style, and in my humble opinion can happily take a place next to it on the list of great 21st-century sci-fi flicks.

P.S. Dear Hollywood: Let Jackson and Blomkamp make "Halo" already.]]> Tue, 16 Jun 2009 15:37:39 -0500
In between shirt designs, one of my hobbies is designing fake movie posters. I've made posters for stuff like The Dark Tower, Halo, 1984, and recently for the upcoming 23rd James Bond movie, which I titled "Risico" after one of Ian Fleming's short stories.

Brandon Brown, a Bond enthusiast and operator of "License to Blog", saw the poster and asked me some questions about my artistic background and my familiarity with 007:

What drove you to create the “Risico” poster?
The knowledge of the inevitable near-future production of Bond 23… I tried to carry on the visual tradition set by the low-key poster campaigns for Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace, complete with the 007 logo overladen with the title text.

THE WHOLE INTERVIEW IS HERE. Enjoy!

]]> Sun, 24 May 2009 20:18:08 -0500 Wolverine
Hugh Jackman has and will continue to kick ass, regardless of the script's shortcomings. I just hope the sequel doesn't reduce his part to a mere cameo.

Star Trek
I'm certain there was an awesome movie in here somewhere, but I couldn't quite see it through all the lens flares.

Angels & Demons
The pace has been quickened, the hair has been trimmed, and the more ridiculous elements were ditched, yet the movie lost some of the novel's thrill. Less incendiary than The Da Vinci Code, and still a fun time to be had.

Terminator Salvation
Entertaining despite the overediting, weak score and nearly nonsensical ending. If Christian Bale decides not to do Terminator 5, they can take a tip from this film and just CGI him in.]]>