Vampires and hemophiliacs are two different things.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
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I don't care-bear!
of 15 votes, 13% like it
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Matricide: What did your bed ever do to you?
of 62 votes, 15% like it
|
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I eat everything I can't pronounce
of 48 votes, 19% like it
|
not all Eastern Europeans look like Dracula
of 45 votes, 9% like it
|
Vampires are people with special needs
of 41 votes, 27% like it
|
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I want to be president...but my GPA is too high
of 42 votes, 19% like it
|
Halloween: the only day I leave the house without makeup
of 42 votes, 19% like it
|
my mom and dad play leapfrog...in bed
of 42 votes, 7% like it
|
|
practice your CPR on me
of 42 votes, 12% like it
|
the 5 second rule is only a guideline
of 42 votes, 24% like it
|
I'm not a zombie, I'm just emo
of 49 votes, 8% like it
|
|
Harry did it with a centaur
of 55 votes, 5% like it
|
Humans are today's T-Rexes
of 54 votes, 15% like it
|
I go to school to avoid real work
of 54 votes, 20% like it
|
|
My heart hurts. Maybe I should take the knife out.
of 54 votes, 9% like it
|
accident in progress
of 54 votes, 9% like it
|
You look mighty pretty today. By the way it's Opposite Day.
of 54 votes, 7% like it
|
|
Please call Cherrywood Insane Asylum 1-(800)-URCrazy
of 54 votes, 2% like it
|
Dinosaurs are overrated...and extinct
of 54 votes, 13% like it
|
senioritis is a legitimate illness
of 55 votes, 7% like it
|
|
Mr. Vick, don't you know God is dog spelled backwards?
of 54 votes, 7% like it
|
girls are like flowers in the park, you can't step on them
of 54 votes, 13% like it
|
guns hurt, just so you know
of 55 votes, 13% like it
|
|
flowers are just colorful weeds
of 54 votes, 22% like it
|
Brains are delicious with a little ketchup
of 54 votes, 6% like it
|
I'm not albino, I'm a vampire.
of 54 votes, 17% like it
|
|
brains are delicious with a little oregano
of 54 votes, 7% like it
|
When the zombies come, I'm giving them your address.
of 54 votes, 13% like it
|
When the zombies come, I'm giving them your number.
of 55 votes, 22% like it
|
|
Your face can scare the dead
of 55 votes, 5% like it
|
For the love of cookies, put on some makeup!
of 54 votes, 6% like it
|
major liability
of 54 votes, 11% like it
|
|
wizard-school dropout
of 54 votes, 28% like it
|
My picture's in the dictionary under "gullible." Check
of 54 votes, 9% like it
|
Columbus got lost
of 54 votes, 24% like it
|
|
this soup is good, but where's my goldfish?
of 54 votes, 9% like it
|
I will not take off this shirt for you
of 55 votes, 5% like it
|
war is hurty
of 54 votes, 7% like it
|
|
milk is for calves
of 54 votes, 0% like it
|
my name's on the wall in the men's bathroom
of 55 votes, 9% like it
|
allergic to sunshine and happiness
of 54 votes, 13% like it
|
|
psychic..no wait...psychotic
of 54 votes, 7% like it
|
this shirt stops me from going invisible
of 54 votes, 24% like it
|
I have an enlarged heart...not as nice as it sounds
of 55 votes, 5% like it
|
|
"fun run" is a misnomer
of 54 votes, 4% like it
|
I'm somebody's child...no, really, I'm adopted
of 55 votes, 2% like it
|
The voices in my head are having a karoake night
of 54 votes, 20% like it
|
|
I think these crazy pills are placebos
of 54 votes, 11% like it
|
trees: providers of shade and free fruit
of 55 votes, 15% like it
|
a lumberyard is a cemetery for trees
of 54 votes, 15% like it
|
|
Halloween: curbing obesity by giving kids more candy
of 54 votes, 17% like it
|
my self-esteem depends on crushing yours
of 54 votes, 11% like it
|
office nerd
of 54 votes, 6% like it
|
|
sold my soul in an online auction
of 55 votes, 16% like it
|
reverse vampire
of 54 votes, 4% like it
|
androgyny: keeps them guessing
of 54 votes, 7% like it
|
|
unluckiest guy/girl in the planet
of 54 votes, 0% like it
|
thank goodness I don't believe in reincarnation
of 54 votes, 13% like it
|
Why the costume? It's not even Halloween.
of 54 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Have you learned nothing?
