#1 Zombie pick-up line, "My, your amygdala is looking divine
of 24 votes, 25% like it
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<u>LINE</u> puts life on the line.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
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1ST PLACE TROPHY: Wide Mouth Ass Tournament
of 41 votes, 12% like it
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A chest of drawers is ideal for storing artists.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
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A chest of drawers is ideal for transporting artists.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
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A starving yogi must be hungry as a bear.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
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Adapted by parents.
of 40 votes, 15% like it
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After firing a synapse, I lost my job.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
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Air kiss deflector shield activated
of 74 votes, 41% like it
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All great minds taste alike.
of 39 votes, 31% like it
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All the conspiracy theorist are plotting against me.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
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Always give down. Not up.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
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Apparently school was not my best subject.
of 55 votes, 29% like it
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Artist vampires draw blood.
of 27 votes, 19% like it
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At the end of the day, I poop.
of 36 votes, 47% like it
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Back seat driver with bird in hand.
of 31 votes, 29% like it
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Bacon populates Hog Heaven.
of 26 votes, 12% like it
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Baseball season drives me batty.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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Bed bugs are not a cozy as they sound.
of 31 votes, 26% like it
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BEGINNING FRENCH:
It wasn't nearly as exciting as it sounds.
of 45 votes, 29% like it
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Being stood up does not make me feel taller.
of 45 votes, 33% like it
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Being the best batter is as easy as cake.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
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Being the best batter is as easy as cake.
of 1 votes, 100% like it
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Best Supporting Actor: When you wish upon a costar.
of 12 votes, 33% like it
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Beware: My inner ghost is seeping.
of 26 votes, 15% like it
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Biology makes me feel so alive.
of 44 votes, 34% like it
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Bipolar bears love everybody.
of 68 votes, 43% like it
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Block heads are always out of their write mind.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
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Bored games have no fun.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
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Boys wearing dresses is such a drag.
of 37 votes, 46% like it
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Brett Favre WAS cool.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
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Bug one another, as I have bugged you.
of 77 votes, 47% like it
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Buy me presents.
of 33 votes, 33% like it
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Cake: It's whats for dinner.
of 35 votes, 40% like it
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Can snowman catch a cold?
of 15 votes, 7% like it
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Canada is above US.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
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Canada, oh Canada, you are so above US.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
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Canadians are so above Americans.
of 29 votes, 38% like it
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Catapult: It starts with cat for a reason.
of 12 votes, 25% like it
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Cavity searches should only be legal if you're a dentist.
of 33 votes, 21% like it
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Cavity searches should only be legal if your a dentist.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
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Clever is a lever by the C.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
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College was a bunch of B.S.
of 45 votes, 33% like it
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Corduroy is so groovy.
of 32 votes, 28% like it
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Corny jokes are music to my ears.
of 31 votes, 23% like it
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Cubiphobia: fear of cubicals.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
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Cumulus: The science of what is over the rainbow.
of 32 votes, 19% like it
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Dawn should keep her crack to herself.
of 19 votes, 37% like it
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Dead millionaires are stinking rich.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
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Do not feed the bear in mind (written in a endless circle)
of 22 votes, 23% like it
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Do you have my marbles?
of 66 votes, 39% like it
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Do you have the guts to show what you're made of?
of 53 votes, 13% like it
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Do you mean dragon breath doesn't make me hot?
of 17 votes, 29% like it
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Does the spot belong to X or G?
of 21 votes, 19% like it
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Does your mom know you are looking at my chest?
of 62 votes, 44% like it
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Don't go postal: 1-Think outside box. 2-Don't push the envelope
of 4 votes, 25% like it
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Don't make me huff and puff and come blow your house down.
of 45 votes, 38% like it
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Donkey didn't see the Beware of Crack sign. Now he's jacked up.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
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Doom: It's a reflective mood.
of 11 votes, 27% like it
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Double Dutch was fun before it was an economic dating strategy.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
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DRAW A BLANK
(small letters)
check and hand it over.
