My drill instructor is such a boring tool
of 61 votes, 11% like it
|
I'm so laid-back, I'm vertically challenged
of 28 votes, 43% like it
|
Note to self: T-shirt is not note-pad
of 25 votes, 32% like it
|
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Gravity is so down-to-earth
of 23 votes, 39% like it
|
OK in day, KO at night
of 25 votes, 28% like it
|
I lost my train of thought a station ago
of 29 votes, 45% like it
|
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My creative juices are not from concentrate
of 36 votes, 39% like it
|
Parallel Universes Give Me The Best Of Both Worlds
of 34 votes, 56% like it
|
I wasn't sure what to drink so i took a shot in the dark
of 27 votes, 48% like it
|
|
Breaking News Kills Anchorman
of 30 votes, 57% like it
|
I'd Follow My Dreams, But I Keep Waking Up Too Soon
of 38 votes, 34% like it
|
Nothing spells success quite like
S U C C E S S
of 35 votes, 43% like it
|
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I am the favourite child
of 34 votes, 32% like it
|
Rock climbing demands peak performance
of 29 votes, 31% like it
|
My reality check is paid fortnightly
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
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If you can't spell, why use a dictionary?
of 26 votes, 38% like it
|
I had to put my dog down because he was too heavy to carry
of 28 votes, 46% like it
|
Answers: They take the guess-work out of questions
of 47 votes, 36% like it
|
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If you don't believe in Santa Claus, why believe in Death?
of 32 votes, 47% like it
|
Owls think night clubs are a hoot
of 41 votes, 37% like it
|
Last time I had a stomach bug, I got butterflies
of 39 votes, 36% like it
|
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If I had 8 legs, I'm pretty sure you'd want to squish me too
of 36 votes, 39% like it
|
Lightbulbs were a great idea
of 47 votes, 57% like it
|
Dinosaurs like their meat rawr
of 34 votes, 59% like it
|
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I almost got a book on phobias but I was afraid it wouldn't help
of 43 votes, 49% like it
|
If I could just find a phone booth, I could save the world
of 46 votes, 46% like it
|
Ask me about how you're going to die
of 41 votes, 24% like it
|
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When i've had it up to here, I raise the bar
of 41 votes, 46% like it
|
It was a dark and stormy night and then I got tired of cliches
of 46 votes, 46% like it
|
I followed the rainbow and all I got was this lousy gold t-shirt
of 35 votes, 54% like it
|
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Even cultured bacteria think germs are disgusting
of 43 votes, 53% like it
|
Gnomes Tell Me Every Mushroom Is Magical
of 36 votes, 36% like it
|
This t-shirt is woven with the fabric of time and space
of 35 votes, 63% like it
|
|
My shadow is very photogenic: It's always stepping in
of 29 votes, 41% like it
|
When I miss the bus, I write it letters
of 46 votes, 61% like it
|
A Little Birdy Told Me Little Birdies Are Not To Be Trusted
of 41 votes, 44% like it
|
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I'm going to live for life or die trying
of 23 votes, 39% like it
|
When Nature Calls, it's Reverse Charges
of 33 votes, 33% like it
|
The kitchen sink is tired of being left out
of 42 votes, 57% like it
|
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Chocolateering: Using a map and compass to find chocolate
of 35 votes, 46% like it
|
Cryogenics Is Only For Cool People
of 51 votes, 53% like it
|
In the future, we all wear t-shirts like this
of 33 votes, 36% like it
|
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Your future involves reading my t-shirt
of 37 votes, 35% like it
|
Clocks Always Have Time For Seconds
of 45 votes, 62% like it
|
What fun is science without a little madness?
of 37 votes, 46% like it
|
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When sheep have trouble sleeping, do they count farmers?
of 36 votes, 53% like it
|
I foresee my future filled with awesome
of 37 votes, 38% like it
|
The future is full of now
of 31 votes, 48% like it
|
|
Stalactites are so down to earth
of 33 votes, 64% like it
|
WASD: The pioneer in game controllers
of 26 votes, 35% like it
|
Go green: Get a pot plant
of 28 votes, 50% like it
|
|
7 is now in prison for cannibalism
of 31 votes, 58% like it
|
Y is not a vowel?
