CHECK IT OUT, BROS! THE AWESOMER WROTE ABOUT THE LAST FUCKIN' UNICORN! PRETTY FUCKIN' SOLID!

http://theawesomer.com/the-last-fckin-unicorn/3518/

TO ALL THE TOOLS OUT THERE WHO VOTED AGAINST THIS DESIGN:

YOU JUST GOT SCORTCH'D!!!

OLIE AND EVERYBODY AT THREADLESS ARE MY BROS FOR LIFE.

SOLID, BROS.

SOLID.

-DICK FIRESTORM

CHECK IT OUT BROS,

I GOT SOME KILLER IDEAS FOR A NEW THREADLESS DESIGN. I 'M LOOKIN' FOR ANOTHER ALUMNI ARTIST TO HELP ME GET THE DESIGN OFF THE GROUND AND SHIT. BUT CHECK IT OUT BROS, THE BAR IS SET PRETTY FUCKIN' HIGH NOW 'CAUSE MY BRO OLIE KNOCKED THE LAST DESIGN OUT OF THE FUCKIN' BALLPARK.

IF YOU CAN DRAW REALLY HOT CHICKS AND THINK YOU CAN WORK WITH ME, THEN LET ME KNOW IN THIS BLOG. I'M GONNA MAKE A DECISION OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS AND WE'RE GONNA GET THIS SUCKER PRINTED.

DESIGN #3 IS GONNA BE SICK, BROS. SICK! THAT'S A FUCKIN' PROMISE.

-DICK FIRESTORM

I’VE BEEN TAGGING THIS CHICK LISA FOR A FEW MONTHS. NEVER REALLY BEEN INTO HER, BUT SHE’S GOT A NICE RACK. LAST NIGHT WE DROVE A FEW TOWNS OVER TO SEE A METAL SHOW. ON THE WAY BACK, LISA MADE A BIG FUCKIN’ MISTAKE. THE SAME BIG FUCKIN’ MISTAKE THAT SO MANY OTHER CHICKS I’VE TAGGED HAVE MADE.

CHECK IT OUT, BROS… WE’RE DRIVIN’ DOWN THE FUCKIN' HIGHWAY AND SHIT, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN LISA HITS STOP ON THE TAPE DECK. I WAS ALL, “WHAT THE FUCK, BRO?” SHE TELLS ME TO PULL OVER. SHE SAYS SHE NEEDS TO TELL ME SOMETHING. I KNEW SOMETHIN' WAS UP, BROS ‘CAUSE THE WHOLE DRIVE BACK SHE WAS CHECKIN’ HERSELF OUT IN THE MIRROR AND PUTTIN’ ON MORE MAKEUP AND SHIT. SHE WAS FUCKIN’ SERIOUS AS FUCK.

ANYWAY, I PULL OVER AND SHE PUTS HER HAND ON MY FACE AND GOES, “I LOVE YOU, DICK FIRESTORM.” I WAS ALL, “WHATEVER BRO.” I GO TO PUT IRON MAIDEN BACK ON AND SHE HITS STOP AGAIN. THEN SHE STARTS GETTIN’ ALL EMOTIONAL AND SHIT AND GRABS THE SIDE OF MY FACE AND TRIES TO MAKE ME TURN MY HEAD TO LOOK AT HER. I DIDN’T MOVE MY HEAD AT ALL, BROS. I JUST LOOKED STRAIGHT AHEAD WITH NO FUCKIN’ EXPRESSION ON MY FACE.

THEN SHE’S ALL, “I DON’T WANT TO BE JUST ANOTHER GIRL YOU’RE FOOLING AROUND WITH. I WANT MORE THAN THAT. I WANT TO BE DICK FIRESTORM’S GIRLFRIEND.” NEXT THING I KNOW SHE'S GIVING ME A KNOBJOB. IT WAS PRETTY SOLID, BUT THEN SHE’S ALL, “TELL ME I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND. TELL ME I’M THE ONLY ONE FOR YOU.”

