A child's excretory system is most effective in a swimming pool.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
A pickle's favorite game show: Dill or no dill
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
Adjectives in air quotes are "showy".
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Aym uh speling musheen
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
Cooties: The Siwent Kiwur
of 25 votes, 16% like it
|
Cupid: the real king of hearts who doesn't have a mustache
of 26 votes, 12% like it
|
|
Curiosity killed the cat. Nine times.
of 33 votes, 24% like it
|
Diarrhea: flows like a river
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
Did JT steal sexy to begin with?
of 7 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Did you hear about how bad gossip is? Yeah, juicy, isn't it?
of 31 votes, 13% like it
|
Did you know that gullible said slowly sounds like golden ball?
of 22 votes, 27% like it
|
Dinner will be ready when the smoke alarm goes off
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Disco music is stayin' aliiiiiiiive!
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
Does it look like im having a good day?
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
Don't be a mime. Talk yourself out of it.
of 32 votes, 22% like it
|
|
Don't count down for a golf shot! (smaller text) 3, 2, 1, FORE!
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
Don't gamble: It's worth the risk
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
Don't give a thumbs down. Give the finger.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
|
Don't judge a shirt by its collar
of 33 votes, 21% like it
|
Don't judge a shirt by the collar of it
of 22 votes, 5% like it
|
Don't judge a shirt by the collar of its skin, but by its content
of 24 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Don't lead me to temptation. I can find it myself.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
Don't put me in special ed! It's retarded.
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
Don't put me in special ed! It's retarded.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Don't put me in special-ed! It's retarded.
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
Don't take risks; it's totally worth it
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
Don't tell anyone that I stole this shirt
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Don't tell anyone what my shirt says, it's private.
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
Donkeys are awful parents. They always make an ass of their kids.
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
Double negatives don't make no sense
of 35 votes, 23% like it
|
|
Double negatives dont make no sense
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
Drunk drivers aren't good or bad.
They\'re middle of the road.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
ED pills: Steady nutrition for a wobbly world
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
|
edjumucation is for idjumumnits.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
Elegant milk goes from rich to spoiled; humans are just spoiled.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
Ellipses are like hockey games: Three periods and you're finished
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Embrace fat people, look a few inches lower
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
Employee of the month: A winner and a loser at the same time
of 27 votes, 33% like it
|
Farts: Gut-busting humor
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
|
Fat birds live tweet (to eat)
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
First things first, but not necessarilly in that order
of 15 votes, 33% like it
|
Fishing: Don't get hooked
of 30 votes, 20% like it
|
|
French fries are not from France. They are from Greece.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
FUBAR: Hell's drinking place
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
Funny shirts are useless for girls because guys look there anyway
of 14 votes, 7% like it
|
|
Gays are so unorganized. They can't stay in a straight line.
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
geology n physics: the original rock n roll
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
Give your dog a bone. Ask his vet if Viagra is right for him.
of 9 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Good at grammar, bettur at speling
of 27 votes, 11% like it
|
Graffiti: It is a
crime (spray paint the word fun next to a)
of 33 votes, 15% like it
|
Grandpa says getting lucky is finding his car in the parking lot
of 20 votes, 30% like it
|
|
Gud speling izz ovurrated
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
Guessing: doing this... um... thing.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
Guessing: when you buy a cookie at the store or something
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Hawk Nelson is not my friend. I don't even know who he is.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
Hello, I'm a world class secret agent at your- oops, that slipped
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
HELP ME! There's a really ugly person in my mirror!
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Hey, they may be cheesy, but at least I wear shirts.
of 7 votes, 0% like it
|
Hi, I am Mike Tyson for Encyclopedia Britannica
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
High speed chases take too long.
of 30 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Hippies like their mashed potatoes with groovy gravy
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
Homonyms are too difficult to understand
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
Homosexuals are gay. Just ask Captain Obvious.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
|
I <3 emoticons
of 36 votes, 14% like it
|
I ain't got the guts to talk like them hillbilly's, ya hear?
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
I am not repetitive. I mean it. I am not repetitive.
of 33 votes, 15% like it
|
|
I am the president of the anarchy club
of 24 votes, 13% like it
|
I auditioned for the emo club and i made the cut.
of 36 votes, 14% like it
|
I bought a tee, just not on Wheel of Fortune
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
|
I can diet, but you will remain ugly forever
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
I can play any song I want to with my new AIR GUITAR
of 26 votes, 23% like it
|
I celebrate Independence Day all by myself (get it?)
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
|
I come as advertised
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
I didn't really take any time to get to know the back of my hand.
