When I had ACL reconstruction on my right knee, the doctor gave me a marker and said, "Here - write DO NOT CUT on your left knee, and draw a big X on it."

I can't say that instilled a whole lot of confidence in me, but at the same time I guess it's good to have those procedures in place given some of the horror stories out there of surgeons amputating good legs and things like that.

I had my wisdom teeth removed, does that count?

It hurt a lot, and the next few days were awful. I couldn't open my mouth more than a centimeter, I couldn't chew, I couldn't suck things through a straw. I couldn't eat anything hot. I couldn't eat anything cold. And my mouth wouldn't stop bleeding, so everything I did manage to pathetically spoon into my mouth tasted like blood.

Blood-flavored water. Bloody, lukewarm oatmeal. Room-temperature, blood-tasting applesauce.

I lost ten pounds in a week. It was unhealthy and miserable.

When I was young, my family lived in this house where the kitchen and living room where separated by a four inch drop, which was essentially one step. The step had a metal trim on it, making it look like an actual step.

So, I would always run down the hall towards the kitchen, and leap onto the kitchen floor, where I would slide from one end to the other. One day, while doing this, I slid so far that my toes bumped the little metal trim on the ledge, bringing me to an instant stop that THREW me into the living room where my face smashed off the corner of the couch.

I split my head open, to which my babysitter freaked out and placed me under the kitchen sink to try and wash the wound out, but blood just kept flowing. So, ambulance ride later, my Dad meets me at the hospital where they proceed to stitch me up. The hospital was pretty ghetto though, really crumby place, so my Dad was like, "Listen, I don't want him coming back out of there with some half-assed stitch job, you make sure you stitch him up nice and clean." to which the doctor replied, "Oh, Mr. Burns, all boys have scars." and thus gave me a half assed stitch job that left me with (thankfully) a barely visible scar on my brow, right where my the top of my nose meets my brow.

I was a dumb kid.

SIX DAYS to vote!

I love the design but I dont like this blog!

Rick doesn't like Surgery?

I've had surgery twice recently and they were both pretty grim experiences.

I had my adenoids removed when I was 11, and just as I was going under, the surgeon and a nurse started an all-out argument. I was so relived when I woke up to discover that I wasn't dead.

I do actually know somebody who has an instrument of some sort floating around inside them left over from a surgery.

Five days left to vote!

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Once I was at a friends house with other friends hanging by the pool. One of the boys ran down the drive way (I forget why), tripped over his own feet and faceplanted on the curb - knocking out his front teeth. There was so much blood and he just kept spitting it out while pacing and saying 'pain doesn't hurt' over and over. Turns out, they were his 2nd set of front teeth too because he'd knocked them out before. o_O

Oddly, when I was about 5yrs old and playing on the back of my Gramma's sofa, I apparently fell and my front teeth hit the windowsill. There was blood everywhere (so I'm told) and they searched for my teeth, only to realize I had smashed them back up into my gums.

Jesus ...

Too much :(

The idea of your teeth being smashed up into your gums is kind of awful, yet fascinating.

I didn't mean to over share and break the blog. lol. I used to get really smashed up as a kid.

Ha, you did neither! In fact, stories like that BELONG in this blog.

Ok! :)

PS:

This makes me very happy.

http://www.threadless.com/teeriffic/198890.jpg

Imagine that link worked and that I'm still cool.

My worst surgery was two weeks ago!

I had knee surgery on Monday. I got knocked out on anesthesia around 9am. The surgery was only about half an hour, but I drifted in and out of consciousness till around 5:30. Then my doctor called the next day and literally told me he didn't do the best job possible. So I went back in the operating room the next day. Fun!

The Mystery Spot! :D

Oh my Mike! That's like, wtfh?!

(is where I am wearing your tee. lol)

when I got my vasectomy, the doc told me to not do anything for 3 days - just sit on my ass.

but I felt fine so I did a bunch of yard work, chopping wood, clearing brush etc. after the op - and then that night I went to a burns night event - needless to say halfway through the scottish poetry I felt really light headed, my wife said I looked gray - when I went to the restroom to splash water on my face - i lifted my kilt to find my balls had grown to the size of a cantaloupe

it was frightening

and that is a rare isaboa too much information post

That is scary, Joe.

And Courtney, I guess I'm fine with the doctor telling me, instead of keeping it to himself. But still, I wish he thought about it during the first surgery.

Holy balls Joe, literally. But you are obviously okay?

