That is really nice of you to actually give them feedback! I tried to listen to any musicians who requested an add from me when I first joined; I think I even found a couple really good ones. Now, it feels like daily requests and I just can't keep up!



Post away, but be sure to include the name of the band so we can check them out, too.

Let's use our mad skillz to bring down the pedophile ring that is Myspace!

First up we have these chaps. They're called Yellow Bentines. They have supported bands such as the Editors and the Artic Monkeys and play energetic and fun-filled melodic compositions with a strong piano-trumpet framework. It's just the kind of thing that makes you go to the pub until the headlining act come on.



http://www.myspace.com/yellowbentines



Sorry it's taken so long to reply to your friend request, I'm exceedingly lazy and it was all a bit too much.



I'm sorry to say that I can't accept your request to be my friend as I find your music exceptionally irritating. I don't think it's particularly bad music, it's just rather hackneyed and uninspired.



After having a quick look through your friends & comments I've come to the opinion that you should stick to your current demographic of rather cute indie chicks and stop trying to attract mid-twenties men with a penchant for obscure prentintious electronic music round to your lively indie-pop sound.



Anyway, I hope its all going well for you lot. I don't wish to sound negative, but I think you'll get alot more pussy if you stick to the indie chicks and thats probably the reason you started your band.



Toodle OO-OO-OOH, x

Personally, I enjoy not having a myspace profile :-)

Bigstanno- that is quite honest!! Did you ever hear back from them?



Tracer- c'mon, you know you want to give in. It's fun on the dark side. :)

More! More!

Nooooooo way. I have a facebook profile, and that's good enough for me. Some of the myspace pages I see, especially from new members on threadless, almost give me seizures. They're all bright and ugly and impossible to read, and there's always crappy music playing :-p

I thought you liked pedophile rings, per?

Ok, I agree with you there, tracer! Simple is often better and they should definitely not have the players start up by themselves when you enter a profile.

my profile is rather swanky i think....and the song on it is probably one of the best ive ever heard.

Now you're in for a real treat here, these guys have an interesting sound that has all but died in the UK but can be heard occasionally at open mike nights. They're called Big Eye AM , they saw my profile and assumed I'd 'dig' their sound...



Hey, Thanks for the message! Unfortunately I think your music is awful. You sound like a mid 90's funk/rock band, perhaps from australia or South Africa. Do you have some rapping in your songs too? Anyway, I hope you get better. Tom

screw honesty, my friend.



:D behold my amazing alt. profile!



TADA



I should start doing what you do...except be ovrely enthusiastic about it.

Which song do you have up, shesaysso?



And we definitely want more, Tom!

I think my song is probably better.



ooh, you touch my tralalala,ooh you touch my ding ding dong.

Are you saying you are bigstanno, iPear? If that's the case, you are doing what he does! How could you not be?

myspazz



the song is called zombie killers....but its not as plebby as you think it'd be.

no, I'm not him....>> sorry, I don't even know what a big stano is.



...



he's like 10 years older then me, and he's tall...and he...loves it all.

i think your profile picture is the best bit.

No, I guess something is screwed up in here (or in my head). Your link and shesaysso's just put me back at this blog.

Next up we have C/O/R/D. They're from Norfolk, a part of the UK that is the butt of many incest/inbreeding jokes. They're quite talented and I really think they have what it takes to crack the mid 30's housewife market. If you can't be bothered to listen to them just imagine Coldplay, Keane and Travis all playing at the same time.



http://www.myspace.com/cordonline



Hello Mike, I'm afraid I really don't like your music at all. Sorry. I managed to listen to a whole song but that was more than enough for me. It's really well recorded though. Theres a chap called Nick on my top 8 whos really into middle of the road indie rock, he might like your stuff. Anyway, cheers for the message. Goodluck with the music n'that! Tom, x

Thanks Mr. Per Danger. No one has ever told me I've got Mad Skillz before, I feel very special now.



x

So, what's in your CD player (or on rotation in your mp3 player) right now, bigstanno?

Well I'm currently listening to an offering from my latest friend request... I don't think I can take much more though.



I did listen to last weeks edition of In Our Time off the radio 4 website earlier though.

Loving the reviews. Keep them coming.

radio 4..awesome

I must say that the latest friend requesters really have me flummoxed. They are awful, I'm just trying to figure out exactly how.



Once I've responded to them you'll be the first to know.



x

Hurrah! Yellow Bentines have replied to me! Although I still lack respect for them as purveyors of music I now respect them more as chaps. Their reply is as follows...



"Haha no problem. We understand whole heartedly!"



