As many of you know by now, I live in Alabama.

There are many things I hate about this state (the churches, humidity, Talledega, college football rivilaries, pro-GW bumper stickers, no lottery or 40 ounce beers, entire families walking around in public wearing Croc shoes of varying shades) which is why my husband & I will be moving due Northwest very soon. Some Alabama oddities will be missed, though, such as Mack's Lounge.

Mack's Lounge is a place where friend's meet (take note, this phrase - typo included - is sponge-painted on a sign over the bar proper). There is only one rule at Mack's Lounge: NO WEAPONS ALLOWED (take another note, this sign hangs behind the bar and appears to have hung there since Jesus roamed the deserts). The floors are concrete and probably have never felt the warmth of a fresh mop, the tables are flimsy, the ceiling is black from the years & years of caked on cigarette smoke, and the ladies restroom contains lots of phone numbers of guys who have large privates.

Mack's Lounge is not your everyday speakeasy. It is a haven for karaoke geniuses and a melting pot of fucking awesome regulars & employees. If you are still reading this blog, it means you must want to learn more about this glorious establishment. So I will introduce you to the Mack's Lounge family.

Den Mother Cathy: The karaoke MC.
This saucy little jewel just recently turned 50 years old. You would not know that, however, if you were to gaze at her bewbs. That's right, if you ask politely to see her melons, she will lift up her top and exclaim, "These don't look like they're 50 years old, do they?!". No, Den Mother, they certainly do not. God bless you.

Look! She is playing Grabass with a hot young punk rock thing! In a belly shirt! That hussy! Don't you want to hug her?

Hot Kathy With A K: The booze barista.
HKWAK is a Duke University drop out. She either went for a semester or a year, the drunken verdict is still out on this detail. She stays behind the bar, serving delicious drinks (like a single serving of a Long Island Iced T that comes in a pitcher with a straw). But occasionally she will venture up to the front to karaoke Lisa Loeb's "Stay". HKWAK is not traditionally 'hot', but she is a touch more easy on the eyes than the other employees.

Roxy: The booze go-getter.
Upon first look, you might think Roxy is pregnant. Well, she is but it's not a baby growing in there....it's probably a keg. She will fetch beers for you all night long, so you don't have to stand up. When she is not fetching beers, she is either singing Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" or Ray Steven's "The Streak".

Wild Man: Another booze go-getter, also ash tray dumper, and Roxy's husband.
Wild Man MIGHT be inbred. You can clarly see something off in his wild, slightly crossed eyes. His hair is white. Not gray, but white like an albino. It is also an untamed skullet.

TJ aka Darkwing Duck: the token black dude.
TJ recently celebrated his 26th birthday...which makes you wonder why he wears homemade t-shirts that have Sharpied phrases on them that read I LOVE YU-GI-OH. TJ gets excited a lot, especially after he raps Outkast or Chamillionaire or interuppts other people's karaoke performances with his air-guitaring skills, and when he gets excited he stomps his feet and yells "You don't know me! You can't see me!" I like it when TJ is excited.

SEE! SEE! Here TJ is- post karaoke -in his natural hyper excited form.

Coke Bottle Carl: the national treasure.
Carl is a regular. And Carl is a gift from our lord. Carl might be a little Autistic, and he definitely lives in his own trailor (as he has invited some of us up there, to listen to records). Carl only sings Hank Williams...sometimes, he'll play the harmonica. He got his name because he has glasses thicker than Coke bottles and he has 2 cell phones that stay clipped to his belt. When he dials one of said phones, he tips his glasses down to the tip of his nose, and holds the phone maybe an inch away from his face. I love it when he dials his phone. Carl drive a motor bike that has a milk crate tacked to the back.

Pussy Control Comb Over:
This dude is 100% intense. He has a comb-over that goes on for months. He stands at about 5'2" and can sing Prince's "Pussy Control" perfectly.

Part combover. Part mullet. ALL MAN. Take note of the baby blue puppy dog on the TV back there. That night there was a baby shower at Mack's! You cannot make this shit up.

So, friends (or friend's)...should any of you find yourself around these Alabama parts anytime soon and are interested in Mack's, look me up. We will go and you will fall in love. You will yearn to be inside Mack's over an over again.

Just leave the weapons at home.