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
|
I do good in grammar
of 32 votes, 6% like it
|
I do good in grammar class
of 27 votes, 7% like it
|
I don't care to tell you that I don't care
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
|
I don't counterfeit money, just look at my 29 dollar bill.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
I don't use big words because they discombobulate me
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
I don't use no double negatives
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
|
I forgot come to work naked day, so I wore this shirt instead.
of 33 votes, 21% like it
|
I h8 txt lingo
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
I hate funny shirts. That's exactly why I bought this.
of 33 votes, 6% like it
|
|
I hate people who incorrectly use question marks?
of 12 votes, 25% like it
|
I hate segways. Speaking of segways, i just bought one yesterday.
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
I Have a Dream that one day I will wake up
of 20 votes, 5% like it
|
|
I have a slogan that is 100%!!!!!
of 1 votes, 100% like it
|
I have a strong preference for favortism.
of 29 votes, 17% like it
|
I Have a Very Short Attention...
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
|
I have been dyslexic since the 1970s. Out peace!
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
I have something that you don't: this shirt
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
I have twubble pwonouncing my aws, twust me.
of 9 votes, 0% like it
|
|
I havent really taken any time to get to know the back of my hand
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
I havent said a damn curse word in my life.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
I hit two good balls in golf today (I stepped on a rake).
of 19 votes, 5% like it
|
|
I know I look better with a shirt on, but does it have to be this
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
I know that I'm ugly, but at least I'm wearing a shirt
of 7 votes, 0% like it
|
I married Mr. Right, but I didnt know his first name was Always
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I most certainly DON'T act my shoe size
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
I need to learn patience now!!!!!!!!
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
I often question what I say, or do I?
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
|
I once lost track of my story, then I... where was I?
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
I once was lost but now am found (thank you for finding me)
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
I only go to the "ool" because it doesn't have pee in i
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
|
I only go to the "ool" because it doesn't have pee in i
of 0 votes, 0% like it
|
i play golf sober, but i always use my designated driver
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
I predict that I am predicting something
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I see dumb people (smaller text) in the mirror
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
I stopped buying cookies because I am running out of dough
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
I swear to high, officer, im not god
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
I tried out for beauty school, but I missed the cut.
of 27 votes, 7% like it
|
I use numbers 2 replace words!
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
I was a secret agent- until somebody read my shirt
of 34 votes, 24% like it
|
|
I was dropped on my head as a child
of 37 votes, 3% like it
|
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering off
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
I wear funny shirts because I'm too nervous to SAY anything funny
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
I will tell you about procrastination tomorrow
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
I would kill for the Nobel Peace Prize
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
I would quit school but I need my sleep.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
|
I'll tell you what awkward is, sexy.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
I'm a nudist who has taken up irony
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
I'm a really bad liar. Did you believe me?
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
|
I'm addicting 2 replacing numbers with words.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
I'm an atheist, I swear to God.
of 28 votes, 25% like it
|
I'm as random as my remote control
of 7 votes, 0% like it
|
|
I'm funny, good looking, and I'm dating. I'm also very sarcastic.
of 36 votes, 6% like it
|
I'm here, so what are your other two wishes.
of 39 votes, 23% like it
|
I'm hooked to fishing.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
|
I'm large and in charge. Now I say that it's time to rhyme.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
I'm not in denial. I mean it, I'm not in denial, nope nope nope.
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
I'm not very interested in your day, honey.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
|
I'm out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
I'm really busy during my free time.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
I'm stupid, terrible at math, or a combination of the three
of 21 votes, 29% like it
|
|
I'm the king of changing my mind. (smaller text) No wait, you are
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
I'm the king of sarcastic catchphrases. (smaller text) NOT!!!
of 29 votes, 10% like it
|
I'm the leader of the dwarfism club. They all look up to me.
of 5 votes, 60% like it
|
|
I'm too sexy for my shirt, but I'm still wearing it.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
I'm with stupid: The official shirt of Siamese twins
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
If a pavement worker farts, is that called an ass-fault?
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
|
If censorship causes blindness, then why are they talking?
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
If curiosity killed the cat, then why do they have nine lives?
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
If nobody is perfect, then is everybody a nobody?
of 7 votes, 0% like it
|
|
If only the word "palindrome" was a palindrome...
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
If only we treated STD's now like we did when we were 8...
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
If the radio died, would you sing to me?
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
|
If you can read this, congratulations, you are not blind.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
If you can read this, then you're wasting your time.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
If you can't read this shirt, turn the lights on!
