LAST NIGHT AFTER WORK, ME AND MY BRO KENNY WENT OUT TO THE LOCAL TITTY BAR. DRANK A FEW BEERS AND CHILLED OUT FOR A LITTLE WHILE. GOOD TIMES, BROS.

SO CHECK IT OUT, SOME NEW STRIPPER I NEVER SEEN BEFORE COMES UP TO ME AND ASKS IF I WANTED A LAPDANCE. SHE SAID HER NAME WAS DIAMOND AND SHE WAS FUCKIN’ STACKED, BROS! NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. SO I WAS ALL, "FUCK YEAH BRO!" SO SHE STARTS GIVIN' ME A LAPDANCE. PRETTY SOLID SO FAR... THEN SHE TAKES OFF HER TOP AND SHE’S ALL, "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE BABIES?" I LIFTED UP MY SHADES FOR A SECOND, PUT 'EM BACK DOWN AND I SAYS, “YOUR PLASTIC SURGEON NEEDS TO GET HIS FUCKIN’ EYES CHECKED, BRO.” SHE WAS ALL, “WHAT THE FUCK YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT?” THAT”S WHEN I PUSHED HER OFF ME, POINTED IN HER FACE AND SAID, "YOU GOT SCORTCH'D!"

BROS, WE’RE TALKIN' THE WORST FAKE TITTY JOB IN THE HISTORY OF FAKE TITTIES. SHE HAD MAJOR LEAGUE SCARS UNDER HER NIPS AND HER TITTIES WERE ALL FUCKIN' IRREGULAR-SHAPED AND SHIT. SHE TRIED TO CLIMB BACK ON ME BUT I PUSHED HER BACK AGAIN AND SAID, “FORGET ABOUT IT, BRO.” NEXT THING YOU KNOW SHE’S ALL UP IN MY FACE SCREAMIN’ LIKE A BANSHEE. SHE WAS PISSED! THE CLUB MANAGER RUNS OVER AND HE’S ALL, “IS THERE A PROBLEM, MR. FIRESTORM?” I WAS ALL, “I’M NOT INTO BOTCHED TITTIES, BRO.” ALL OF A SUDDEN HE GETS THIS SERIOUS LOOK ON HIS FACE. HE TURNS TO DIAMOND AND HE’S ALL, “YOU’RE OUTTA HERE, PRINCESS.” TWO BOUNCERS HAD TO DRAG HER OUT OF THE PLACE AND SHE LEFT FUCKIN’ CLAW MARKS ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALLWAY.

AFTER THAT, THE MANAGER GOT ME AND KENNY FREE LAPDANCES FROM SOME CHICK WITH QUALITY, NATURAL TITTIES.

IT WAS SOLID.

CHECK IT BROS, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET SOMEONE TOTALLY BADASS TO DRAW WHAT'S IN MY HEAD. IT'S CALLED "THE LAST FUCKIN' UNICORN" AND IT'S A COLLABORATION I DID WITH OLIE!

OLIE DESIGNED AN IDEA I CAME UP WITH FOR A NEW T-SHIRT. HE'S THE DUDE WHO DID THAT KICKASS WHACK-A-MOLE SHIRT THAT THEY PRINTED... AND ANOTHER ONE THAT CHANGES COLOR AND SHIT. I THINK THE WORK HE DID IN THIS 2ND FIRESTORM DESIGN IS THE BEST THING HE'S EVER FUCKIN' DRAWN, BROS.

I NEED A HOT CHICK IN A BLACK T-SHIRT TO MODEL THE FUCKIN' DESIGN. ALLS YOU HAVE TO DO IS LOOK HOT, WEAR A BLACK SHIRT AND MAKE 2 METAL SIGNS WITH YOUR HANDS. WE'LL PHOTOHOUSE THE DESIGN ONTO THE FUCKIN' PHOTO AND IT'LL BE TOTALLY BADASS.

YO BROS,

I GOT A KICKASS IDEA FOR A NEW DESIGN I WANT TO SUBMIT. MY BRO KENNY DOESN'T HAVE TIME TO HELP ME OUT WITH IT RIGHT NOW SO I WANT TO SEE IF ANY OF YOU BROS WANTS TO GET IN ON IT.

I NEED SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THE ROPES AND SHIT. SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN PRINTED A FEW FUCKIN' TIMES ALREADY. SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO GET FUCKIN' PRINTED. SOMEONE WHO CAN REALLY DRAW HOT CHICKS.

LET ME KNOW BROS. TOGETHER WE CAN FUCKIN' SCORTCH THE WORLD.

MY BRO KENNY DOES AIRBRUSHING FOR A LIVING. WHEN WE WERE IN HIGHSCHOOL HE MADE SOLID MONEY AIRBRUSHING SHIT ONTO
SWEATSHIRTS AND LICENSE PLATES AT THE MALL. NOW HE DOES CARS AND MOTORCYCLES AND SHIT. KENNY USED TO COME OVER ALL THE
TIME AND PLAY SEGA GENESIS AT MY HOUSE. MAMA FIRESTORM KNEW HE HAD MAD SKILLS AND EVERY FUCKIN’ TIME HE CAME OVER SHE ASKED
HIM WHEN HE WAS GOING TO PAINT HER SOMETHING. HE NEVER DID. WELL THIS WEEKEND KENNY FINALLY FUCKIN’ REDEEMED HIMSELF,
BROS...






