"Hi Ho" is considered derogatory, Dwarves.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
"Hi Ho" seems disrespectful, Dwarf.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
(in an orange circle or on orange shirt) Rhymes are overrated.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
|
11 out of 10 athletes think giving 110% makes sense.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
11 out of 10 coaches agree: 110% effort makes sense.
of 33 votes, 30% like it
|
11 out of 10 coaches think 110% effort makes sense.
of 24 votes, 33% like it
|
|
1D movies always have a line.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
2 legit 2 quit wearing harem pants.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
A bacon and knuckle sandwich is called a fight club.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
|
A kindergarten picture is worth 1000 refrigerator magnets.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
A Magic Hat Picks My Friends For Me
of 49 votes, 18% like it
|
A ruler should love his subjects and frighten knuckles.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
|
A top hat and an iron taught me about bankruptcy.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
Agnostic, I Think.
of 31 votes, 32% like it
|
All porridge and carrots are saying is give peas a chance.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
|
All the cool kids worry about global warming.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
|
Angst Is Still Cool, Isn't It? Isn't It?
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
Another black market karma success story.
of 22 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Any Crush on the Vice Principal was actually Stockholm syndrome.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
Anyone not using prophylaxis should be put in a rubber room.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
Anyone would look abominable with two eyes made out of coal.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Are we supposed to blame Curiosity or the Cat?
of 21 votes, 5% like it
|
Ask a Platypus about intelligent design
of 25 votes, 20% like it
|
Ask me about my mom's bumper stickers.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Ask me about my parents' bumper stickers.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
Asked about Darwin the Platypus said "Quack."
of 24 votes, 13% like it
|
At Pow-Wows I'm known as 'Dances-like-no-one's-watching'.
of 29 votes, 10% like it
|
|
At pow-wows I'm known as 'Rain-dances-like-no-one's-watching'.
of 23 votes, 9% like it
|
Ba ba black sheep have you any trouble talking?
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
Bad puns make me act superciliously.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Bad puns make me act supercilously.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
Be brave and dance like a chicken.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
Be paranoid like no one is watching, dance like everyone is.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
|
Be paranoid like no one is watching, dance like someone is.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
Be paranoid like no one is watching.
of 27 votes, 19% like it
|
Beat your kids (at sports while you can)
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Beauty is only skin deep but I'm thick skinned.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
Beer - "The Original Gateway Drug"
of 27 votes, 33% like it
|
Before raining cats and dogs it sprinkles kittens and puppies.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
|
Beware lest I unleash a pack of armored hot dogs in buns of steel
of 11 votes, 18% like it
|
Bipolar bears have a long commute.
of 11 votes, 27% like it
|
Blood is only skin deep.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Board Games Let You Beat Your Kids
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
Born Without The Elbow Grease Gene
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
Cake tried hockey but got called for icing.
of 27 votes, 37% like it
|
|
Candy, Chocolate and Chips: the C-food diet.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
Cannibals agree: Recycling is worth sinking your teeth into.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
Cannibals and Zombies agree: Recycling works.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Cannibals consider finger food redundant.
of 8 votes, 38% like it
|
Catfish don't get hairballs but can't clean themselves.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
Catfish have nine lives and two fillets.
of 22 votes, 36% like it
|
|
Cats get nine lives and still use cheat codes.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
Cats have nine lives and still use cheat codes.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
Cats have nine lives and use cheat codes.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
|
|
Censorship makes everything sexier.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
Centaur: the one horsepower hybrid with beard.
of 26 votes, 31% like it
|
Centaur: the one horsepower hybrid.
of 14 votes, 36% like it
|
|
Chain-mail: frustrating arrows and inboxes since 1066.
