Thinking outside the box makes me feel less claustrophobic.
of 42 votes, 48% like it
|
Secrets kept at a reasonable price.
of 40 votes, 53% like it
|
Time will tell, but space is keeping it a secret.
of 32 votes, 50% like it
|
|
I don't trust quiz show hosts, they ask too many questions.
of 32 votes, 59% like it
|
All that glitters is not gold, there are also diamonds.
of 30 votes, 50% like it
|
An arm and a leg are an odd form of currency.
of 35 votes, 63% like it
|
|
I don't call them iguanas, I call them pocket dinosaurs.
of 36 votes, 50% like it
|
Making ends meet is easy for circles.
of 49 votes, 51% like it
|
Seeing eye to eye is a little closer to you than I want to be.
of 41 votes, 54% like it
|
|
Paper umbrellas protect tropical drinks during a rainstorm.
of 50 votes, 46% like it
|
Light years are way less depressing than dark years.
of 37 votes, 51% like it
|
Get off the soapbox, I want to take a shower.
of 36 votes, 47% like it
|
|
Old school was new school when I went to school.
of 35 votes, 54% like it
|
Walls in China tend to be really impressive.
of 43 votes, 49% like it
|
Being on cloud nine makes me wonder who got to be on ten.
of 40 votes, 63% like it
|
|
All science is weird science.
of 47 votes, 49% like it
|
The mills of the gods grind slowly and make really good coffee.
of 46 votes, 41% like it
|
Better late than walking in on something embarrassing.
of 42 votes, 60% like it
|
|
Sponges are so self-absorbed.
of 43 votes, 56% like it
|
Journeys should not start with a first step at the Grand Canyon.
of 38 votes, 34% like it
|
Excuse my French, because I don't know the language.
of 41 votes, 56% like it
|
|
A change of heart requires a complicated surgical procedure.
of 54 votes, 61% like it
|
The powers that be have more wattage than other people.
of 25 votes, 52% like it
|
My fitness program needs to include more web surfing.
of 27 votes, 56% like it
|
|
The sun has a way of dawning on me.
of 27 votes, 59% like it
|
When I capture your imagination the ransom will be quite steep.
of 37 votes, 54% like it
|
Yaks are nature's most talkative animal.
of 29 votes, 59% like it
|
|
There: the place a lot of people don't want you to go.
of 38 votes, 58% like it
|
Flying squirrels are smarter than the average moose.
of 34 votes, 47% like it
|
Cattle have a herd mentality.
of 32 votes, 47% like it
|
|
I'm not baffled, I always look like this.
of 38 votes, 53% like it
|
Skeletons really get under my skin.
of 48 votes, 54% like it
|
Superpowers are the one good side-effect of harmful radiation.
of 41 votes, 61% like it
|
|
Exactly how can one tell when a clam is happy?
of 41 votes, 54% like it
|
Actions speak louder than a picture worth a thousand words.
of 29 votes, 48% like it
|
Zombies should really get a mind of their own.
of 36 votes, 69% like it
|
|
Two heads are better than one. Ask any two-headed monster.
of 33 votes, 64% like it
|
When I live on Mars, I will really go green.
of 36 votes, 53% like it
|
Personality tests are the only kind I fail.
of 34 votes, 56% like it
|
|
Decades from now they will give this decade a stupid name.
of 42 votes, 55% like it
|
Eternity: it lasts a long time.
of 31 votes, 48% like it
|
Playing dirty is unavoidable when mud wrestling.
of 32 votes, 56% like it
|
|
Gladiators made a killing centuries before endorsements.
of 33 votes, 52% like it
|
Confidence is what got me into trouble in the first place.
of 41 votes, 56% like it
|
I am destined for greatness. Unfortunately, in a different life.
of 35 votes, 49% like it
|
|
Zippers are so fly.
of 34 votes, 56% like it
|
Saber tooth tigers wouldn't be extinct if they'd had light sabers
of 41 votes, 61% like it
|
Pillow talk keeps me up at night. Those pillows need to shut up.
of 50 votes, 42% like it
|
|
I've got a can opener, so I'm ready for the robot wars.
of 48 votes, 46% like it
|
The future is closer than you think, like one second from now.
of 35 votes, 57% like it
|
Pennies from heaven are my favorite kind of climate change.
