Whoever built Stonehenge clearly didn't know how to play Tetris.
of 63 votes, 40% like it
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Curiosity killed the cat. Now he's serving 9 life sentences.
of 59 votes, 27% like it
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Halloween is the exception to accepting candy from strangers.
of 49 votes, 31% like it
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I'm donating my organs because I never learned how to play them.
of 63 votes, 40% like it
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Heaven is full of zombies.
of 52 votes, 15% like it
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Clocks: The boring time machine.
of 17 votes, 41% like it
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Spitters are Quitters, especially when it comes to mouthwash.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
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Pyrites search for Fool's Gold.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
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With new color contact lenses, you can give yourself a black eye.
of 20 votes, 35% like it
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Missing: Dignity
Will Do Anything For It. Anything.
of 17 votes, 41% like it
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It takes like a million light miles to measure a light year.
of 25 votes, 8% like it
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A magician bites the bullet when their magic tricks don't work.
of 28 votes, 4% like it
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I'd exercise my rights to bear arms, but science isn't ready yet.
of 32 votes, 22% like it
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I always go with my gut because it is stuck inside me.
of 24 votes, 33% like it
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Cleopatra is always so moody when she is on her pyramid.
of 26 votes, 19% like it
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Hitchhikers give me the thumbs up for my driving technique.
of 39 votes, 38% like it
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I lost my voice ever since a cat got my tongue.
of 31 votes, 6% like it
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Criminals on the lamb usually don't go far.
of 29 votes, 7% like it
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A poorly made salad needs a dressing.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
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Necrophiliacs romanticize the dead.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
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No matter how fast you run, you'll never win a racism.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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Vampires and Werewolves agree: Humans suck.
of 25 votes, 12% like it
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Working like a dog doesn't pay well.
of 26 votes, 15% like it
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The best golfers' scores are sub par.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
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Reality hit me. Then it stole my wallet.
of 38 votes, 47% like it
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I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat caterpillars.
of 39 votes, 51% like it
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A broken window experiences a lot of pane.
of 39 votes, 28% like it
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Optimistic or Pessimistic, I'm still thirsty!
of 36 votes, 31% like it
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Cheesecake: good separate; better together.
of 48 votes, 15% like it
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Bad photographers commit indecent exposure.
of 24 votes, 13% like it
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I'm a carnivore to protest herbal cruelty.
of 28 votes, 11% like it
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I used to hate reminiscing.
of 21 votes, 43% like it
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Giving oneself a high five is just a self applauding clap.
of 29 votes, 24% like it
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I don't give a rat's ass, but if I had one; I would.
of 29 votes, 14% like it
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Being in the lime light for too long gave me an acidic burn.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
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Robin Hood is a Communist.
of 29 votes, 31% like it
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I had a chip on my shoulder, but then I got hungry. So I ate it.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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I saw Dr. Seuss for a cold, but he prescribed green eggs and ham.
of 28 votes, 21% like it
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Curiosity killed the cat, nine times.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
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Solving love triangles requires some sin.
of 41 votes, 34% like it
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I am wearing this shirt today.
of 33 votes, 21% like it
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Real puppy love involves sniffing butts.
of 32 votes, 25% like it
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Rubber souls make the ascent to heaven more comfortable.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
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Part-time magician.
of 29 votes, 17% like it
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The pen is mightier than a sword, but not a sufficient weapon.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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Mimes put me at a loss for words.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
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God loves all his children, but he likes Jesus the most.
of 37 votes, 30% like it
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Earthquakes are always a tectonic plate's fault.
of 33 votes, 30% like it
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The tooth fairy does it while you sleep.
of 27 votes, 19% like it
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I ordered a Sex on the Beach. Then I found out it was a drink.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
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Porn stars just want to be loved, just covered in love.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
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Apollo is a tree hugger.
of 23 votes, 4% like it
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I defy the laws of anti-gravity.
of 20 votes, 45% like it
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My gym socks smell like teen spirit.
of 18 votes, 39% like it
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I joined the police force to get an arm made of fire.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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I hug trees in hopes of finding Daphne.
