 WAHOOOO!!!!!!!!!! CHECK OUT THE 365 CHALLENGE MASTER LIST! (CLICK HERE) And give those troopers some love! Vote if you like! NEWEST SLOGANS ON TOP! (updated on a strictly sporadic basis) Nov 11 This shirt is to be read in funny accents only. This shirt is to be read in foreign accents only. I have a love-hate relationship with antonyms. I laugh behind the back of danger. If you're thinking what I'm thinking right now, cut it out. Save trees. Stop reading. It's ok, I only eat the ugly animals. Nov 3 I suppress my feelings too but you don't see me crying about it. I don't care to be called apathetic. I secretly hate animals. Kickboxing is dangerous. I'll stick to box-kicking. For every action, there is an equal and opposite physics sucks. If it weren't for cartoons, I'd never know what anvils are. If it weren't for cartoons, I'd never know what an anvil is. My life story went straight to video. Mice aren't modest, they just can't speak. Guns don't kill witches. Squirt guns kill witches. Oct-29-Nov 1 Aardvarks aare aawesome! Broccoli makes me feel like a dinosaur. Rhetorical questions are overused. Or are they? Decomposition. Let me break it down for you. I have an on again, off again relationship with light switches. If at first you don't succeed, try not being a miserable failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try not to suck so much. The truth is out there. Which is why I generally stay indoors. 10/26 I put the 'rad' in 'random'. I might also be dyslexic. I'm not a sycophant, you're just looking very lovely today. All issues are black and white to dogs. I hit the jackpot, and it broke. 10/? It's the hard knock life for doors. Exorcists Bring Out The Worst in Me. 10/11 Exorcism Brings Out the Worst in People. 10/5 You can't beat good friends, because that's assault. 10/3 Mosquitoes suck at life. 10/2 I'm afraid I've come down with Hypochondriaphobia. 10/1 update I Hope Heaven Has Dinosaurs. Hyenas are crying on the inside. The Golden Rule should not be taught to masochists. I'm Not Afraid of Rejection. But My New Kidney Is. I Should Sue For Every Second That Instant Rice Isn't. ''Everything I Ever Said Should Be Quoted.'' -Albert Einstein I have an on again/ off again relationship with buses. Despite What Einstein Said, Imagination Never Won Jeopardy. I have an on again, off again relationship with trains. I Don't See What's So Great About Invisibility. I have an on again, off again relationship with trampolines. Hermit crabs hate the buddy system. I went to Tahiti, and in an unrelated incident I got this shirt. Persistence Pays Off, But So Does Bribery. If you think I'm cool now, you should see my glass cat collection I went on vacation, and in an unrelated story I got this shirt. Old Habits and Zombies Have One Thing in Common. Old Habits, Bruce Willis, and Zombies Have One Thing in Common. Screw Sharks, I Want a Sloth Week. I Don't Believe in Magic, But My Unicorn Does. If there's one thing I hate, it's war, anchovies, and counting. Realists See the Glass as Half Water. Cyborgs See the Glass as Half Robot. I Can't See What's So Great About Invisibility. I Can't See What's So Cool About Invisibility. Everything I know about lying I learned from a break-dancing mule 8/16 If everyone marched to a different drum, parades would be chaos. You Just Missed Something Amazing Behind You. Every Time You Read This, Some Guy in Russia Gets a Nickel. This is Poetry in Motion When I Run. Something Ocean. Robot Shakespeare Hates Your Emoticon Poems. Emoticons are not whiny transformers. I'm No Doctor, I Just Do Little. 8/13 I'm Not a Doctor, I Just Do Little. 