BROS,

I'M DONE TAKIN' BIG FUCKIN' HIATUSES IN BETWEEN DESIGNS NOW. THAT'S WHY I'M GETTIN' THE WHEELS ROLLIN' ON DESIGN #5 STARTIN' TODAY.

CHECK IT OUT... IF YOU'RE A KILLER DESIGNER AND YOU WANT TO HELP ME BRING A NEW, BADASS IDEA TO LIFE, THEN LEAVE YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS IN THIS BLOG. THE ONLY REQUIREMENT IS THAT YOU GOTTA BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH MY MAIN DESIGNER BROS: OLIE!, FATHEED AND ROADKILL3D!

#5 IS GONNA BE SOLID, BROS. THAT'S A PROMISE.

- DICK FIRESTORM

A WHILE BACK, THIS CHICK I WORK WITH NAMED CHARLOTTE GOT KNOCKED UP AND TOOK A LEAVE OF ABSENSE SO’S SHE COULD HAVE HER FUCKIN’ BABY AND SHIT. TODAY, WHEN I CAME BACK FROM MY MORNING DELIVERY ROUTE, EVERYBODY WAS JAMMED INTO THE FUCKIN’ BREAK ROOM MAKIN’ A RACKET. SO I WALKS IN THERE AND I’M ALL, “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN’ ON IN HERE, BROS?” MY SUPERVISOR TURNS AROUND AND HE’S ALL, “CHARLOTTE STOPPED IN WITH HER NEW BABY! HIS NAME IS JONATHAN!” THEN HE WAS ALL, “WE’RE GETTING PIZZAS TO CELEBRATE, SO STICK AROUND, RICHARD.”

I WAS FUCKIN’ PISSED THAT EVERYBODY WAS TAKIN’ UP MY BREAK TIME WITH THIS BULLSHIT, SO I WALKED TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM, STOOD UP AGAINST THE WALL AND FOLDED MY ARMS. THERE WAS NO EXPRESSION ON MY FACE. THEN LIKE TWO MINUTES LATER, CHARLOTTE AND TWO OTHER DUMBASS CHICKS COME OVER TO ME WITH THE STUPID, FUCKIN’ BABY. NEXT THING I KNOW, CHARLOTTE IS HOLDIN’ THE BABY OUT TO ME AND STARTS BOBBIN’ HIM UP AND DOWN. BABIES ARE FUCKIN’ ENTERTAINED BY THAT KIND OF SHIT, AND THIS ONE HAD A BIG FUCKIN’ SMILE ON HIS FACE AND HE WAS GIGGLIN’. CHARLOTTE KEPT PUSHIN’ THE BABY CLOSER AND CLOSER TO ME. I WAS ALL, “TAKE IT EASY, BRO.”

THEN CHARLOTTE WAS ALL, “HE LIKES YOU, DICK! WHY DON’T YOU HOLD HIM?” I WAS ALL, “FORGET ABOUT IT, BRO.” THEN RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT, THE PIZZA DUDE WALKS IN WITH A BIG STACK OF MOTHER FUCKIN’ PIZZA BOXES, SO I START WALKIN’ OVER TO GET A SLICE. NEXT THING I KNOW, SOMEONE’S GRABBIN’ ME BY THE ARM AND STARTS PULLIN’ ME BACK. I TURNED AROUND TO LOOK AND IT WAS CHARLOTTE. SHE HAD A DUMBASS SMILE ON HER FACE AND SHE WAS ALL, “DICK, YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANY PIZZA UNTIL YOU SAY SOMETHING TO MY LITTLE JONATHAN!” THEN SHE HELD THE BABY OUT TOWARDS ME.

I STOOD THERE FOR A MOMENT JUST LOOKIN’ AT THE BABY DANGLIN’ IN HER ARMS. THE WHOLE ROOM WAS QUIET ALL OF A SUDDEN AND EVERYBODY TURNED TO LOOK AT ME. THAT’S WHEN I LEANED IN, POINTED IN THE BABY’S FACE AND YELLED, “GO FUCK YOURSELF!” THE BABY STARTED CRYIN’ IMMEDIATELY AND EVERYBODY WAS TOTALLY FUCKIN’ OUTRAGED AND SHIT. I WALKED OVER TO THE TABLE, AND GRABBED A PIZZA BOX CONTAININ’ A FULL, PEPPERONI PIZZA FOR MYSELF. AS I WAS ABOUT TO WALK OUT THE DOOR, I TURNED BACK AND LOOKED AT EVERYBODY STANDIN’ THERE WITH SHOCKED LOOKS ON THEIR FACES. I PAUSED FOR A SECOND, RAISED MY MIDDLE FINGER AND SAID, “YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK ALLA YOUS!” THEN I WALKED OUT THE DOOR.

