Proud to be an antidisestablishmentarianist
of 22 votes, 23% like it
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Indescribability: It's A Thing
of 25 votes, 28% like it
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Clarification: It's A Thing
of 23 votes, 22% like it
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Indifference: It's A Thing
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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Definition: It's A Thing
of 23 votes, 17% like it
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I get paid to deal with other people's problems
of 27 votes, 15% like it
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Lie to me. The truth is strange and boring.
of 28 votes, 61% like it
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Utopia is bliss but apocalypse has a better in-flight movie
of 24 votes, 50% like it
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One out of every seven days of the week has a case of the Mondays
of 30 votes, 43% like it
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Fire away, I'm completely bulletproof.
of 26 votes, 15% like it
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Someday, I'll stop vaguely contemplating.
of 29 votes, 21% like it
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Sometimes, all a jug needs is a helping band.
of 32 votes, 13% like it
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Living is really just afterlife orientation.
of 35 votes, 17% like it
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All my potential outcomes grew up to be unemployed realities.
of 35 votes, 34% like it
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Predetermined events led me to believe that fate doesn't exist.
of 36 votes, 47% like it
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X Chromosomes have double the fun
of 32 votes, 44% like it
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The future will always be five minutes from now.
of 32 votes, 44% like it
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Don't look now - I'm in simultaneous superposition.
of 26 votes, 19% like it
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If you can read this the waveform has collapsed
of 29 votes, 17% like it
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In the future, all sentences will come to an end.
of 41 votes, 46% like it
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Optional is just another word for Free Sitting Around Time
of 27 votes, 11% like it
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Of all the days I've ever lived, this is one of them.
of 40 votes, 60% like it
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Things were cooler back when it was the ice age
of 46 votes, 35% like it
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Surgeons always leave me in stitches.
of 42 votes, 33% like it
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I love cliches almost as much as I love long walks on the beach.
of 43 votes, 60% like it
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There's no business like someone else's business
of 29 votes, 38% like it
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Every black mark is covered up by a little white lie
of 32 votes, 47% like it
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There's no time like this exact nanosecond of temporal existence
of 41 votes, 61% like it
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Rap: Making garden implements suggestive since 1979
of 29 votes, 48% like it
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The Internet: Schadenfreude never felt so good
of 27 votes, 41% like it
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If you can't beat them, destroy everything they ever believed in
of 33 votes, 48% like it
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Give to charity: hug someone that doesn't deserve it
of 30 votes, 43% like it
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My honesty is so brutal it once killed a man
of 32 votes, 38% like it
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S-S-S-ST-ST-ST-ST-ST-ST-STOP! Stammer time.
of 32 votes, 47% like it
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Maidens are naught but harlots and chicanery
of 31 votes, 23% like it
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My other astral projection is a unigriffintaur
of 30 votes, 20% like it
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I Stopped Thinking About Tomorrow
of 42 votes, 19% like it
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My inner child never saw a wall it couldn't fingerpaint
of 30 votes, 33% like it
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Getting to things doesn't seem to have a point anymore.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
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Firecrackers make fingers pointless.
of 30 votes, 30% like it
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I was going the distance until I passed the point of no return.
of 28 votes, 39% like it
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Switchboard operators have all the hookups
of 33 votes, 48% like it
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Routers get all the connections
of 32 votes, 25% like it
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In the beginning, there are twelve letters.
of 19 votes, 11% like it
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Zombies get all the extra parts.
of 33 votes, 48% like it
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A sailor's rage can only be bottled up.
of 34 votes, 26% like it
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My life features a cast of thousands
of 34 votes, 38% like it
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Allow me to use my own words: Dimplous cherniffety quixgle zwump
of 32 votes, 34% like it
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The more houses are built, the sooner the trees rise against us.
of 35 votes, 26% like it
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I'd be more self-sacrificing if there was something in it for me
of 48 votes, 50% like it
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Nonsense only blisters while sleepy trains melt in third January
of 38 votes, 37% like it
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I'd be more coherent if my vernacular wasn't so obfuscating
of 45 votes, 51% like it
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The bigger the horde, the harder they maul
of 37 votes, 32% like it
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I prefer my fat-free Yoga with a slice of Pie Kwon Do
of 37 votes, 35% like it
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When it comes to moving, most planes are inclined to use force.
of 34 votes, 26% like it
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Relatively speaking, spatial mass takes up all my time.
of 35 votes, 31% like it
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Hypothetical dimensions are always taking up space.
of 31 votes, 23% like it
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Mathematicians do it on multiple planes
of 31 votes, 35% like it
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I only fly two-dimensional planes
of 29 votes, 31% like it
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I'm not contradictory, I just can't say no to not doing nothing
of 33 votes, 42% like it
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Asterisks are unnecessary.*
*No they're not
of 40 votes, 25% like it
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My life revolves around centrifugal force.
