Dear Shutter Shades,
It's been a weird and unpredictable run for you the past two years, I must say. For what purpose do you serve, I have yet to learn. Whether it be on the eyes of an innocent pre-teen, or scattered and placed on a t-shirt in some "witty" way, you still have failed to fit into a world of functionality and instead gone into the category of non-sense.
Examples of your work include being fashioned by the arrogant man known as "Kanye West," who is not only an arrogant man, but sported the shades in the music video of a song that sampled a great song created by an actual inventive and creative group, Daft Punk.
You may have fit into the 80's world quite snug, but I will be the first to step up the plate and personally tell you, you are not a timeless fashion piece.
Now you may tell me, "But Coop, I protect your eyes!" Nay, I say.
I bring to you a quote from Wikipedia, "... Shutter Shades may not function as sunglasses... only feature a series of horizontal plastic 'shades,' which neither provide protection for the eye from UV light nor prevent a substantial amount of light from entering the eye, rendering them a functionless accessory."

I will admit, I'm sure I have had a moment of functionless accessory, but none that impaired my vision nor followed a completely ludicrous fashion craze.
I say this to you not in hate, but in hope that you find yourself on your way to better places, the recycle bin.
If you still are unsure about whether or not it is your time to go, I bring you exhibit A:

Joe Jonas.

Shutter Shades, you had a good run in the 80's but you have over stayed your welcome. Please lose yourself somewhere in your owners room, car, workplace, where ever you are, run away for the pure respect of the people who bought you.

You will not be missed.

Sincerely,
Coop

*Note: This blog is hopefully to stop shirt designs including shutter shades, and is meant in the best intentions.