8/11 Don't Hate Me 'Cause I'm Plerfect. If You Were This Shirt, You'd Be Read By Now. You can't spell DISTRACTION without ''oh hey, check that out.'' I'm Not a Model Citizen. I'm the Real Thing. If Anyone Asks, I'm Not Really Here. If I told you where I've been , would you touch me then? June 6-Aug 10th! All We Need is Love. And Food. And Water. And Shelter. I love life, but life just wants to be friends. Piñatas: Preparing Our Kids for the Crepe Paper Rebellion. I've seen the end of the universe. There's an e and a period. There is a hidden message on this shirt. All My Favorite Dinosaurs Are Dead. My fantastic abilities don't work on this planet. My incredible abilities don't work on this planet. The up side of nuclear war is a lot more glow in the dark stuff. I don't believe in magic, but my dragon does. There Will Always Be a Place in my Heart for the Pulmonary Valve. Strangers Are Just Friends You Haven't Driven Away Yet. Dance Like No One is Watching Through Powerful Binoculars. If You're Easily Persuaded Clap Your Hands. If You're Happy and You're Easily Persuaded Clap Your Hands. To make a long story short, don't read it. If my calculations are correct, I never actually learned math. For lack of a better word, get a better thesaurus. Who Will Edit My Profile When I'm Dead? Who Will Blog About Me When I'm Dead? I may not be a genius, but neither was whats-his-face. She Blinded Me With Science. Chemistry, to be precise. with acid. If Love is All We Need, How Come We Still Need to Eat? If All We Need is Love, How Come We Have Stomachs? Love is All We Need. And Food. And Water. And Shelter. College: The 4 Year Bachelor Party Give credit where credit is due, but give cash to people like me. Butterflies in Your Stomach? Stop Eating Caterpillars. The Real World isn't as Cool as Television Led Me to Believe. I love life, but life says we should just be friends. Insomnia: At least you don't have nightmares. Similes are as cool as a comparison. Similes are like the best parts of speech ever. Similes are like the best things ever. People who live in glass houses shouldn't own birds. Life imitates art, which I guess is why my clocks all melted. I'm only weird in real life. Truth is Stranger Than Boring Historical Fiction. I've got a terrible memory. Did I already mention that? I'm from the future. We all wear shirts like this. You can't see it, but my molecules are mooning you. Truth is Stranger Than Bland Historical Fiction. Non-linear equations make notebook paper sad. Life Imitates Art. Art is Surprised at How Nasally it Sounds. This may or may not be the world's greatest true statement. The Platypus: Evolution's Inside Joke. If Losing Was a Contest, I'd Probably Lose. Circular Logic Confuses Triangles. Circular Logic Confuses Squares. My Creative Spark is a Severe Fire Danger. I may not be filthy stinking rich, but I'm at least one of those. 6/5 Tortillas! The Incredible, Edible Plate. Buckle Up For Safety. Buckle Off For Sexy. Pain builds character. Then pokes it in the eye. Petrified Forests: Sometimes Nature Hates Woodpeckers. Butterflies Against Butterfly Tattoos 5/31 I've put my bad habits behind me. [on back] Smoke! Drink! Steal! Poor spellers aren't my typo. Sometimes I make sense, sometimes I drive my pancake suit. If the music gets all intense, I'm about to do something cool. If the music gets all intense, I'm about to do something awesome. The Government Is Watching You Read This. I'm pretty sure my actions have absolutely no consequences. Don't be a water hog. Remember what happened to the sea cow. 5/24 Me and perspective go way back. I Take Cash, Checks, Credit Cards, and Anything Else I Can Steal. I Take Cash, Checks, and Anything Else I Can Steal. Pollution: Our Grossest National Product. Chivalry is dead. Luckily, so are dragons. Someone should do something about all this laziness. I'm rubber, you're glue, and I have troubling identity issues. I'm rubber, you're glue, and I have trouble with reality. Sometimes I make sense, sometimes I pancake suit. I'm back in the swing of things, so you might want to stand back. I've got half a mind to ask that brain surgeon for the other half I've got half a mind to ask that surgeon for the other half. I've got half a mind to ask that surgeon for the other half back. Someone should do something about all this irresponsibility. Those Police Sketches Look Nothing Like Me. Long Live Mayflies! 