of 41 votes, 41% like it
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DRIVING:
It's all the rage nowadays.
of 76 votes, 38% like it
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Due to evolution, the human head will be a phone in the future.
of 29 votes, 17% like it
|
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Eat crow, love.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
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Eating a dictionary will put too many words in your mouth.
of 76 votes, 42% like it
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Eggvolution: Chicks will be boneless and breaded before hatching
of 23 votes, 17% like it
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Emotional baggage will be charged by the bag.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
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Every man has his price. Every woman has his credit card.
of 66 votes, 41% like it
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Everyone melted when Wicked Witch lost the spelling bee.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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Exercise is like exorcism, except you have to get out of bed.
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
Fairies never cheat, they just use magic.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
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Fairies never cheat. If they did we'd call them cheaties.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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Fish tales are a load of crappie.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
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Fits happen.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
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Fly like an emu,
to the sea.
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
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Flying over the red light district, Rudolph hung on for dear life
of 36 votes, 39% like it
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Flying over the red light district, Rudolph hung on for deer life
of 32 votes, 34% like it
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Foecuss (ˈfÅkÉ™s) Clearly seeing which enemy
of 0 votes, 0% like it
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For vampire dentists, the graveyard shift is so bloody late.
of 42 votes, 40% like it
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Forevers is more than five evers, every time. I hate math.
of 50 votes, 56% like it
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Forgetfulness leaves me feeling empty. It's so ironic.
of 30 votes, 17% like it
|
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Friends forever will haunt you in the end.
of 42 votes, 19% like it
|
Frogs give you warts? At least they don't give you warthogs.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
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Frogs with briefcases have more fun.
of 24 votes, 17% like it
|
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Fudge tastes better than a grudge.
of 30 votes, 17% like it
|
Fuel Efficient:
Less Dinos per mile.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
G-force on a G-string = Wedgies in Space
of 86 votes, 57% like it
|
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Genetically altered for fun.
of 41 votes, 32% like it
|
Giraffes like to neck.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
Gobbledegook:
The ingredients of post Thanksgiving sandwiches.
of 37 votes, 14% like it
|
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Gobbledygook:
Left over Thanksgiving scraps.
of 31 votes, 29% like it
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God is mute.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
Grin and bury it.
of 34 votes, 35% like it
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|
Grumpy was a little short on humor.
of 49 votes, 35% like it
|
Hang Loose.
Except when skydiving.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
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Hang Ten: A fun way to say your toes are shark bait.
of 53 votes, 38% like it
|
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Happily ever after is so long, long, ago.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
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Happy nudist grin and bare it.
of 32 votes, 38% like it
|
Have you seen my fairy God Mother?
I need her to fix my pumpkin.
of 63 votes, 46% like it
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HDT-Me, digitally woven for excellence.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
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Hearts: They beat everything.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
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Help me oh my warm cannoli. You're my only hope.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
|
|
Hogwash:
When your toes take a bath.
of 30 votes, 27% like it
|
Hope eternally springs a leak.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
Horses were born to run. Ask the Gallop Poll.
of 44 votes, 30% like it
|
|
Husbands can be called lots of things.
of 25 votes, 28% like it
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I am a hopeless Romantic Comedy.
of 26 votes, 23% like it
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I am back from the future and it's not pretty.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
|
|
I am the monster of my own universe.
of 25 votes, 24% like it
|
I am the monster of my universe.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
I am the result of an experiment.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
|
I am trending.
of 26 votes, 12% like it
|
I am...
Kernel of Pop.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
I bit the worm hole in my apple. It was more than I could chew.
of 22 votes, 5% like it
|
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I can't cut the mustard, but I'm great a cutting class.
of 30 votes, 23% like it
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I can't cut the mustard, but I'm great at cutting class
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
I escaped from the zoo with my pride.
of 78 votes, 46% like it
|
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I found light at the end of the funnel cake.
of 43 votes, 37% like it
|
I get a kick out of ninjas.