I TURNED MY HEAD AND LOOKED STRAIGHT INTO HER EYES FOR A FEW SECONDS AND SAID, “YOU CAN’T TAME THE FIRESTORM, BRO… GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR.” I PUT THE MAIDEN TAPE BACK ON AND CRANKED THE VOLUME ALL THE WAY UP. “NUMBER OF THE BEAST” STARTS BLARING AND LISA RUNS OUT OF THE CAR CRYIN’.

I REVVED THE ENGINE AND PEELED OUT. THE SMELL OF BURNT RUBBER AND SMOKE WAS EVERYWHERE. IT WAS ONE OF THE RARE FUCKIN’ OCCASIONS THAT I DIDN’T NEED TO WASTE MY ENERGY TELLIN’ SOMEONE THEY JUST GOT SCORTCH’D. MY FUCKIN’ VANITY PLATES DID IT FOR ME.



DICK FIRESTORM DON'T EXPRESS FEELINGS.

LAST NIGHT AFTER WORK, ME AND MY BRO KENNY WENT OUT TO THE LOCAL TITTY BAR. DRANK A FEW BEERS AND CHILLED OUT FOR A LITTLE WHILE. GOOD TIMES, BROS.

SO CHECK IT OUT, SOME NEW STRIPPER I NEVER SEEN BEFORE COMES UP TO ME AND ASKS IF I WANTED A LAPDANCE. SHE SAID HER NAME WAS DIAMOND AND SHE WAS FUCKIN’ STACKED, BROS! NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. SO I WAS ALL, "FUCK YEAH BRO!" SO SHE STARTS GIVIN' ME A LAPDANCE. PRETTY SOLID SO FAR... THEN SHE TAKES OFF HER TOP AND SHE’S ALL, "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE BABIES?" I LIFTED UP MY SHADES FOR A SECOND, PUT 'EM BACK DOWN AND I SAYS, “YOUR PLASTIC SURGEON NEEDS TO GET HIS FUCKIN’ EYES CHECKED, BRO.” SHE WAS ALL, “WHAT THE FUCK YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT?” THAT”S WHEN I PUSHED HER OFF ME, POINTED IN HER FACE AND SAID, "YOU GOT SCORTCH'D!"

BROS, WE’RE TALKIN' THE WORST FAKE TITTY JOB IN THE HISTORY OF FAKE TITTIES. SHE HAD MAJOR LEAGUE SCARS UNDER HER NIPS AND HER TITTIES WERE ALL FUCKIN' IRREGULAR-SHAPED AND SHIT. SHE TRIED TO CLIMB BACK ON ME BUT I PUSHED HER BACK AGAIN AND SAID, “FORGET ABOUT IT, BRO.” NEXT THING YOU KNOW SHE’S ALL UP IN MY FACE SCREAMIN’ LIKE A BANSHEE. SHE WAS PISSED! THE CLUB MANAGER RUNS OVER AND HE’S ALL, “IS THERE A PROBLEM, MR. FIRESTORM?” I WAS ALL, “I’M NOT INTO BOTCHED TITTIES, BRO.” ALL OF A SUDDEN HE GETS THIS SERIOUS LOOK ON HIS FACE. HE TURNS TO DIAMOND AND HE’S ALL, “YOU’RE OUTTA HERE, PRINCESS.” TWO BOUNCERS HAD TO DRAG HER OUT OF THE PLACE AND SHE LEFT FUCKIN’ CLAW MARKS ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALLWAY.

AFTER THAT, THE MANAGER GOT ME AND KENNY FREE LAPDANCES FROM SOME CHICK WITH QUALITY, NATURAL TITTIES.

IT WAS SOLID.

CHECK IT BROS, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET SOMEONE TOTALLY BADASS TO DRAW WHAT'S IN MY HEAD. IT'S CALLED "THE LAST FUCKIN' UNICORN" AND IT'S A COLLABORATION I DID WITH OLIE!