of 32 votes, 44% like it
|
|
When karma bites me, I'll be ready with a tetanus shot.
of 29 votes, 41% like it
|
I hope in my next life I actually get a life.
of 35 votes, 60% like it
|
Tacos are my favorite kind of envelope.
of 43 votes, 56% like it
|
|
I'm not vague, I'm just kind of, sort of, you know.
of 37 votes, 65% like it
|
Idiots: no village is complete without one.
of 42 votes, 74% like it
|
Idiots: without them, villages would not be complete.
of 47 votes, 51% like it
|
|
Circles have no problem making ends meet.
of 53 votes, 53% like it
|
If at first you don't succeed, keep failure as an option.
of 49 votes, 57% like it
|
Useless information is the only kind I remember.
of 46 votes, 59% like it
|
|
I don't cheat. The rules just don't apply to me.
of 45 votes, 64% like it
|
Inchworms will never get the hang of the metric system.
of 46 votes, 48% like it
|
A rolling stone gathers a lot of groupies.
of 50 votes, 54% like it
|
|
Trees have a way of getting to the root of a problem.
of 33 votes, 52% like it
|
Having a heart of gold must be rough on the other organs.
of 45 votes, 49% like it
|
Vanity, thy name is a place to put my toothbrush.
of 35 votes, 54% like it
|
|
Don't make a scene. This isn't a movie.
of 42 votes, 57% like it
|
I don't need any bling, I'm already a diamond in the rough.
of 38 votes, 47% like it
|
Lava is always served on the rocks.
of 41 votes, 61% like it
|
|
I'd change my mind but I'm afraid of brain surgery.
of 31 votes, 61% like it
|
I went the distance, then couldn't find my way back home.
of 33 votes, 52% like it
|
This is the moment of truth. Then we can go back to lying.
of 47 votes, 57% like it
|
|
Sanity is the only thing keeping me from being a genius.
of 44 votes, 61% like it
|
I'd change my mind but I don't want to pay for a brain surgeon.
of 42 votes, 50% like it
|
Helium: the less invasive option to make you sound like a girl.
of 42 votes, 50% like it
|
|
If hell freezes over, the damned will spend eternity ice dancing.
of 42 votes, 52% like it
|
If we're all in the same boat, we're gonna need a bigger boat.
of 45 votes, 60% like it
|
Clown cars: the solution to the energy crisis.
of 45 votes, 67% like it
|
|
Juice bars: like real bars, only without the fun.
of 36 votes, 53% like it
|
Zeus is always stealing my thunder.
of 46 votes, 65% like it
|
Squares go through life feeling cornered.
of 50 votes, 58% like it
|
|
Verbs make things happen.
of 57 votes, 70% like it
|
Life is short. Maybe we should give it some growth hormones.
of 42 votes, 52% like it
|
Digging your own grave upsets the gravediggers union.
of 44 votes, 73% like it
|
|
I cry over chopped onions, not spilt milk.
of 46 votes, 74% like it
|
Zombies like people who keep an open mind.
of 50 votes, 58% like it
|
I don't mince words. I prefer to puree them.
of 52 votes, 52% like it
|
|
Candy canes are always in mint condition.
of 47 votes, 51% like it
|
Going green happens when the traffic light changes.
of 39 votes, 51% like it
|
If looks could kill, we'd all be ninja assassins.
of 38 votes, 50% like it
|
|
Cleaning out my closet would just disturb the skeletons.
of 47 votes, 68% like it
|
Capitalism: can't start a sentence without it.
of 51 votes, 67% like it
|
Cubism makes me feel boxed in.
of 30 votes, 50% like it
|
|
Don't upset the apple cart. It's very sensitive.
of 33 votes, 45% like it
|
I wasn't born yesterday. I'm actually from the future.
of 40 votes, 63% like it
|
Now you're talking! Too bad for you I'm not listening.
of 35 votes, 49% like it
|
|
Time flies when you throw a clock out of an airplane.
of 35 votes, 51% like it
|
Pyromaniacs see nothing negative about burning their bridges.
of 39 votes, 49% like it
|
Angels are always harping about something.
of 31 votes, 48% like it
|
|
Snow is useful when trying to follow in someone's footsteps.
