I don't dote. I am the antidote.
of 35 votes, 20% like it
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Caution: nuclear over-reactor
of 29 votes, 14% like it
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Is any question really ever rhetorical?
of 23 votes, 4% like it
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This conversation is being recorded for quality purposes.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
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A.D.D. children should be sent to concentration camps.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
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Don't follow your heart. A pump is no basis for decision-making.
of 20 votes, 10% like it
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For external use only. Do not eat.
of 28 votes, 11% like it
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[On chest] Here is where the heart is.
of 14 votes, 7% like it
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Life is too serious to take too seriously.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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People who can't spell are loosers.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
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My dad is bigger than your dad. (It's a glandular problem).
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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When pigs fly? Does it count that swine flu?
of 21 votes, 10% like it
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Inscrutable abbreviations FTW!
of 16 votes, 0% like it
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Nihilists do it in the... oh, what's the point?
of 28 votes, 14% like it
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Elvis holograms on the mantelpiece of good taste.
of 27 votes, 0% like it
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Ketchup stains on the necktie of propriety.
of 29 votes, 7% like it
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Barnacles on the keel of sanity.
of 28 votes, 4% like it
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False dichotomies: love ‘em or hate ‘em.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
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I sleep like a baby: I wake up screaming every two hours.
of 22 votes, 32% like it
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If Yoda's such a master, why can't he master Subject-Predicate?
of 19 votes, 16% like it
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I can hold my breath for 10 minutes. Not consecutively, obviously
of 17 votes, 12% like it
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Earthling imitation test subject
of 19 votes, 32% like it
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Bodysnatcher Prototype 2.05
of 16 votes, 19% like it
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Tigers are endangered, so I've got the eye of the housecat.
of 20 votes, 50% like it
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Studies prove: medicine is in fact the best medicine.
of 22 votes, 23% like it
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Software Pirates use CD-ARRR!
of 22 votes, 23% like it
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I'm almost back in fashion.
of 25 votes, 40% like it
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Dance like someone IS watching. They are. And you look ridiculous
of 20 votes, 15% like it
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Actions speak louder than words. Technically, words can't speak.
of 30 votes, 20% like it
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Every time someone believes in a unicorn, another narwhal dies.
of 27 votes, 26% like it
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I don't want never to be seen as not unduly negative.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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People who live in glass houses shouldn't complain about privacy.
of 22 votes, 55% like it
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My pixie friends have trouble separating fantasy from reality.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
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If you think I'm cool, wait til you meet my online RPG persona.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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Visit the elderly.You always get a 2nd chance at a 1st impression
of 34 votes, 32% like it
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My power animal died out in the late Jurassic
of 23 votes, 17% like it
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My online RPG character is a people person
of 24 votes, 17% like it
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The only thing cooler than Eighties revival is everything else.
of 24 votes, 29% like it
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Morbid obesity is no joke. Jokes have punchlines.
of 29 votes, 28% like it
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Everything that's worth saying can be said in less than 65 charac
of 19 votes, 11% like it
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The Internet: Giving nobodies a fan base since 1989.
of 29 votes, 24% like it
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I'm not a megalomaniac. I eat those losers for breakfast.
of 39 votes, 15% like it
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I used to have a superiority complex, but now I'm better.
of 37 votes, 24% like it
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I'm probably a lot funnier in Japanese.
of 39 votes, 28% like it
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Accident free for 1day(s).
of 32 votes, 19% like it
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I suffer from mental health
of 32 votes, 16% like it
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I make a marvellous pet
of 34 votes, 26% like it
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92% of you will become a statistic
of 30 votes, 20% like it
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I'm not crazy. I'm a little hedgehog.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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I'm very excited to be here.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
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