I hate birds. So, as unfair as this may be, and also as prejudicial, I will probably never buy or vote for a submission with a bird on it.

Now, this is not just some random hatred or fear of birds like some people have with spiders and snakes. The birds attacked me first. There was an incident when I was in Boston of a pigeon flying into my car, making my friend spill her soda. The pigeon then flew all over the car, and eventually crapped on my favorite headphones before flying out of the window. I COULD NOT MAKE THIS UP! So, I hate birds.

Sorry birdlovers, bird enthusiasts and those who just like to draw birds. The world is cruel.

I was so excited a few years ago when I stumbled upon a discounted hula man (of the dashboard variety) in a gift store at an amusement park. He was surrounded by several of his identical twins. It was a sad little display, but I felt compelled to buy one of these depressing miniature hula men simply because of their unusal status. No one thinks of a hula man sitting on a dashboard in someone's car, only of hula women with their short skirts and bikini tops or coconut bras.

Why, in this era of gender equality and empowerment, do we not have more hula men figurines in the world? We now know that women objectify men as much as men objectify women. There are many figurines of buxom females in skimpy outfits performing various tasks. So why do we not often see such charming figurines of men?