of 30 votes, 67% like it
|
Oranges know how to concentrate
of 50 votes, 66% like it
|
|
I go green! (mostly when i'm about to vomit)
of 42 votes, 40% like it
|
I'm on a mission to find awesomeness
of 42 votes, 45% like it
|
Secret Agents: More intelligent than Thickening Agents
of 44 votes, 50% like it
|
|
Winging it got me through flight school
of 52 votes, 46% like it
|
Music really strikes a chord with me
of 29 votes, 69% like it
|
Rhythm helps me walk to the beat of my own drum
of 40 votes, 45% like it
|
|
There will be treble when the fat lady sings
of 37 votes, 32% like it
|
Murderers make a killing
of 41 votes, 49% like it
|
Still Life Does Not Move Me
of 40 votes, 50% like it
|
|
Knowing where to draw the line is all about perspective
of 47 votes, 68% like it
|
I got a cow so i could milk it for what it's worth
of 40 votes, 48% like it
|
Apples and oranges is a fruity analogy
of 41 votes, 56% like it
|
|
When I want to make a point, I .
of 42 votes, 36% like it
|
Who needs time machines when regression helps us live the past?
of 39 votes, 54% like it
|
Sometimes I call people names
of 44 votes, 45% like it
|
|
Pandora also has a carton, case, coffer, receptacle and trunk
of 40 votes, 43% like it
|
Sugar and spice attracts ants
of 42 votes, 64% like it
|
Catching Z's is so Tiring
of 42 votes, 50% like it
|
|
To be honest, lying is my forte
of 46 votes, 50% like it
|
I often get headaches after brainstorming
of 41 votes, 54% like it
|
Most pirates think walking the plank is a bit overboard
of 56 votes, 55% like it
|
|
Waving at people gives me a natural hi
of 64 votes, 55% like it
|
Public Nudity: I just can't bare it
of 52 votes, 54% like it
|
I wish I was ghost: Their lives are so clear cut
of 29 votes, 55% like it
|
|
After some soul searching, I discovered my other shoe
of 35 votes, 66% like it
|
An Apple A Day Is The Best Way To Make Vegetables Jealous
of 45 votes, 53% like it
|
When I work for 24 hours straight, I like to call it a day
of 47 votes, 53% like it
|
|
I get sick on Fridays, but I'm better by the weekend
of 41 votes, 63% like it
|
Crazy people follow the psycho path.
of 41 votes, 61% like it
|
I think my imaginary friend is cheating on me
of 39 votes, 49% like it
|
|
In an emergency, please note the exits are here, here and here
of 45 votes, 53% like it
|
My dishes love sponge baths
of 42 votes, 52% like it
|
When I want to be squeaky clean, I wash with mice
of 41 votes, 46% like it
|
|
I like squaring circles and circling squares
of 40 votes, 53% like it
|
To Opt Out Of Commercialism, Please Tick This Box
of 40 votes, 48% like it
|
I sign important documents with a kiss
of 44 votes, 57% like it
|
|
I like my films and my chocolate NOIR
of 34 votes, 47% like it
|
I avoid rats like the plague
of 39 votes, 46% like it
|
I squeeze grapes to make them whine
of 50 votes, 62% like it
|
|
Pampered cows produce spoiled milk
of 43 votes, 49% like it
|
Beavers have a dam good life
of 40 votes, 53% like it
|
Blackouts: When lightbulbs lose consciousness
of 42 votes, 74% like it
|
|
Colds are no fun to play catch with
of 44 votes, 59% like it
|
Old magicians end up disillusioned
of 44 votes, 57% like it
|
I wish I had the balls to juggle
of 46 votes, 61% like it
|
|
Cannibals avoid clowns because they taste funny
of 47 votes, 64% like it
|
Hula-hooping: Proof That What Comes Around Goes Around
of 43 votes, 67% like it
|
The Dark Side Ought To Be Cast In A More Positive Light
of 33 votes, 67% like it
|
|
Enlightenment is a illuminating experience
of 32 votes, 69% like it
|
Enlightenment is a light switch away
of 30 votes, 60% like it
|
Electricians know the shocking truth
of 32 votes, 59% like it
|
|
Daycare: The only place kidnapping is normal
of 38 votes, 71% like it
|
I measure corniness in kernels
of 32 votes, 53% like it
|
Smart cookies avoid half-baked schemes
of 36 votes, 69% like it
|
|
With my body, I exercise wishful shrinking
of 35 votes, 43% like it
|
Dieting is so inflated: All the food that goes to waist
of 36 votes, 47% like it
|
Fast Food Keeps Me Fit: Always Running To Ketchup
of 41 votes, 56% like it
|
|
Dinosaurs will rise again..It's fossible!