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
I graduated toe of my class.
of 48 votes, 33% like it
|
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I guess pride is a summer thing, since it comes before the fall
of 64 votes, 41% like it
|
I have more luck than cents.
of 46 votes, 35% like it
|
I killed my drawing more by accident than design.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I know Math. He is such a problem.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
I like my coffee a latte.
of 34 votes, 26% like it
|
I like to keep the moon in my pants.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
|
I make up my mind as often as I make up my bed.
of 31 votes, 26% like it
|
I never met a chocolate I didn't like.
of 81 votes, 44% like it
|
I prefer the bark of a dogwood. It doesn't wake me up.
of 32 votes, 38% like it
|
|
I question all Author-tees.
of 28 votes, 7% like it
|
I shall enjoy today.
Tomorrow I must return to my home planet.
of 39 votes, 31% like it
|
I stuck my foot in my mouth. Then I swallowed my soul.
of 29 votes, 28% like it
|
|
I text off key.
of 31 votes, 29% like it
|
I used to be a dreamer. Then the cat jumped on my head.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
I was happy as a clam until I pulled a muscle.
of 14 votes, 29% like it
|
|
I was legally adapted.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
I wish my pencil would do some line dancing.
of 41 votes, 41% like it
|
I wouldn't be caught dead eating brains.
of 27 votes, 19% like it
|
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I'd rather leave a legacy than an armory.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
I'll revo dneb 4U
of 26 votes, 12% like it
|
I'll take my eggsistential life sunny side up.
of 67 votes, 48% like it
|
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I'm a smart cookie. Will you except me?
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
I'm drawn to art.
of 38 votes, 34% like it
|
I'm not straight, I'm crooked.
of 38 votes, 16% like it
|
|
I'm one fort away from being a cardboard city slicker.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
I'm so tired of being a loan," said the deficit.
of 60 votes, 37% like it
|
I've been touched by an angle.
of 37 votes, 30% like it
|
|
I've lost my temper. Have you seen it?
of 20 votes, 5% like it
|
If money doesn't grow on trees, what are dollar bills made of?
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
If time is money, my warp factor slipped into reverse.
of 6 votes, 33% like it
|
|
If you're crappy and you know it clap your hands.
of 25 votes, 24% like it
|
In the future, I'll make one fetching zombie.
of 30 votes, 30% like it
|
Instead of magic, all I got was a hairy godmother.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Is holy crap omnipresent?
of 82 votes, 41% like it
|
Isn't a space cadet like such a cool thing to be?
of 59 votes, 39% like it
|
It is a waste to get down in the dumps.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
|
It might smell good, but a table made of coffee would be a mess
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
Its not a spill, its just a tea-shirt.
of 42 votes, 21% like it
|
Jack rolled down the unemployment line.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Jazz hands always want to shake on it.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
Jingleberry: When song lyrics are stuck on the tip of your tongue
of 88 votes, 47% like it
|
JOB WANTED:
Beneficiary.
Employee found within.
of 21 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Jogging fixes hogging.
of 25 votes, 8% like it
|
Kindergarten: The origin of the meeting of the mines.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
Let's be checkbook friends.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Let's make an ideal.
of 30 votes, 17% like it
|
Locomotive...when a trains do things for crazy reasons.
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
Made of 100% organic rotten.
of 34 votes, 26% like it
|
|
Marriage: The act of putting oneself through the ringer.
of 20 votes, 5% like it
|
Mary Christmas! Without the mom, you wouldn't get any presents.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
Mary Christmas. (small print...Mom's always get left out.)
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Member of the School Bored.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
Meteorites are the true rock stars
of 8 votes, 50% like it
|
Monkeys bite back.
of 30 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Mosquitoes always start from scratch.
of 49 votes, 39% like it
|
Mosquitos: Proof that God has temper tantrums.
of 48 votes, 35% like it
|
Much doo doo about nothing.
of 36 votes, 22% like it
|
|
Mushroom: Where sled dogs go to work out.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
|
My appetite was my original app.