of 32 votes, 69% like it
|
Coffee is how I get through the daily grind.
of 36 votes, 47% like it
|
Insomniacs can't keep the dream alive.
of 42 votes, 67% like it
|
|
Grapes are raisins that remembered to used their sunscreen.
of 37 votes, 54% like it
|
Dreams are censored nightmares.
of 34 votes, 53% like it
|
My data tells me I over analyze everything.
of 43 votes, 70% like it
|
|
The tricycle is childhood's Batmobile.
of 41 votes, 59% like it
|
Tape can lead to sticky situations.
of 42 votes, 67% like it
|
Zoos are the best place for a walk on the wild side.
of 36 votes, 61% like it
|
|
Runaway trains: your parents are worried. Call them.
of 37 votes, 49% like it
|
Universal health care: because Martians need doctors, too.
of 43 votes, 65% like it
|
Those who live by the sword lessen their chances in a gun fight.
of 48 votes, 48% like it
|
|
Truth is stranger than fiction, but lies are more fun.
of 40 votes, 53% like it
|
Anyway you look at it, it's still cooler with 3D glasses.
of 34 votes, 53% like it
|
Composers know how to settle old scores.
of 36 votes, 75% like it
|
|
When my ship comes in, I have no idea where I'm going to dock it.
of 28 votes, 57% like it
|
Spiders know how to spin a tale.
of 29 votes, 62% like it
|
At the end of the day we really need to get some sleep.
of 30 votes, 60% like it
|
|
Money talks. And when it does, it really freaks me out.
of 36 votes, 69% like it
|
I am the artist who can actually draw a blank.
of 29 votes, 69% like it
|
I constantly worry about what obsessive people are doing.
of 40 votes, 53% like it
|
|
Shooting the breeze is a waste of ammunition.
of 43 votes, 49% like it
|
I'm not unique, but I am one-of-a-kind.
of 29 votes, 55% like it
|
Honorable mention is a nice way of calling someone a loser.
of 32 votes, 56% like it
|
|
Things that go bump in the night need night vision goggles.
of 31 votes, 58% like it
|
Immature people are a bunch of poopy heads.
of 43 votes, 53% like it
|
There's more than one way to skin a cat, all of them illegal.
of 35 votes, 51% like it
|
|
I'm getting my sweet-tooth pulled so I can finally lose weight.
of 39 votes, 51% like it
|
Show me the money. It makes it easier for me to rob you.
of 39 votes, 41% like it
|
I'd like to meet the artist who can actually draw a blank.
of 51 votes, 61% like it
|
|
Sin is the only way I know to have fun.
of 39 votes, 51% like it
|
My train of thought is often derailed.
of 46 votes, 50% like it
|
Groomers: because dogs need someone to bite besides the mailman.
of 41 votes, 46% like it
|
|
The key to happiness is to never lose your keys.
of 38 votes, 58% like it
|
Putting your money where your mouth is can't be hygienic.
of 42 votes, 67% like it
|
Dropping acid can wreak havoc on your shoes.
of 38 votes, 47% like it
|
|
Saturn is the solar system's ringleader.
of 44 votes, 59% like it
|
Reincarnation: so you can always get a life.
of 43 votes, 56% like it
|
Kangaroos are totally into hip-hop.
of 44 votes, 55% like it
|
|
Decisiveness is a great quality. Or maybe it's not.
of 48 votes, 54% like it
|
Hanukkah: the first holiday to celebrate an energy crisis.
of 35 votes, 43% like it
|
If you have ants in your pants, be grateful they're not bees.
of 42 votes, 62% like it
|
|
Don't tempt fate, it's trying to get through a 12 step program.
of 49 votes, 51% like it
|
Don't have relationships with snowmen, they never last.
of 56 votes, 52% like it
|
Other planets are jealous because Earth has its own day.
of 49 votes, 51% like it
|
|
Poking fun makes fun really annoyed.
of 50 votes, 56% like it
|
Strategy only works for people who have a plan.
of 47 votes, 51% like it
|
Easter is a great time to pick up chicks.
of 51 votes, 63% like it
|
|
Brainwashed people appeal to finicky zombies.
of 41 votes, 54% like it
|
Half-baked ideas can cause salmonella poisoning.