THIS IS HOW YOU SURPRISE YOUR MA FOR MOTHER’S DAY. KENNY PAINTED IT IN LIKE 3 FUCKIN’ HOURS. I AKSED MAMA FIRESTORM FOR
THE KEYS TO THAT DOUCHEBAG VW SHE DRIVES, SO I COULD PICK UP A FEW CASES OF PABST. NEXT THING SHE KNOWS I PULL UP TO THE
HOUSE WITH FUCKIN’ KENNY’S MASTERPIECE ON THE HOOD. WE'RE TALKIN' TEARS OF JOY, BROS. SHE SAID IT WAS ONE OF THE
CLASSIEST THINGS SHE EVER SEEN AND THAT IT SHOULD BE IN A MUSEUM SOMEDAY. SHE COULDN’T WAIT TO SHOW IT OFF TO HER CHICK
BROS AT THE HAIR SALON.

SOLID, BROS.

SOLID.

CHECK IT OUT BROS, THE GOLDEN SPATULA CAME THROUGH AND DREW ME EXACTLY WHAT I FUCKIN' WANTED. 3 HOT FILIPINO CHICKS WRESTLING IN WHIPPED CREAM!

THIS DRAWING IS SOLID, BROS!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/smittywerbenmenjenson/2458287941/in/set-72157604236452396/

YO BROS,

I DON'T ASK FOR MANY FAVORS BUT MY BRO HERSHEL SUBBED A KICK FUCKIN' ASS DESIGN AND IT'S UP FOR VOTING AND SHIT. VOTE $5 OR YOU GONNA GET SCORTCH'D!

LAST NIGHT I WENT TO WALMART WITH MAMA FIRESTORM. SHE NEEDED HELP CARRYING SHIT. WHATEVER. I HELP MY MOM OUT, ‘CAUSE SHE COOKS ME PRETTY SOLID DINNERS AND KEEPS THE FUCKIN’ FRIDGE STOCKED WITH PABST.

ANYWAY, WHEN WE WERE WALKIN’ IN, THE DUMBASS PEOPLE GREETER GRABBED ME BY THE SHOULDER AND TOLD ME MY SHOE WAS UNTIED. I PUSHED HIS HAND OFF ME AND I SAYS, “TAKE IT EASY, BRO,”
AND KEPT RIGHT ON WALKING. SO THE DUDE RUNS UP BEHIND ME AND GRABS MY SHOULDER AGAIN. HE WAS ALL, “YOU BETTER TIE YOUR SHOE! YOUR GONNA BREAK YOUR NECK, SON!” HE LOOKED ALL CONCERNED AND SHIT. I TURNED AROUND AND I SAYS, “BRO, I AIN’T YOUR SON, SO KISS MY BALLS.” THEN I SHOVED HIM INTO A GIANT DISPLAY OF 2 LITER SODA BOTTLES. BROS, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM SODA BOTTLES FUCKIN’ TUMBLED DOWN. THERE MUST HAVE BEEN A HUNDRED OF ‘EM. A BUNCH OF ‘EM FIZZED OPEN AND SHIT. EVERYONE AROUND STARTED LAUGHING LIKE HELL. AFTER THAT, I GRABBED THAT PHONE ON THE WALL AND YELLED, ”SCORRRRRRTTTTTCHHHH’D!!!!” OVER THE FUCKIN' INTERCOM SYSTEM. THE WHOLE STORE KNEW THAT DICK FIRESTORM WAS THERE AND THE DUDE AT THE REGISTER GAVE MY MOM A DISCOUNT LATER.

YO BROS,
 
MY DESIGN IS ALMOST DONE SCORIN’.  I’M PRETTY STOKED WITH THE RESPONSE IT’S BEEN GETTING, BUT AT THE SAME TIME A LOT OF THE NEGATIVE COMMENTS JUST FUCKIN’ PISS ME OFF.  DON’T GET ME WRONG, MY FEELINGS AIN’T HURT.  KNOW WHY?  ‘CAUSE DICK FIRESTORM DON’T GOT FEELINGS.  SO FUCK YOU, IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE GOIN’ FOR WHEN YOU GAVE ME A ZERO AND LEFT SOME LAME ASS COMMENT. 
 
THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH 2 CHICKS SUCKIN’ TONGUE.  THIS IS FUCKIN’ 2008, BROS.  HOT CHICKS MAKE OUT WITH EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME.  BUT HEY,  IF YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THE FUCKIN’ 1950’S THEN GO GET IN YOUR FUCKIN’ TIME MACHINE.  AND TELL YOU WHAT… WHEN YOU GET BACK TO 1955… GO FUCK YOURSELF.
 
YOU CAN’T SCORTCH ME.
 
 
 I’M DICK FUCKIN’ FIRESTORM.

HERE IT IS, BROS! I FEEL PRETTY FUCKIN' GOOD ABOUT THIS. I HOPE I CAN COUNT ON ALL YOU GUYS TO GET IT PRINTED.