of 39 votes, 49% like it
|
Dinosaurs: The Original Underground Rock Star
of 40 votes, 48% like it
|
Jesus is my God Father
of 20 votes, 70% like it
|
|
On the 13th day of Christmas I had Partridge with Pear Sauce
of 47 votes, 55% like it
|
Christmas: Making 364 days of unemployment worthwhile
of 45 votes, 49% like it
|
I used to be a wall flower until I grew out of it.
of 35 votes, 29% like it
|
|
Getting boo-ze and sheet-faced is not just for ghosts
of 42 votes, 57% like it
|
Pizza is just gourmet toast.
of 59 votes, 71% like it
|
Being Un-Dead is the Best Thing About Being Alive
of 38 votes, 66% like it
|
|
Roger was not so jolly after being skinned and sewn to a flag...
of 39 votes, 41% like it
|
Haunting is a dead end job
of 55 votes, 64% like it
|
And then it dawned upon me: I should get some sleep.
of 57 votes, 65% like it
|
|
Mutant teenagers sounds scary enough...
of 55 votes, 47% like it
|
Pac-Man: The Original Ghost Buster
of 68 votes, 71% like it
|
Fondue Parties Are Just Cheesy
of 49 votes, 47% like it
|
|
Parachute pants: 80s style meets life saving device
of 45 votes, 58% like it
|
When I was young we used to walk exaggerated distances to school
of 59 votes, 64% like it
|
I lost the spring in my step when slinky's went out of fashion
of 44 votes, 45% like it
|
|
I learnt all my self defense moves from watching Home Alone
of 47 votes, 49% like it
|
8 out of 9 cats agree curiosity is deadly
of 72 votes, 61% like it
|
I've got a bad case of smiling. I think it might be contagious...
of 44 votes, 45% like it
|
|
Master in Insult Sword fighting
of 48 votes, 42% like it
|
Real monsters own a truck.
of 45 votes, 38% like it
|
Meditation is as easy as drawing a blank
of 52 votes, 48% like it
|
|
I'm head shoulders knees and toes above the rest
of 50 votes, 40% like it
|
The best equations involve multiplication and pie
of 55 votes, 51% like it
|
I learnt my ABCs at LMNtary school
of 50 votes, 44% like it
|
|
Pencils inspire me 2B
of 51 votes, 45% like it
|
I didn't mind school. It was just the principal of the thing.
of 49 votes, 53% like it
|
I gave my poetry teacher an orange
of 55 votes, 47% like it
|
|
Encyclopedias speak in volumes
of 51 votes, 49% like it
|
Be one with the Earth. Soil yourself.
of 55 votes, 73% like it
|
I'm so grounded, I'm dirty
of 35 votes, 46% like it
|
|
Monkeying around is fun until someone steps on a banana peel
of 45 votes, 60% like it
|
Change makes me happy but it jingles when I walk.
of 60 votes, 63% like it
|
I wish I could block people in real life too
of 56 votes, 46% like it
|
|
Positive Thoughts are Just Electrons Brainstorming
of 44 votes, 41% like it
|
I know the truth behind Mario's shroom addiction
of 45 votes, 49% like it
|
Walking lawsuit
of 37 votes, 46% like it
|
|
I shower people with kindness but i find the nudity puts them off
of 56 votes, 52% like it
|
I traded in my golden goose for one that lays chocolate eggs
of 66 votes, 70% like it
|
Some dragons just want to be friends
of 60 votes, 62% like it
|
|
Carbon-based life form seeks compatible partner for bonding
of 62 votes, 47% like it
|
Dear Tooth Fairy, I swear I didn't use the pliers this time.
of 61 votes, 61% like it
|
Flying monkeys do all my household chores
of 57 votes, 46% like it
|
|
If the shoe fits, you must be a fairy tale princess
of 54 votes, 54% like it
|
Fairy tales perpetuate violence against the elderly
of 55 votes, 60% like it
|
Fashionable by accident
of 55 votes, 38% like it
|
|
Night Owl Preservation Society: Because We Give A Hoot
of 54 votes, 43% like it
|
Time Travel is Easy When Flying Between Time Zones
of 50 votes, 56% like it
|
I suntan at night to avoid getting burnt
of 53 votes, 53% like it
|
|
Chemistry rule #1: Never lick the spoon
of 68 votes, 81% like it
|
Pterodactyl: the original early bird
of 62 votes, 66% like it
|
I eat dead things because they don't fight back.
