Rumor has it, people like to gossip.
of 67 votes, 24% like it
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Read twice to experience deja vu effect.
of 43 votes, 35% like it
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Note to self: other people are reading your note to self.
of 39 votes, 41% like it
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Murals help me see the big picture.
of 64 votes, 28% like it
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Reptiles do everything in cold blood.
of 53 votes, 30% like it
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Running away from my problems is how I stay in shape
of 58 votes, 41% like it
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I hate that I love sending mixed signals.
of 58 votes, 26% like it
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Solid, liquid, or gas: that's what's the matter.
of 66 votes, 27% like it
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In the arctic, breaking the ice only makes things worse.
of 56 votes, 27% like it
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Love triangles: one more reason to hate geometry
of 50 votes, 38% like it
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Astronomy: the science of staring off into space
of 54 votes, 41% like it
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The limbo taught me to set the bar low.
of 59 votes, 32% like it
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Puzzles really need to get it together.
of 42 votes, 31% like it
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Carbon dioxide leaves me breathless.
of 47 votes, 34% like it
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Kangaroos always jump to conclusions.
of 59 votes, 32% like it
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I wish math class had taught me how to conquer as well as divide
of 59 votes, 31% like it
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Reading between the lines kind of defeats the purpose of reading
of 72 votes, 32% like it
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I don't lie. I just practice creative storytelling.
of 65 votes, 32% like it
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I always go the extra 1.609344 kilometers
of 69 votes, 26% like it
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Mimes give everyone the silent treatment.
of 75 votes, 35% like it
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Archaeologists have lots of skeletons in the closet.
of 59 votes, 31% like it
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Subtraction: the easiest way to make a difference.
of 73 votes, 45% like it
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Theorists always act like they've got something to prove
of 60 votes, 43% like it
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Hypothermia is so much cooler than heat stroke.
of 58 votes, 36% like it
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Some pronouns are way too possessive.
of 58 votes, 41% like it
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Ice cream: the other dish best served cold
of 71 votes, 37% like it
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I go to great lengths to take shortcuts.
of 68 votes, 43% like it
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Gaining weight is a piece of cake.
of 80 votes, 45% like it
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Subtraction taught me how to make a difference.
of 60 votes, 40% like it
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Jumping to conclusions is how I stay in shape.
of 70 votes, 47% like it
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I liked math better when I thought pie charts were dessert menus.
of 29 votes, 55% like it
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Misery loves the company of cookies and ice cream.
of 38 votes, 45% like it
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Fight for your right to be a pacifist.
of 46 votes, 43% like it
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This message will self-destruct after repeated washings.
of 45 votes, 53% like it
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I don't even want to know how uninformed I am.
of 48 votes, 54% like it
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Perforation is such a rip-off.
of 44 votes, 52% like it
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I question authority rhetorically.
of 48 votes, 40% like it
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Reading between the lines kind of defeats the purpose of reading.
of 44 votes, 66% like it
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Someone said I have a good memory, but I forget who it was.
of 47 votes, 51% like it
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When Hell freezes over, let's make snow angels.
of 49 votes, 57% like it
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Compost heaps know how to break it down.
of 56 votes, 52% like it
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Ice cream: the other dish best served cold.
of 75 votes, 68% like it
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I'm always surprised when things happen unexpectedly.
of 66 votes, 68% like it
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Origami always welcomes me back into the fold.
of 61 votes, 61% like it
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Repetition was fun until it started happening over and over again
of 62 votes, 77% like it
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1920s artists keep it surreal.
of 74 votes, 70% like it
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If I were invisible, I'd do things for no apparent reason.
of 78 votes, 74% like it
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Slow and steady only wins the race on opposite day.
of 59 votes, 68% like it
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Don't call people names. Use pronouns instead.
of 78 votes, 67% like it
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Solid, liquid, or gas. That's what's the matter.
of 79 votes, 84% like it
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Gravity has so much potential.
of 74 votes, 77% like it
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Subtraction taught me how to make a difference in the world.
of 80 votes, 79% like it
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Theorists always act like they've got something to prove.
of 64 votes, 73% like it
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I never lie. I just practice creative storytelling.
of 87 votes, 84% like it
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My lawn is part of a grassroots organization.
of 71 votes, 72% like it
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Puzzles need to get it together.