4/something Charles Darwin Hates Your Pokémons. I'm afraid of heights, widths, and other linear measurements. Never Cry Wolf. It's Extremely Bad for Your Tear Ducts. 4/18 4/15 4/14 I can't tell you how cool it is to be a secret agent. Chivalry isn't dead, suits of armor are just really expensive. All my favorite species are dead. Opportunity Knocked, But Laziness Came Right On In. Paid advertisements are too commercial these days. When life gives you melons, it might be a trick. I've Been Known to Repeat Myself. Myself. Nature abhors a vacuum. That's why the ground is so dirty. Atmospheric pressure differentials totally blow. Paid advertisements are way too commercial. Exponents are my opponents. I turn all my opponents into exponents. My dog has fleas. But my ukulele is tuned perfectly. A wise man once said, ''Quit quoting me, for cryin' out loud!'' A wise man once said EELS! Eels Everywhere! Or maybe he was drunk "A Farewell to Arms" Makes Legs Wish They Could Read. 4/9 (catchupdate) Did Anyone Ever Think to Ask The Glass How it Sees Itself? If I was better at science, this would be a chemistry joke. I sure hope my clothes don't start displaying my inner thoughts. I sure hope my clothes don't start displaying my thoughts. Everything You Know About Backwards Day is Wrong. Leapfrog takes a lot longer on the moon. My Evil Twin Hates When I Wear This Shirt. Great minds think alike. Do you agree or disagree? When life hands you melons, you may have dyslexia. If life hands you melons, you may be dyslexic. Sometimes I wish I had wings but most times I'd rather have hands I'd make a great doctor; my handwriting is terrible. 3/31 A Rose by Any Other Name Would Mess Up a Lot of Sonnets. A Rose by Any Other Name Would Mess Up a Lot of Love Poems. Hopscotch is a lot harder on the moon. Apparently the Cold War did not involve giant Imperial walkers. 3/29-30 Wisdom Teeth Were A Stupid Idea. Take My Advice. I'm Not Even Using It. Elevators Take Me to a Higher Place. I take crazy pills very seriously. The Best Things in Life are Free? Where is This Amazing Store? Nature abhors a vacuum. Especially dogs. If at first you don't succeed, maybe you should just give up. Everything Bagels Are Misleading At Best. Smile if you see the hidden message on this shirt. If I Look Like I'm Ignoring You, It's Only Because I Don't Care. The Best Things in Life are Freaky. 3/27 I need a temporal fenestra like I need a hole in the head. Living the Dream Isn't Always Worth It. 3/26 The Best Things in Life are Free Drinks. I hope no one around here is a cannibal. Study History. It’s Like Time Travel, Only Really Boring! Two heads are better than one. Come on, toxic waste! I’m starting to suspect commercials may not be totally accurate. The Heart of Rock and Roll Beat Me Up and Stole My Wallet. My life is an open book, but somebody scribbled on the pages. Zombie Dogs are Good at Playing Dead. Movies Are Worth 24 Thousand Words Per Second. Motion Pictures Are Worth 24 Thousand Words Per Second. The heart of rock and roll is still beating up the glee club. I have seen the future, and it is glow-in-the-dark EVERYTHING. Masochistic narcissists always hurt the ones they love. I'm very well read, if you count picture books. You Are Now Picturing a Dinosaur Fighting a Shark in Space. 3/19 I may be a radical extremist, but so are crime-fighting turtles. Crime-fighting Turtles are Radical Extremists. Crime-fighting Karate Turtles are Radical Extremists. My Dream Job Changes Every Night. My Dream Job is 'Astronaut Ninja Who Vaguely Resembles My Dad'. 3/18 Curiosity Killed The Cat. Deception Blamed it on the Dog. You'd be amazed at what I can get done when I'm procrastinating. The Only Wars Worth Fighting Involve Opposable Thumbs. Soon You Will be Thinking of A Shark Fighting a Dinosaur in Space Go Green! Suck it, Magenta. Rebellion- The Best Thing Since Bread That Refuses to Be Sliced. Dissent- The Best Thing Since Bread That Refuses to Be Sliced. 