of 38 votes, 34% like it
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Victorians Do It To Phonography
of 41 votes, 22% like it
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Bad vampire hunters don't learn from their mistakes.
of 35 votes, 23% like it
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Happiness Is Gay
of 40 votes, 20% like it
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Stones: Manly enough to bludgeon but carefree enough to skip
of 46 votes, 50% like it
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Never date a king. They always skip out on the check.
of 42 votes, 24% like it
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Adverbs aren't necessarily unnecessary.
of 44 votes, 41% like it
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The principles of democracy are just Common Sense.
of 39 votes, 21% like it
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Historians are in touch with their Paine.
of 40 votes, 20% like it
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Naval battles are always fleeting.
of 45 votes, 29% like it
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Constellations: Connect-the-dots for grownups.
of 44 votes, 52% like it
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Proofreaders learn from other people's mistakes.
of 45 votes, 38% like it
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Shy moons are always rephasing themselves
of 43 votes, 21% like it
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Journalism: A license to explain what you don't understand
of 41 votes, 24% like it
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Tobacco was cool until people started smoking it
of 41 votes, 22% like it
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Change comes from within. Just ask your piggybank.
of 49 votes, 43% like it
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Smart leprechauns put security lasers at the end of a rainbow.
of 35 votes, 23% like it
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Sleep is for the well-adjusted.
of 30 votes, 23% like it
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Change comes from within. Turn yourself inside out.
of 37 votes, 38% like it
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I've got half a mind to (left:add numbers)(right:paint a picture)
of 37 votes, 30% like it
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I've got half a mind to solve a math problem.
of 35 votes, 23% like it
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(Making a toast with a gasoline can) Here's to bad decisions.
of 39 votes, 21% like it
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I thought I had a crisis of identity, but then I changed my mind.
of 38 votes, 29% like it
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Take note: The red carpet rolling out in front of me is invisible
of 48 votes, 31% like it
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Every Sunday morning, fashion gnomes mine the velvet underground.
of 48 votes, 29% like it
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Time turns plagiarism into recycling!
of 47 votes, 26% like it
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Royal court jesters are always putting on heirs.
of 44 votes, 27% like it
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Opposite day: Mankind's last hope for world peace
of 46 votes, 37% like it
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I have superpowers. Everything else about me is irrelevant.
of 30 votes, 23% like it
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Historically, tea parties cause more wars than they solve.
of 40 votes, 50% like it
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The life of a sailor is flooded with current events.
of 38 votes, 26% like it
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Ever since I learned how to count, my days have been numbered.
of 53 votes, 57% like it
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God doesn't exist. He told me so himself.
of 43 votes, 30% like it
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I tried not to doubt reality, but my mass released existentially
of 31 votes, 29% like it
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Once the fabric of time has torn, quilting will save us all.
of 32 votes, 25% like it
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Xylophones will always have a special place in the alphabet.
of 23 votes, 48% like it
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Xylophones have the best job security in the alphabet.
of 32 votes, 50% like it
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I struggle with schedules on a daily basis.
of 30 votes, 27% like it
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Science:Because one day tiny robots will live in your bloodstream
of 38 votes, 47% like it
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I'm of the opinion that facts can't be proven.
of 31 votes, 29% like it
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Don't trust your reflection. It lacks dimension.
of 41 votes, 32% like it
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Your time on Earth is limited. Wrestle a shark with a jackhammer.
of 46 votes, 35% like it
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History repeats itself. So don't bother buying any more calendars
of 41 votes, 46% like it
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Vocabulary is indispensable.
Now shut up so I make words at you
of 33 votes, 30% like it
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To make a long story short: The End.
of 47 votes, 49% like it
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If they're such good questions, how come they don't have answers?
of 44 votes, 48% like it
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DNA: Because we all need a helping strand.
of 44 votes, 48% like it
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I tried to break Newton's Laws but my efforts rebounded on me.
of 41 votes, 41% like it
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I'm almost certain the universe has infinite probabilities.
of 43 votes, 47% like it
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Painters are only in it for the Monet.
of 49 votes, 63% like it
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Chemical reactions give me gas.
of 58 votes, 48% like it
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Out of all the elements, aluminum is by far the most wearable.
of 48 votes, 29% like it
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I can't wait to be a fossil so paleontologists can dig me.
of 56 votes, 43% like it
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I miss having a job not to appreciate.
of 39 votes, 26% like it
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After careful consideration, I just wasted my time.
of 54 votes, 46% like it
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Ionic bonds dissolve because they don't have a strong union.
of 40 votes, 23% like it
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Most Greek columns aren't Ionic - they're just Corinthidental.
of 45 votes, 24% like it
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If history repeats itself, why am I always buying new calendars?
of 48 votes, 50% like it
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If you go back in time, don't worry. It's all happened before.
of 46 votes, 41% like it
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