of 77 votes, 77% like it
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Advertising has become so commercialized.
of 74 votes, 74% like it
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My fight or flight response would work better if I had wings.
of 66 votes, 70% like it
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I've been making impossible claims since before I was born.
of 93 votes, 81% like it
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Only cool people get hypothermia.
of 72 votes, 72% like it
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Astronomy: the science of staring off into space.
of 82 votes, 80% like it
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Painting the town red is still considered vandalism.
of 80 votes, 88% like it
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My dictionary works in high definition.
of 73 votes, 77% like it
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Atoms with 79 protons: they're worth their weight in gold.
of 58 votes, 69% like it
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Boxers deliver the best punchlines.
of 68 votes, 74% like it
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I hate running out of time. From now on, I'm walking.
of 70 votes, 73% like it
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I only knock on wood when I can't find the doorbell.
of 78 votes, 78% like it
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Oxygen shortages leave me breathless.
of 59 votes, 63% like it
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When gardeners fall, they do face-plants.
of 65 votes, 68% like it
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I don't trust colors; they're always scheming.
of 79 votes, 65% like it
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My relationship with philosophy is strictly Platonic.
of 64 votes, 70% like it
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You'd have to be pretty tall to have your head in the clouds.
of 73 votes, 62% like it
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Rewriting history is easy; it's only seven letters long.
of 72 votes, 72% like it
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Ice is so much cooler than water.
of 82 votes, 68% like it
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It's easier to follow in my footsteps when I'm walking in snow.
of 72 votes, 61% like it
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X-ray technicians see right through me.
of 73 votes, 60% like it
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I go to great lengths to find shortcuts.
of 72 votes, 78% like it
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Anagrams keep sending me mixed messages.
of 74 votes, 65% like it
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I can make myself invisible, but only when your eyes are closed.
of 68 votes, 65% like it
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My number one fan is attached to my ceiling.
of 77 votes, 61% like it
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I'm a good person, but my shadow is a shady character.
of 69 votes, 67% like it
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Every day is a gift. That's why I didn't get you a present.
of 73 votes, 64% like it
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Mathematically speaking, the average person is mean.
of 88 votes, 69% like it
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Exponents taught me to believe in a higher power.
of 69 votes, 64% like it
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Line-ups: a concept I can really get behind.
of 60 votes, 68% like it
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Reality bites, so get a rabies shot.
of 61 votes, 67% like it
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Books taught me not to be so spineless.
of 68 votes, 71% like it
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Don't bother me; I'm trying to figure out how to be social.
of 71 votes, 73% like it
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Shady characters come out in direct sunlight.
of 61 votes, 62% like it
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Giants hate small talk.
of 82 votes, 67% like it
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I always go the extra 1.609344 kilometers.
of 93 votes, 77% like it
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I don't get lost. I unintentionally take the scenic route.
of 94 votes, 81% like it
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Actually, the best defense is most likely full-body armor.
of 75 votes, 77% like it
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I'm looking forward to looking back on this moment.
of 84 votes, 80% like it
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I do all my self-reflection in front of the mirror.
of 74 votes, 64% like it
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Procrastination: the only thing that can't wait until tomorrow.
of 80 votes, 74% like it
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I'm going to give that lobotomist a piece of my mind!
of 80 votes, 66% like it
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Opportunity tells the best knock-knock jokes.
of 76 votes, 61% like it
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Love triangles: one more reason to hate geometry.
of 91 votes, 75% like it
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Don't rock the boat unless you're wearing a lifejacket.
of 77 votes, 58% like it
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No one cares when mimes take vows of silence.
of 79 votes, 57% like it
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Taking a page from someone's book got me banned from the library.
of 104 votes, 81% like it
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Animal rights activists always let the cat out of the bag.
of 83 votes, 70% like it
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Singing in the rain is a good way to get hypothermia.
of 83 votes, 76% like it
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I jumped on the bandwagon before it was the cool thing to do.
of 100 votes, 77% like it
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Avoid becoming a has-been: never achieve anything.
of 97 votes, 71% like it
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It's unwise to paint the town red during the Running of the Bulls
of 86 votes, 64% like it
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I wish math class had taught me how to conquer as well as divide.
of 118 votes, 81% like it
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Running away from my problems is how I stay in shape.