of 44 votes, 52% like it
|
Behind every great man is a government bailout.
of 40 votes, 53% like it
|
|
Glasses that are half full just need an extra shot and some ice.
of 49 votes, 73% like it
|
Tile floors let adults secretly play hopscotch.
of 39 votes, 64% like it
|
Bread better watch out, or it is TOAST!
of 36 votes, 56% like it
|
|
Reindeer have fantastic racks.
of 35 votes, 60% like it
|
'Tis the season to use obsolete words like 'tis.
of 48 votes, 69% like it
|
I'm giving up my New Year's resolutions for Lent.
of 53 votes, 51% like it
|
|
April Fool's Day will be celebrated on March 31st this year.
of 54 votes, 54% like it
|
Time is on my side, but space is working against me.
of 61 votes, 62% like it
|
Words: they have a lot to say for themselves.
of 58 votes, 64% like it
|
|
Santa didn't leave me a lump of coal. It's a pre-diamond.
of 58 votes, 67% like it
|
Zombies treat you like you’re their own flesh and blood.
of 45 votes, 53% like it
|
Zombies always bite off more than they can chew.
of 42 votes, 50% like it
|
|
Depressed werewolves only come out during a blue moon.
of 51 votes, 61% like it
|
Protection rackets haven't helped my tennis game.
of 40 votes, 60% like it
|
Therewolves have a better sense of direction than werewolves.
of 49 votes, 61% like it
|
|
Possessions are usually a good thing, unless they’re demonic.
of 51 votes, 61% like it
|
Mistakes are God’s way of reminding us we’re idiots.
of 47 votes, 72% like it
|
An apple a day makes oranges feel left out.
of 57 votes, 65% like it
|
|
I don’t mind monsters under my bed. They protect me from spiders.
of 57 votes, 72% like it
|
Evil scientist sidekicks live by their hunches.
of 45 votes, 58% like it
|
Mummies wouldn’t be so uptight if they just learned to unwind.
of 51 votes, 57% like it
|
|
Black magic is the kind of magic you can dress up or dress down.
of 48 votes, 50% like it
|
Eat cardboard. It’s full of fiber and good for the environment.
of 43 votes, 58% like it
|
Torches and pitchforks vs. monsters—like that’s gonna work.
of 50 votes, 62% like it
|
|
Thinkers are doers who never manage to get off the couch.
of 45 votes, 58% like it
|
For some reason, sunbathing doesn't get me clean.
of 61 votes, 64% like it
|
Skeletons need to come out of the closet.
of 50 votes, 48% like it
|
|
I celebrate my aversion to tradition once a year.
of 55 votes, 65% like it
|
Don’t be afraid. I’m just a mad scientist’s experiment gone awry.
of 45 votes, 44% like it
|
I don’t like the term “undead.” I prefer “recycled human.”
of 63 votes, 68% like it
|
|
I wear my sunglasses at night. I also walk into walls a lot.
of 60 votes, 83% like it
|
Astronomy is so out there.
of 55 votes, 69% like it
|
Amnesia: the second chance to make a good first impression.
of 86 votes, 74% like it
|
|
Time traveling to the 80s would be a most excellent adventure.
of 61 votes, 70% like it
|
My email is down. How do I find those post office thingies?
of 53 votes, 58% like it
|
As a kid I was so cynical I had I Don’t Care Bears.
of 50 votes, 54% like it
|
|
Pursuit of the trivial made my youth significant.
of 59 votes, 66% like it
|
Real men eat quiche, they just do it in secret.
of 47 votes, 57% like it
|
Bring back the cola wars. I just like taking the taste tests.
of 50 votes, 46% like it
|
|
The 80s: when even manly men wore hairspray and pink shirts.
of 52 votes, 54% like it
|
Going green once meant a long night of tequila shooters.
of 50 votes, 56% like it
|
Once all you needed to be entertained was a pig and a frog.
of 49 votes, 57% like it
|
|
Smurfs were the first blue man group.
of 75 votes, 75% like it
|
Remember when you didn’t need a rocket ship to moonwalk?
of 46 votes, 54% like it
|
My speakers go to 12.
of 43 votes, 44% like it
|
|
Superman: still nostalgic for phone booths.
of 47 votes, 51% like it
|
I got food poisoning eating green eggs and ham.