They sound like nice chaps and I wish them all the cute indies chicks they can get their grubby Scottish hands on.



x

Haha. Nice work!

Hello everybody. I've been an awfully lazy git on Myspace recently. I haven't replied to a single friend request so I thought I'd spend this morning gettting back to all my fans and offering them my opinions.



Here we have ZENYTH. They're from Cardiff in Wales and play a nostalgic brew of Rock/Classic Rock.



ZENYTH's Myspace







Gosh! You really aren't joking when you say you play classic rock are you! You've got a great classic rock name too, I particularly like the way you've spelt it with a Z instead of and I (is that the Welsh spelling or is it to make you seem more edgy?).



Anyway, I don't really think I can accept your request of friendship as I don't like your music and I feel it would be dishonest to pretend I did. HOWEVER, if one of you has a really fit sister that might be interested in me then all of this could change.



Please think about it, the offer is on the table but I'm in high demand and you/she could miss out!



I hope all goes well for you in your musical career and that this isn't the 'zenith' of your career! (ho ho ho)



Tom



PS: She could be a cousin or step sister, as long as she's got a dirty welsh accent like that Charlotte Church or Imogen off Big Brother. Cheers.

They Reply!



"We Bow Down Sir Tom!



Well there a couple of FIT sisters!



Zenyth



oh its a Y not I "

You secretly love the Zenyth...I can tell.

I must admit I do go slightly weak at the knees for a buxom lass with a soft welsh accent.



I hope they deliver on their offer...



Excellent, if you could ask them to send me a photo and also complete the following sentance in less than 5000 words.



"I deserve to pay for Tom to go on a holiday with me to a nudist beach in the Bahamas beacuse..."





Kind Regards,

Sir Tom

My Nan's Welsh..she's only 4'11" though so you two would never work..

Christ. Your family really is a carnival of extreme heights isn't it. How did you end up three feet taller than your nan?

lies lies lies...

Well, she married my Gramps..who was 6'2" they had my ma..5'9" who married my pa 6'3" and they had me..hurray!!

how tall are you exactly?

5'11" and a bit..not quite 6ft..Stu just likes to make me feel like a freak!

Thats a perfectly acceptable height. Do you have some ridiculously huge heels to make you taller than little Stuie?

I was wearing heels when we met..he suggested I should walk about barefoot instead! I shall prob be wearing flat shoes tomorrow when I head your way..are you about?

Moi? No I have important things to attend to in the north. I'm sure our paths will cross at some point however...

Hehe..you and Stu have the same tone of phrase..I like that! Yeah, I'm sure we will, I shall look forward to it!

Tone of phrase, I like that. Very economical combining tone of voice and turn of phrase into a single phrase. Well done.

*turn of phrase even..!

Yeah, ok so I'm dumb..sue me!

I've often lobbied for a Stupidity Tax, alas my requests have been rejected. I'll be fucked if they introduce a spelling tax however.



I do actually like the phrase however, Portmanteaus are my favorite thing. Some get off on Puns, I get all excited about portmanteaus.

Well, whatever floats your boat I guess! Glad I could help, albeit unintentionally!

Its been a while since I could be bothered to reply to any of the musical idiots who message me on Myspace, however today I recieved a request I just could not ignore.



It was from Toby Jepson. He can be found here: http://www.myspace.com/tobyjepsonrocks



As you can see, he's a bad man, a very bad man. I simply had to reply to the fucker.



Good afternoon Toby.



To be honest I'm unsure as to how I should take your request of friendship. It seems that either you haven't read my profile and have just sent me this request 'off the cuff' as it were, or you have and for some reason you ignored everything contained within and assumed that I would appreciate your bland and generic shite.



Usually, when some shit music maker sends me a friend request, I give them an honest opinion of their music and inform them that they may have contacted the wrong person. I'm not malicious, just honest. However, in your case I think you deserve to know what I think of both yourself and your music.



The very fact that your profile is called "tobyjepsonrocks" leads me to believe that you are an egotistical cunt with absolutely no comprehesion of modesty, humility or good taste. The photos of yourself only serve to reaffirm this belief, I especially like the one where squatting as though shitting yourself while playing. The picture of you with your fans is quite nice too as there only two people in it. As they say, the camera never lies. I assume they're either your parents, or hired actors.



Anyway, I think you get the idea, you quite obviously don't sound like "the best thing I've heard in ages". You sound like utter fucking shite.



Apart from all that I hope things are going well for you and that you have a happy Christmas, New Year etc



Bye, Tom

weird.. you're the 3rd person today.. that I've come across talking about honesty.

That sure is weird all right! It's thing like that happening that make you question the very fabric of reality itself...