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
Chain-mail: slowing swords and communication since 1066.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
Chocolate, chips and candy: I love C foods.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Circumnavigation has two C's and requires sailing seven.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
Circumnavigation requires two C's and seven seas.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
Circumnavigation requires two C's to spell and seven to do.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Codependent haunted houses never give up the ghost.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
Congress is now in recess. Senator, you're It.
of 23 votes, 35% like it
|
Consonants pwn vowels.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Cooking at light speed requires mastering space-thyme.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
Counting to 99 with Roman numerals makes people say "IC"
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
Court is adjourned and will resume after a short game of Tag.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Court will resume after a short recess for foursquare.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
Court will resume after a short recess for hopscotch.
of 31 votes, 35% like it
|
Court will resume after a short recess for kickball.
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
|
Cowboys suffer from parenthetical leg syndrome.
of 20 votes, 35% like it
|
Cows should patent leather.
of 34 votes, 24% like it
|
Curiosity was framed by dogs.
of 24 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Curiosity was framed by mouse assassins.
of 26 votes, 19% like it
|
Curmudgeons: let's get ready to grumble.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
Dance like Big Brother is watching.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Dance like no one is safe.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
Dance like people are watching. Please.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
Darwin or Intelligent Design? The Platypus says both are wrong.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
|
Dating Hint #7: Lobster is romantic. Crabs, not so much.
of 33 votes, 30% like it
|
Dawn has the best crack.
of 17 votes, 41% like it
|
Dear Creditors: I owe, you won.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Deceased Is Actually Just Ceased
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
Deer Ticks, Thanks for the Lymes.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
Deficit: Government giving 110%.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
|
Deviled eggs are the spawn of satan
of 22 votes, 23% like it
|
Digital display: not on my watch.
of 16 votes, 38% like it
|
Do Not Tease Contents of This Shirt: May Morph Into Mad Scientist
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
|
Does a wall of voodoo keep us in or zombies out?
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
Does Dark Matter?
of 21 votes, 38% like it
|
Dollar menus lead to budget guts.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Dominatrixes love a restraining order.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
Don't believe those sailors: I have never lubbed a land.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
Don't Polygraph Sleeping Dogs.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
|
Don't push my buttons, unbutton them.
of 15 votes, 33% like it
|
Don't trust Greeks bearing gifts: they're probably lyres.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
|
Don't upset an actor, he may become a mad scientologist.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Dr. Cowvorkian: helping unhappy cows become beef with dignity
of 33 votes, 36% like it
|
Dude, my name is not Dude.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
Eating crow is an unhappy meal, especially for the crow.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Emo zombies sucked the angst from my brain.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
Encouraging Apathy Lowers Interest Rates
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
Every christmas I'm a wrap star.
of 26 votes, 38% like it
|
|
Every second person is corrupt. The odds are good.
of 11 votes, 18% like it
|
Every time I behold I get beauty in my eye.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
Every time I say "Behold!" I get beauty in my eye.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Every time you say me it's really about you.
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
Experienced Mutineer Seeks Disgruntled Crew.
of 20 votes, 30% like it
|
Experienced Mutineer Seeks Uncompromising Captain
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Expert on the elasticity of the truth.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
Fact: Every bladder is the size of a pee.
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
Fact: nature's longest migration is that of the bipolar bear.
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Fear itself doesn't scare me.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
Feline Curiosity: 11% Fatal.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
Finicky Zombies prefer the Brainwashed.
of 24 votes, 38% like it
|
|
Finicky zombies prefer the thoroughly brainwashed
of 38 votes, 42% like it
|
First Rule of the Pillow Fight Club: No biting.
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
Florescent bulbs prove the speed of light is not constant
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Forget the box. Think outside.
of 40 votes, 40% like it
|
Give the zombies a big hand and run away while they eat it.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
Global Warming Is Chilling.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
|
GPS: pay for spy satellites to track you.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
Grip has surprisingly little to do with Kung Fu.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
Hair plugs: baldly going where no hair has grown before.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Have a nice day and eat it too.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
Have we met on Twitface?
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
Have you tried getting down on the wrong side of the bed?
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Homeschool Class Valedictorian
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
Honestly, I have truth issues.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
Honestly, people do look when you dance.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
|
Honestly, people look when you dance.
of 25 votes, 28% like it
|
Humorists pedal the whimcycle
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
Hurt like you've never been loved. Watch like no one's dancing.