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
Harry dies & gets reincarnated as a right-wing fundamentalist
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
I go to college to buy myself some time
of 53 votes, 13% like it
|
|
not my original hair color
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
poke my butt and you'll find a magical surprise
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
Don't poke me there
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
|
Don't point that thing at me!
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
Let's cut to the chase: I don't like you
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
You put the Hell in Hello
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
My Indian name is Sleeps in the Buff
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
You don't as good in the catalogue
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
I'll have some of your candy, stranger
of 53 votes, 21% like it
|
|
I remember you from the internet
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
hope you're wearing something under that kilt
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
where did all these bruises come from?
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
|
falls down a lot
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
this shirt is bullet-proof...just take my word for it
of 53 votes, 23% like it
|
archaeology isn't as fun as in the movies
of 53 votes, 19% like it
|
|
make me proud!
of 53 votes, 0% like it
|
princes are high-maintainence
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
my only eyes are evil ones
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
I understand animals, and if I were you I would avoid the park.
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
I understand animals. They said they don't like you.
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
waffles are pockmarked pancakes
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
|
waffle irons are evil
of 54 votes, 6% like it
|
puts hand on stove
of 54 votes, 2% like it
|
I quit failing
of 53 votes, 15% like it
|
|
Princes are overrated, I want a stableboy
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
wanted: one boyfriend...auditions on Friday at 1
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
the bird ate my fish, the cat ate my bird, and the dog ate my cat
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
|
cats are people too but with sharp claws, stealth, and more fur
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
I'm one step away from being a cat lady
of 53 votes, 15% like it
|
declawed
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
|
I have a dog and a cat, don't tell me world peace isn't possible
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
My dog uses me as a fire hydrant
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
my cat uses me to sharpen his claws
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
cats: domestic stalkers
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
I have a C average, therefore I'm presidential material
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
Bush: proof that we're losing the war on illiteracy
of 53 votes, 13% like it
|
|
pms is a myth spread by jerks
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
This is a mood shirt. Can't you see I'm angry?
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
why did the dinosaurs die out? food poisoning
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
|
I smell good, come have a sniff
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
girls are like guys...but prettier and better smelling
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
keep your lies to a minimum
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
|
I got tasered and all I got was this arrhythmia
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
Canada: where the only major shortage is of maple syrup
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
Canada: where the only violence is a paper cut
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
Canada: the American dream
of 53 votes, 19% like it
|
Canada: where Americans go to live
of 53 votes, 15% like it
|
gets tasered on a weekly basis
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
|
wanna get tasered?
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
tasers are like electrical guns
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
tasers were supposed to be the alternative to guns
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
|
I got tasered and now I have an arrhythmia
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
America: tasing our students since November 2006
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
chase your dreams and tase them
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
|
are they still chasing me?
of 53 votes, 17% like it
|
never slather yourself in honey and wait in the forest
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
my tummy hurts, it's trying to escape
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
|
soy = vegetarian's best friend
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
drinking cow's milk is creepy
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
I remember your face from the milk carton
of 53 votes, 13% like it
|
|
internet stalker
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
hot dogs = mystery meat repackaged
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
America: where eating too much too fast is rewarded
of 53 votes, 15% like it
|
|
America: where eating fast is a sport
of 53 votes, 21% like it
|
the Canadian flag: it's a maple leaf stupid
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
Canada: an idyllic ice palace with cheap drugs
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
|
If anyone asks, I'm Canadian
of 53 votes, 17% like it
|
Property of Satan
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
ignore the shirt, I'm illiterate
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
|
war is bad...what did illiteracy do to you?