3/17 (St. Paddy's Day Bumpdate) Take Responsibility. You Can Have Mine! I Fear Change, But I Love Cash. If we share so much DNA with chimps, why do I have to wear pants? Somewhere on this shirt, there is a chameleon. Y is My Favorite Vowel, Sometimes. If you think I'm cool now, wait 'til you see my action figures. Microbiologists appreciate the little things in life. Sliced Bread: The Best Thing Since Unsliced Bread. You Have the Right To Remain Silent. Exercise It. If You Like Irony, You'll Love the Back of This Shirt. Crazy Pills should Never Be Taken. Seriously. Take My Advice. Seriously, I'm Not Even Using It. Trampoline: The Fuel That's Made From Hobos. Trampoline: The Fuel Made From Hobos. If you love conclusions, you'll hate the back of this shirt... Knowledge is Power. Nerds are Hot. Energy Crisis Solved. The Buck Stops Here. (The Bus Stops at 4th and Main.) Fight the Power. and by the transitive property, Fight Knowledge! My Brain on Drugs Makes Fantastic Omelettes. My Brain on Drugs Makes Fantastic Omelets. Magic Markers Lied to Me. Eye Break Four Homophones. Technically, All Stars are Death Stars. Synonyms: The Best Invention Since Sectioned Loaves. Walruses- The Awkward Cousins of Saber-toothed Tigers We Have Nothing to Fear But Subliminal Rhetoric. Fear Itself is Still Pretty Scary. Fear Itself is Pretty Damn Scary. Dude, echinoderms are crazy. Slang is poor grammar. ''Slung'' is more proper. Water Buffalo are Secretly Jealous of Sea Horses. The Silver Lining in My Cloud Turned Out to be Mercury Vapor. I don't need fortune and fame. I'd be fine with just the fortune. Sleep In for World Peace. It's the Least You Could Do. I try to be funny, but people just laugh at me. 3/2 I feel awkward in hypothetical situations. Question Marks Are Just Exclamation Points With Bad Posture. Mine Disasters are Tragic. Mime Disasters are Hilarious. Metaphors discriminate against the stupid. Zombie Cats are Nine Times as Terrifying. Things To Do: (1) Buy Memo Pad. (2) Get New Shirt. You Are What You Eat. Stop it While You Still Have Skin. No One Cares When a Mime Collapses. I’m a master of disguise, but I dabble in obvious. Oil Spills Aren't All Bad. Black Makes Seals Look Slimmer. After Nine Lives, Cats Make Really Scary Zombies. Reincarnation: Justification for Procrastination. To Do List: []Buy memo pad []Get new shirt []Get eyes checked Shotgun Weddings: Taking the Second Amendment a Little Too Far. Shotgun Weddings Take the Second Amendment a Little Too Far. If I were a bug, this would be my thorax. My Autobiography Needs a Really Cool Car. My Time Machine is Stuck on Stopwatch Mode. Pulling out all the stops makes confusing telegrams. Eating poison ivy always gets a reaction. This is my giant squid hunting shirt. At the point of no return, it helps to have the receipt. Running Gags are Dangerous in Marathons. If I'm reincarnated, I hope I don't get Dung Beetle. Nouns are some of my favorite things. 3/1 Foxes Really Aren't All That Crazy. If you think you work with boring people, try being a mortician. Knowledge is Power, But it Doesn’t Protect My Lunch Money. Court Jesters Disrupt the Legal Process. Riboflavin: Whatever it is, it's fun to say. Hemoglobin. It's In My Blood. A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Away, Astronomy Was Still Boring. A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Away Astronomy Was Less Boring. A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Away Astrophysics Was Less Boring Cleanliness is Next to Godliness in Poorly Made Dictionaries. Identity Theft: The Sincerest Form of Felony. Consider the Following: They Probably Want to Get Around You. I Give a Hoot, And I Don't Litter, I Just Don't Trust Owls. Only You Can Prevent Shovel-Toting Bear Attacks. 2/28 Plagiarism: Getting in Trouble For Something You Didn’t Do. Plagiarism: Getting in Trouble For Something You Didn’t Even Do. Fire: The Worst Matter to Take into Your Own Hands. The 12 Step Program Didn't Help My Dancing Problem. (in red glow ink) I wear this shirt so planes don’t hit me. My Discount Time Machine Turned Out to be a Watch. The World Is My Oyster. The Sky Is Too. I Really Like Oysters. I’m full of great ideas, but time travelers keep stealing them. Books on Tape are Better on Video. Audio Books Are Better in Video. Experimental Music Proves the Existence of Crap. I Prefer My Books on Tape in Video Format. Beware the Mummy's Curse. It is Muffled Yet Surprisingly Vulgar. 