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Hybrids are efficient but mustangs run free.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
I asked for a loan but they had zero interest.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
I ate too much pi then tried to memorize cake.
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
|
I bought a defective boomerang and couldn't return it.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
I broke my word but you broke your whole promise.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
I can tell by that look: you've met my evil twin.
of 25 votes, 32% like it
|
|
I can tell by that look: you've met my first cloning attempt.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
I can unleash an army of armored hot dogs in buns of steel.
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
I can't imagine a friend my therapist would believe in.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
|
I can't see the appeal of invisibility.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
I come from a long line of non-conformists.
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
I come from a long line of orphans.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
|
I come from the future in my sci-fi fantasies.
of 31 votes, 13% like it
|
I could be Mr. Right with one hand tied behind my back.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
I could find Mr. Right with my left hand tied behind my back.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
|
I Count on my Transylvanian accent in Numerous encounters.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
I don't think the kettle's black, that's the pot talking.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
I forwarded my chain-mail shirt to ten other people.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
|
I found myself in shoes I hadn't worn in six months.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
|
I got a Cloak of Undetectability and I'm very disappointed.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
I got down on the wrong side of the bed.
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
|
I had a bird in the hand but the bush wouldn't trade.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
I have a big bad wolf-powered sailboat.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
I have a notion haberdashers push too many buttons.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
|
I have a recurring nightmare where I keep hearing mimes.
of 32 votes, 47% like it
|
I have my father's eyes and hair. He's the bald guy with no eyes.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
I have never been given a lemon.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
|
I have no stones but I'll throw the first sin.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
I Headbutted a Unicorn and all I got was this Third Eye.
of 26 votes, 19% like it
|
I heard you lost weight but I see you found it again.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
|
|
I invented a cloaking device. I call it the cloak.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
I invented a cloaking device. I call it the coat.
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
I lost ten pounds but found it a shoe I hadn't worn in six months
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I lost ten pounds. Does this make me look like I found it?
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
I made my saving throw versus small talk. Did you?
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
I may break my word but never a whole promise.
of 22 votes, 14% like it
|
|
I missed my saving throw for small talk. How's it going?
of 14 votes, 7% like it
|
I need a therapist my imaginary friend can trust.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
I need Blue and Grey and I'll have saved all the whales.
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
|
I need someone to stand by me when the boomerangs fly.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
I practice abstinence but don't get any better at it.
of 25 votes, 20% like it
|
I practice religious abstinence by not going to church.
of 25 votes, 20% like it
|
|
I Promise I'll Lie
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
I put my two scents in but everyone turned up their noses.
of 12 votes, 25% like it
|
I quit my restaurant job. I got tired of waiting for my money.
of 22 votes, 36% like it
|
|
I ran out of time so I did tomorrow's crossword
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
I replaced my swashbuckles with velcro.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
I rounded up my half of the cattle to a whole herd.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
|
I saw Curiosity lurking in a carpet condo with a ball of string.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
|
I say a blessing in disguise before meals then take it off to eat
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
I say the blessing in disguise but take it off to eat.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
|
I see you've met my bad clone.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
|
I see you've met my first self-cloning attempt.
of 14 votes, 7% like it
|
I still Count like a Transylvanian
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
I stretched the truth too far. It snapped back and left a welt.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
I think the muenster under my bed is moldy.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
I Think Therefore I Um.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I tried Pi squared but the corners burned.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
I tried to drown my sorrows, but they liked the taste of beer.
of 53 votes, 45% like it
|
I tried to get a loan but they had no interest.
of 33 votes, 42% like it
|
|
I tried to get a loan but they had zero interest.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
I try thinking globally but end up thinking in circles.
of 19 votes, 5% like it
|
I wantid a shert with a built-in smell checker.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
|
I was being ironic but not now I'm not sure.
of 31 votes, 32% like it
|
I Was Born Without The Elbow Grease Gene
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
I Was Born Without The Gene For Elbow Grease.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
|
I was stranded on a dessert island and gained a lot of weight.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
I was stranded on a dessert island. Did it make me look fat?