of 22 votes, 5% like it
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Pac Man is the original ghost-buster.
of 32 votes, 38% like it
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Claudius always gives a show stopping performance.
of 24 votes, 4% like it
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Most of my conversations with underwear are brief.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
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I eat a bowl of nails for breakfast to solve my iron deficiency.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
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You're so cute, a cannibal could just eat you up!
of 16 votes, 31% like it
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Worker Bees get minimal wage.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
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1 in 5 dentists are pessimistic.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
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Masons set it in stone.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
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Zombies think two brains are better than one.
of 28 votes, 39% like it
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The acoustics are much better in my shower.
of 27 votes, 48% like it
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A classically trained pianist is not funny.
of 23 votes, 26% like it
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Everyday is a bad hair day for Medusa.
of 23 votes, 35% like it
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If I didn't know anyone, I would be the coolest guy I know.
of 28 votes, 21% like it
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I could have the heart of a lion because we are both mammals.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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Kids who drop out of school have no class.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
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I know Michigan like the back of my left hand.
of 26 votes, 19% like it
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No one can steal Zeus's thunder.
of 20 votes, 35% like it
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Concrete people are hard to crack.
of 24 votes, 42% like it
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I used super glue to mend a broken heart. I should get a PhD.
of 28 votes, 11% like it
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Plato never got laid.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
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Please do not talk about me here.
(Printed on the back of shirt)
of 25 votes, 24% like it
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This is the most legible stain ever.
of 26 votes, 15% like it
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I make my carbon footprint smaller by walking on my tiptoes.
of 33 votes, 45% like it
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My carbon footprint is a size nine and a half.
of 17 votes, 35% like it
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At what point in my life do I receive lemons?
of 25 votes, 48% like it
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Walking on sunshine hurts my feet.
of 22 votes, 36% like it
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Watches are always a timely gift.
of 10 votes, 40% like it
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Bicuriosity killed the cat. Twice.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
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Ninjas, Pirates, and Cowboys agree: Vampires suck.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
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I have always wanted to taste colors. Except brown.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
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Narcissists love a good auto-biography.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
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A bad masseuse always rubs me the wrong way.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
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My therapist told me to be spontaneous. Now I combust daily.
of 36 votes, 31% like it
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There is no punch line to this shirt.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
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Receiving a marionette with no strings attached is ironic.
of 30 votes, 27% like it
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My train of thought leaves at 4:17 p.m., 5:17p.m., and 6:17 p.m.
of 27 votes, 11% like it
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My capillaries are terrorized by hemo-goblins.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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Satisfaction not necessarily guaranteed.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
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Why can't the ghosts from Pacman go through walls?
of 21 votes, 24% like it
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In retrospect, I should have put something worth reading here.
of 27 votes, 19% like it
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There is a thick line between taxidermy and stuffed animals.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
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I have a drinking problem. There is no water fountain nearby.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
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My bloodstream is terrorized by hemo-goblins.
of 10 votes, 40% like it
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Large pickles are cumbersome.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
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When nothing is right, go left.
of 23 votes, 30% like it
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My stomach is upset because my appendix left him for my liver.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
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Authors always have novel ideas!
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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Streakers love flash photography.
of 31 votes, 16% like it
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Baby Fish swim in Kindergartens.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
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Simon says, "Speak in third person."
of 31 votes, 29% like it
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You never have the wrong answer, they just ask the wrong question
of 20 votes, 30% like it
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My Time Travel Device moves everything at one second per second.
of 33 votes, 27% like it
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A Hitchhiker gave me two thumbs up for my driving technique.
of 32 votes, 9% like it
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I before E except after C. Thats weird.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
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Fighting fire with fire gave me 2nd degree burns.
of 27 votes, 30% like it
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Pirates dig treasure.
of 28 votes, 25% like it
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I'd approach that asymptote.
of 17 votes, 41% like it
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How do people mistaken Superman for a bird or a plane?
of 25 votes, 32% like it
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I support Universal Health Care, for the aliens.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
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Halloween is the exception for accepting candy from strangers.