2/23 -2/27 If the music gets all intense, I'm about do something cool. Y is Sometimes My Favorite Vowel. A pirate is only as good as the number of body parts he’s missing. Children's Television Taught Me To Always Listen to Puppets. If This Were A Real Emergency, I'd Be Freaking Out Right Now. Money would grow on trees in my acorn-based economy. I Live by the Code of the Samurai. They Have Excellent Sushi. The Madagascar Imperiled Lemur Foundation Needs a Better Acronym. Tonsil Hockey Is Not a Team Sport. That Would Be Gross. Fruit Leather Confuses Vegans. Lake Titicaca: The Longest Running Joke of Geography. Energy Drinks: The Evolutionary Secret of Birds, Bats, and Bugs. Energy Drinks: The Missing Link in the Evolution of Birds. Soy: The Bean of My Existence. In a real street fight, I'd just hit a lot of buttons. Procrastination: The Best Way To Get Useless Things Done. Little things are cute, so why all the fuss about small pox? Real Sponges Aren't as Funny as Television Suggests. Sea Sponges are Soaking Up the Ocean. I Find Joy in the Simple Things in Life: Bacteria When You're At the End of Your Rope, Just Pretend You're a Kite. I wish I had one of those things that helps you remember things. Video Game Skills Don't Help in Real Street Fights. A Lifetime of Video Games is Little Help in Real Street Fights. 2/22 The Fossil Record is Full of Awesome Failures. The Fossil Record is Full of Failures. Let’s Take It To the Next Level. (text shaped like elevator) Home is Where the Heart Is. Unless You’re a Tapeworm. Ironically, Sexually Active Fairies Often Die From the Clap. Illegal Aliens Are Taking All Our Space Jobs. Scientists Experiment in College. I Used to Be a Tree Hugger. Now I Make Out With Mannequins. Plate Subduction Rocks My World. 2/21 2/20 Amnesia Isn't Bad If You Really Like Surprises. There is absolutely nothing funny about sperm whales. 2/19 The People in My Neighborhood Hate it When I Sing About Them. 2/17 The People in My Neighborhood Don't Like When I Sing About Them. Kick Out The Jams. They're Terrible Housemates. 2/15 2/?? Quitting While You're Behind is Also an Option 2/9 Humanitarians: Making Vegetarians a Little Uncomfortable. Humanitarians: They Eat People. 2/8 Astronomy is Way Over My Head. Everyone's a synchronized swimmer when there's a shark. 2/7 I’m Like the Ocean: Mysterious, Deep, and Full of Weird Creatures. 2/6 2/5 I'm a lot cooler now that I'm into liquid nitrogen. Insomniacs Are No Fun at Slumber Parties. 2/4 Sea Creatures Are Under a Lot of Pressure. 2/3 2/2 Winning Isn't Everything. There's Also the Gloating. This shirt changes color when I spill paint on it. Change is Coming. But So is Laundry Day. 2/1 1/31 I liked homework better when it was called coloring. Looking on the bright side is bad for my retinas. 1/27- 1/30 Fun-Size Candy Bars Are Lies. Cartoons: The Only Way Our Kids Will Know What Anvils Are. Archaeologists In The Future Are Going To Love Me. Future Archaeologists Are Going To Love Me. Original Gangsters Were Probably Cavemen. People are like pizza toppings. What I mean is, I eat people. If You Don't Eat The Crust, You Don't Deserve The Slice. Cartoons: The Only Way Our Kids Will Know What An Anvil Is. Future Hipsters Will Dress Like Me. Unsung Heroes Have Boring Theme Music. My Leaf-Based Economic Plan Would Prove Those Cheapskates Wrong. I’m at the end of my rope. But it’s the end with puppies! I'm allergic to musicals. I always break out in song. Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder and the Stomach of the Beast Pizza Cakes Are Surprisingly Awful. Pizza Delivery Guys and Plumbers: The Luckiest Men Alive. I Hide My Feelings Too, But You Don't See Me Crying About It. 1/26 A pirate is only as good as the number of body parts he’s lost. 1/25 1/24 1/23 Elevators Take It To the Next Level. 