I was preoccupied and busy with a lot of things that I forgot to have dinner so my stomach started to get growling hungry late at night. I went down to the kitchen, opened the fridge, grabbed a baguette and cut it in half. I was too tired to fix something to pair it with so I decided to open a can of spam but it wasn't there. I remember having a couple of them and now I find my grapefruit juice is missing, so as my bags of potato chips and wafers and crackers and wasabi peas that I clearly remember were placed on top of the lazy susan. I know you came here earlier that day while I was out to attend a party, and that was actually the first time you were in this house without me ever since I started doing groceries. That should've given you ample time to grab whatever you wanted, figures why you needed a key for this house. And I wouldn't doubt that it was you because after all, you always had a record of being the biggest swindler in the history turned into a fucking pathetic pack rat who brings home all the left overs from every party you attend. It's such a shame how you used to steal millions now you're stealing my groceries but your fighting spirit is worth commending. If only you were honest and humble enough to have asked for help, I surely wouldn't mind starting a Feed The Forgiven Swindler Fund Raiser, I swear I would. Besides, that would've earned me another ticket to heaven.

Big time turned small time, in the end, you still deserve to feed on rats and bugs or die of starvation. Now, can I get a witness?