of 51 votes, 57% like it
|
|
My quiet exterior is a front; hiding my wild cannibalistic nature
of 45 votes, 42% like it
|
My quiet exterior is a front for my wild sexual nature
of 44 votes, 45% like it
|
Commitment starts with admission and ends with a strait jacket
of 53 votes, 43% like it
|
|
Mining clouds has given my pockets a silver lining
of 54 votes, 59% like it
|
If you come to a fork in the road, consider the knife and spoon.
of 50 votes, 46% like it
|
I dot the t's and cross the i's. It keeps people guessing.
of 71 votes, 70% like it
|
|
When vampires get angry, would they be at each others throats?
of 51 votes, 45% like it
|
My rubber duckie has a morbid fear of water
of 52 votes, 60% like it
|
I was sexually transmitted
of 54 votes, 54% like it
|
|
Some see things in black and white. I see things in halftone.
of 44 votes, 43% like it
|
4 out of 5 monsters agree: vibrators under the bed are scary.
of 54 votes, 56% like it
|
I used to judge myself. Now I just judge others.
of 51 votes, 45% like it
|
|
H20: I'd tap that
of 70 votes, 81% like it
|
Home is where the @ is
of 55 votes, 53% like it
|
I tilt my head sideways to smile :)
of 50 votes, 48% like it
|
|
Preserve native wildlife: Pickle a koala today
of 53 votes, 58% like it
|
I've lived on Earth all my life
of 58 votes, 57% like it
|
Playing in the street may result in a run-down feeling
of 46 votes, 52% like it
|
|
In times of trouble, I can always count on my fingers
of 66 votes, 76% like it
|
Sundae school. Because Jesus loves ice cream as much as you do.
of 55 votes, 45% like it
|
Edam: the only cheese that's made backwards
of 55 votes, 58% like it
|
|
Life: It's Choose Your Own Adventure Without Page Numbers
of 64 votes, 70% like it
|
Are you sure the snake in Eden wasn't offering chocolate?
of 49 votes, 47% like it
|
Vampyric pencils draw blood
of 47 votes, 47% like it
|
|
My moral compass points due the right thing
of 43 votes, 42% like it
|
Once upon a time there was a stereotypical tale of boy meets girl
of 42 votes, 64% like it
|
Z is N when he's drunk
of 48 votes, 73% like it
|
|
Originality is well disguised plagiarism
of 55 votes, 55% like it
|
x: the great unknown
of 47 votes, 45% like it
|
Kelp: how seaweed cries for help
of 55 votes, 53% like it
|
|
Hell. Just one damned thing after another.
of 59 votes, 44% like it
|
I am at one with my duality
of 58 votes, 71% like it
|
I haven't been able to wear red since watching Star Trek
of 52 votes, 42% like it
|
|
Stop marine cruelty. Say no to battered fish
of 68 votes, 63% like it
|
Aliens: Moo means No
of 55 votes, 55% like it
|
I travel around the Sun once a year
of 72 votes, 76% like it
|
|
Space tea tastes better on flying saucers
of 45 votes, 49% like it
|
Meteorwrongs: when meteorites miss
of 57 votes, 63% like it
|
Go green, and occasionally Purple and Orange
of 55 votes, 58% like it
|
|
I'd go green, but red might feel left out.
of 43 votes, 49% like it
|
Being a pirate was more fun when we used swords
of 45 votes, 44% like it
|
Microwaves are capable of hot quickies.
of 36 votes, 44% like it
|
|
Acting crazy means i get the best seats on public transport
of 65 votes, 82% like it
|
Been there. Done that. -God
of 40 votes, 43% like it
|
Stress is the glue that holds me together
of 45 votes, 64% like it
|
|
Love Yourself. Just Not In Public.
