I would want to know because it seems like something that's so important and that if you didn't say it, you'd be consciously choosing to keep it from them, ya know? But I would definitely still pursue whatever I would have pursued and I don't think it would (or should anyway) stand in the way of a relationship or friendship.

to withhold such information would be unfair

you gotta be upfront

it's only right

but I think beers would be in order - lots of them -

I think maybe after a couple of dates, if you think you want go on seeing him, you should tell him. If he is a great guy, which I'm sure he is, he'll be cool with it.

Both parties have to be well informed of important things, if the relationship is going to work.

One of my friends is completely in love with a girl who is ill. They dated for a year or so, and then she broke off the relationship. She didn't want to give him the responsibility of looking after her (she would need taken care of in the next 10 years or so, but it may in fact be much later than that). He is completely willing and able to be in a relationship with her, but she took that choice away from her.

I hope things work out the way you want.

i feel ya on that one. id say be straight up. cuz with my gf i like her for who she is. and if u end up telling them later its like WTF. if he's legit he'll stay. but yeah. be straight up n the last thing u wanna do is have someone like u for someone you're not. but im sure you're a great person reguardless. according to the package that came in the mail.. the lil cart dude says IM AWESOME!. so that just makes you awesome possom blossom.! :D hah hope this helped. g0od luck with your situation. dont stress...CARESS! last thing u wanna do is like take a nap to get your mind off of it cuz i hear that if u sleep to get your mind of things.. you'll just dream about it and wake up even more miserable. do something to get your mind off of it. like submit a totally cool threadless design or browse around the blogs. ha ok. sry i didnt mean to write a book as a response. im getting delirious. ha. gnite. gm0rning. gAFTERn0on. much threadless love. -robDIZZLE

I hope you don't mind me asking, but is the girl yourself or one of the patients you photograph?

Also, I agree with what Deb said. I think it's only fair on both parties if something this serious is revealed early on.

this reminds me of that movie Griffin & Phoenix.

I'd say honesty is your best policy.

juliejeremiah on Apr 20 '08 at 2:30am
this reminds me of that movie Griffin & Phoenix.

or Harold and Maude, even?

Love story even?

Or Star Wars even?


Wait, I'm not playing right.

Personally, as a guy, I'd need to hear it. But then again, when I dated (before I got married, obviously) I was legitimately looking for someone to get married to. Not just someone to pass time with.

I personally wanted to have kids eventually (and I do now) and if I knew a possible partner may not be able to watch and help raise a kid, it would be a sizeable factor.

With the 10 year possibility and maybe even further, that may be more than enough time for someone to want to share depending how in love they are.

That last factor, how in love they are, is a good reason to have waited as long as you have. If you were to drop that knowledge on him too early, he might jump into the one night stand mentality, or he may not have gotten to know you well enough to make an informed decision on a future together. And it takes guys a considerable amount of time longer to get into a long-term love mindset.

It reminds me of those movies, one was A Walk to Remember and the toher had Leelee Sobieski in it. Both times they were high shcool-aged girls with diseases. Both of them ended up getting married to some rebel, having sex once, the dying. I always found that situation pretty objectionable. From the guy's point of view he's able to have sex with a girl while honouring some "commitment" to abstain from sex until marriage, all the while knowing their "wife" is days from death. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and not something I'd be recommending for a teenager if they were both healthy. But girls I talk to this about found it really romantic.

Of course, this is the real world. The situation isn't the same and no one's talking about marriage or worrying about finding loopholes for some abstinence message for the kids in the audience.

I think she should tell him before the relationship gets sexual. It would probably come out then becuase of the scarring anyway. If the scarring is there, I assume it would come up when I saw her naked. I mightn't say anything because it would be rude, but really I'd want to know what it was and I think there's no way of stopping it coming out then. I'd want to know what I was in for too, if she was going to die. But she shoudl just be upfront. I get the feeling some people might push people away if they're in that situation in order to spare the other party the pain of losing them and caring for them for many years, but they may be happy to do that if they love them.

Thanks guys, it's interesting to read people's thoughts. I echo most of the sentiments: I believe that disclosure is important after a few dates, however, the prognosis of "you are going to die" is never innacurate and as much as you know about yourself medically, it does not prevent either you or the other person from getting hit by a bus that afternoon.

The moves: as with everything else, the portrayal of death is an overly sentimentalized, dramatized and choreographed event. Death is acceptable for people who've experienced "life" (meeting a goal, having sex and especially procreating). If it is someone older, they have hearts of gold and go around dispensing words of wisdom.

I actually haven't found that illness is much of an issue for romantic relationships; it's "ordinary" friendships that sometimes evaporate - death/sickness is scary to a lot of people and they tend to drop off.

I think you are right Annie. My sister found this exact thing with friendships. I think sometimes people don't know what to say you. They don't realise you just want to chew the fat like always.

This is a question that is hard to answer, because everyone is different. For me it is a little easier because it happened to me. I met this wonderful girl that later I found out later had MG (Myasthenia Gravis). Even though I wish she told me earlier I knew it was not easy thing to talk about. So I didn't let it get to me that much. I guess I feel honesty is always the best policy.

Now were engaged and planning to get married as soon as possible. So yes I feel that it was worth pursuing a relationship.

I feel in life everything happens for a reason and that if you meet someone its the same.

i concur with "Hi my name is" and my thoughts are with you all in your journeys of life, love, and happiness.

And warm wishes and congratulations to "Hi my name is" - it's wonderful to find someone who makes you happy. I wish you both everything good.

Everyone will one day lose the person that they love, and that makes the time that we do have all the more precious. If the person I love/ cared about were terminally ill I would want to know (if only so I could know everything about them and support them better) and it would not scare me off at all. If being ill is enough to scare someone off, then maybe a romantic relationship with them is a wasted investment of time.

I think if "she" feels ready to tell him, then she should. It may even bring them closer together.

"But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all"

true words from a beautiful song.

Thanks littlem & berrynoir

as long as you're not fat, everything else goes
(wink)

Really , you never know with medicine anyway. A friend was told that she had 1- 1/2 years to live, she was in really sad shape, with a rare cancer. 8 years later, she is cancer free. so ya never know, but you have to let your other in on your situation. A relationship is all about trust.