squintygirl's Threadless Blog

OH MY GOD, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:40:43 -0600

...sale.

That is all.

So I pick up the ball and throw it to Naturally.

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 10:04:25 -0500

No, you throw it to first base.

Who?

Naturally!

Having a conversation with my IT department is like being in an Abbott and Costello routine. Except not funny.

Sigh.

I've given birth to Richard Nixon

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 10:52:51 -0500

'When a President does it, that means it is not illegal.'

DISCLAIMER: She actually never said that.

LOL @ jamesf's squintynixon

I missed my Threadlessversary.

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:28:17 -0500

Again.

Thanks to everyone for three great years and counting! (My special thanks to the Old Farts for all the general lamenting and Matlock marathons. My orthopedic shoes salute you.)

Please help yourself to a celebratory pudding cup.

WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER CUPCAKE!

Heartwarming e-mails

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 12:23:13 -0500

I fucking HATE them.

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant�s foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

An old-fashioned STP whodunnit - NOW WITH BRIBES!

Fri, 15 May 2009 08:03:15 -0500

I haven't received STPs in a very long time. I'd like to give you a big thank-you hug!

But I don't know who you are! ANY CLUES?

(I suggest it was Professor Plum, in the Library, with the rope!)

Current bribes:
An elephant! Whoar!

Unicorn Power gum! YUM!

Dancing Coke! Hotdiggetydamn!

Playoff beard - NOW WITH BEH-BEH BEARD!

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 10:40:24 -0500

The squintyman has it.

Needs moar bees.

NOW WITH SQUINTLET BEARD:

No bees, please.

I don't know what to do anymore - I'M BETTER NOW

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 11:13:55 -0500

Terrible night last night. Horrible day so far. Give me a reason to smile. A joke, a picture, anything. I need a serious pick-me-up.

:(

UPDATE: Thanks for your support, everyone. It really helped me, and I can't tell you how much better I feel.

*sniff*

BECAUSE OF YOU!

*sobs*

You like me! You really, really like me!

Lessons that music taught me.

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 10:24:12 -0500

This blog used to exist but now doesn't. It was full of life lessons and hilarity. I laughed and cried. It became a part of me. I feel that, having learned so much, it would benefit us all if we could share some of the things that music taught us.

For instance, Vanilla Ice taught me to stop, collaborate and listen.

Tina Turner taught me that, as a private dancer, American Express will do nicely, thank you.

And Corey Hart taught me not be afraid of the guy in shades, oh no!

What have y'all learned?

Annoying coworkers/workplace behaviour

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 10:25:26 -0600

I spent most of yesterday with my head in my hands wondering how certain people in my workplace manage to get by in the world without getting punched in the face.

Coworker X often gets an enormous glass from the kitchen and fills it to the very brim with water from the water cooler, which he proceeds to pour very carefully down the sink. He then puts the glass in the sink and leaves.

When he's not doing that, he's waiting for the kettle to boil water so he can pour that down the drain also, regardless of how many mugs surround the kettle just waiting for that hot water.

WHAT DID WATER EVER DO TO YOU???

Also, Coworker Y is incapable of closing a door she opens in the kitchen. You know she's been there when the cupboards, microwave, dishwasher and garbage compartment doors are all wide open. I once crashed right into the utensil drawer she left open and she told me that I needed to be more careful and watch where I'm going.

WHAT DID DOORS AND DRAWERS EVER DO TO YOU???

And to top it all off, I went into the supply room to get more paper and found fucking PUBES all over the paper packages. That's just nasty.

Also, whenever I type the word 'annoying' I think of Annyong.

Also, hi!