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
witty remarks updated daily
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
I only bought the shirt because it was on sale
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Ignore the shirt, I don't speak English
of 53 votes, 17% like it
|
if you find a wallet filled with $20s, it's mine
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
I'd like a president who's impervious to pretzels
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
homework is the devil's bidding
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
I'm looking for the vampire equivalent of half & half
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
Ironically, Arabic numerals came from India
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
|
I speak Arabic. Jealous?
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
Falafel: little balls of delicious goodness
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
lobsters are the spiders of the ocean
of 53 votes, 0% like it
|
|
crabs are the bugs of the ocean
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
wanted for arson, robbery, and insecticide
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
donuts: the official breakfast of law enforcement officers
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
|
Was that sugar in the envelope or anthrax?
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
I'm anti-vegan: eating carrots is wrong
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
I'm a quarter werewolf...explains the hairyness
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
college: the only place where beer pong is a legitimate sport
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
Hate my job, Love my paycheck
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
My book was originally Floyd Armstrong and the Cup of Dry Ice
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
|
J.K. Rowling stole my ideas
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
I steal office supplies...here have a free stapler
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
falls asleep on the job
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
|
tatoos: permanent ways to remember your relatives' names
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
tatoos: permanent reminders of drinking binges
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
I'm not wearing undies, want me to prove it?
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
|
1.shirt..check 2.pants..check 3.underwear..nope 4.socks..check
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
double entendres make my day
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
breaking news: I don't like you
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
|
I can see the future, and you're not in it
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
let the dog be naked
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
escaped fugitive
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
I'd like a president who could speak even one language well
of 53 votes, 19% like it
|
January 2009: the idiot goes back to his village
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
hell on earth is no longer a possibility
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
|
my clone is here somewhere
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
vegetarians are survivalists with no sense of taste
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
hockey: a dentist's favorite sport
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
|
golf: the lazy man's sport
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
Golf: it's not a sport if you can drive on the course
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
I play golf, if you can even call that a sport
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
|
dead weight
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
He's taken
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
Boyfriend? More like parole officer
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
|
he's my parole officer
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
I'm scratch and sniff
of 53 votes, 13% like it
|
Don't blame me, convicted felons can't vote
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
|
never fondue naked
of 53 votes, 19% like it
|
imagine me doing drugs
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
global warming: free tanning
of 53 votes, 15% like it
|
|
free to a loving owner
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
I'm free! I'm free!
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
that's what I keep telling myself
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
|
My name isn't sweetie
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
Try again sweetie
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
trust me, no wait....yes, trust me
of 53 votes, 21% like it
|
|
shotgun weddings are a family tradition
of 53 votes, 13% like it
|
one man's roadkill is another man's supper
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
road waffles are not as good as they sound like
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
|
the chickens are revolting!
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
I'm my own airbag
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
you tell me what I'm thinking
of 54 votes, 11% like it
|
|
I'm only here for the cake
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
There's always room for ice cream cake
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
There's always room for ice cream cake
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
Sushi: an excuse not to cook
of 53 votes, 19% like it
|
What you see is what you get...sadly
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
Where's my $200?
of 54 votes, 0% like it
|
|
evil is a relative term
of 54 votes, 11% like it
|
Hope your twin is better looking
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
How come I never see you during a full moon?
of 53 votes, 21% like it
|
|
oh no the full moon!
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
What is see is what you get....sadly
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
R.I.P. My sense of humor
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
|
Harry doesn't exist
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
Snape killed Dumbledore on the rooftop with the wand
of 53 votes, 15% like it
|
Where's my reflection?
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
|
Eye M Da Fyutur uv Uhmerikah
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
2+2=5 look it up.
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
Do cooties count in germ warfare?
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
Circus Reject
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
I haven't been innoculated for cooties
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
I'm an expensive date
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
|
Shark-Bait
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
I'm a beautiful movie star....then I wake up.
of 54 votes, 2% like it
|
never shake hands with a cannibal
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
|
cannibals are people too
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
I drank out all my brain cells in college
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
why am I here and why are there no tostadas?