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
I wear mascara but my imaginary friends are all made up.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
|
I wear suggestive clothing. It suggested I not talk to you.
of 20 votes, 40% like it
|
I'd do the robot again but it makes him rust.
of 23 votes, 43% like it
|
I'd do the robot but it gets rusty.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
I'd like to be a super-heroine, but dirty needles scare me.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
I'm a mad scientist and I'm not taking humanities any more.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
I'm a mad scientist and I'm not taking liberal arts anymore.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
|
I'm an animal cracker. Ideally, crab.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
I'm an animal cracker. Especially shellfish.
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
I'm bi-polar curious
of 22 votes, 41% like it
|
|
I'm Faster Than A Speeding Ticket
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
I'm funnier when I ride my whimcycle.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
I'm going to join a way to run the circus.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
|
I'm loaded and my gun is paranoid.
of 25 votes, 12% like it
|
I'm not a doctor but I play one when I play doctor.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
I'm not giving you my word, you just broke yours.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
I'm Open to Compliments You haven't even Thought of yet.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
I'm surprised by how much I dislike my clone.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
I'm Thinking, Therefore I Um.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
I'm trying to reflect more and absorb less light.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
Icing and turnovers go together in hockey and dessert.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
If at first you don't succeed try second base.
of 28 votes, 32% like it
|
|
If chivalry is dead blame gunpowder.
of 24 votes, 33% like it
|
If chivalry is dead I blame guns.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
If guns don't kill why is chivalry dead?
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
|
If I give you a picture will you be quiet for a thousand words?
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
If it leaves a bad taste in your mouth put it in your pocket.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
If life gives you gators, make a sports drink.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
If only my angst was as cool as yours.
of 30 votes, 20% like it
|
If the Lion would Lay with the Lamb we'd have more Hybrids.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
If this is a race, follow me.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
|
If this was chain-mail I'd have to pass it on to ten more people.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
If this was chain-mail we'd be having a different conversation.
of 16 votes, 31% like it
|
If we did bad things to each other and liked it, would we be bad?
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
If you dance like no one's watching, I'm watching.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
If you see a rock next to a hard place stay away.
of 28 votes, 32% like it
|
If your clothing is suggestive it needs to speak up.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
|
In Case of Contact with Elbow Grease Remain Still and Apply Rest
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
In case of zombies: Give them a big hand. Run while they eat it.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
Intelligent Design? The Platypus tries to Laugh and only Quacks.
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
|
Invisibility is a mime's worst nightmare.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
Invisibility: what ninjas desire mimes dread.
of 24 votes, 33% like it
|
Is it a Murder of Crows
If it's in Self-Defense?
of 41 votes, 51% like it
|
|
Is that a third eye or are you a baby unicorn?
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
It may be just a gherkin to you, but it's a big dill to me.
of 32 votes, 22% like it
|
It takes two to make eye contact.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
|
It takes two to make eye contact. Prove me wrong.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
It's not easy being kissed by deluded gold-diggers.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
It's raining cats and dogs and umbrellas think it's cruel.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
|
It's the thought that counts except when using fingers.
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
It's the thought that counts except when using your fingers.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
It's the thought that counts unless you use your fingers.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Jack and Jill, there are easier ways to get water downhill.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
Jumping the gun is easier than skipping a generation.
of 27 votes, 33% like it
|
KARMArt sells the finest Reincarnation Cheat Codes
of 14 votes, 7% like it
|
|
Kawaii used to be cute
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
Kermit was relieved to learn that Soylent Green is indeed people.
of 31 votes, 39% like it
|
Killing 2 birds with 1 stone is putting stones out of work.
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
|
Killing two birds with one stone costs stones jobs.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
Killing two birds with one stone puts stones out of work.
of 12 votes, 42% like it
|
Language originated in the primordial alphabet soup.
of 9 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Laugh at this and I'll laugh at your underwear.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
Laughter is the best involuntary spasm.
of 46 votes, 48% like it
|
Laughter is the best involuntary spasm. OK, second best.
of 26 votes, 42% like it
|
|
Lemons? Life keeps giving me the raspberies.
of 16 votes, 38% like it
|
Leprechaun: A scam perpetrated by lepers.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
Let he who is without a glass house throw the first stone.
of 11 votes, 18% like it
|
|
Let sleeping dogs lie but demand the truth when they wake up.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
Let the two birds cast the first stone.