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
|
If you can't read this, ask me to say it for you.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
If you don't know what research is, look it up.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
If you don't want to explain anything, just do the following:
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
|
If you notice this notice, you will notice that this is noticable
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
If you want to see the gun show, i'll just go sleeveless.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
If you're looking at this, you're looking at what i call a shirt
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Ignorance and apathy? Honestly, I don't know and I don't care.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
In case of female, this shirt's slogan will expand.
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
In life, people need to beat sarcasm with sarcasm.
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Incompletion is
of 33 votes, 18% like it
|
Irish I was drunk right now
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
Is that your final answer
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
|
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose; someone always scores.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
It takes a single key to open the door to your dreams
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
Jimmy is no longer cracking corn and I do care
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Junkmail: Nobody gives a spam
of 23 votes, 30% like it
|
Keep staring... I may do something super cool
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
Laws of science don't have to be obeyed, just don't break them
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Let's set a record: most i'd wear it votes! Who's with me?!?
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
Letters: They can be words, too.
of 25 votes, 20% like it
|
Life is uncertain...
Eat dessert first!
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
|
Lights get turned on very easily
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
look at the tag on my shirt. i came from taiwan.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
look at the tag on my shirt. i came from taiwan.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Lumberjacks: Money really does grow on trees
of 33 votes, 21% like it
|
Lumberjacks: Money really does grow on trees.
of 14 votes, 50% like it
|
Mad Gab: Heart too udder stand
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Math is the most rational subject in school
of 25 votes, 28% like it
|
Math sex: Add a bed, subtract clothes, divide your legs, multiply
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
Michael Jackson: Kids are for Tricks!
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Mispelings arr uv thuh devul, lurn frum mai misstakes
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
Mixing up homophones is two funny four me too explain
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
Mom and dad are my favorite palindromes
of 26 votes, 12% like it
|
|
Money does grow on trees. Ask a lumberjack.
of 39 votes, 18% like it
|
Most people call this a SHIRT
of 8 votes, 0% like it
|
Motorized chairs give you the freedom to visit Viagra Falls.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
|
My ability to finish things is so bad, that...
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
MY ARMIES ARE UP MY SLEEVIES (smaller font) and so are my guns
of 29 votes, 10% like it
|
MY ARMIES ARE UP MY SLEEVIES (smaller font) and so are my guns.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
My butt is talking. What fart of that don't you understand?
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
My English ain't all that bad
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
My homework isn't done because nobody gave me their sheet to copy
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
|
My mind is like lightning - one brilliant flash and it's gone
of 23 votes, 30% like it
|
My mixed up is so life
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
My mom is a terrorist. I am the bomb!
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
My mother is a travel agent for my guilt trips
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
My out of control is dyslexia
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
My radar detects a palindrome on this shirt
of 25 votes, 8% like it
|
|
My search engine has a google of problems.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
My train of thought is off track
of 19 votes, 32% like it
|
My vocabulary is legitimite
of 33 votes, 3% like it
|
|
My wet dream was really wet. I peed myself.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
of 31 votes, 13% like it
|
My. Period.. Keeps... Getting.... Longer.........................
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Nachurel spellurr
of 26 votes, 12% like it
|
National Anorexia Clinic: Home of the quarter-pounder
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
Never take rocks for granite.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
|
No puedo hablar espanol
of 19 votes, 5% like it
|
No puedo hablar espanol (spanish for i cant speak spanish)
of 8 votes, 0% like it
|
Nothing in my ******* life is censored anymore.
of 26 votes, 23% like it
|
|
Nudists: they don't need this shirt
of 25 votes, 20% like it
|
Obesity is a HUGE problem
of 28 votes, 14% like it
|
Obesity: The world's biggest problem by a wide margin
of 39 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Official member of D.N.A. (National Dyslexic Association)
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
Officially hooked to fishing
of 28 votes, 14% like it
|
Oh, sheet! A ghost!
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
|
Only birds with a contract are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
Palindrome: the official word of Mom and dad.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
Paper doesn't give a scrap.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
|
People say that I overuse ellipses, but...
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
People with bad grammar is stupid
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
Potty training: the living fountain of youth
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Practice being a cat because practice makes purrfect
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
Pretty in pink (white background, black typing)
of 29 votes, 17% like it
|
Pretty in pink! (white background, blue writing)
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Procrastination pie chart (big empty circle)
of 26 votes, 31% like it
|
Procrastinators unite tomorrow!!