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
big words scare me
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
applications for village idiot available at town hall
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
How did the village idiot become president?
of 53 votes, 13% like it
|
|
No, I'm not wearing a mask
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
Santa: jolly old man, cookie aficionado, guitar hero
of 53 votes, 13% like it
|
school is jail for kids
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
guess what's under my shirt
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
NRA: Never Really Aiming
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
Rudolph is an alcoholic
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
|
sushi: an excuse to serve raw fish on purpose
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
People in glass houses should just move
of 53 votes, 11% like it
|
seaweed: grossing out children since second #1
of 53 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Sharks: nature's garbage disposals
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
Santa fears me
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
Gets coal from Santa every year
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
|
Global Warming: Only Santa Can Save Us
of 53 votes, 19% like it
|
Damn...forgot to wear pants today
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
I'm a biter
of 53 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Beer is a food group
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
Stop reading! You're hurting the trees!
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
I'm only a little contagious
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
|
I'm not contagious...yet.
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
Obesity: natural selection in effect
of 53 votes, 13% like it
|
How does my hair look?
of 53 votes, 2% like it
|
|
Poor Pinatas
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
At least there wasn't a pinata full of live grenades
of 54 votes, 17% like it
|
I loved you before it was cool
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
|
You're charging HOW much?
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
Does a bottle of beer count as a serving of grains?
of 53 votes, 4% like it
|
Mom, I need some extra money for beer *ahem* books.
of 53 votes, 6% like it
|
|
One man's shoe is another man's lunch
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
But my mommy says I'm cute
of 54 votes, 4% like it
|
Yours Hand + My Mouth = Four Fingers
of 53 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Certified Mooch
of 53 votes, 0% like it
|
My fist has an appointment with your face at noon
of 54 votes, 7% like it
|
I'm worth my weight in Spanish galleons
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
the devil wears hot pants
of 53 votes, 8% like it
|
I have a cat and I'm not afraid to use it!
of 54 votes, 11% like it
|
Ben Franklin was never president?!
of 53 votes, 9% like it
|
|
New Jersey: where funny smells go to retire
of 53 votes, 25% like it
|
Those who say freedom isn't free are trying to take it away
of 53 votes, 25% like it
|
Canada is America with lots and lots of bears
of 59 votes, 20% like it
|
|
buy me a brownie and i'm all yours
of 58 votes, 7% like it
|
cookie-fiend
of 58 votes, 9% like it
|
Drinking and Driving is NOT a contest.
of 59 votes, 12% like it
|
|
You make me look sober.
of 58 votes, 5% like it
|
I make you look smart.
of 58 votes, 5% like it
|
1/5 Americans can't find America on a map. Where is it again?
of 57 votes, 11% like it
|
|
I'm bi-lingual: I know English AND Canadian
of 60 votes, 17% like it
|
i don't like you, but i forgot why
of 58 votes, 10% like it
|
what's my alibi again?
of 58 votes, 12% like it
|
|
where's the cheeseburgler when you need him?
of 58 votes, 9% like it
|
jack-o-lanterns and barns don't mix
of 57 votes, 7% like it
|
my shirt is way too loud
of 56 votes, 4% like it
|
|
i love my freedom. can't say the same thing about your's though.
of 57 votes, 7% like it
|
escaped from the zoo
of 57 votes, 7% like it
|
penguins: all dressed up with nowhere to go
of 57 votes, 30% like it
|
|
i love penguins. stop polluting!
of 56 votes, 4% like it
|
Don't call the cops. I'm only 301 yards away from you.
of 56 votes, 7% like it
|
Does a restraining order mean nothing to you?
of 56 votes, 7% like it
|
|
Why are you still following me?
of 56 votes, 7% like it
|
*insert witty remark here*
of 56 votes, 18% like it
|
college is like obedience school, only more expensive
of 56 votes, 13% like it
|
|
teach me a trick
of 56 votes, 4% like it
|
My Spanish only goes so far as fast food.