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
Letting sleeping dogs lie encourages dishonest dreams.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
|
Life gave me lemons so I stopped inviting Life to my birthday.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
Life gave me lemons, sugar, ice and a nifty pitcher.
of 19 votes, 32% like it
|
Life gave me lemons, ticks gave me Lymes.
of 27 votes, 30% like it
|
|
Life gave me tiny purple lemons and you got sour grapes.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
Life gave you lemons? I keep getting the raspberries.
of 21 votes, 48% like it
|
Life handed out tiny purple lemons and I got sour grapes.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Lower interest rates lead to increased apathy.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
Machete juggling keeps me in stitches.
of 31 votes, 35% like it
|
Mad Scientists Need Anger Management
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Mad scientists should count to ten slowly.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
Mathematicians and philosophers both solve for Y.
of 13 votes, 38% like it
|
MC Hummer: Taking Old School Off Road.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
|
Me-You: Cats know we belong together.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
Memorizing Pi is Not a Piece of Cake.
of 32 votes, 25% like it
|
Meteors can't believe what passes for meteorology these days
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
|
Meteors Consider Meteorologists Quacks
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
Miniaturization is huge and growing.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
Monkey Fu: You wouldn't believe the stuff I'm trained to throw.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
|
Mr. Right is helpless while shaking hands.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
Mr. Right sounds unbalanced.
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
Mr. Right: Mr. Ambidextrous with one hand tied behind his back.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
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Mud Fights Encourage Future Fossils
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
My 10 speed has 21 speeds.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
My bedroom has acute case of dust bunnies
of 17 votes, 35% like it
|
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My cloaking device is a coat.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
My Dominatrix prefers the term Restraining Request.
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
My hobbies include 3-hour cruises and inventing with coconuts.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
|
My honor student can put a bumper sticker on straight.
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
My imaginary friend hears the strangest voices.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
My imaginary friends are delusional.
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
|
My imaginary friends are increasingly unpredictable.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
My imaginary friends hear the oddest voices.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
My imaginary therapist agrees it's my parents fault.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
|
My imaginary therapist says I'm making progress.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
My inner child has ADD.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
My mistake was taking the freaky girl home to mother.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
|
My mom was parent of the month at bumper sticker school.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
My mom's car won bumper sticker of the month at my school.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
My mom's new avatar is so wrong.
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
|
My money stayed in Vegas.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
My name is not "Dude," dude.
of 28 votes, 14% like it
|
My new hybrid runs on dirt or pavement.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
|
My nightmares use cheat codes
of 31 votes, 42% like it
|
My Scotch Tape Worm Almost Kilt me.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
My Scotch Tape Worm Drinks All My Whiskey.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
|
My shirt is smarter than your bumper sticker.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
My sweet tooth stranded us on a dessert island.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
My therapist says to be more generous with my trust fund.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
My two cents is change I believe in.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
My vacuum is empty.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
Neanderthals never pick paper, scissors or jazz.
of 56 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Necessities are not an option.
of 16 votes, 31% like it
|
Never Eskimo Kiss A Narwal
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
Never use fractions in a round-up.
of 29 votes, 34% like it
|
|
No animals were hurt testing this shirt. Nothing but cotton dyed.
of 30 votes, 53% like it
|
No Mean Feet
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
No snowman can be abominable with a carrot nose.
of 22 votes, 23% like it
|
|
Nobody serves chicken for breakfast. The egg comes first.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
Non-dairy Intolerant
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
Nothing Gets Done Tomorrow.
of 21 votes, 5% like it
|
|
Nothing Rhymes With Door Hinge.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
Now That I have An Endless Roll Of Duct Tape I Need Two.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
OFLMAO: That's How I Roll.
of 25 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Oingo totally redefined Boingo
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
Old School used to be just school.