I JUST STARTED A TWITTER ACCOUNT AND I'M GONNA UPDATE IT REGULARLY!

FOLLOW THE FIRESTORM, BROS!

http://twitter.com/dickfirestorm

LET ME TELL YOU A STORY, BROS.

THOUSANDS OF FUCKIN’ YEARS AGO, SAMURAI WARRIORS RULED THE EARTH. THEY WERE TOTALLY BADASS. ALL THESE DUDES DID WAS FUCKIN’ PILLAGE AND PLUNDER. THEY FUCKIN’ DESTROYED EVERYTHING IN SIGHT WITH THEIR FUCKIN’ SAMURAI SWORDS AND THEY LIVED TO VIOLATE NATURE. THEY LIVED THIS WAY FOR CENTURIES, UNTIL MOTHER NATURE FINALLY HAD ENOUGH, STOOD UP AND SAID, “FUCK IT! I’M TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT!”

BROS, APPEARING IN A LARGER THAN LIFE HUMAN FORM, MOTHER NATURE TOWERED OVER THE TREES AND SUMMONED AN ARMY OF KICK FUCKIN’ ASS TIGERS. THE TIGERS GATHERED AROUND THE HILLSIDE WAITIN’ FOR THEIR INSTRUCTIONS, AND THEN MOTHER NATURE SPOKE TO THEM. “FUCK SHIT UP, MY CHILDREN,” SHE SAID. AND BROS, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THEY DID. FOR THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS, THE TIGER CLAN SLASHED AND CHEWED THROUGH EVERY FUCKIN’ SAMURAI WARRIOR IN EXISTENCE UNTIL THERE WERE NO MORE. THE BONES OF EVERY SINGLE WARRIOR WERE LEFT STRIPPED OF MEAT, STREWN THROUGHOUT THE FUCKIN’ LANDSCAPE AND THE RIVERS RAN RED WITH SAMURAI BLOOD.

BROS, NOT A SINGLE TIGER WAS HARMED THROUGHOUT THIS MASSACRE ‘CAUSE MOTHER NATURE LET THE TIGERS DRINK HER MILK, MAKIN’ THEM TOTALLY INVINCIBLE AND SHIT. CATS LOVE TO DRINK MILK, BROS. AND THESE BADASS, MOTHER FUCKIN’, BIG CATS GOT ALL THE FUCKIN’ MILK THEY COULD DRINK. STRAIGHT FROM MOTHER NATURE’S SPECTACULAR TITTIES.

WHAT YOU’RE LOOKIN’ AT ABOVE IS THE 4TH FIRESTORM DESIGN. IT’S CALLED, “MOTHER NATURE’S MILK” AND IT’S COLLABORATION BETWEEN ME AND KNEIL MELICANO (AKA ROADKILL3D.) THIS CONCEPT WASN’T EASY TO TRANSLATE ON PAPER… BUT ROADKILL3D KILLED IT! LET ME JUST SAY THAT KNEIL IS ONE KICKASS INDIVIDUAL AND THE CARE AND DETAIL HE PUTS INTO HIS WORK IS TOTALLY FUCKIN’ INSANE. DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND CHECK OUT ALL THE KILLER WORK KNEIL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ON HIS WEBSITE… WWW.KNEILMELICANO.COM

ME AND ROADKILL3D WANT TO THANK LITTLEM FOR BEIN’ OUR HOT CHICK MODEL. SHE TOTALLY NAILED THE PHOTO! I ALSO WANT TO THANK KENNY FONSECA AGAIN FOR BEIN’ MY NUMBER ONE BRO AND HELPIN’ ME PHOTOHOUSE THE PRESENTATION PHOTO!

SOLID, BROS!

- DICK FIRESTORM



HEY BROS! CHECK OUT KNEIL'S PROCESS IN THIS ANIMATED FUCKIN' GIF!




