I used to be a super hero, but villainy offered better dental
of 38 votes, 50% like it
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I'm not angry, but my eyebrows are.
of 40 votes, 48% like it
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No trespassing. Unless you're bringing me presents.
of 40 votes, 75% like it
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At the Monster Mash contest you don't get served, you get severed
of 25 votes, 28% like it
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My other head is severed
of 26 votes, 42% like it
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My involvement in this situation is purely observational
of 72 votes, 71% like it
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When you live in Mom's basement, success is relative.
of 80 votes, 66% like it
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You call it a tree house I call it the birthplace of an empire
of 76 votes, 66% like it
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I don't make the rules, I just bend them to fit my needs.
of 89 votes, 78% like it
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Life would be easier if it was multiple choice
of 81 votes, 80% like it
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I carry a puppy at all times for protection.
of 64 votes, 70% like it
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Cupid should be locked up for assault with a lovely weapon
of 64 votes, 58% like it
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I hope my life proves to be a historical inaccuracy
of 58 votes, 71% like it
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Complex numbers are just misunderstood
of 75 votes, 64% like it
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The future called and said we're behind schedule
of 139 votes, 84% like it
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Life is more exciting when you're a damsel in distress
of 90 votes, 56% like it
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How exactly does nowhere have a middle?
of 101 votes, 62% like it
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Lunch and Dinner are lame. I eat breakfast three times a day
of 94 votes, 57% like it
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Middle School Tip #5: Bullies Dissolve in Battery Acid
of 85 votes, 48% like it
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Boy Meets Girl, Boy Loves Girl, Boy Loses Girl, Girls are Evil
of 99 votes, 57% like it
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Dear Santa: bring me socks again and a reindeer dies
of 97 votes, 60% like it
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The world may be apathetic, but does anyone really care?
of 95 votes, 58% like it
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I'll fight for the dolphins, but the whales are on their own
of 96 votes, 59% like it
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Give me a good reason and I'll give you a better excuse
of 110 votes, 72% like it
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You can steal my thunder, but keep your hands off my lightning
of 125 votes, 70% like it
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I'm much better looking in person
of 87 votes, 54% like it
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while you weren't listening I was explaining the meaning of life
of 88 votes, 60% like it
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I'll save the whales, but the dolphins are on their own
of 81 votes, 56% like it
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