of 29 votes, 34% like it
|
Old school used to mean asbestos and lead-based paint.
of 11 votes, 27% like it
|
|
On a C-food Diet: Chocolate, Candy and Chips.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
On the other hand I also have a middle finger
of 22 votes, 45% like it
|
On the other hand I can count past five.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
|
On the other hand I have a matching middle finger.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
On the other hand I have another middle finger.
of 16 votes, 31% like it
|
On the other hand, I can count without using my fingers.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
|
One coloring assignment is worth 1000 poetry magnets.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
One fell swoop is never enough.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
Only gym teachers seem to need whistles.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Oranges agree: Limes and rhymes are over-rated.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
Order is overrated word.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
Originally, hockey pucks were cake but there was too much icing.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
|
Party like it's 1984.
of 9 votes, 33% like it
|
Patent leather: good advice for cows.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
Patience isn't just an inconvenience doctors bill for.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
|
Peas think they are safe in their escape pods.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
Pedometers Detect Child Molesters
of 24 votes, 29% like it
|
Pedophiles give cyclists and foot-lovers a bad name.
of 29 votes, 41% like it
|
|
People didn't kill Chivalry, Guns did.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
People who dance like no one's looking look funny.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
Perhaps my indecisiveness is kind of tentative.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
|
Pessimists see a ruined shirt. I see I only spilled half a glass.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
Pi and Coffee Special $3.14159
of 27 votes, 26% like it
|
Pi squared has more crust and the pan is lousy for disc golf.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Pi squared would be more crust and less filling.
of 24 votes, 29% like it
|
Pillow Fight Club
First Rule: No Biting
of 48 votes, 48% like it
|
Platypi do not believe in intelligent design.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
|
Please tell your suggestive clothing to be quiet.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
Plumbers know dawn has the best crack.
of 27 votes, 11% like it
|
Polygraph Sleeping Dogs
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Power screwdriver: this is only a drill.
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
Practical Invisibility: Can't see it in the near future.
of 13 votes, 31% like it
|
Practice religious abstinence: skip church.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Preserve our future: dump sediment on stuff.
of 32 votes, 19% like it
|
Procrastinators agree: tomorrow would be a very busy day.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
Procrastinators are glad tomorrow is always a day away.
of 25 votes, 32% like it
|
|
Product of Reincarnation Cheat Codes
of 12 votes, 25% like it
|
Prostitution: "Financial Stimulus since 2000 BC"
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
Proud Product of Unsafe Sex
of 42 votes, 43% like it
|
|
Quack like a duck. Dance like a chicken.
of 8 votes, 38% like it
|
Raspberry jelly in chocolate cake is like icing in hockey.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
Read like your lips aren't moving.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Rebels pronounce silent e's.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
Recession: because adults need recess too.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
Reduce sauces not fractions.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
|
Reincarnation offers unlimited mulligans.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
Reining Cats And Dogs Is Cruel
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
Rest your horse. Ride bear-back.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Ringmaster Academy: Join a way to run the circus.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
Rodin: the thinking man's artist
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
ROFLMAO made my butt look smaller.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
|
ROFLMAO: Have Fun Losing Weight
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
ROFLMAO: That's How I Roll.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
Rolling hills is harder than tipping cows.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Sandcastles are the original Serf City
of 26 votes, 27% like it
|
Santa Uses Only Genuine Draft Deer.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
School got old before it got old school.
of 26 votes, 35% like it
|
|
Scissors laugh at Rock's fear of death by 10,000 Paper cuts.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
Shakespeare, but don't throw it unless you have to.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
Shallowness is only skin deep.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
|
Shirts United To Prevent Eye Contact
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
Silence is golden so I made a mime necklace.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
Silence is golden. I thought I'd smelt ninjas.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Skip to your own lou, darling.
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
Skip To Your Own Lou.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
|
Slowpokes make lousy fencers.
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
|
So old school I contain asbestos.
of 25 votes, 28% like it
|
Socrates taught Plato. Plato taught Aristotle. That's Old School.
