V1ctorya
V1ctorya aka is a girl, has been a member since December 20, 2007, has scored 909 submissions, giving an average score of 3.24.
URL: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5569917
My Pirate Ship Gets Approximately 8000 Nautical Miles per Galleon
of 31 votes, 26% like it
Guilt Trips- Who Can Afford Any Other Kind?
of 38 votes, 32% like it
I Take Candy From Strangers (And Babies)
of 44 votes, 32% like it
If Ignorance is Bliss, I'm Not Ignorant Enough
of 59 votes, 49% like it
I'm Not An Optimist, I Just Don't Understand the Situation
of 60 votes, 35% like it
Chained to the Short Bus
of 53 votes, 34% like it
I Don't Ride The Short Bus, I Drive It
of 60 votes, 32% like it
I'm a One Person Wave
of 66 votes, 27% like it
I'm an Obscure Eighties Reference!
of 64 votes, 27% like it
I Know Everything About Sex, I Read My Spam Folder
of 54 votes, 33% like it
If Life Were a Word Balloon,I’d Pop It And Watch The Letters Fall
of 55 votes, 22% like it
95% Cruelty Free (Still Working on That Last 5%)
of 58 votes, 26% like it
Semi-Colons Are Just Comma Chameleons
of 58 votes, 26% like it
I Can See No Downside To Owning a Flying Octopus
of 67 votes, 54% like it
I'm a Vintage Original!
of 55 votes, 29% like it
I'm Not Cliched, I'm Ironic
of 53 votes, 28% like it
I'm 98.6% Organic.
of 56 votes, 41% like it
My Country Went To War And All I Got Was Higher Gas Prices
of 59 votes, 29% like it
To Me, The Law Of Gravity Is Just a Suggestion
of 56 votes, 27% like it
I Dedicate This Shirt For All In Tents And Porpoises
of 59 votes, 27% like it
By Reading This You've Entered Into A Legally Binding Contract
of 59 votes, 29% like it
I Never Sleep Tight and Always Let The Bed Bugs Bite
of 56 votes, 29% like it
Please Read This Shirt Out Loud
of 53 votes, 26% like it
This Isn't a T-Shirt, It's a 100% Cotton Removable Tattoo
of 57 votes, 33% like it
I Play Musical Chairs To The Sound of Silence
of 59 votes, 36% like it
Do To The Rising Rates Of Illiteracy, I Cannot Read My Shirt
of 58 votes, 28% like it
Set To Self-Destruct
of 59 votes, 27% like it
Slogans that have been deleted or that have been dropped from the contest
Accountants Do It By The Numbers
of 26 votes, 4% like it
America's Next Top Couch Potato
of 41 votes, 12% like it
Coffee Lovers Write In Java Script
of 24 votes, 8% like it
Doesn't Turning the Beat Around Get it Dizzy?
of 28 votes, 4% like it
Forget Naptime, I Need a Coma
of 49 votes, 16% like it
I Am The Aftermath
of 52 votes, 15% like it
I Kept Turning the Beat Around Until I Got Dizzy
of 47 votes, 9% like it
I Wanna Go To Electoral College
of 45 votes, 11% like it
I Was a Pet Rock In My Last Life
of 50 votes, 16% like it
I'm Superfluous!
of 49 votes, 18% like it
It's Not The Jeans, It's You
of 15 votes, 7% like it
More Sane Than Britney
of 50 votes, 8% like it
My Other T-Shirts Say Something Worth Reading
of 60 votes, 25% like it
My Super Stealth Monkey Ninja Can Kick Your Samurai Cat’s Ass
of 54 votes, 22% like it
My T-Shirt Is A Liar
of 37 votes, 5% like it
Parents-Costing More in Therapy Than College Tuition Ever Will
of 46 votes, 15% like it
Politicians And Tofu Ice Cream: Two Things I Wish Didn't Exist
of 43 votes, 12% like it
Power Trips Are the Only Trips I Can Afford
of 31 votes, 19% like it
Save Your Pessimism For a BetterDay
of 7 votes, 0% like it
Say "Knock, Knock"
of 24 votes, 8% like it
Skeletor Wasn't Evil, He Was Just Misunderstood
of 54 votes, 22% like it
Skinny People-Just A Few Bagels Away From Beauty
of 49 votes, 18% like it
Small Defenseless Woodland Creatures - The Ultimate Yummers
of 29 votes, 7% like it
Surpassed My Parents
of 58 votes, 24% like it
T-Shirts Don't Lie to People, People Lie To People
of 48 votes, 19% like it
T-Shirts, Just Telling It As It Is
of 20 votes, 5% like it
Walking Away From Battle Makes Your Back a Target For Stabbing
of 32 votes, 9% like it
Warning! This T-Shirt Lies
of 43 votes, 9% like it
What Do You Do When Your Own Drummer Turns The Beat Around?
of 59 votes, 22% like it
Why Yes, I'd Be Happy To Help You Find Your Lost Puppy
of 39 votes, 13% like it
You Make Baby Lucifer Cry
of 14 votes, 14% like it
You Make Satan Cry
of 55 votes, 25% like it
My gallery photos
→ All of my 9 photos

All about me
For weeks I’ve been having the same longing. I want to swallow pennies. I can’t recall when it started but now, whenever I get change I pause a moment and look at the pennies. I examine Lincoln’s suit, his bowtie, the curl in his hair, how perfectly coifed he is and I imagine how he would feel sliding down my esophagus. I see myself placing him on my tongue, the cool metal a relief from this heat and then the sting of an electrical charge, the zinc reacting with my fillings. I have a number of fillings and have had three root canals in the past year alone. Part of this is genetic. Weak teeth. The other part is reflux. Acids wash up my esophagus from my stomach and eat at the back of me teeth as I sleep. They burn holes in my throat as I dream of buying a roll of pennies and swallowing them one at a time.

I think of starting with dimes. After all, they’re smaller. But for some reason when I hold a dime in my hand it doesn’t have the same appeal. There’s something about Lincoln that calls to me. Perhaps it’s the word next to his silhouette – Liberty. The penny makes me think that if I fill my stomach with Lincoln then my life will be okay.

Every penny I see on the street I have to pick up. “Maybe this one,” I say. “Maybe this will be the one I swallow.” I know I’m meant to. Lincoln is meant to be inside me. Maybe he’s the cure for my constantly sour stomach. I’ve swallowed everything else – the green Tagament, the holy trinity of P pills, Pravacid, Pepcid AC and Prilosec, Maalox, and the little purple pill that’s supposed to cure all and somehow heal both the volcanic eruptions in my stomach and the internal burns they’ve caused as the lava flows into my mouth each night. The only pill that does work is Ambien because it at least lets me sleep as my stomach’s Krakatoa rages.


My old blog

STP Me!

Thank you golden spatula for my lovely dragon!

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Update: Jul 21, '08
Update: Steve Wierth
Threadspotting every Friday!
You know they'll love it!
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