of 125 votes, 85% like it
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I never caught Carmen Sandiego; I was too busy looking for Waldo.
of 85 votes, 71% like it
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People let me down, but I can always count on my abacus.
of 92 votes, 76% like it
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Due to cutbacks, flying saucers no longer come with teacups.
of 93 votes, 71% like it
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I get butterflies in my stomach whenever I eat caterpillars.
of 140 votes, 85% like it
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Museums don't even bother keeping their skeletons in the closet.
of 87 votes, 75% like it
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Dance like no one's pointing and laughing hysterically.
of 92 votes, 68% like it
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Cartographers know where it's at.
of 95 votes, 74% like it
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I expect to get a free pet the next time it rains cats and dogs.
of 89 votes, 76% like it
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Cartoon characters only give high fours.
of 93 votes, 71% like it
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Geographers know where it's at.
of 85 votes, 71% like it
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Someday, I hope to be as cool as my online persona.
of 86 votes, 71% like it
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Tomorrow is a busy day for procrastinators.
of 92 votes, 71% like it
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Panicked rulers call for desperate measures.
of 81 votes, 58% like it
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My fall from grace was due more to clumsiness than to sinfulness.
of 84 votes, 63% like it
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Money management is not as easy as board games led me to believe.
of 94 votes, 69% like it
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Babysitting: the most effective method of birth control.
of 82 votes, 67% like it
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Oh, Phuket. Let's go to Thailand.
of 82 votes, 57% like it
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Tired of being a nobody, I joined an anonymous support group.
of 84 votes, 64% like it
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Math is sweet as pi.
of 90 votes, 67% like it
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Emotional roller coaster? No thanks, I prefer the ferris wheel.
of 80 votes, 60% like it
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When I grow up, I want to get a degree in Cartoon Physics.
of 75 votes, 61% like it
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I can't think outside the box if I have to color inside the lines
of 93 votes, 71% like it
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The road less travelled has become such a tourist destination.
of 85 votes, 61% like it
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No one wore the pants in 16th century Scotland.
of 80 votes, 59% like it
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My life may be a mess, but my music collection is meticulous.
of 74 votes, 68% like it
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Diving: because walking the plank lacked style.
of 94 votes, 60% like it
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Chasing the ice cream truck is still my favorite form of exercise
of 96 votes, 73% like it
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I wasn't born yesterday, but I'm still pretty gullible.
of 78 votes, 62% like it
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A little bird told me the grapevine can't be trusted.
of 84 votes, 69% like it
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I use public speaking as an excuse to imagine people naked.
of 87 votes, 68% like it
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Public speaking is my excuse to imagine people in their underwear
of 77 votes, 65% like it
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If you have butterflies in your stomach, stop eating caterpillars
of 89 votes, 63% like it
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No amount of hands will make light work during a power failure.
of 79 votes, 57% like it
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The secret to job security is getting a job no one else wants.
of 78 votes, 60% like it
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Can I borrow your shoes? I can't judge you until I walk in them.
of 81 votes, 62% like it
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Abolish destruction.
of 77 votes, 58% like it
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Every time you blink, I move a little closer.
of 88 votes, 68% like it
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I'm not applauding; I'm just checking for clap-on lights.
of 91 votes, 74% like it
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Penguins never get to take advantage of casual day.
of 80 votes, 73% like it
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Hope springs eternal. So does bitter disappointment.
of 64 votes, 59% like it
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My Swiss Army Knife has a collapsible rocket launcher.
of 79 votes, 58% like it
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Somehow, a penny for my two cents doesn't sound like a good deal.
of 100 votes, 73% like it
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The funniest part of a joke is the people who don't get it.
of 98 votes, 65% like it
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I want a Swiss Army Knife with a collapsible rocket launcher.
of 77 votes, 58% like it
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I'd be good at the limbo, because I'm constantly lowering the bar
of 83 votes, 58% like it
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You scream for ice cream. I call for cauliflower.
of 76 votes, 57% like it
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I've gotten so good at being lazy, I think I'll quit my day job.
of 93 votes, 66% like it
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I've loved reverse psychology ever since I started hating it.
of 103 votes, 66% like it
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I meant what I said. I just didn't mean to say it.
of 109 votes, 76% like it
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