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
Some crazy straw broke a camel's back.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Some major arteries are only skin deep.
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
Soylent Green Is Recycling.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
Soylent Green: now 100% recycled and greener than ever.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
spel chcek h8er
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
Spelling 'circumnavigate' should require all seven C's.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
Spoon Outside The Drawers.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Sporks: hybrids before hybrids worked.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
Star Trek taught me not to trust anyone with a weird forehead.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
Star Trek taught me to distrust anyone with an weird forehead.
of 16 votes, 31% like it
|
|
Stars and Astrologers consult each other.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
Starship Chefs Are Masters Of Space Thyme.
of 27 votes, 26% like it
|
Stealing someone's thunder is lightning their load.
of 24 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Straight A students don't use cursive.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
|
Stranger in a strange shirt
of 33 votes, 39% like it
|
Student of the Month at Bumper Sticker School.
of 21 votes, 5% like it
|
|
Successfully avoiding the Fountain of Grown-up.
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
Suggestive clothing gives bad advice.
of 21 votes, 33% like it
|
Suggestive clothing provides helpful hints.
of 41 votes, 34% like it
|
|
Super colliders will have a big impact.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
Superficiality is only skin deep.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
Supermarkets are just grocery stores in spandex.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
|
|
Swashzippers are so jealous.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
Syrup or jam, I always waffle.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
The best schools serve fish every day.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
|
The best stories leave stretch marks on the truth.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
The best zombies deserve a big hand. With fingers like sausages.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
|
The birds and bees are confused by all the buzz about tweeting.
of 14 votes, 7% like it
|
|
The Bucket List Stops Here
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
The cat vote was crucial in passing leash laws.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
The Change I Believe In Is My Two Cents
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
|
The day I don't rue is the day I regret most.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
The future is big on miniaturization.
of 14 votes, 29% like it
|
The Gallic Wars: Caesar's Tour de France
of 26 votes, 8% like it
|
|
The machete accident has me in stitches.
of 14 votes, 36% like it
|
The Magic Hat Said We're Enemies
of 61 votes, 15% like it
|
The odds are good but the evens seem a little odd.
of 26 votes, 19% like it
|
|
The odds are good. Shoot the evens on sight.
of 29 votes, 28% like it
|
The odds are good. The evens can't trusted.
of 32 votes, 34% like it
|
The odds are good. The evens should be eliminated.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
|
|
The penal code baffles cryptanalysts.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
The Pet-King unleashed a reign of cats and dogs.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
The Platypus Says Darwin and the Pope are both Quacks.
of 27 votes, 7% like it
|
|
The round-up isn't over until every number is whole.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
The self absorbed should reflect more.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
The Spawn of Satan Hatch From Deviled Eggs
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
|
The Spork was first marketed as Mother's Forkin' Spoon
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
The whole concept of pi: it's not a piece of cake.
of 16 votes, 31% like it
|
Their escape pods do not give peas a chance.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
|
There are no strangers, just friends I can't stand anymore.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
There Are No Winners In Neanderthal Rochambeau
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
There is no "Y" in "The Meaning of Life."
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
|
There is no endgame in competitive procrastination.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
There Is No Nietzsche
of 27 votes, 19% like it
|
There is no safety in dancing.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
|
These days I party like it's 1984.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
|
They bought your art, now die so they can cash in.
of 16 votes, 31% like it
|
They visited Ye Olde Tyme Shoppe and all I got was a silent e.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Think in enough circles and thoughts turn global.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
Think Outside Your Own Box.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
Think Outside: No Box Needed.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Think Tank: where good ideas go to drown.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
This city is too big for either of us
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
This Court is in recess. Bailiff, tag, you're It.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
This is not the shirt you are looking for, droid.
of 29 votes, 24% like it
|
This reality isn't a favorite show anywhere.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
This reality isn\'t a favorite show anywhere.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
|
This shirt was supposed to wick but it sucks.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
Thyme is on my side. By Rosemary and Basil.
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
Tiger Shark: Killer Fish, Awesome Hybrid
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Toasters are best since sliced bread.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
Toasters: Best Since Sliced Bread
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
Toasters: best since sliced bread.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Toasters: only a great thing since sliced bread.