OLIE DESIGNED AN IDEA I CAME UP WITH FOR A NEW T-SHIRT. HE'S THE DUDE WHO DID THAT KICKASS WHACK-A-MOLE SHIRT THAT THEY PRINTED... AND ANOTHER ONE THAT CHANGES COLOR AND SHIT. I THINK THE WORK HE DID IN THIS 2ND FIRESTORM DESIGN IS THE BEST THING HE'S EVER FUCKIN' DRAWN, BROS.

I NEED A HOT CHICK IN A BLACK T-SHIRT TO MODEL THE FUCKIN' DESIGN. ALLS YOU HAVE TO DO IS LOOK HOT, WEAR A BLACK SHIRT AND MAKE 2 METAL SIGNS WITH YOUR HANDS. WE'LL PHOTOHOUSE THE DESIGN ONTO THE FUCKIN' PHOTO AND IT'LL BE TOTALLY BADASS.

YO BROS,

I GOT A KICKASS IDEA FOR A NEW DESIGN I WANT TO SUBMIT. MY BRO KENNY DOESN'T HAVE TIME TO HELP ME OUT WITH IT RIGHT NOW SO I WANT TO SEE IF ANY OF YOU BROS WANTS TO GET IN ON IT.

I NEED SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THE ROPES AND SHIT. SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN PRINTED A FEW FUCKIN' TIMES ALREADY. SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO GET FUCKIN' PRINTED. SOMEONE WHO CAN REALLY DRAW HOT CHICKS.

LET ME KNOW BROS. TOGETHER WE CAN FUCKIN' SCORTCH THE WORLD.

MY BRO KENNY DOES AIRBRUSHING FOR A LIVING. WHEN WE WERE IN HIGHSCHOOL HE MADE SOLID MONEY AIRBRUSHING SHIT ONTO
SWEATSHIRTS AND LICENSE PLATES AT THE MALL. NOW HE DOES CARS AND MOTORCYCLES AND SHIT. KENNY USED TO COME OVER ALL THE
TIME AND PLAY SEGA GENESIS AT MY HOUSE. MAMA FIRESTORM KNEW HE HAD MAD SKILLS AND EVERY FUCKIN’ TIME HE CAME OVER SHE ASKED
HIM WHEN HE WAS GOING TO PAINT HER SOMETHING. HE NEVER DID. WELL THIS WEEKEND KENNY FINALLY FUCKIN’ REDEEMED HIMSELF,
BROS...






THIS IS HOW YOU SURPRISE YOUR MA FOR MOTHER’S DAY. KENNY PAINTED IT IN LIKE 3 FUCKIN’ HOURS. I AKSED MAMA FIRESTORM FOR
THE KEYS TO THAT DOUCHEBAG VW SHE DRIVES, SO I COULD PICK UP A FEW CASES OF PABST. NEXT THING SHE KNOWS I PULL UP TO THE
HOUSE WITH FUCKIN’ KENNY’S MASTERPIECE ON THE HOOD. WE'RE TALKIN' TEARS OF JOY, BROS. SHE SAID IT WAS ONE OF THE
CLASSIEST THINGS SHE EVER SEEN AND THAT IT SHOULD BE IN A MUSEUM SOMEDAY. SHE COULDN’T WAIT TO SHOW IT OFF TO HER CHICK
BROS AT THE HAIR SALON.

SOLID, BROS.

SOLID.

CHECK IT OUT BROS, THE GOLDEN SPATULA CAME THROUGH AND DREW ME EXACTLY WHAT I FUCKIN' WANTED. 3 HOT FILIPINO CHICKS WRESTLING IN WHIPPED CREAM!

THIS DRAWING IS SOLID, BROS!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/smittywerbenmenjenson/2458287941/in/set-72157604236452396/