of 30 votes, 57% like it
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I'm trilingual in the sense that I can swear in three languages.
of 28 votes, 14% like it
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Clouds make it rain.
of 28 votes, 14% like it
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I make love. Out of paper mache.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
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Shoot for the moon; if you miss you will float aimlessly in space
of 25 votes, 20% like it
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I'll get Swine Flu when Pigs Fly!
of 29 votes, 31% like it
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Do palindromes observe Opposite Day?
of 18 votes, 33% like it
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I shut up the voices in my head, by poking them with Q-tips.
of 25 votes, 20% like it
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I race against turtles and snails for my self-esteem.
of 21 votes, 38% like it
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Enemy marshmallows deserve to be burned at the stake.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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If you can see this, then I have lost my favorite sweater vest.
of 25 votes, 40% like it
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Enemy Piñatas deserve hangings and beatings.
of 22 votes, 23% like it
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Self Unemployed.
of 32 votes, 50% like it
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The Enemy of my Enemy is my friend on Facebook.
of 25 votes, 36% like it
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Fancy Shirt.
of 26 votes, 23% like it
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The Little Dipper is still millions of light years long.
of 34 votes, 32% like it
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I'd exercise my right to bear arms but genetics won't allow it.
of 32 votes, 38% like it
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I like star gazing. But don't give me a concussion.
of 28 votes, 11% like it
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I have made all my money as a thimble, dog, top hat, or a ship.
of 25 votes, 24% like it
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Horses: The boring Unicorn.
of 34 votes, 56% like it
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Foresight is a thing of the past.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
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I'd rather run Linux than miles.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
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Meteorology: not as cool as it sounds.
of 27 votes, 26% like it
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We built this city on Rock and Roll, and a flat surface of land.
of 30 votes, 17% like it
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I found the meaning of life in Webster's dictionary.
of 25 votes, 24% like it
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Only Potatoes have eyes on the back of their head.
of 31 votes, 19% like it
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Politics: A dirty game played in clean suits.
of 28 votes, 32% like it
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Life is harder, when the cheat codes don't work.
of 31 votes, 29% like it
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Unofficial Tour Guide.
of 23 votes, 26% like it
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I can't function without my calculator.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
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I speak braille as a third language.
of 25 votes, 28% like it
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Kraken are just octopuses on hormones.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
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I only trust my personal information with Nigerian Princes.
of 28 votes, 21% like it
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I have little understanding of question marks?
of 28 votes, 21% like it
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I'm not liable.
of 24 votes, 13% like it
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Making up words is really difolongdric sometimes.
of 30 votes, 37% like it
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I like my sugar with coffee and milk.
of 26 votes, 27% like it
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I speak fluent Binary.
of 30 votes, 20% like it
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Cannibals are the only ones who are what they eat.
of 31 votes, 52% like it
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I often act my shoe size.
of 25 votes, 44% like it
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I am what the cat dragged in.
of 20 votes, 30% like it
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Gravity: It's really down to earth.
of 24 votes, 38% like it
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Some abbreviations are ridic.
of 19 votes, 42% like it
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It's on the tip of my tongue, and it doesn't taste so good.
of 26 votes, 31% like it
|
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You're wondering what the tip of a shoelace is called.
of 25 votes, 20% like it
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I make up words as I continulate.
of 29 votes, 34% like it
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Follow me to find my secret lair.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
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Super Glue and Duck Tape: Friends who will always stick together
of 28 votes, 25% like it
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I'm walking away from a really cool explosion, like in the movies
of 30 votes, 27% like it
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This shirt lacks originality.
of 26 votes, 15% like it
|
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This shirt is 45% cotton and 100% love.
of 30 votes, 13% like it
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Tell me, does this smell like chloroform to you?
of 31 votes, 32% like it
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An eye for an eye means everyone gets to wear eyepatches!
of 34 votes, 35% like it
|
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The world will never end because its always tomorrow in Australia
of 27 votes, 26% like it
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Peer Pressure: All the cool kids do it!
of 38 votes, 24% like it
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