Bernie Madoff with my life savings
of 15 votes, 7% like it
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Burnett/Lowrey '95
of 20 votes, 5% like it
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Caution: this shirt is anti-gravity. you may be flashed.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
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Civil War Vet since 1861.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
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climbed Mt. Everest once. no biggie.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
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Cold War Prostitute
of 16 votes, 13% like it
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Consumer Capitalism is the new Black
of 23 votes, 13% like it
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Democrats & Republicans screw each other behind closed doors.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
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fresh perspective
of 11 votes, 9% like it
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Grant/Colfax 69'
of 18 votes, 6% like it
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had a million dollars. but I spent it all. on lotto tickets.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
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Haim/Feldman '12
of 19 votes, 11% like it
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Have you made your contribution to greenhouse gases yet?
of 13 votes, 23% like it
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How come the yellow Power Ranger happened to be Asian.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
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i <3 skanks
of 11 votes, 18% like it
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i am not a mollusk
of 14 votes, 29% like it
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i am not going to front. that nipple-twist left me purple.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
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i can type 69 wpm. does that make you horny?
of 16 votes, 25% like it
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I delivered a pizza to Catch a Predator and now I'm incarcerated.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
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i eat hangover for breakfast
of 21 votes, 14% like it
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I just made a deposit at the bank. the sperm bank that is.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
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I made a volcano in 2nd grade that burnt the entire school down.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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i trade stock for a {non} living.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
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I yacht in the Free Market.
of 24 votes, 8% like it
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i {heart} stimulating the economy from a recession.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
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Iraq and My Girlfriend: places I should have pulled out earlier.
of 10 votes, 40% like it
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Joined a gang recently--as their CPA
of 14 votes, 7% like it
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Late for my {non-existent} job, got {not} fired.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
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Lincoln/Hamlin '60
of 17 votes, 6% like it
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McCain/Cyborg '12
of 18 votes, 11% like it
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McCain/Japanese Blowup Doll '12
of 19 votes, 11% like it
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Monroe/Tompkins '17
of 19 votes, 5% like it
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My mother is French, my father is Gummy Bear
of 2 votes, 50% like it
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my puppy is an honor puppy at the Donlee-Feyn Canine Institute
of 19 votes, 5% like it
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Not a virgin since 10pm
of 20 votes, 15% like it
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not gonna lie: my underwear somehow bunched itself up my crevice.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
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notice: i am on probation. please dont coerce me.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
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Paul Revere dressed in tights like a little girl.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
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Peter Venkman slimed my mother
of 5 votes, 20% like it
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Population: Five Point One Billion and Counting...
of 19 votes, 5% like it
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Ralph Waldo Emerson called your mom a ho.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
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Ralph Waldo Emerson gave a moose a knuckle sandwich.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
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Ralph Waldo Emerson has puny biceps
of 21 votes, 5% like it
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Ralph Waldo Emerson sucker punched a shark just 4 looking at him
of 20 votes, 5% like it
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the revolutionary war broke out at ten pm on a monday.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
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this shirt has been autotuned
of 4 votes, 25% like it
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throw-up free since four am.
of 17 votes, 6% like it
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Twilight is a postmodern attempt at Rebel Without A Cause.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
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typetees has a tough fckn crowd to please
of 20 votes, 20% like it
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Venkman/Spengler '12
of 11 votes, 9% like it
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