VOTE ON EMPTEES!!!

BROS,

MY BRO ROADKILL3D IS PUTTIN' THE FINISHIN' TOUCHES ON THE NEW DESIGN. ALLS WE NEED NOW IS A HOT CHICK TO FUCKIN' MODEL IT FOR US.

NOW ALLS YOU HAVE TO DO IS WEAR A BLANK BLACK TEE SHIRT AND POSE LIKE A BADASS. IT'S JUST THAT SIMPLE, BROS.

ALRIGHT, CHECK IT OUT... IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN BEIN' THE MODEL FOR DESIGN #4, SEND ME AN E-MAIL AT DICKFIRESTORM@GMAIL.COM AND I'LL GIVE YOU MORE DETAILS AND SHIT.

KILLER, BROS. KILLER.


- DICK FIRESTORM

BROS,

I WANT TO THANK FATHEED FOR KICKIN' EVERYBODY'S ASS BY DRAWIN', COLORIN' AND PHOTOHOUSIN' THIS DESIGN. HE'S THE REASON THIS THING GOT PRINTED, BROS. SO SEND HIM A MOTHER FUCKIN' E-MAIL AND TELL HIM HOW TALENTED HE IS AND SHIT.

I WANT TO THANK ALL MY BROS AT THREADLESS TOO. THEY'RE THE MOST SOLID INDIVIDUALS CURRENTLY LIVIN' ON PLANET EARTH AND I HOPE SOMEDAY TO GET SMASHED DRINKIN' PBRS WITH ALL OF 'EM.

FINALLY, I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY OUT THERE WHO VOTED FOR THIS DESIGN. YOU GUYS ARE KILLER.

-DICK FIRESTORM

BROS,

READ MY THREADLESS INTERVIEW AND CHECK OUT SOME OF MY NEVER BEFORE SEEN SKETCHES AND SHIT!

A CHAT WITH DICK FIRESTORM

BROS,

I DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING OF IT AT FIRST, BUT ALMOST EVERY TIME I GO OUT WEARIN' "THE LAST FUCKIN' UNICORN," THE NIGHT ENDS WITH SOME CHICK GIVIN' ME A KNOBJOB.

LAST NIGHT, ME AND KENNY WERE AT THE LOCAL BAR AND I WAS TALKIN' TO SOME HOT BLOND CHICK AND HER EQUALLY HOT BLOND SISTER. THEY SAID THEY LOVED MY SHIRT. I TOLD THEM THAT MY BRO OLIE DREW IT, BUT IT WAS MY IDEA. THEN I SHOWED THEM THE TAG TO PROVE IT. BROS, THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, I'M GETTIN' A DOUBLE KNOBJOB BEHIND THE BIG BUCK HUNTER MACHINE.

ANYWAY, I'M PRETTY FUCKIN' SURE I AIN'T ALONE IN THIS PHENOMENON. SO IF YOU GET A KNOBJOB WHEN YOU WEAR MY SHIRT, SAY SO IN THIS BLOG AND I'LL YOU TO THE LIST. I'LL KEEP TRACK AS BEST I CAN, BROS!


LAST FUCKIN' UNICORN - KNOBJOB TRACKER

DICK FIRESTORM - 10

FATHEED - 3

OLIE! - 1

BROS,

LAST NIGHT, I WAS HANGIN' OUT WITH KENNY IN KENNY'S BASEMENT. WE KILLED A BUNCH OF PBRS AND STARTED TALKIN' ABOUT NEW DESIGN IDEAS. ANYWAY, WE NARROWED IT DOWN TO TWO SOLID CONCEPTS AND THE ONE I'M LEANIN' TOWARDS NOW CAN BEST BE DESCRIBED AS, "TOTALLY FUCKIN' WILD. "

CHECK IT OUT... IF YOU'RE A KILLER DESIGNER AND WANT TO WORK WITH ME, LET ME KNOW IN THIS BLOG. OLIE AND FATHEED ALREADY SET THE FIRESTORM DESIGN STANDARD OF FUCKIN' QUALITY, SO YOU GOTTA BE ABLE TO MATCH THAT.

I'M ALL ABOUT HIGH QUALITY, BROS.

I'M GONNA CHECK BACK HERE OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS AND MAKE A DECISION.

-DICK FIRESTORM

FUCK YEAH, BROS!