1/22 1/21 You’re Looking at the Future of Historical Reenactments. 1/20 All Cavemen Were Underground Artists. Hyenas Cry on the Inside. Flamingos: The Lawn Ornaments of the Natural World. Flamingos: Nature’s Lawn Ornaments. 1/19 Celebrate Diversity. Just Don't Be Weird About It. Dear Hummingbirds: Chill Out Already! The More You Know, The More Likely You Will Be Hit by a Meteor. The More You Know, The More Likely You Are to be Hit by a Meteor. Follow Your Dreams, Except the Underwear in the Classroom Ones. 1/18 Balloons Hate Pop Culture. Balloons Hate Pop Music. Get Even. Multiply by Two. Multiplying by Two is How I Get Even. The future was boring, but I got this cool shirt. (glow ink) MASTER (of business administration) OF THE UNIVERSE Reruns Taught Me the Facts of Life. Mechanical Pencils Have No Soul. This is just a description of an owl fighting a bear in space. One Less Wolf Shirt. I Just Checked Myself. Still Not Wrecked. I Checked Myself. Still Not Wrecked. 1/17 Spinach: Our Navy’s Secret Weapon I’m a lousy poet, and I didn’t know that. 1/16 I Liked Winter Before It Was Cool. 1/15 1/14 If You Can Read This, I Don’t Need Glasses. 1/12 THIS DANCE PARTY NEEDS MORE DANCE PARTY Follow Your Heart. You'd Be Dead Without It. I Wish My Boss Was More Like Springsteen.My outlook is rosy, but only because there’s blood in my eyes. If you can read this, I’m a pretty poor ninja [normal + glow ink] 1/11 1/10 I Still Love You, Pluto. 1/9 What I lack in talent I make up for in exaggeration. 1/8/08 Coffee gets me through the day. Kool-Aid gets me through the wall. The 80’s were cooler than the 90’s. By about 10 degrees 1/7 Early Bird Specials are Unfair to Owls. You’ll eventually appreciate this subliminal message. Where There’s a Will There’s a Way to Get Money From Dead People. Optimism never hurt anyone, until he transformed with kids inside Space Bars Have No Atmosphere. Experimental Films Disprove Literary Theory. My Experimental Films Disprove Your Literary Theory. Acid Rain is Nothing to Sing About. My water slide job is going down the tubes. A Play On Words Should Never Cast a Mime. 1/6 Your Magnetic Personality Ruined My Videotapes. Magnetic Personalities Ruined My Videotapes. Babies- They think they know everything. If You’re Feeling Down, Quit Hugging a Goose. 1/5 Curiosity Killed The Cat. Fascination Poked it With a Stick. Video Game Jokes Work on So Many Levels Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way. And a Dead Guy. Nonconformity is all the rage. Curiosity Killed The Cat. Deception Blamed the Dog. 1/4 A Ring of Fire Can Cause 360 Degree Burns. I’m Not Mean, Just Statistically Average. Standard Deviations Take All the Fun out of Deviance. 1/3 It's nice to be recognized, unless you're in a police line-up. Sticking to your guns is how gummy bears lose wars. I finally finished a physics book. It was about time. Proofreaders are not my typo. 1/2 Despite wealthy cartoon ducks, money-bin diving can kill you. Friendly Hunters Aim to Please. And Kill. I'm a secret agent in training, so just pretend you don't know me. 1/1/09 May all of your dreams come true. Except the falling ones. This was hilarious in its original language. 12/31 Fact! 'Horny Toads' Are Actually Lizards. Really Lonely Lizards. I'm a performance machine. I'm just programmed to be lazy. I'll Scratch Your Back, You Scratch Mine. Unless You're a Bear. Tacos are just Burritos that didn't try hard enough. A strong man admits his mistakes. Then he lifts 1000 pounds. A Bilingual Stone Gathers No Mas. What lies on the other side of a wormhole? Only worms know. 12/30 Resist Peer Pressure. All the Cool Kids are Doing it. A Real Doctor Would Never Prescribe a Diet of Green Eggs and Ham. Deep down we’re all the same: the immense pressure would crush us Deep deep down we're all the same: trapped in a sinking submarine 12/29 Never trust an owl to give you reliable advice regarding candy. No Man is an Island, Because People Aren’t Landmasses. The bond between Aristotle and Socrates was strictly Platonic. All I want in life is one simple thing: Omnipotence. I won a spelling bee, but it was eaten by my subtraction bird. I'm like a finely-tuned machine. I'm just programmed to be lazy. 12/28 Nostalgia Was Better in the Old Days. 12/27 12/26 Taking one for the team got me banned from the sports store. 