I'm #trendy on the internet
of 20 votes, 5% like it
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I actually use my sneakers for sneaking.
of 19 votes, 53% like it
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Fetuses are brilliant. It really is a comfortable position.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
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The ground has feelings too. So please stop stepping on it.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
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I'd call you a tool, but tools are actually useful.
of 20 votes, 30% like it
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I'll lend you my attention, but it'll be at 0% interest.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
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I think pancakes taste like crepe.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
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Words will never hurt you eh? (+ a finished hangman game drawing)
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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Selling Hugs
of 23 votes, 9% like it
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Shin: a device for finding objects in the dark
of 22 votes, 27% like it
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Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
of 25 votes, 32% like it
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Lock up your daughters and give me the key!
of 23 votes, 22% like it
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Baby you got some tape?
Because I'm totally ripped.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
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CAUTION:
SEE-THRU WHEN WET
of 14 votes, 21% like it
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I'm with stupid*
*does not apply when wearer is next to mirror
of 32 votes, 9% like it
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Better to have drunk and vomited than never to have drunk at all
of 33 votes, 18% like it
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If you are what you eat, I must be a cannibal.
of 31 votes, 19% like it
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Life span is not as important as life spent
of 31 votes, 23% like it
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Plenty more fish in the sea, but how many are red-herrings?
of 31 votes, 16% like it
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I won't bite... at least not anywhere is shows.
of 31 votes, 16% like it
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I'm not perfect, but it scares me how close I am.
of 31 votes, 23% like it
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If fun were people, I'd be China.
of 32 votes, 25% like it
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A sexy person turns heads. I break necks.
of 31 votes, 26% like it
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The chip packet is never half-full. It’s ALWAYS half-empty.
of 31 votes, 13% like it
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If you're going to be a sheep, be a black sheep.
of 31 votes, 23% like it
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I suffer from mental constipation & verbal diarrhoea.
of 31 votes, 16% like it
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Absence makes the heart start to wander.
of 32 votes, 16% like it
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I save trees. I don't use toilet-paper.
of 33 votes, 33% like it
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One does not simply make a one-liner about Mordor!
of 32 votes, 16% like it
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Thesaurus, is that a type of dinosaur?
of 31 votes, 26% like it
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