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
My axle is wheely supportive.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
My blind date made me wish I was a deaf date.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
My brain is revolting.
of 99 votes, 16% like it
|
My briefcase was more fun when I was a frog.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
|
My cat's name is Tattoo. He loves Ricardo Meowtalban.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
My coffee is better than your coffee.
of 33 votes, 27% like it
|
My couch knighted me Lord of the Springs.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
|
My credit score is better than pi.
of 28 votes, 29% like it
|
My dog's dreams would chill you to the bone.
of 55 votes, 18% like it
|
My Fairy Tale:
I see frog.
I kiss frog.
I get peed on.
of 72 votes, 46% like it
|
|
My favorite softwear is 100% cotton.
of 46 votes, 37% like it
|
My frontal cortex hurts.
of 66 votes, 44% like it
|
My future home is six feet under.
of 24 votes, 13% like it
|
|
My joystick was my best antidepressant.
of 36 votes, 28% like it
|
My laptop dances. Does yours?
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
My nest egg cracked. I got broke.
of 36 votes, 39% like it
|
|
My personal bibliography includes:
diary
memo pad
post-it note
of 56 votes, 36% like it
|
My Secret Santa is so good at secrets I haven't seen him in years
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
My shirt is smarter than your shirt.
of 66 votes, 39% like it
|
|
My social net does not work.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
My stars got spangled up in blue.
of 50 votes, 44% like it
|
My train of thought is under construction.
of 31 votes, 29% like it
|
|
Never date a musician. You're always a measure away from a finale
of 21 votes, 29% like it
|
Never date a musician.You're always a measure away from an outro
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
Never strike a happy Medium. The results can be very haunting.
of 21 votes, 33% like it
|
|
NIGHTMARES:
A secret herd of vampire horses.
of 35 votes, 26% like it
|
No crying over spilt milk - unless it came from the cash cow.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
NO DIVING! In the shallow end of Mainstream.
of 29 votes, 10% like it
|
|
Official H1N1 deflector tee.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
OMG! I had a cow
(small print) for dinner.
of 28 votes, 4% like it
|
Once you go dark roast, you'll never go back.
of 33 votes, 36% like it
|
|
One day my luck will run out.
of 39 votes, 21% like it
|
One screw loose is the only way to roll.
of 61 votes, 39% like it
|
Only a zombie could get through my thick scull.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Opening Pandora's boxers is the true origin of evil.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
PAPER CUTS:
2 against 1. Rock doesn't have a chance.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
|
Parasite: When you see something growing on you twice.
of 22 votes, 9% like it
|
|
Pessimism: The science of No-It-All.
of 19 votes, 32% like it
|
Pessimists: Just a bunch of no-it-alls.
of 19 votes, 37% like it
|
Plastic surgeons are the real cut-ups.
of 26 votes, 27% like it
|
|
Please come in peace, not pieces.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
Please explain why a foxy moron is not an oxymoron.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
Pollytician:
Publicly elected parrot.
of 24 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Pop is the same, coming or going.
of 12 votes, 25% like it
|
Popularity rhymes with hilarity.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
Principals have no class.
of 69 votes, 42% like it
|
|
PRO (line break)
Fane
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
Professional Hooky Player
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
Proud graduate of the School of hard Knock Knocks.
of 40 votes, 28% like it
|
|
Radio active bands are hazardous to human health.
of 40 votes, 18% like it
|
Raw is not the answer. BBQ is.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
RECHARGEABLE!
But first they have to catch me.
of 35 votes, 34% like it
|
|
Righting my rough draft left me all tapped out.
of 22 votes, 9% like it
|
ROYAL FLUSH:
They poop.
Everyone looses.
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
Rulers are measured in inches, not bombs.
of 32 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Santa is a red faced spy.
of 31 votes, 6% like it
|
Santa makes me paranoid.
of 29 votes, 31% like it
|
Save a tree! Be naughty, not nice.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Say Watt: It is so current.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
School never cliqued for me.
of 39 votes, 26% like it
|
Shouldn't it be called social netplay?