of 70 votes, 69% like it
|
Beggars can’t be choosers. Except when they’re also thieves.
of 63 votes, 54% like it
|
|
Art class is full of posers.
of 71 votes, 48% like it
|
Hipsters wear black because they secretly want to be ninjas.
of 60 votes, 52% like it
|
Fishing for compliments works better without the worms.
of 60 votes, 50% like it
|
|
An apple a day makes one the teacher’s pet.
of 53 votes, 42% like it
|
Lunchroom ladies: saving the hairnet industry for over 100 years.
of 57 votes, 47% like it
|
Shop class is a great place to get hammered.
of 52 votes, 42% like it
|
|
Misery loves chocolate chip ice cream more than company.
of 73 votes, 64% like it
|
What happens in Vegas ends up in a Vegas Tourist Board ad.
of 65 votes, 58% like it
|
If you want to dig up dirt on people, hire an archeologist.
of 65 votes, 52% like it
|
|
I lost my poetic license, so don’t expect this to rhyme.
of 61 votes, 57% like it
|
I knew the Muffin Man. He was delicious.
of 90 votes, 69% like it
|
All good things come to an end, except for circles.
of 82 votes, 70% like it
|
|
Confirm the princess is hot before you slay the dragon.
of 72 votes, 61% like it
|
Everyone should have a clone. They make good alibis.
of 73 votes, 70% like it
|
Geometry class taught me how to work all the angles.
of 85 votes, 54% like it
|
|
This is not a test. But it's still an opportunity to fail.
of 79 votes, 58% like it
|
Giant falling off beanstalk = one hell of a lawsuit.
of 63 votes, 54% like it
|
I love mermaids. They are a good source of Omega-3s.
of 81 votes, 72% like it
|
|
Don’t blame the wolf if the pigs’ houses weren’t up to code.
of 80 votes, 69% like it
|
You do not complete me. Cookies complete me.
of 72 votes, 54% like it
|
Hansel and Gretel were a couple of home-wreckers.
of 61 votes, 56% like it
|
|
How were horses supposed to put Humpty Dumpty back together?
of 70 votes, 63% like it
|
A dragon prince would be way hotter than a frog prince.
of 62 votes, 50% like it
|
My childhood ended when I dissected my first frog.
of 62 votes, 53% like it
|
|
What’s charming about a prince who needs a shoe to identify you?
of 74 votes, 62% like it
|
People who live in gingerbread houses should expect sampling.
of 72 votes, 61% like it
|
Planet hunters have awesome trophy walls.
of 70 votes, 56% like it
|
|
The ocean: the biggest home school on the planet.
of 58 votes, 50% like it
|
My dreams are boring. I wish I had more channels.
of 71 votes, 70% like it
|
Wherever you go, there you are. Unless you spontaneously combust.
of 62 votes, 63% like it
|
|
There are plenty of fish in the sea, if fish are your type.
of 64 votes, 50% like it
|
A friend in need is a friend forever crashing on your couch.
of 78 votes, 60% like it
|
People who live in glass houses need to buy drapes.
of 67 votes, 51% like it
|
|
Dessert topping: the one thing that can be both whipped and cool.
of 61 votes, 66% like it
|
Pennies from heaven would probably kill a lot of people.
of 88 votes, 69% like it
|
I’m on top of the world—and freezing my butt off.
of 80 votes, 66% like it
|
|
Cavemen can be such Neanderthals.
of 66 votes, 55% like it
|
Food fights: the eco-friendly way to resolve conflicts.
of 79 votes, 72% like it
|
Save the bees or kiss your honey goodbye.
of 74 votes, 62% like it
|
|
Ham radio: the tastiest of all radios.
of 72 votes, 51% like it
|
History is rewritten by the whiners.
of 74 votes, 59% like it
|
Blackmailing neighbors for candy: the true appeal of Halloween.
of 69 votes, 62% like it
|
|
Licorice whips: the candy choice of sado-masochists.
of 78 votes, 64% like it
|
Sugar: because teeth are overrated.
of 84 votes, 65% like it
|
Time-space continuum: the one scientific theory movie fans get.
of 66 votes, 52% like it
|
|
Riddles are jokes designed to make you feel stupid.
of 78 votes, 64% like it
|
The moon can run circles around the earth.