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
Put another dime in the jukebox, baby! (smaller text) I'm broke.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Rap music will never die. The rappers often do, though.
of 5 votes, 40% like it
|
REACH FOR THE STARS (smaller text) Join the Paparazzi
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
Research: If you don't know what it is, look it up!
of 0 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Saliva doesn't give a spit
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
Say no to crack; Pull your pants up
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
Screw you, Bill Clinton. Oh wait, that is Monica Lewinsky's job.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Sensible hikers are path-ological.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
Sentence an amputee to death by hanging. I'll yell out letters.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
Shirt: Take the "r" out of it if it's not witty
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Shirts with disclaimers suck. Batteries not included.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
SHOUTING MAKES PEOPLE SEEM MORE INTELLIGENT
of 26 votes, 12% like it
|
Snakes: They are very smart animals. Don't try pulling their leg
of 19 votes, 5% like it
|
|
Some days you're the pigeons, some days you're the statue
of 20 votes, 30% like it
|
Someone who is seven will more than likely want 9 for dinner
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
Sometimes, i wish that my life had adverbs.
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Speling Beey Champien
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
Stick it where the sun don't shine: like the dark
of 35 votes, 11% like it
|
Supervision: Not as cool as it seems
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Sure it was a blind date, but i wasn't blind enough.
of 28 votes, 14% like it
|
Synonyms are confusing, puzzling, complicated, and complex.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
Talk to my butt: it actually gives a crap.
of 7 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Teamwork: Just A Bunch of People Doing What I Say
of 11 votes, 27% like it
|
text messages make me lol
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
Text-message soup always contains MSG
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
|
Texting is fun until someone gets hurt. Then, you'd begin to LOL
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
Th vwls f th wrld hv dssprd
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
Thats what she said!!!!!
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
|
The bad economy caused my piggy bank to be slaughtered.
of 24 votes, 17% like it
|
The druggie was killed by dogs he thought he saw.
of 14 votes, 7% like it
|
The Food Network: Porn for fat people
of 36 votes, 17% like it
|
|
The orthodontist: Brace yourself
of 34 votes, 21% like it
|
The orthodontist: Brace yourself!
of 7 votes, 71% like it
|
The Pillsbury Dough Boy is my roll model
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
|
There's no "me" in "b!tch"
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
thespacebarissoimportantinlife
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
Thinking is... um... hold on a second.
of 30 votes, 17% like it
|
|
This slogan has set the world record for most "um, stupid&qu
of 20 votes, 0% like it
|
Tired of 800 numbers? Call the number on your screen right now.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
Tired of advertisements? Call 1-800-BEQUIET
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
|
Today is come to work naked day, but I forgot.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
Toilets don't give a crap
of 7 votes, 0% like it
|
Twitter: How birds SHOULD mate nowadays
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
|
Twitter: When you want to be stalked.
of 7 votes, 0% like it
|
Unsubscribe me... i'm tired of your issues!
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
Video games are like reincarnation: you can get an extra life.
of 14 votes, 7% like it
|
|
Volunteering doesnt pay
of 17 votes, 35% like it
|
Wanna be on top of the world? (see Mt. Everest for instructions)
of 11 votes, 18% like it
|
Want to keep someone bored? All you have to do is...
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Wasting time: as simple as reading a witty shirt
of 30 votes, 20% like it
|
Well, if clichés float your boat.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
wen inn dout, yous spel chek.
of 21 votes, 33% like it
|
|
What are the proper way to speak?
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
What do you mean I always ask questions?
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. (smaller text) not my shirt
of 28 votes, 18% like it
|
|
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas (especially your money).
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
What is curiosity? (smaller text) Please, tell me.
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
What the (opposite of heaven)
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
What the **** is censorship?
of 27 votes, 19% like it
|
What the hell, i'm in heaven
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
Whats in Vegas? (slogan is a flashy neon sign like one in Vegas)
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
|
When God created me, he was just showing off, and it worked!
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
When in doubt, be random! Bake a cake.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
|
When there's a will, I want to be included
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Where do you use question marks?
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
Who put the s in lisp?
of 34 votes, 18% like it
|
Why do women become prostitutes? They all get an F in sex.
of 5 votes, 0% like it
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Why does everyone press "um, stupid"? My ideas are real
of 1 votes, 0% like it
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Why, who DOESN'T want fries with that?
of 5 votes, 20% like it
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Witty shirts are my way of saying that I have no taste in fashion
of 7 votes, 29% like it
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Witty shirts: My last resort
of 26 votes, 12% like it
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Yeah, I don't read the Terms of Use
of 22 votes, 14% like it
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You are the 1,000th person to see my shirt! but there's no prize.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
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You are unique just like everyone else
of 24 votes, 25% like it
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You have a 6-pack and I have a keg? Well I have more beer, loser.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
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You know all those Cs on my report card? They stand for CCCollege
of 4 votes, 25% like it
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You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake
of 21 votes, 24% like it
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