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
Too Real To Be A Legend
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
Touche is so cliche
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Transylvanian, the accent everyone can Count in.
of 27 votes, 26% like it
|
Transylvanian: the accent everyone can Count on.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
Traveling pants fly free.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Trees consider all dogs barkless.
of 32 votes, 38% like it
|
Trees play rock, fabric, scissors.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
Trolls used to stay under bridges and bother goats.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Two birds with one stone puts stones out of work.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
Two-way wrist TV: still not on my watch.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
Unemployed is the new minimum wage.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Unemployed is the real minimum wage.
of 22 votes, 23% like it
|
Unicornucopia: The Pony Of Plenty
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
Unregistered Encyclopedophile
of 22 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Unshakable love for martinis.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
Until the wave hit I thought tsunami was a kind of sushi.
of 23 votes, 9% like it
|
Use prophylactics or be put in the rubber room.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Vampires are doomed to suck for eternity.
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
Vampires are doomed to suck for eternity. That's so romantic.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
Vampyres Suck Forevyr
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Vegetarian zombies love the comatose
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
Verbalchemy turns what was said into gold.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
|
Visualize invisible mimes.
of 22 votes, 41% like it
|
|
Vote for Munchausen by proxy
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
Want attention? Dance like no one's watching.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
Wanted: Curiosity. Last seen near a cliff with a laser pointer.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Warning: I'm On My Exclamation Mark
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
Was Curiosity punished for killing the cat?
of 22 votes, 23% like it
|
Water, like Jack and Jill, flows downhill.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
|
We ax too much of nature
of 15 votes, 33% like it
|
Wear Batik: Someone Dyed For You.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
Wear black: all the best rebels do.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Were Clowns Ever Funny?
of 27 votes, 37% like it
|
Whales still wield the skill to kill krill.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
What color are those parachute pants?
of 25 votes, 28% like it
|
|
What if every imaginary friend stopped imagining us?
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
What if every imaginary friend suddenly became invisible?
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
What if every imaginary friend suddenly disappeared?
of 25 votes, 28% like it
|
|
What is "penal" code for?
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
What's in your vacuum?
My vacuum is empty
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
What's in your vacuum?
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
|
When dating, lobster is romantic. Crabs, not so much.
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
When I hear 'Kung Fu' I still think 'Grip'
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
When I was a kid the only thing Fortified was the couch.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
|
When I was a kid we couldn't imagine a box to think outside of.
of 15 votes, 33% like it
|
When I was a kid, Fortified was what we did with sofa cushions.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
When I was kid, the only thing fortified was sofa cushions.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
|
When I was kid, the only thing fortified was the sofa.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
When I wished upon a star I wished for asbestos underpants.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
When it's Harem Time I put on my Hammer pants.
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
|
When something leaves a bad taste in my mouth I rinse and spit.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
When was it all fun and games anyhow?
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
When you wish upon a star wish for asbestos underpants.
of 19 votes, 5% like it
|
|
Whenever I hear a toast I think someone's getting buttered up.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
Where else could it leave a bad taste?
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
Who goes up a hill to fetch a pail of water?
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Who goes up a hill to get a pail of water?
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
Will act in horror movies for ice cream.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
Will I always be in the second person to you?
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
|
World-famous for my work on the elasticity of the truth.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
Writers block party: nothing to write home about.
of 25 votes, 28% like it
|
WWID?
(What Would Indecision Do?)
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
|
WWIS?
(What Would Initials Signify?)
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
You can't spell circumnavigation without the seven C's.
of 30 votes, 30% like it
|
You got lemons? Life keeps giving me raspberries.
of 49 votes, 43% like it
|
|
You may be hot but sweat stains aren't.
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
Your clothing is suggestive but I'm not listening.
of 9 votes, 33% like it
|
Your superficiality gets under my skin.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
|
Zombie meals are rarely happy.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
Zombies and cannibals consider 'finger food' redundant.
of 26 votes, 27% like it
|