of 67 votes, 54% like it
|
I don’t want 15 minutes of fame. I want at least 30.
of 69 votes, 49% like it
|
|
Pots and kettles agree: calling them black is not PC.
of 65 votes, 58% like it
|
I wish I knew as much as I thought I knew when I was a kid.
of 84 votes, 76% like it
|
You have to watch out for lamps. They can be kind of shady.
of 65 votes, 54% like it
|
|
Stop narcissism. It takes attention away from me.
of 73 votes, 63% like it
|
Giraffes will always stick their necks out for you.
of 69 votes, 54% like it
|
When you think about it, ALL galaxies are far, far away.
of 92 votes, 75% like it
|
|
Horse sense told me to say neigh.
of 71 votes, 55% like it
|
I prefer to think of gravity as more of a rule than a law.
of 72 votes, 54% like it
|
To be frank, one must be named Frank.
of 82 votes, 66% like it
|
|
Being ripped into atoms in a black hole = coolest death ever.
of 75 votes, 72% like it
|
I can prove wormholes exist. Look at the ground after it rains.
of 65 votes, 51% like it
|
Rocket scientists think they’re SO smart.
of 75 votes, 69% like it
|
|
The lesser of two evils is still pretty evil.
of 87 votes, 55% like it
|
My stunt double does my work-out for me.
of 78 votes, 53% like it
|
Villains get a bad rap. Heroes get a great rock song.
of 76 votes, 51% like it
|
|
Sticking to your guns is easy with really strong glue.
of 76 votes, 55% like it
|
Whatever floats your boat, but water is usually most effective.
of 88 votes, 65% like it
|
I loved singin' in the rain until I caught pneumonia.
of 71 votes, 55% like it
|
|
Sci-fi movies: where everyone owns ugly polyester jumpsuits.
of 81 votes, 49% like it
|
Mimes and clowns: too scary to be truly entertaining.
of 76 votes, 50% like it
|
Shakespeare’s villains are totally badass.
of 77 votes, 53% like it
|
|
Astronauts are the only ones who truly dance with the stars.
of 75 votes, 52% like it
|
Cows are cool because they wear leather.
of 93 votes, 67% like it
|
Democracy is great as long as everyone agrees with me.
of 83 votes, 64% like it
|
|
If every cloud has a silver lining, I want the mining rights.
of 84 votes, 56% like it
|
I don’t read tea leaves. I’m waiting for the movie version.
of 78 votes, 59% like it
|
Living on the cutting edge sounds kind of painful.
of 90 votes, 64% like it
|
|
Synchronized swimmers: proof rhythm alone doesn’t make you cool.
of 95 votes, 68% like it
|
The Bermuda Triangle: the ultimate cruise to nowhere.
of 75 votes, 52% like it
|
Numerology: just more validation that you suck at math.
of 78 votes, 54% like it
|
|
Climb every mountain, ford every stream, die of exhaustion.
of 90 votes, 62% like it
|
Winning is contagious. Failure is viral.
of 86 votes, 59% like it
|
Respect chickens, they’re descended from the T. rex.
of 102 votes, 65% like it
|
|
When I discover my super power, you're in big trouble.
of 111 votes, 77% like it
|
This party would be so much better if it was a hoedown.
of 84 votes, 45% like it
|
You don’t own me. The credit card companies own me.
of 87 votes, 55% like it
|
|
It was a walk in the park. Too bad it was followed by a mugging.
of 90 votes, 58% like it
|
My stuffed animals are plotting against me.
of 92 votes, 52% like it
|
Wooden stakes are more cost-effective than silver bullets.
of 92 votes, 51% like it
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My imaginary friend doesn’t believe in you, either.
of 107 votes, 74% like it
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Reincarnation: your chance to screw it all up again.
of 110 votes, 73% like it
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I don’t have all the answers. That’s what Google is for.
of 105 votes, 58% like it
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It’s too late to apologize, but not too late to buy me a present.
of 90 votes, 50% like it
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Smile! Your parents spent a lot on your orthodontic work.
of 91 votes, 48% like it
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Keep your friends close and stay the hell away from your enemies.
of 85 votes, 58% like it
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Love is the answer. Wait, what was the question again?
of 84 votes, 55% like it
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