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Silence: It goes without saying.
of 80 votes, 73% like it
|
Silly Jack, you were supposed to brew those bean. Not plant them.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
|
Sing till your art in content!
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Smoke candles not tobacco. They melt in your mouth.
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
Smoke candles. They melt in your mouth.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
Snake wanted to put his best foot forward. But how?
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Sports is a catchword.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
Sterile goats are no kidding.
of 19 votes, 5% like it
|
SUPER ZERO: Leader of the free world.
of 36 votes, 11% like it
|
|
T U V (U and V are in uv ink.)
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
Take me to you feeder.
of 1 votes, 100% like it
|
Tango: It happens to me every winter.
of 10 votes, 30% like it
|
|
Taxidermy made my tax collector leave me alone.
of 39 votes, 46% like it
|
Tee for two is more fun than tea for two.
of 27 votes, 26% like it
|
Tee for two.
Come on in.
of 49 votes, 35% like it
|
|
Testosterone should have been tested longer.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
Textbooks have nothing to do with texting. Weird!
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
The corporate life makes me want to commit cubicide.
of 44 votes, 32% like it
|
|
The fountain of youth was so tasty. (small print) I'm really 92!
of 29 votes, 31% like it
|
The future is a concept which chills me to the marrow.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
The heat popped my cherry pie.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
|
The Naughty List is not as fun as it sounds.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
The question should be,"Why does the opossum cross the road?
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
The Space Bar.
Why can't it launch me into the cosmos?
of 35 votes, 23% like it
|
|
There is a rat in every crate.
of 28 votes, 14% like it
|
There is not enough peace.
of 53 votes, 19% like it
|
This tee is before you...just like the alphabet.
of 43 votes, 37% like it
|
|
Threadless is more fun than work.
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
Throw caution to the trend.
of 33 votes, 24% like it
|
To an Opossum I am drop dead gorgeous.
of 28 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Tomboy fairies fly by the seat of their pants.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
|
Too much awake can result in a wake.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
Trained Practitioner of Chocolatherapy.
of 21 votes, 33% like it
|
|
TriLaughathon: When you win by a smile.
of 36 votes, 17% like it
|
Triumph requires UMPH 3 (3 in superscript for 3rd power)
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
True evil is to live in reverse.
of 46 votes, 46% like it
|
|
University of Salem: Where tailgating requires burned steaks.
of 29 votes, 14% like it
|
Upgrade your antenna to HDTeeMe if this shirt is unclear.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
Ursa Major: Original winner of Dancing with the Stars.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
|
Vampires are always dressed to kill.
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
Waiter, the fly in my soup asked you to hold the onions.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
WARNING: Thinking outside the box may result in...
of 24 votes, 33% like it
|
|
What is black and white and red all over? (b/w print on red T)
of 74 votes, 46% like it
|
When did deficit spending become deficit trending?
of 22 votes, 9% like it
|
When God eats does he create holy crap?
of 51 votes, 27% like it
|
|
When I climbed the ladder of success my ears rung.
of 11 votes, 27% like it
|
When I die, you will dig me.
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
When I grow up, I want to not live in my parents basement.
of 41 votes, 44% like it
|
|
When it comes to school, i am apparently very D-gradable.
of 65 votes, 43% like it
|
When Rudolph complements Santa, is it still called brown nosing?
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
Where's the mystery meat?
of 37 votes, 27% like it
|
|
Who needs oil? I power up with mushrooms.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
Why wasn't the Funny Farm funny?
of 31 votes, 32% like it
|
Winter makes me cool.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Without lust there is no illustration.
of 26 votes, 15% like it
|
Would you be apolloed if I asked you to walk on my moon?
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
Ygolocysp
of 34 votes, 26% like it
|
|
Yo' mama's a goose.
of 40 votes, 35% like it
|
You can't teach and old God new tricks.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
You'll find us when you get the hoe out of the house.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
|
|
Zombie Posers are Professional Possum Players.
of 30 votes, 13% like it
|
Zombie proctologist are experts in dead ends.
of 24 votes, 13% like it
|