of 69 votes, 72% like it
|
Sometimes i cover myself in honey just for the buzz
of 49 votes, 41% like it
|
I took the road less travelled and i was mugged
of 71 votes, 76% like it
|
|
Tyrannosaurus may rule, but Thesaurus rules the Word
of 58 votes, 47% like it
|
Jack and Jill sure were thirsty
of 47 votes, 47% like it
|
My Jekyll has nothing to Hyde
of 53 votes, 57% like it
|
|
If life gives you llamas, make llamanade
of 76 votes, 62% like it
|
I run with scissors... and sometimes rock or paper
of 54 votes, 59% like it
|
I walk under ladders just to test the theory
of 51 votes, 55% like it
|
|
Bubblewrap keeps me sane
of 55 votes, 58% like it
|
I bite the heads off gummi bears
of 56 votes, 59% like it
|
I've been seduced to the Dark Side of chocolate
of 51 votes, 47% like it
|
|
Words never hurt- Tell that to HangMan
of 55 votes, 53% like it
|
Using more words than necessary is highly superfluous
of 54 votes, 44% like it
|
Avoid Avid Alliteration. Always.
of 57 votes, 47% like it
|
|
Bananas make the best guns
of 22 votes, 41% like it
|
Time is money. Overtime is more money.
of 73 votes, 67% like it
|
The fingers are willing, but the thumb is opposed
of 75 votes, 76% like it
|
|
The grass is greener when you leave the sprinklers on
of 55 votes, 49% like it
|
Mistaking salt for sugar really is a recipe for disaster
of 51 votes, 49% like it
|
I used to tap dance until I fell into the sink
of 50 votes, 66% like it
|
|
You can push the envelope, but it'll still be stationery
of 63 votes, 78% like it
|
I Like Punctuation. Period.
of 53 votes, 47% like it
|
Do cubists ever suffer mental blocks?
of 50 votes, 42% like it
|
|
If Pigs Could Fly, Would Bacon Prices Go Up?
of 59 votes, 54% like it
|
Can't a chicken cross the road without it's motive questioned?
of 62 votes, 73% like it
|
Research shows unreferenced statements are more believable
of 64 votes, 64% like it
|
|
People support generalizations
of 46 votes, 43% like it
|
Attempting to top the Darwin Awards
of 47 votes, 36% like it
|
Piggy does all my banking
of 51 votes, 41% like it
|
|
Some call it stealing. I call it permanently borrowing...
of 56 votes, 43% like it
|
...and then i was attacked by a giant squid!
of 37 votes, 41% like it
|
Plagiarism: great minds think alike
of 57 votes, 67% like it
|
|
Grabbing it by the horns may result in injury
of 48 votes, 44% like it
|
Modern inventions do not compare to sliced bread!
of 38 votes, 50% like it
|
Schrödinger's cat: the first quantum zombie
of 48 votes, 40% like it
|
|
I perform thought-control via intentional vagueness
of 44 votes, 39% like it
|
plagiarism- the greatest form of flattery since stealing
of 45 votes, 58% like it
|
i sit on the fence and watch the sheep jump from side to side
of 39 votes, 36% like it
|
|
ask me about my extreme phobia of strangers
of 41 votes, 49% like it
|
this t-shirt makes me invisible to strangers
of 34 votes, 50% like it
|
my heart will go on- preserved in a jar
of 40 votes, 33% like it
|
|
I graze where the grass is greener
of 36 votes, 42% like it
|
Real bears go commando
of 39 votes, 41% like it
|
gingerbread men: cookie cannibalism
of 44 votes, 41% like it
|
|
i don't care what you did last summer
of 62 votes, 47% like it
|
isn't selling seashells from the seashore illegal?
of 61 votes, 43% like it
|
ghosts are people too; they're just dead
of 66 votes, 45% like it
|
|
fun run is an oxymoron
of 48 votes, 42% like it
|
man cannot live by bread alone. he needs cheese too.
of 49 votes, 41% like it
|
Paper cuts- when trees strike back
of 66 votes, 65% like it
|
|
...and in the dark dark room there was- a light switch
of 44 votes, 30% like it
|
QWERTY, because ABC doesn't make sense
of 53 votes, 43% like it
|
PacMan - the only video game about pill-popping and electronica
of 47 votes, 49% like it
|
|
at night, coffee dreams of being chocolate
of 47 votes, 49% like it
|
a bed of roses could prove painful
of 55 votes, 62% like it
|
sometimes i wear sheep's clothing
of 49 votes, 45% like it
|
|
i should never have put that lime with the coconut...
of 42 votes, 38% like it
|
Walking on Sunshine will probably burn your feet
of 51 votes, 59% like it
|
I often explore dungeons for money
of 37 votes, 54% like it
|
|
Paper cuts- nature's way at getting back at you
of 65 votes, 58% like it
|
if you're not sure you're dreaming, try to fly
of 53 votes, 45% like it
|
