The electoral college declined my college application
of 25 votes, 28% like it
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The electoral college offered me a full scholarship
of 24 votes, 21% like it
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Shooting stars commonly get arrested for arson
of 22 votes, 36% like it
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Tic-tac-toe: what napkins were really made for
of 23 votes, 35% like it
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Tomorrow is just today procrastinating
of 26 votes, 35% like it
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Partly cloudy is the pessimistic way to say partly sunny
of 26 votes, 50% like it
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I don't lack creativity, just the artistic means to express it
of 39 votes, 51% like it
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Hopscotch is harder when actual scotch is involved
of 57 votes, 63% like it
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If life gives you lemons, you should probably see a psychologist
of 39 votes, 44% like it
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Without people like me you wouldn't seem so smart
of 50 votes, 30% like it
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Unlike your credit card, I have zero interest
of 52 votes, 50% like it
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If you have a couple hours, ask me how awesome I am
of 43 votes, 33% like it
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School Buses make school suck before you even get there
of 41 votes, 59% like it
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Geometry is for nerds and squares
of 40 votes, 68% like it
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Actually, clouds make it rain
of 38 votes, 34% like it
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I've done terrible things for a Klondike bar
of 47 votes, 57% like it
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Feel hot? Yeah, that's just me
of 35 votes, 29% like it
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Live on the edge: do homework while it's being collected
of 37 votes, 32% like it
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I'm on a roll like butter
of 45 votes, 33% like it
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I have super speed, I just don't have super stamina
of 41 votes, 39% like it
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Alchemists are generally awesome bartenders.
of 52 votes, 27% like it
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Even liberals dress conservatively
of 46 votes, 28% like it
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You must have good aim if you can hit two birds with one stone
of 49 votes, 45% like it
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Tattoos: proof that you did get hammered last night
of 49 votes, 35% like it
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Elmer invented his glue since he though the others tasted pasty
of 35 votes, 29% like it
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I'd have higher grades if textbooks were written in text lingo
of 39 votes, 31% like it
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Comic book thought bubbles would help a lot in real life
of 43 votes, 53% like it
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If I keep calling you dude it's because I forgot your name
of 47 votes, 47% like it
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Why would you throw a stone at two birds?
of 43 votes, 40% like it
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I keep calling you dude because I forgot your name
of 45 votes, 40% like it
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All my imaginary friends ran away
of 37 votes, 41% like it
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My imaginary friends committed suicide
of 38 votes, 26% like it
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A fork in the road could really damage your tires
of 44 votes, 45% like it
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Vegetarians rock; more meat for me!
of 41 votes, 41% like it
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Setting your goals low helps you accomplish them faster
of 37 votes, 32% like it
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Ninjas always win hide-and-seek
of 40 votes, 35% like it
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Pole vaulters don't like the phrase 'raising the bar'.
of 44 votes, 36% like it
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Never talk to strangers, unless they have candy
of 41 votes, 61% like it
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You'll want my autograph in a few years
of 27 votes, 26% like it
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The fairy godfathers want some appreciation
of 40 votes, 63% like it
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And he huffed and he puffed and he had an asthma attack
of 49 votes, 55% like it
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The unicorns don't like horny jokes
of 40 votes, 40% like it
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Doing it on a hill is so Jack and Jill
of 43 votes, 58% like it
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If you feel hot, it's because I walked in
of 35 votes, 31% like it
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I'm a one man air band
of 34 votes, 38% like it
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If I had a nickel for every time someone used this phrase...
of 34 votes, 29% like it
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Does your face hurt? Because it's hurting me
of 39 votes, 31% like it
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If life was a game, I'd play on expert
of 42 votes, 62% like it
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Danger seems to be a pretty common middle name
of 49 votes, 61% like it
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If you hate me, then the feeling is mutual
of 34 votes, 29% like it
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I've done things I'm not proud of with the monsters under my bed.
of 43 votes, 47% like it
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If you can't be nice, just try to be vague
of 52 votes, 63% like it
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If you can't be nice, just try to be vague
of 39 votes, 62% like it
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Me being here foreshadows something awesome
of 46 votes, 74% like it
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I'm not sure she said that
of 29 votes, 38% like it
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I obey all laws except gravity
of 38 votes, 45% like it
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9 out of 10 doctors were paid to recommend it
of 36 votes, 44% like it
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Smoking: the leading cause of statistics
of 39 votes, 62% like it
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Sex: the leading cause of statistics
of 31 votes, 45% like it
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I had a six-pack, but then I got thirsty
of 34 votes, 35% like it
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Today, fighting bad guys is not in a plumber's job description.
of 33 votes, 30% like it
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Without stupid people like me, you wouldn't seem so smart
of 33 votes, 39% like it
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Seriously? If I were lying, wouldn't my pants be on fire?
of 44 votes, 50% like it
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That's not my department.
of 39 votes, 38% like it
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Calm Down, you're scaring the children
of 39 votes, 38% like it
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On a roll like butter
of 37 votes, 32% like it
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Live every week like it is Shark Week
of 41 votes, 51% like it
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Tip waiters, not cows
of 42 votes, 38% like it
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Global Warming murdered Frosty
of 43 votes, 47% like it
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I know Karate and 2 other Chinese words
of 46 votes, 39% like it
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Saving the Princess since 1985
of 41 votes, 46% like it
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Spelling Bee Champien
of 36 votes, 36% like it
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I'm not skipping school, I just got lost
of 44 votes, 57% like it
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Don't worry, it's not due until 7th period
of 32 votes, 41% like it
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Can God see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?
of 45 votes, 38% like it
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Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks your dumb
of 36 votes, 39% like it
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Stick to monopoly, because you fail at the game of life
of 39 votes, 51% like it
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I kissed a girl, and I liked it, probably because I was hammered
of 39 votes, 28% like it
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Stick to monopoly, because you suck at the game of life
of 44 votes, 48% like it
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I beat the Sun in a staring contest
of 39 votes, 41% like it
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Scary clowns work in carnEVILs
of 38 votes, 32% like it
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Shh... my common sense in tingling
of 40 votes, 43% like it
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I'll jump off a bridge, if you do first.
of 40 votes, 38% like it
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When life gives you lemons, SQUEEZE THEM IN LIFE'S EYE!!
of 37 votes, 43% like it
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I'm not a hobo, but feel free to throw change.
of 36 votes, 53% like it
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Smile! It makes stalking you even better!
of 36 votes, 39% like it
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The White House: Now offering complete sentances
of 42 votes, 29% like it
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Music is like candy, better without the rappers
of 54 votes, 48% like it
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Asians think I'm cool
of 39 votes, 31% like it
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I can count your friends on my hand
of 38 votes, 32% like it
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You raise my self esteem
of 48 votes, 33% like it
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Life is hard. So are rocks.
of 41 votes, 32% like it
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Procrastinators Unite!....tomorrow
of 39 votes, 31% like it
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Bonjour, Amigo!
of 35 votes, 43% like it
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Coke, better than crack and pepsi
of 36 votes, 28% like it
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You have the face for radio
of 36 votes, 33% like it
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Bad spellers of the world...UNTIE!!
of 40 votes, 38% like it
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Sex, the leading cause of babies
of 37 votes, 41% like it
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If duct tape can't fix it, it's broken.
of 53 votes, 60% like it
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