12/25 12/24 12/23 Compasses are self-centered. You can put words in my mouth if they're written in frosting. Compasses are self-centered tools. It's Hard to Find a Job When All the Listings Are Classified. Vampires Are Undead to Me. 12/22 Zombies Are Dead To Me. I Was Told to Always Aim High. Now I'm an Archer with an Addiction. Self destruction is easy when you're already broke. 12/21/08 I lost your number when my cell phone went through mitosis. 12/20/08 If we're in the snow, I'm under-dressed. 12/19/08 NEEDS SUPERVISION and superspeed, superstrength, and maybe flight NEEDS SUPERVISION and superspeed, superstrength, and other powers 12/18/08 English has too many rules, i.e., except after C. Cupid: The Heavily Armed Naked Flying Baby You WANT to Be Shot By If picket sign makers went on strike, you would never know it. Space: It's Way Over My Head. If you ignore daylight savings time, you're living in the past. 12/17/08 Semicolons; They Make You Look Smarter. I'm the stunt double. You might want to stand back. You might want to stand back; I'm the stunt double. Crime doesn't pay, unless you're really good at it. With just a pair of scissors, this shirt could be a vest. With just a pair of scissors, this could be a vest. If We Were in Alaska I'd Be Freezing Right Now. 12/16/08 My Resolution This Year is 600 dpi My New Year's Resolution is 600 dpi If It Starts Raining Cats and Dogs, It's Probably the Apocalypse. I took a chill pill, but now I get cold sweats. 12/15/08 A Heart of Gold Would Cause Severe Health Problems. The 5 Second Rule Does Not Apply in Outer Space. Putting your money where your mouth is will likely get you sick. 12/14/08 If everyone gave just a little more, I'd have a lot more stuff. Space Giraffes Need Space To Live 12/13/08 Thinking outside the box gets you fired from the box factory. Sloth: Seventh deadly sin. Second deadliest mammal. 12/12/08 If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur. The English language has too many rules, i.e., except after C. Video games were hard before opposable thumbs. Thanks, evolution! TV has taught me many things. Like, dials are not to be touched. There are too many cars on the road. So I drive on the sidewalk. 12/11/08 I'm sort of like a master of subtle metaphors. Every time a doorbell rings, an angel gets its pizza. I've got the memory of an elephant, but I'm stuck in a human body. 12/10/08 Laughter may not be the best medicine for people mauled by hyenas. Cats Hate Quantum Physics. [In UV ink]: Schrödinger Hates Cats. Laughter is the best medicine. Sick kids are funny. We both win. Laughter is not the best medicine for people mauled by hyenas. 12/9/08 12/8/08 I've been taking pills for kleptomania. I've also been taking CDs. String Theory: Kitten Tested, Physics Unproved. The pen is mightier than the sword, said a lot of stabbed poets. I took a vow of honesty and I'm not giving it back! 12/7/08 A barrel of monkeys isn't very fun for the monkeys. 12/6/08 Inflation hurts us all. Unless you make balloon animals. 12/5/08 Music Piracy killed the radio star. Video was just the driver. Sloth: Seventh deadliest sin, second deadliest mammal. 12/3 Week of: 11/28/08 Save the Whales. (we'll need them when the krill revolt.) Beta-max Killed the 8-track Star. E-mail: the best thing that ever happened to the @ sign Math majors do it with tangents. Or tan ladies, whatever. Undertakers do it with anyone they want to. Fire Negotiating: The Civilized Alternative Don't ask me, I'm just a temp' - 27° C ---------------------
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I'm way into animals.
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Nov 27 '08 by