of 55 votes, 7% like it
|
I speak English. I choose not to just to confuse you.
of 56 votes, 7% like it
|
|
Sorry, I don't speak Canadian.
of 56 votes, 9% like it
|
Don't mess with me, I'm from New York
of 55 votes, 5% like it
|
I don't care what you think of me!
of 56 votes, 5% like it
|
|
Yaaaay Me!
of 55 votes, 5% like it
|
I speak Arabic!!!
of 56 votes, 4% like it
|
Majnunah and Crazy: Now I know what I am in Arabic and in English
of 56 votes, 7% like it
|
|
Uhibbuki is I love You in Arabic!
of 56 votes, 4% like it
|
Likes hugs
of 56 votes, 5% like it
|
I sold my soul to threadless.com, and all I got was this t-shirt
of 57 votes, 12% like it
|
|
I think you're cute, but what do I know?
of 57 votes, 4% like it
|
Did somebody say cake?
of 57 votes, 9% like it
|
ice-cream man! the ice-cream man!!
of 57 votes, 5% like it
|
|
I'm a vegetarian. Do cheeseburgers count?
of 57 votes, 4% like it
|
salaam does not belong in a sandwich
of 57 votes, 2% like it
|
steals morning papers
of 56 votes, 5% like it
|
|
so what? everyone can yodel
of 57 votes, 5% like it
|
my heaven is someone else's hell
of 57 votes, 5% like it
|
hell has a serious global warming problem.
of 57 votes, 9% like it
|
|
I wish they had this shirt in Braille
of 57 votes, 9% like it
|
Can you read my accent?
of 57 votes, 5% like it
|
Which English do you speak?
of 57 votes, 21% like it
|
|
My shirt is way better than yours!
of 57 votes, 5% like it
|
I got out of shape before I even had one
of 58 votes, 9% like it
|
Professional wrestling is the ballet of the masses
of 58 votes, 3% like it
|
|
Don't call security!
of 57 votes, 5% like it
|
Where did my pet snake go?
of 58 votes, 3% like it
|
I have a pet skunk. Can you tell?
of 58 votes, 2% like it
|
|
porcupines are so painfully cute
of 57 votes, 18% like it
|
i'm a chef...if you count pb&j sandwiches, pasta, and salad
of 58 votes, 3% like it
|
is that a cloud of pigeons above us?
of 58 votes, 10% like it
|
|
Is it bad that the war hawks ate the doves?
of 57 votes, 5% like it
|
Oooh...sparkly
of 57 votes, 7% like it
|
I love cake way too much.
of 57 votes, 4% like it
|
|
I lost this eye in the great punch-buggie fight of 2003.
of 57 votes, 9% like it
|
My face is a medical disaster.
of 56 votes, 4% like it
|
My mom tried to sell me to the gypsies for a hot plate.
of 57 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Canada would be glad to have me.
of 57 votes, 7% like it
|
Missing: one unicorn, goes by the name of Sparkle
of 57 votes, 14% like it
|
I skip in secret
of 57 votes, 9% like it
|
|
brain freeze is a legitimate medical condition
of 57 votes, 14% like it
|
Forbidden to do karoake
of 56 votes, 5% like it
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computers scare me
of 57 votes, 2% like it
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Squirrels are lovable rats.
of 56 votes, 5% like it
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Squirrels hate me.
of 56 votes, 9% like it
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I eat so much sugar, I bleed soda.
of 57 votes, 9% like it
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Angels and devils have a cake, but what about us in limbo?
of 58 votes, 7% like it
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Cake is my anti-drug, and ice cream is my anti-depressent.
of 58 votes, 16% like it
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I still wish my parents bought me a pony.
of 58 votes, 19% like it
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Cake solves everything.
of 57 votes, 16% like it
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Kiss me, I'm rabid!
of 57 votes, 7% like it
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You're funnier than a sack full of cats
of 56 votes, 7% like it
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You got something between your teeth.
of 57 votes, 9% like it
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How did you know I had a cat?
of 57 votes, 9% like it
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