Seems kinda, iffy Mike. I'd be pissed... knee surgery is no laughing matter - my Gram has pins in her knee cap cause I took her roller skating and broke her. :/

Hey Joe, what do you mean by a "Burns Night Event" ? I can't help but wonder if that's a family name party, given the Scottish poetry and kilts. I'm a Burns myself, a descendant of Robert Burns, in fact. My family has very similar nights. There's a ton of Burns here in Nova Scotia (surprise, surprise, what with the Burns statue being just two blocks from my place here in Halifax), so we usually get together once a year for a big hurrah.

Poor Gram!

And I'm young and dumb. I was just talking to Haya yesterday about the fun possibilities open if I'm 3/4 limbs. but I'm pretty sure I'd hate it in reality. And it does suck right now knowing my knee will probably give up on me one day.

ISABOA on Jun 29 '10 at 3:59pm
i lifted my kilt to find my balls had shrunk to the size of a cantaloupe

it was frightening

fixed, right?

5th grade camping in the adirondacks, shale and loose rocks all over the place, in a race with boys and I pass one, he trips me, I go flying and get rocks all under the skin on my right side, need a bunch of stitches in my leg. I got up and walked to the main cabin area. During the surgery I didn't behave as cooly and screamed, teh doctor gritted his teeth and broke one. Will never forget him telling the nurse to get him an emergency dental consult for when he was done extracting rocks from me and sewing me up.

i had a deviated septum fixed and woke up with my nose packed full of cocaine impregnated gauze and felt fucking fantastic, and then went to the bathroom and walked in on a girl with a broken leg having a shower. why she didn't lock the door i can't imagine.
and another time i had surgery on a bone in my hand and when i went back for the review the surgeon and his assistant only wanted to chat about my Trav tattoo which they'd apparently discussed at length while i was unconscious.

Did they call you in specifically to talk about that Tattoo? That's hilarious.

it seems like it. they took a quick look at my stitches and went "yeah that looks fine, now we wanted to ask you about something" and went on to chat about the girls exposed boob in the tattoo and ask why it was exposed. one of the nurses had guessed it was because her nipple was so pointy it ripped the dress.

Somewhere in the world, there are polaroids of an unconscious Leon's tattoos strung up on a shower curtain bar in a nurse's basement apartment.

Poor Gram indeed. Not the first time I've broken Gramma either. When I was around 6 or so she had a ranch in Nor Cal and I was her helper. Task: log splitting. You hold the log and guide it to the end where the flat side of splitter smashes log on the pointy end thus splitting the log. I said I can pull the lever! I can pull the lever! So she lets me, while she guides the wood/holding down in place. Every time I say Don't forget to move your hand Gramma! One time - the 50th log - I don't tell her, she doesn't move her hand. Split her index finger down to the bed of the finger nail, splitting the nail clean off. I remember her putting her hand in a bowl of ice and the bowl filling up with red color under the ice cubes. The whole time she was cool as can be, and I just stared at the bowl in awe telling her I told you to move your finger! Only half the nail grows and she's got a skin graph on the other half.

Ewww rocks!

My dentist and his assistants like to talk to me about my tattoos. While I've got fingers in my mouth and can't reply. :/

Mike, you can always be bionic!

You'd be like Mad Max. And he's never not cool.

said log splitter:

Not gonna lie, that disembodied knee is kinda weirding me out.

That just looks like some kind of weapon.

It is, against Grammas.

I want one.

Don't forget to move your finger!

ayearinreview on Jun 29 '10 at 6:07pm
Hey Joe, what do you mean by a "Burns Night Event" ? I can't help but wonder if that's a family name party, given the Scottish poetry and kilts. I'm a Burns myself, a descendant of Robert Burns, in fact. My family has very similar nights. There's a ton of Burns here in Nova Scotia (surprise, surprise, what with the Burns statue being just two blocks from my place here in Halifax), so we usually get together once a year for a big hurrah.

awesome ian - I never made the connection. Yeah every january the Alaskan scottish society holds a Burns Night Dinner - which is to celebrate the work of Robert Burns

It is a the only annual event we get to dress up in the fancy highland gear. The games during the summer are just kilts and t-shirts.

That's awesome!

I'm already bionic for the next 6 weeks!
But it's more of a Forrest Gump kinda bionic. I'd like the one in the picture, minus the leg. It looks more aerodynamic and shiny. What a leg brace would need with aerodynamics, I don't know. But it looks cool.

And it's bad that you hurt grandma, but I can't help but picture it all like they're segments in Arrested Development, or a recurring skit in 90's SNL or Animaniacs.